Need some honest advice

[Robert D]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

in what city do you live.   I got along rather well using public transportation before I could afford a car.  Lots of people do if here intention is to stay here.  Perhaps you should spare some other unsuspecting guy from this woman and hope that she goes back to Moscow.  

Robert d.

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by Robert D on Dec 12, 2002

I've never heard of anyone having to leave the country because they didn't have a car. Just sounds like another story that she is hoping he'll fall for.

[John F]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

David,

Suppose you had a goldfish, which one day decided to jump out of its fishbowl because the outside world was so much bigger, less restrictive, more attractive.  Would you let your fish remain there, flopping around on the table?  Or would you return it to the environment where you know it would remain alive?

Where is Natasha's supportive infrastructure .... meaning family, friends, and environment in which she can handle herself?  Don't you think working in a strip club is similar to a fish flopping around on a table?  It appears, like most other RW here in American, that she can't support herself in a dignified manner.  Is that the life you wanted for her when you brought her here?

Whatever you do is your decision, but maybe what appears to be the cruelest is actually the best for her.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by John F on Dec 12, 2002

NT

[Mike]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by John F on Dec 12, 2002

I think of those RW's that fall under that catagory (that a lot of RW hunters refuse to acknowledge) have no problem strip dancing and they know they could wait on tables but instead are gready and without morals and they also enjoy the attention. I know one couple where the man makes enough money to survive and survive good but his RW got into stripping (she was a Doctor in Russia) and that created more problems in their marriage which somehow still survives and she found out about how well it pays from another RW! So I don't see her as a fish out of water at all but instead she's the kind of girl I call a man eater, and if some one doesn't think there are quite a few out there then you may be in for a surprise someday. These women aren't out of their fish bowl but insted found the big pond! As far as her going back to Moscow, you better ask her if she wants to go because he has NO control on that issue. She doesn't even have to say anything about abuse once she has her first interview for her conditional green card and they stamp her passport. (temporary green card until the real one is mailed.) We had our interview 4 months after getting married, and he's been married 2.5 years. Nope she's a man eater and she's going to keep eating right here in the states until she dies.

Mike

[John LV]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

I sincerely thank all of you for your advice. I knew all of you would say to cut this girl off, I deep down I know you are 100% right. But why is it so hard to do? I have had many girl friends in my life, and many of them ended fairly badly, but this girl is not my girlfriend, she is my wife, and that meant a great deal to me.

I'm just going through a very hard time right now, and I'm still trying to deal with this.

I'm busy trading right now and I'm down a couple hundred dollars this morning, so I'm too busy to post right now, but I've read all of your messages and I appreciate your advice and help, thank you.

I'll post again later today.

David

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

My ex-wife meant lots to me too.  Learn how to let go and face reality.  Maybe you will someday recognize the difference between being educated, and being smart.  Cut your losses and get on with your life, as difficult as it may seem to do.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

David,
You are confusing the amount YOU cared or her with how little SHE cared or you.  The fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter how deep you were (are) into her.  No amount of your affections can overcome her lack of affection for you.  She has disrespected you in the worst ways by cheating and lying.  You can love her as much as you want, but it won't change who she is: a lier and a cheat that cannot be trusted.  Your actions in the past may be excusable bcause she deceived you into thinking she cared for you, but now you KNOW how little she actually cares for you.  You alone will bear any blame for any ill fated actions you ALLOW her to take on you. Run, Forest, run.
KenC

[Bubba]

... in response to you are confused, posted by KenC on Dec 12, 2002

Ken, That's a great comment but it should have been your title.

[Phillip]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

She is lying.  Her boyfriend could buy her a car, or she could if she is working.  If you really feel like you can't live with yourself if you don't help out, buy her a junker from a used car lot.

[Robert D]

... in response to Re: Need some honest advice, posted by Phillip on Dec 12, 2002

No way, buy her a three month city bus pass and get over it.

Robert D

[Bubba]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

Go see an attorney FAST.  I would consider a bankruptcy one first followed by the divorce.  If she is dancing then she will have plenty of money to buy any car she wants and since she has already filed a police report I don't think you could send her back even if you wanted to.  Do SOMETHING, you keep coming back time and time again looking like a fool played time and time again.  Be a Man do SOMETHING, do ANYTHING but quit whining.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Why do you keep asking and then ignore e..., posted by Bubba on Dec 12, 2002

or Claire, or DaveSD, or some new troll dork.

[WmGo]

... in response to Why do you keep asking and then ignore e..., posted by Bubba on Dec 12, 2002

That's what I was thinking.

Pravda

[Streetwise]

... in response to Need some honest advice, posted by John LV on Dec 12, 2002

I must admit I was very sceptical of your story at first; perhaps partly because I could not get my head around your thinking.

Most of us have found ourselves believing that we had finally found "the one" at some point, and then begun the natural process of investing our hopes in that relationship, only to have those hopes dashed later on. Of course for most of us this happens after some months rather than after 2.5 years of marriage, but the principle is still the same. Denial is a common initial reaction, we don't want to believe it so something inside us refuses to accept that it's over; this delay of the inevitable brings with it a lot of unnecessary prolonged pain and material loss. It is never easy to pick up the pieces and start over again, but there is no alternative, so the sooner the better.  

A wise man once said... if you want to get over somebody, get under somebody. That might sound crass right now, but you need to get back in the field and realise that there is hope of a genuine relationship elsewhere.  

Natasha is a tough survivor, a product of the jungle of modern urban Russia. She has learned how to survive in a world without moral conscience or remorse. So, if she ends up back in Russia, she will be in her natural environment, where she has learned to win. If she stays in the States, her philosophy, lifestyle, system of values, call it what you will, are going to end in disaster. So she will actually be better off in Moscow.

So you can now cut her off completely with a clear conscience.