LATEST NEWS

[JSlo]

... in response to Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

I am sorry you have trouble with the concept of loving self. This falls short of narcissism, and simply falls under a health self-image. You can't find that in someone else. This has to begin at home. It appears you have reversed the arguments to love self and made them out to be the reasons for the failed relationships.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by JSlo on Apr 8, 2004

Too many people do this "self love" concept wrong and use it as an excuse to cop out on caring and compassion.  I don't think someone should have to prove their worth to qualify for love and friendship but that is what many people do. I saw it first hand after my divorce.  I moved around the country 3 times before finally settling down after my divorce and so I was understandably lonely and looking for friendship at each of my moves.  Making friendships was very difficult and when I complained about my loneliness, inevitably someone would spout bullshit about how I just had to learn be happy alone and then people would want to be with me or the ever familiar, "you must first love yourself before you can love someone else".  Well it is just bull.  I know how to love, and the concept of "learning to be alone" is just asinine.  I was just going through hard times and needed some understanding and compassion and friendship and frankly I didn't find a lot of that in the good ole US of A.

We are raised to be independent in the US and indepencence certainly isn't a bad thing, but maybe we are losing something in the bargin.  We raise our children with the idea that they will move out on their own at 18. Like somehow parents are just going to love the idea of being footloose and fancyfree, unburdened of our children.  But is that really such a good idea?  The reality for me was I found myself at 45 years old with no family and no friends and it shouldn't have to have been that way.  

The whole idea made me realize that the Latin idea of extended families and having your children live at home longer makes a lot more sense than I thought it did when I was younger when I thought shoving my kids out the door at 18 was the right way to go.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

I agree with you a 100 percent.  Our society has lost the sense of sacrifice or love for another.  It's all about me...me...me...me.  In the context of "you must love yourself before you can love another", I think what people really mean is that you must respect yorself before you can have a relationship that will be successful.  Each person must recognize and live in accordance with their inherent dignity, if they do not recognize nor respect it first in themself, they're uncapable of healthy relationships with other people.

[JSlo]

... in response to Re: Keep it coming, posted by jim c on Apr 8, 2004

You have some valid points, however, to suggest that a long courtship equates to self-love or to greater odds for a successful relationship is debatable. I was married to an AW woman for 17 years and proposed to her after 3 months. We have 3 beautiful children who are very productive and also make both of us very proud. While my short courtship does not qualify as a one day wonder, it is still relatively short. The bottom line is everyone sees life very differently. Some are in the fast lane, others are more comfortable relating to the tortoise. There are certain paramaters that can be applied to many situations, but there will never exist a one size fits all model. I agree that we must feel good about the reflection we see in the mirror daily before we can  truly have optimal odds of finding a successful relationship. To look for qualities lacking in yourself in others is a recipe for disaster. Too many disregard what values or lack thereof from childhood and the impact that carries over into adulthood. Too many old boys out there, very few men.

Specifically for Grumpster. I found this the other day and immediately thought of you.
Here goes: "I've been told that being nice never killed anyone, but I'm taking no chances"!

Good day,
J

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by JSlo on Apr 8, 2004

If I became nice you all would get bored. Someone has to play wrong way on the no pass line. Wrong way betters are usally the winners, but it takes longer. jimc

[jim c]

... in response to LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

Ok Kiltboy lets not skirt the issue, nyuk nyuk.  Now that your saga is over and the long thread (which was interesting) has provided information and opinions which most here will ignore. Please wash your linen in private. Bulemic purging of personal problems can be addictive and in the end make you look compulsive or just plain dumb.
    Now it is time to pay the bill and it sounds like you got lucky. On this point congratulations. On the other  "A pretty face is just a pretty face, not a person! "  Eddie Fisher   Next time find a woman who likes you and not a trophy. It might take time, but it is cheaper in the long run. jimc

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by jim c on Apr 7, 2004

Jim

You need to read all my posts and especially my last one to Pete

I stated exactly that--next time i need a more girl next door type and not a trophy type--Thoes girls while pretty, have nothing upstairs to offer me.

And again, i thought this board was about exchanging of events and information, both good and bad .

If you ever foung yourself in a bad situation and needed the board advice and consult, i expect you would write as well.

