Plan "B"

[A1A]

This is my first post here, I have been lurking for about 6 months and finally jumped in and started emailing a woman in Mindanao 2 months ago.  A brief history, I am 47, have been divorced 3 years and have 3 daughters that live with their mother.  My friend in Mindanao is 38, was a nurse, but now works with her family in their store.  She has never been married.  Her sister has married an american and lives here in North Carolina 4 hours from me.
 Her small town on Mindanao has no internet cafes, the only phone line is a town phone center.  She takes an overnight ferry to Zamboanga City so she can msn messenger chat with me on weekends.  She is a sweet woman making large sacrifices so we can chat. She has never asked about my income, house or car, unbelievable when a couple of our chats have lasted 7-8 hours at a time.  I have come to realize why you fellas love these women, her views on love, family, and outlook on life are so different than any AW I have ever spoken to.
I am going to visit her the last week in June.  She has relatives in Cebu so I will meet her there, and then travel to Mindanao.
 My question is, what if the chemistry is not there?  I have no "Plan B".  Many posts have said meeting women in the malls is not difficult.  But has anyone actually met a woman this way and gotten married? I am 47, I have not tried to pick up women in malls for many years. I hope I do not need plan B, she is a smart, cute, and sincere woman.  Any advice?
Thanks,
A1A

[Howard]

... in response to Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 17, 2001

A1A,

My plan B, was Plan A :c)

I waited until I was pretty sure that a plan B wasn't necessary.  With the time and expense involved, I didn't want to make that particular step, until I was certain that Ayesa was the one.

My advice?  Ask tough questions and be realistic.  If there is doubt, do what you feel you can to try and salvage the trip.  Odds are though, that it will be tough to meet someone else and get the necessary criteria out of the way, without a return trip to the Philippines.  If you have strong feelings for your pal, devote this trip to the relationship you have with her.  It takes time for things to warm up in person, if you're serious about her, give her that time.  If things don't work out how you think they should, don't force it, just let things happen without a time frame.  If after all your best effort it doesn't work out and you still think this is the way you would like to go, start writing pen pals when you get back home.  I don't mean to be a bummer, but unless I have missed something, I can't remember anyone meeting someone 'off the street' that they ended up hooked up with.

I sincerely hope things work out how you would like them to!

Good Luck and Godspeed!

H

[Jeff S]

... in response to Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 17, 2001

... have wives, fiances, and girlfriends with friends back in the PI. I was introduced to my wife by friends and it can be a good way to find people who are known to be genuine. Maybe some of the people on this board would give you some names to look up when you're there just to send greetings. It doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic thing, but you never know what might click.
-- Jeff S.

[Carrisse]

... in response to Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 17, 2001

1.  'Hello Anna'.  If she replied, 'My name is not Anna'; then say 'Oh forgive me. I know a very beautiful girl named Anna and you look just like her'. Then say, 'My name is ___, I would be honored to meet you'.

2.  If you're in a shopping mall--Go up to a pretty saleslady and say (advice: please have a nice necktie with you) 'I'm trying to find an ensemble to match my favorite necktie, can you help me?'  (Girls like to dress up men--teehee).

And this one pick-up line that I fell for.  This guy came up to me and my friends and said:
3.  "Forgive me but I can't help but notice your beautiful hair.  Do you happen to be in a shampoo commercial? (FYI, hair is everything to me--I take good care of my hair and this guy got tremendous brownie points).  By the way, my name is Mark".

Hope this helps.

Something to consider--don't rule out girls with rings.  Rings mean nothing to us.  Women--old and young, single or married--wear rings.

[outwest]

... in response to Possible pick-up lines-----or Why Pinoy ..., posted by Carrisse on Apr 18, 2001

You would be a fine companion for introduction,
with all your cool ideas.

[Stephen]

... in response to Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 17, 2001

One tip.

Don't go to a Muslim worship service and try to pick up chicks.  They don't like that.

Stephen

[Zebson]

... in response to Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 17, 2001

A1A, You seem like a nice guy...I take it this is possibly, your first trip to PI. My first recommendation is you take this one slow, very slow in this case. You bet she seems like a nice person. So many filipinas are, especially compared to what we are used too sometime..Just make sure you ask many questions, look for threads of consistency and loyalty and keep the feelers out and if you don't hit it off with good vibes communication wise and with a positive feeling in your  Cebu meeting then I surely would not recommend the trip to Zamboanga City. Remember if your an American, there was some major heavy stuff going on down in that region within the last year and half. Lots of guerilla aka, terrorist activity. And even though it's mellowed some..There are still a lot of rebels, MILF and Abu Sayaf types in the region, just looking for someone from the US to possibly try to extract money from or worse. I don't want to sound paranoid. It's just that I have had a radical experience with NPA rebels before and the farther down you go it can..., well just be careful if you go..Stay alert, keep you eyes and ears tuned in.

Now about options or plan B's as you put it...I would have to say what CC indicated is a good idea. looking into the possiblities of other nice pen pals just on a friendship basis..and make it known you might be interested in meeting etc..It's good thinking to always have a back up plan. Make sure you scope out PI, by doing some travel book reading also, especially if this is your first trip..Keep in touch.

