LATEST NEWS

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Involving Ex's in current life , posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]


I think your example is one that would be acceptable provided that your current wife didn't mind. You did help raise the ex's kids, so any decent guy would occasionally check to see if they were all doing fine.  But even then, by your own admission you haven't seen the ex since the divorce (5 years) nor do you speak with her that often, twice a year is not a lot. I presume you don't confide with your ex about the personal matters of your current relationship either.

I don't really know how much of a confident Andy's ex wife was in his current relationship, he only knows for sure.  He did say that on the day of this incident, he was writing his troubles from the ex's computer.  In that context, I rightly or wrongly presumed she was still in his life in some manner more than what your describing.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Involving Ex's in current life , posted by Cali James on Apr 8, 2004

James

I live 1 mile from my ex because of school system situations . we see each other almost every daY because of my daughter. We were great friends for 4 year befoe we started dating and we were married for 8 years. She was there for both of my parents long cancer deaths as well We were ALWAYS FRIENDS,  but she gained maybe 60 pounds and i lost interest(bad me) , but the love we both still have is a love of wanting the best for each other--she has it with her husband who i sit and have wine with. My calena never had a problem with my ex because she knew in her hear that it was a friednship only.

Now my relationship with my ex is not the normal one, but we both put aside our differences for our daughter and the fact we were friends before we ever became novios

This do not work for everyone, but it does work for us

Remember, if i go down in flames my daughter suffers and my ex does not want to see my daughter suffer one more day.

IT WORKS FOR US

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Involving Ex's in current life , posted by Cali James on Apr 8, 2004

Being married to the Zen Master of Jealousy, who happens to be from Cali, I would not disagree with your statement:

[BEGIN]
I can almost guarentee you one thing, no future Calena in your life, who loves you, will put up with you being great friends with your ex-wife. This error will most assuredly have consequences with a Calena.
[END]

Maybe some Calenas are not like that, but mine is.  

And furthermore, my wife will not put up with me being even minor friends with anyone of the female persuasion.  She doesn't even want me to shake hands with her friends, and she keeps an eye on me when her sister gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Steve

[Cali James]

... in response to And furthermore, posted by DallasSteve2 on Apr 8, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

My wife is not particularly jealous but she is a woman and she's most definitely a Calena.  I have some female friends here and even 2 or 3 from Colombia and that's not a problem with my wife. But I'm pretty certain she'd think very differently about ex's.  All my ex's I was on good terms with before I got married.  But once married, I closed the door on that part of my past.  I see no benefit to my family in continuing any of these friendships.

[lswote]

... in response to And furthermore, posted by Cali James on Apr 8, 2004

Hmmm, maybe Calena's are different than Colombiana's from Bogota.  My wife is just the opposite.  She tells me I am being unfriendly if I don't kiss her lady friends on the cheek.  And I am good friends with some of her male friends from Bogota and as I said in another post, she is happy that I maintain a good relationship with my ex-wife.

[Dean]

... in response to Re: And furthermore, posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

Hi Bruce,

Just a note...
My wife has followed your posts about the new baby and the experiences of your wife here in the US.

She's asked me how the baby is doing and how your wife is doing also...

Hope all is well....

Today is wife's 3rd anniversary here in the US.

Thanks,
Dean

[lswote]

... in response to Bruce ...hope all is find, posted by Dean on Apr 9, 2004

My wife and baby are doing fine.  The baby is growing very fast, I think it weighs 13 pounds and is not quite 3 months old.  Her mother arrived her about 2 weeks ago on a 6 month visa and my wife finally started working.  She is a licensed veterinarian in Colombia and she loves working with animals and really wanted to work.  She started at PetSmart at $6.25 an hour in their vet clinic in a pretty much entry position.  For that vast sum of money they pay her she has to work at least one week-end day and for the next 2 weeks, she has to work both of them.  I told her I would pay her more to just stay home but she wants to work so I am trying to be patient and support her decision despite the fact I work all week and then don't have her home during my time off on the weekend.  But here English skills still have a long way to go so she is grateful that someone is giving her an opportunity and she says she is learning alot.

[Dean]

... in response to Re: Bruce ...hope all is find, posted by lswote on Apr 9, 2004

Hi Bruce,
This is good news....I think working is very important.
My wife Paty is working at a grocery store at the moment.

About a year ago she started teaching Spanish at a small day care. The situation was ideal, close to the house, but the whole business was financially unstable.
The owner wanted the girls to basically work for free....lots of take home work...20 hrs per week off the clock...10-15 hours on the clock...

Paty left that job and now works at the grocery store...
the money is a little better, the position is much more stable and she gets 40 hrs a week....she would prefer more money (who wouldn't), but she is able to pay accelerated payments for her house in Bogota and take full advantage of the currency conversions and the economic scale.

The reason she is wanting me to ask this question is that she has read all your posts since your wife arrived here in the US. She is happy that all is well with you and yours.

We just found out that we have a "Bun in the Oven" and she would like very much to bring her mom here to help with the arrival of the "Bun".

If posible any information or advice would be very welcome...My e-mail is ddancy1111@aol.com

thanks in advance.

Dean

[greg]

... in response to Involving Ex's in current life , posted by Cali James on Apr 8, 2004

life, who loves You, would put up with You being great friends with your ex AW. It should be a relationship all about your Daughter and nothing more..Agreed. What you Posted is what I was trying to say to Andy. Thanks

[greg]

... in response to Guarentee You one thing, no future Calen..., posted by greg on Apr 8, 2004

of a 3 yr old Filipino boy. My relationship with my Son's Mother is about our Son, nothing more. James, what you said is Right on.

[greg]

... in response to Re: Hi, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

didn't know that you have a Child together. God Bless

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

I am reporting to say i am back in my house and she is gone and has taken all her things includeing all and any photos we ever took together or solo.

From all i can tell she did not take anything of mine and she left many CD'S and a few clothes, but not many

She left a sarcastic note about how aggressive i was with her and this is why she did what she did.

I was vocal with her about the men calling my house and that would be a true statement, but aggressive--never

she left a messege on my ex american wifes cell phone that she loved my daughter forever and that she would see me at the hearing next tuesday and then no more.

So, there you have it. I am back in my house with a big lesson learned and a lot more wisdom but the whole thing is just very strange

[greg]

... in response to Re: LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

happy for You. Now you can move on.

[mudd]

... in response to LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

another question, did you marry her in colombia? or here on a K1 and if so, are you going to have to support her and her kids?