LATEST NEWS

[Kiltboy1]

My attorney called me. They went before a judge today and got a court order for me to take back my house tomorrow morning.

My american ex wife also got a messege from Claudia that it was nice knowing her and my daughter and that she would talk with me today. Her original plans were to fly to wherever (philly, NY) tomorrow, so maybe she has decided she cannot win this fight.

Will post more as it becomes available

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to LATEST NEWS, posted by Kiltboy1 on Apr 7, 2004

Feel free to keep posting your experiences here.  I enjoy reading them as well as the criticisms from some members who keep making trips to Colombia to play with their "trophies" without ever making a commitment.  There's nothing wrong with that either.

Steve

[jim c]

... in response to Keep it coming, posted by DallasSteve2 on Apr 8, 2004

In my belief, there are conflicts on this forum of how one perceives ones life. Some here are involved in a desperate search for their media Naranja. These members often feel they are not complete unless they have a mate and the physical beauty of that mate radiates to others, of the same mind, the signal that one is sucessful or is a valuable person.    

   These persons seem to believe that their success in life is complete only when they have a suitable mate. ( note: often used phrase here "Arm Candy") The insecurity of this position is often reflected in the desperation of the search, which advocates marriage without courtship or at least minimal courtship. Often the excuse is financial or time constraints due to ones occupation. In effect it is recommended that one meets a female that will accept a proposal without long term association or true familiarity with someone that is to be their lifemate. The fact that there may be no true communication is set aside on the hope that they will fall in love later.
    On this board there are also those who compulsively vomit their personal problems after failure in the belief everyone here is more learned or at least wiser than they are. Thats like the schitzoid asking the Obsessive Compulsive for advice in the mental hospital. We have gone here before and it is understandable that when disapointed it can be helpful to have a shoulder to cry on, But the intensity and duration of the venting should be minimized or it becomes boring.

    Some of us are of a different mind. We feel that our life depends on us, not on who we have in our bed. Self confidence and the realization that we are responsible for what happens to us is a foundation of our life and happiness. To be brief you need to love yourself before you can love another person. You need to be responsable for your decisions. You can then take your time to find someone who you really care for, who cares for you, and who is worthy to share your life with. It is a learning process and there can be pain in learning, but if you accept reality you may win in the long run. jimc

[Miguel]

... in response to Re: Keep it coming, posted by jim c on Apr 8, 2004

[This message has been edited by Miguel]

The venting never becomes boring -- the ongoing PL soap opera is more entertaining than any telenovela out there.  Some people are going to benefit from venting, and not many are going to follow advice given here unless it coincides with whatever they were going to do anyway.  That might be unfortunate because there are some worthwhile consiglieres around -- for example, Bala on immigration, CP on rules of dating, jim c on proposing on the first date.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Keep it coming, posted by jim c on Apr 8, 2004

Actually it is my belief that you can't love yourself until you have learned to love someone else.  I think the espousal of "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else" is perhaps one of the most insidious concepts that has crept into the American mindset and plays a good part into the reason why Americans are lonely in such huge numbers and the U.S. is such an unfriendly place compared to places like Latin America.  While I will agree that personal accountability and self-respect are important concepts to learn, it isn’t half as important to learn as learning how to truly care for someone else.  If there was more true love and affection in this world, I don’t believe we would have as much prejudice and war as we currently have.

Focusing on loving yourself leads to narcissism and disregard of others, because if you are seeking love of yourself, then why should you have to suffer, why should you have to be inconvenienced, why should you have to do anything you don’t want to?  Life is not a gravy train for most of us and we aren’t entitled to anything and the quicker you accept that and realize that you aren’t going to get everything you want in life and learn to find pleasure in the people and things that are in your life rather than the things you feel you should be entitled to, the more pleasurable others will find your company and the more successful you will be in your relationships in general.

I personally think “love yourself before you can love others” is a huge lie and a disservice to the many people struggling to have meaning in their life who try and heed that advice.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

Bruce,
I agree to some extent.I think the better phrase might be happy with yourself or comfortable with yourself,which is not narsasistic.This helps greatly but even it might not be neccesary.
Your case is a perfect example.You didn't seem happy  and seemed desperate to find a woman.I said at the time to the love yourself first guys that you could spend years in therapy which probably wouldn't work,the point being to try to be happy without what you really wanted in your life.
I spent years in singles groups working on " manifesting " a relationship.It didn't work because I couldn't find what I wanted where I was.It was as simple as a plane ride,years of bullsh!t not required.
The other possibility is just find her,which you did.You were lucky in that the trouble woman relationship you got in to first just blew up fast and didn't get strung out to years of living in a bad situation.Then you found a good girl,which you were lucky to do quickly but I think all guys can do eventually if they avoid the trouble ones.
Problem solved.It brings up the question if something happened with your marriage would you regress to a lonely desperate state?Probably,but you would be better off because you know there is a solution and where to find it.
I myself was not lonely or desperate,but knew there was something important in my life that was missing.When my marriage ended I came right back to the source,not discouraged at all with the idea but just felling I choose the wrong woman.Now I seem to have the right one.Time will tell,but it looks real good so far.

Pete

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by Pete E on Apr 9, 2004

thats the main Problem in America. People are afraid to be Nice. People walk around with a chip on their shoulder, afraid that others would take advantage of them for being Nice. Just be Nice

[Keith Smith]

... in response to People need to be NICE, posted by greg on Apr 9, 2004

Sad, but true. Unfortunately, that's how this society is. Take care.

[Landover]

... in response to Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by lswote on Apr 8, 2004

A couple years ago before your arrival to the boards lswote there was a member called hound dog who was rather insightful in his posts. He got banned but you are starting to remind me of him w your insightful comments.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by Landover on Apr 8, 2004

You didn't want to yank his chain.

[greg]

... in response to Houndog was a junkyard dog, posted by Pete E on Apr 9, 2004

he really made me laugh loooool

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by Landover on Apr 8, 2004

thanks for the laught. Iwrote's too nice compared to Houndog :O)

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by Landover on Apr 8, 2004

I remember hound dog very well but I wasn't reading the board when he got banned. Why was he banned?

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Keep it coming, posted by zack on Apr 8, 2004

Becuz HD took pleasure in fighting with everyone. HD sure was funny hehe

[pablo]

... in response to Why???, posted by greg on Apr 8, 2004

[This message has been edited by pablo]

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