Myths And Realities

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Dan, Dan, Dan, posted by Charles on Dec 19, 2001

n/t

[Rags]

... in response to LP, WmGO, DE, Rags, Jack, Quasimoto (Oth..., posted by Dan on Dec 19, 2001

Do I count my "learning curve" in Moscow or can I just start after I hooked up with Jack?

[Dan]

... in response to Re: LP, WmGO, DE, Rags, Jack, Quasimoto ..., posted by Rags on Dec 19, 2001

Actually, the actual amount isn't terribly important - just whether or not you see it as a responsible act to be promoting $2000 as a reasonable budget for people considering this endeavor?

Cheers Rags,

- Dan

[Rags]

... in response to No, No, No - Let's Be Honest --smile--, posted by Dan on Dec 19, 2001

I agree that $2000 seems a bit unrealistic and I would hope that nobody would use that as a guideline as to what their costs would be. Heck, that wouldn't even cover my airfare and lodging for two weeks. Some people can go a long way on a buck but I think $2000 is stretching it a little.

I would estimate (NOT including my "schooling" in Moscow) my expenditures to be in the neighborhood of $10,000 and I got lucky and found my dream bride on my first trip. That includes six weeks in Ukraine on three different trips, the visa process, and airfare for V and her daughter to get here.

Finding a woman well beyond your wildest dreams...priceless.

[Oatmeal]

... in response to Re: No, No, No - Let's Be Honest --smile..., posted by Rags on Dec 19, 2001

Of course I had to buy some other non-essentials that I wanted to have on the trip just in case.  I should think that a reasonable amount would average in the neighborhood of  $4,000 - $5,000 for a two week stay but that is livin' kind of large while there but you know that I saved all year for a one month stint overseas so I wanted to have one hell of a time and not be limited in funds in any way.  I imagine that most men could go over for less than that but I always allow for a buffer for expenses I might not plan on.

Jim

[tim360z]

... in response to Myths And Realities, posted by mdante99 on Dec 18, 2001

....and I agree with most of your input although I do lack your RW marriage experience.  There are different types of girls there,  just as here.  And different men will have a different experience depending on their criteria and preferences.  And which head they are thinking with.  $2000 was your experience and I just gotta congratulate you on that.  Many will spend more,  no doubt,  but I think you did your homework and maybe you were a little lucky too.  Oh!  I also do agree with your criteria too.  A girl who can read and write in fairly fluent English and is quite intelligent and is doing fairly well in FSU....would,  I think stand a far better chance of doing well here and fairly quickly.  Because she already has the tools in her toolbox to make many adjustments.  Tim

[RW]

... in response to Myths And Realities, posted by mdante99 on Dec 18, 2001

I don't watch American Football either - I don't get it But I like barbeques, Christmas holidays, politeness of people - I can go on and on. There are good things about American culture too

On the other note - and considering all the comments, even before you started to write all the myths, you should have put a disclaimer: "married to RW who spoke a very good English before we met, had a good career in her country, etc, etc"

She could speak English - you did not have to pay money for intepreter. Plus, could actually learn more about HER instead of trying to read between the lines or using electronic translator.

She had a good job and career - she wants to work in USA, you don't have to babysit her and I am sure she is enjoying all the support you are giving her with business. It only strengthens the relationship instead of opposite.

That's why all the myths come to be not true. You chose high standards and you went for it. Unfortunately, not many men want to do it. I don't know why - whether they are afraid to reveal more about themselves, don't want to find a "real" partner or just "blind"? From my little experience of "matchmaking" - there are much higher percentage of men just buying addresses of young pretty girls who don't speak any English rather than going with introduction to ladies who do speak English, have good education, careers and would not settle down for one-week "deal". I am trying to convey advantages of communicating with ladies who speak the language, have computer access, can travel, but it's all in vain. I still don't know why.

Go figure...

Russian Wife

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Myths And Realities, posted by RW on Dec 19, 2001

Very perceptive clear headed post that brings greater perspective to all of this.

[mdante99]

... in response to Re: Myths And Realities, posted by RW on Dec 19, 2001

You are absolutely right RW; I never bought any addresses from anybody; I only communicated with women who had a working knowledge of English and access to their own computers.

I brought my wife here with a very specific promise, that I would make her a successful business woman in America. I help her every day and that strengthens our relationship. She goes around town on her own. She started working almost from the very first week she was here.

Mark

[NK]

... in response to Myths And Realities, posted by mdante99 on Dec 18, 2001

Mark,

I used to be a regular poster on this board up untill about a year ago -- now I only come to visit periodically, hence it's rare that I'll post something now. But here I feel I must, regarding the age thing. Though it's been discussed over and over again at this board, no one ever seems to get really sick of it so I'll put in my two cents:

20+ years age difference may seem somewhat trivial now when you're say 50 and she's 25, but you have to be thinking in terms of the long haul: What's going to happen when you're 75 and she's 50? She'll be ready to travel and conquer the world and you'll be just about ready for the old folks home. And if you're sick and in failing health as you may very likely be at that age, the last thing she's going to want is to stay at home taking care you when she could be off on a cruise to the Carribean!

I'm not trying to be faceitous, It's just something you should think about!