I can assure you and those on the board that know me personaly can attest to this

I am not some pathetic, crazy , mamas boy loser

I am an educated, world traveled , father of a wonderful daughter , decent guy that got duped by a pretty face  and a wonderful actress

[LatinLuver]

... in response to Re: Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 8, 2004

I just hope Andy after reading all this and speaking with you in Cali about your situation with your wife, that you do indeed move on and learn from this.
It's when people make the same mistakes over and over that they become losers.
It sounds that this situation will be resolved soon. Run don't walk away from this woman after all is said and done. I would have ZERO contact with her going forward.
It sounds like she is the type that knows how to play you well and I HOPE you never again let her back into your life.
Next time pick someone that you share a lot of common interests and that you can see beauty within not just on the outside.
I dated a few hotties myself in Cali, a few of which you saw me with. However none would I consider for marriage. Not because they were too good looking, but because they didn't have the personality to go with the looks. Many of them were really materialistic and gave me the impression they were in it for all the wrong reasons.
I am taking my time, listening to stories like yours and hopefully will choose wisely when the time comes.
Best of luck bro!

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by LatinLuver on Apr 8, 2004

Latinluver

Is this Terry or Luis or Lanny or Bryan ??

Which

[LatinLuver]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 8, 2004

Stewart

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by LatinLuver on Apr 8, 2004

Hey Stuart

Hows it going. Give me a shout on my email

adoyle33@aol.com

You can feel me in on how things went for you after i left cali

Andy

[greg]

... in response to LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

You should distance yourself from your ex AW, hard for any Woman in her right mind to have any kinda meanful relationship with you as long as your hanging around AW. Doesn't matter that ex AW is married to another socalled man. Any man in his right mind wouldn't accept his wife being around her ex Husband, surprised that he allowed you to stay in their home. Stay away from Your ex AW, move on with your life. Hint...Anytime your having a problem with a Woman, you may start running to your ex AW whinning about your personal problems.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Hi, posted by greg on Apr 7, 2004

Relax

We have a 7 year old daughter together and have known each oher for 20 years

Her husbad knows i am no threat to there relatioship. I do not understand why people think you cannot be good friends with an ex if the divorce and parting were amicable and mutual.

She is like a sister to me and i the same to her. We would be there for each other if needed, but that is why we are not married any more--no chemmistry , just frendship

She is no different then any other friend i have except maybe more honest with me then my friends, which i respect

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Hi, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

All right, I'll give you my 2 cents on the issue of ex's.  Granted I've never had an ex wife, but I've had ex-novias and the same sort of reasoning would apply. So here it goes.......

If you have a child with an ex, them by all means have a good and ammicable relation with her for the sake of your child. But good and ammicable doesn't mean involving your ex in the private business you have with your new wife.  An ex-wife is the last person you should seek counsel with when having problems in a new marriage or relationship.  The relationship with an ex should be ALL about your child and basicly NO more.

Being best or great friends with an ex, when either you or the ex herself have remarried is at least in my opinion "foolish gringo" thinking.  An ex-wife is not at all like a "sister" and she's not like "any other friend" either.  Really think about what you're saying!! An ex-wife is someone you at one time committed your entire life to, created a child and family with and made love to.  It's just not the same and it makes little difference if this connection was in the past.  A new wife will rightfully be concerned if her husband continues to have a close bond with an ex.  It would raise a lot of questions in any woman's mind.

IMO when a divorce occurs, both parties need to move on....period.  Any new spouse, you or your ex have, have absolutely every RIGHT to insist that you do not have a relationship that goes beyond your child.  If they don't have a problem with it, then they are just being foolish.  If they do have a problem with it, yet you continue, then you are being IMO disloyal to your new wife.

I can almost guarentee you one thing, no future Calena in your life, who loves you, will put up with you being great friends with your ex-wife. This error will most assuredly have consequences with a Calena.

[lswote]

... in response to Involving Ex's in current life , posted by Cali James on Apr 8, 2004

Well I do have an ex-wife who I have maintained a good relationship with so here is my 2 cents.  We didn’t have any children together, but we were married for 13 years and together we raised her 3 children from her first marriage without any help or intervention from her first husband.  When we divorced 5 years ago we had the most amiable divorce I have ever been exposed to and after the first year or so of our divorce became on very good terms with each other, to the point of me even having conversations with her new husband on the phone and having her send me a congratulation card on the birth of my son recently.  While I haven’t physically seen her since the day of my divorce, we have never gone more than 6 months without speaking and I consider her a very good friend.

My wife, who is from Bogota even found the fact the I was still on good terms with my ex-wife a good thing because she felt like if I had come to hate someone that I had once loved she didn’t know if she would trust a relationship with me because maybe I would hate her too one day.  Granted there has to be a some cut-off point in your relationship with your ex-wife and you have to move on with your life, but I wouldn’t say it is necessary for you break off contact if the relationship is a healthy one.  

I wouldn’t say an ex-wife is like an ex-girlfriend.  There really was a difference for me as I shared things of a much more personal nature with my ex-wife than I ever did with any ex-girlfriend; births, deaths, sicknesses, life’s highs and lows.  For me it is hard to just not care about someone you have been through so much with.

Anyway that is my 2 cents.
Bruce