Zeb

[A1A]

... in response to Re: Plan "B", posted by Zebson on Apr 18, 2001

Zebson, Thanks for the help.  Her family lives in a small town at the base of Zamboanga Del sur called Malangas.
She said her area is safe and that she would not take me into a dangerous area. But I know the trouble is why she wants to meet in Cebu, plus more to do there.  If things click, I'll be going to meet her parents on Mindanao.
A1A

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: Re: Plan "B", posted by A1A on Apr 18, 2001

My fiance grew up outside of Cotobato..back in the mid 70's and early 80's. At a time when the NPA were very much in the major fighting mode..She always recounts about explosions and gunfire as a regular thing in growing up..She even recalls she would feel strange at night and couldn't sleep if there wasn't some far off gunfire or morter explosions, etc. Her Father owned a considerable amount of land with rubber trees and fruit etc..And was constantly threatened by the NPA to where they had to actually let the soldiers in the house and feed them for fear of terrible reprisals to the family, house and land if they didn't. This became a way of life for a while..And because of all that was happening the family was like torn into especially later when her Kuya became a AFP soldier. She has so many stories, but really doesn't like to talk about it much, but ocassionally one of us would accidently bring up talking about our childhoods..And then it amazes me the things she has been through. She left Mindanao several years ago..It's no wonder she never complains during the heat, rains and flood seasons plodding through waste high waters for blocks at time in Manila just to get to an internet cafe to email me everyday. After what she's been through it's like a walk in the War torn country side..no problema. Hope you can find one like her..

Zebson

[Dave H]

... in response to The War Child Story..., posted by Zebson on Apr 19, 2001

Hi Zebson,

Your fiancee's story is very interesting. Hard to imagine such a childhood, growing up in the West.

My fiancee's father was born in a cave in the Philippines, during WWII. His family was hiding from the Japanese. They couldn't cook their food, because they didn't want the smoke to draw attention. My fiancee's grandfather told me some stories about the Japanese occupation and liberation. He loves Americans and is very happy to have another (second) in the family. I just wish my name was Doug. ;o)

Dave H.

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: The War Child Story..., posted by Dave H on Apr 19, 2001

Yea..Dave. what you spoke of is exactly the kind of interesting stuff that makes families come alive. What your Mahals Father and Grandfather went through really breathes life not only into their history but their childrens and now your's too. What they pass on gives depth and dimension to your existence with your fiancee. I can relate because for me, even if I may seem old to some at 43, I still thrive on adventure, journeys, struggles and change..and when I see others lives played out and related in stories..It often helps to draw the family relationships closer. I really enjoy telling my daughter about my own adventures and our families travels when I was growing up.

On another story note, when I was in Siquijor with my fiance visiting her relatives...I found out from talking with her fathers, grandfather that several member of the family owned a portion of land where they were involved with several other investors, the excavating of some long lost treasure that was buried by the Japanese during the World War II, on their island. They have been working on it like 10 years or more and they were still working on it. Then I remembered!!! like a flash back. Like some National Geographic side story or somewhere I had heard... I couldn't believe it, I remembered reading a like a treasure story about this same treasure..All about how the japanese had buried this treasure during the war and how they spent months excavating and doing all kinds of things to make those that might try to find it..Using concrete layers, sand levys, Using underground tides and then layers upon layers of all kind of different materials to create problems for those trying to get to it. And finally how they had put many different toxic posions in the ground as part of the hindrance to it. The amazing thing was while I was remembering all this stuff. My Mahals niece started telling us too that just recently almost all the workers now were experiencing these rashes and welts and several of the guys had fallen sick almost dying, and how they have to wear all this protective stuff while trying to excavate this treasure. They ask if we wanted to go to the site that they had been working on, but we didn't really have the time,cause we were scheduled to leave, plus I was a little concerned about the possible toxic stuff that we might have encountered..but nevertheless hearing that really brought back some bizarre deja vu memories too..They are still working on uncovering that treasure to this day on Siquijor...Amazing Stuff!!

Zeb

[rgg]

... in response to Family stories and finding treasures in ..., posted by Zebson on Apr 20, 2001


Zeb,

There are talks about buried treasures by Japanese also in some parts of Mindanao.  Mind you, some went brankcrupt after investing sums of money to carry out excavation, diggings, etc.  only to find layers and layers of concrete but no treasures.  Sometimes, you will be amazed by their strong desire to find the treasures as they will show you a treasure map, and other gadgets to positively detect buried treasures and convince you to finance their expedition.

However, I believe in treasures brought about by hard work and patience... this is more gratifying!!!   ;-))

rgg

[A1A]

... in response to The War Child Story..., posted by Zebson on Apr 19, 2001

Your fiancee has quite a remarkable family history to experience that as a child. The sacrifices she will make to go to an email cafe without complaining say alot.  The woman I have been emailing has to go 3 hours to the nearest internet cafe, but we cannot use msn chat there, so she would rather go on an overnight ferry so we can chat "live", she also does not complain, but is thrilled that we can chat.  We have not talked much about the rebels or how close they are to her.  I will in the near future.  Good luck to you, it sounds like you will marry a wonderful woman.  My adventure is still to come.
A1A

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: The War Child Story..., posted by A1A on Apr 19, 2001

A1A, Well your girl sounds pretty devoted too. I can appreciate that sense of loyalty, which seems often uncommon these days in relationships. Yes, I look forward to hearing how thing go with her on your trip. I have a fondness for Mindanao..because of the beauty, variety and because of it's vast areas of different terrian and remoteness that it offers. I hope soon that things will mellow out down there..I look forward to going back again someday. Stay in touch.

Zeb

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Plan "B", posted by Zebson on Apr 18, 2001

Yeah....I am in total agreement about not going to the country around Zamboanga City.  The Muslims are very upset. And Americans are viewed as all millionaires....so kidnap the Yankee and ask for $6 million dollars ransom.

Just think what it would be like on this board if we heard you got kidnapped and were being held for ransom.  CC would come on and tell us the Muslims were nice, misunderstood folks.  I would suggest we bomb Zamboanga City.  It would cause a tremendous fight on this board.  We might even raise $1.60 towards your release.  (LOL)  Don't do that to us.  You be careful.

And I hope that you'll write a trip report when you get back.  Yeah, pictures too.  (Ray was just waiting for me to tell you that.)

Best of luck.

Stephen