See y'all in 2002!(maybe)

Niall

[yoe]

... in response to Myths And Realities, posted by mdante99 on Dec 18, 2001

but I feel that you were being honest and speaking fromt the heart. And yes you did use a disclaimer-your experience. In reality everything that is said by anyone, at best, is their experience. With the exception of the true freaks who give advice with no experience at all-they usually give the most advice.
my experience
cost 20k +
wife does not care for America-did not relay message to INS
does not want to go back and live in FSU but would like Europe
did she just want a way out? yes-out of her situation.
do we just want a way ou? yes it is just a matter of circumstance.By the way how many of you would go to Austrailia and live if you got a good job with good pay and a free ticket-I thought so.
So what is wrong with a woman wanting a good husband, a good life, and a free ticket-what is your desire?
By the way-Never has an AW cooked bread for me, ironed my shirts, taken care of me the way my wife has.
Will she leave? I have no idea.
Do we get along? most of the time.

lets put it another way. how many times in your life have you searched for something only to come back to the first thing you found? and last how many times have you looked back and thought, I should have? How many wish you would have bout Yahoo stock and dumped it?
anyway all frivolities aside. everyone I know who has gotten married or is in 'LOVE' and have questioned my expediency, all said they were sure fo their mate from the first moment. I ask why they waited. they gave no response.The only reason we wait is to look for something better. Just hope that you do not get worse!Because they are also wanting the best bang for their buck-I will call it emotional symantics
Joe

[mdante99]

... in response to even though I have not always agreed wit..., posted by yoe on Dec 19, 2001

Joe: yes you and I have not always agreed, but I appreciate your comments.

In my case it took me less than six months from the time I wrote her and the time she came to USA; including my one trip to Lithuania. I found her on the internet, with her own computer and therefore so small a cost.

I am the first one to admit that one year does not mean much for a successful marriage, even though the first year is very telling year for any relationship. But as I have said here, it has been a very happy year, and even if ended tomorrow, I would have been better for it.

Like you said, will it last? I have no idea.

Like your wife, my wife prefers her own country and culture; and I don't blame her, I try to make her as comfortable as possible.

Can anyone else do the same?

I don't see why not. I do not have some kind of extra ordinary talents.

Mark

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Myths And Realities, posted by mdante99 on Dec 18, 2001

Thanks Mark,

I was getting bored.

The thing that is interesting to me is that everyone's experiences, and therefore opinions, vary so radically.

I guess that's just natural. We all come from such varying backgrounds... we're different ages... we have had different experiences with women in general -- now add a "country" the size of the FSU, and all of the varying cultures, etc there... We're bound to disagree...

It's like the old story of the four blind men who were trying to describe an elephant by the part of it they could feel.

Let me pick one thought, though...

Worst case scenario

I always look at worst case scenarios in major life events. So, what's the worst case scenario here? (I mean... really, what's the worst case... Discounting everything the agencies say in their marketing, and everything the trolls make up in their fictional "I've been scammed" stories...) What is the worst thing that can happen?

Seems like worst case scenario is you have a bad marriage that ends in two years. (I live in Texas, Land of the Free, and Land of no Alimony... so that's the end of it for me)

Hopefully, with a little bit of discenrment, you wouldn't have two full years of misery. Hopefully, you and your wife have at least enough in common, and enough maturity, that over the two years, you have some good times, some bad, and in the end, decide that the bad outweighs the good.

Shucks, guys, that's not so bad, is it?

I guess it's because I've been married and divorced twice (to AW) that I have a new feeling about all of this. I used to believe in love that lasted forever... but to still believe in that would mean discarding my life experience.

My second wife and I were in Love. We had a three year marriage that was a lot of fun. The divorce was painful -- for both of us -- because we realized that even though we enjoyed each other, our famiies (children) weren't "blending."

I can see a very similar thing happening with an RW. Maybe things are great, but in the end the sacrifice of her leaving her home and family is just too much. Would that be painful? Yes... Understandable? Yes? Anything you can do to avoid that? No... The cultural difference will always lurk out there. (Which is what I think Mark was saying... I think he was saying: "Look everyone worries about the age difference and the scammers -- that's not the problem...) It is the cultural difference that will probably get you.

Does that "suck putty balls?" Yep.

But since when was life perfect? And if life is imperfect, how can we expect Love to be perfect? Isn't Love just part of Life?

So, I guess I have lower expectations. People tell me that if I marry a woman fifteen years my junior that she will leave me when I'm sixty.

I say... "Just when I'm sixty? Hey, great! That's twenty years of happiness... I'll take it. Hell, I'll take ten -- having never seen a ten year wedding anniversary... that would be pretty all right with me."

Don't get me wrong... I'd love a "Happily Ever After" kind of love. Somewhere, deep inside of me, there is this romantic who still sorta believes in it...

But if I get a ten year marriage to a smart, beautiful, and caring woman... that would really make it all worth it.

I'll worry about 60 when I am 60...

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Nothing like a good Myth Discussion, posted by MarkInTx on Dec 19, 2001

Why did I leave.  What was I thinking.  I'm telling all my friends.  Texas is the promised land.  Move that b1+ch to Texas and divorce her.  I should read up on these divorce laws.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Nothing like a good Myth Discussion, posted by MarkInTx on Dec 19, 2001

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/show.php?asian/archive00052/messages/19227.txt

-- Jeff S.