Is it worth the trouble?

[yc]

Hi guys,

Something has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  I have been reading the posts to this forum for several months now.  I started out a sceptic, then I became a believer.  Now I am starting be a sceptic again.

As you guys know, there a has been quite a bit of talk lately about where things have gone wrong with Colombianas... especially one particualar Colombiana recently.  But this incident has really got me thinking.  How often do things like this happens?  A picture is gradually forming here and it is not a pretty one.  It's looking like to me the same mind-game playing, double dealing, coldhearted, backstabbing, gold digging women found here in the States are just as prevalent in Colombia.  My question is, just how bad is it really?  It this type of behavior as wide-spread as it is here?  Are the AM going to SA just mesmerized by beauty of these women without taking into consideration their character?  Here in NA, you can't even find a good ugly woman anymore.

Let me point out that I did not expect to fly down to Colombia(or anywhere for that matter) for a week or two and find a wife.  I understand finding a wife through this process is going to take some time and effort--just like anything, if you want quality.  I am not looking for or expecting to find a utopia in SA.  I am not looking for someone much younger than myself.  I prefer someone no more then 10 years younger(preferably 2 to 7yrs).  As far as looks goes, average to above average beauty is perfectly fine... anyone prettier and I have a trust issue.  The only physical feature I have a hangup on is the the build... athletic to average build.  I do not believe these criterias are overly ambition.  In SA, this should be easily attainable.  However, since character weighs high with me it would have to be the  deciding factor.  But how much work are we talking about here... as much as it would take to find a good AW.  If so, that is entirely too much!!!  I would have an easy time climbing Mt. Everest BUTT-NAKED.  WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THE IDEA OF BUILDING A FUTURE TOGETHER IN LOVE AND TRUST, RAISING CHILDREN IN A TWO PARENT HOUSEHOLD, AND GROWING OLD TOGETHER?  Every morning when I leave work, I see this elderly couple taking their morning stroll.  They must be about 70 or 80 something... holding hands as they walk.  What are chances of that being me when I get that age?  Now a days, marriage is a dirty word... that outdated institution on its way to extinction.  The family is being redefine.  With what has been taking place these last several years, I really felt out of place and time.  I had given up hope altogether until I heard about the better hunting grounds in places like SA, Asia, Africa and FSU.  I slowly started to become a believer.  Now I am not so sure.  I have not had any bad experiences.  But at the same time, I am not willing or prepared to deal with AW attitudes in a foreign women.

[JunFanTX]

... in response to Is it worth the trouble?, posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

After reading a bunch of these posts, I can certainly understand how you can feel that way, but I still come back to the baseball analogy...

How do you know you aren't gonna git a homerun if you never pick up some lumber and get in the game?

Later,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

[KADAMS]

... in response to What is worse?, posted by JunFanTX on Jul 9, 2001

Good posts, very good point, dig the website. The game image has always bugged me. Most folks call this the game of love, but to lose everything if you fail is more like a risk, would you agree? And that is what it is a calculated risk. I think weigh the options, the facts, and find the least possible chance of failure. There are some poor Dudes on this board that have done this, and still failed. But I will also say that I have seen more success with Overseas marriages than ever, I think economics and the availability of the now-diorced Baby Boomers.

If you are disciplined and calculating, this will make you hated among AW's. But I have seen many Latinas appreciate this in a man.......

But a ticket, have a few, enjoy real womanhood.

[JunFan68]

... in response to Why do they call it a game?, posted by KADAMS on Jul 9, 2001

KADAMS,
Looking back, I treated this as somewhat of a game before I made it down there.  I mean hey, I was writting these girls letters, with only a picture that I had bought from some of the agencies.  They all wanted to meet me, I mean it was fun.  It reminds me of a surrealistic video game type experience.  Even after talking on the phone did it really hit home.  I didn't really know what to expect when I finally went down there after about 6 months of playing around and that's when it hit me that this was the farthest thing from a game.

There I was, by myself in Colombia, one of the most dangerous countries in the world, staring at a beautiful Colombiana face to face...it wasn't an email address or a pop-up chat or phone tag this time.  You bet it's not a game when you are in la madre's kitchen telling her you want to marry her daughter (in 95degree/mega humidity in BQ)....wheww! Still start sweating every time I think about that one.  You realize pretty quick you are not simply not busting a nut down there. These girls are not pieces of meat (more like filet mignon...lol), but are normal girls who happen to live in Colombia, speak Spanish, and are extremely pretty, sweet, loyal, etc...

I disagree that the women always have more to lose than the men.  I've gotten to know how the single parent Colombian family functions pretty well over the last year.  What all does she have to lose exactly?...

Time?...me too
Money?...not likely, for me...lots
Social/Family embarrassment?...yes, me too
Lost wages/extra job stress?...no, but I do
Home? no
Car? no
Job? no
Family? yes, but not entirely as the phone bills will show

I'm sure I'm leaving something out, feel free to chime in.

Later,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

[yc]

... in response to Is it worth the trouble?, posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

Thanks guys for the words of encouragment.  I will keep the faith and finish what I started.  I am still a little uneasy the fact of running into the foreign version of the AW.  But what other choice do I have anyways--stay in a rut like the majority of other AM and take what has been handded me... even though the quality sucks.  Or I can take a chance on the less traveled road where the quality is higher and the gains might exceed the efforts put forth.  That's a no brainer!!!

In a sense, I guess it is a good thing I am rethinking things through.  Perhaps I will be all the more prepare to filter out the bull and meet a genuine latina with noble intentions.

Regards,

[Tai]

... in response to Is it worth the trouble?, posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

YC,

If you follow this board long enough you will see the cycle of topics going around and around again....best agencies, bad agencies, success stories, horror stories, best places to look....Colombia vs Brazil vs Peru vs....(you get the idea).

I know from personal experience that it is much easier to talk yourself out of going than it is to talk yourself into going. Ultimately, each person has to decide what he wants, and what he is willing to commit himself to in order to achieve it...for many guys here that is or was going to SA to search.

I personally have ran into some knuckleheads, wannabe scammers, and ladies that I perceived to be green card sharks in SA. But I have also met FAR MORE down-to-earth, beautiful ladies in a short period of time in Colombia than I have met in YEARS of dealing with women here in the states(in the states, a beautiful/down to earth lady is an oxymoron). -Also keep in mind that the Colombian/American introduction agency/tour thing has been around for a while now, and there have been game-players "created" in the wake of some AM going down to the agencies to have a "good time" with the girls under the pretense of searching for someone to spend the rest of their life with. This of course creates additional considerations for those AM that are sincere in their search. However, the criteria used by the AM to select ladies, and his own character and judgment, play the major role in the types of ladies he meets.

IMHO the better hunting ground is still SA, all things considered. If you know(and it appears you do) what you are looking for in and will not accept from a woman, then you're farther along in the game than many...and if you can maintain the same standards once you get down there and into the mix, then you'll have few problems.

just .02

Tai

oh yeah, I understand(and relate) that you're not obsessed with bringing back a super-model, but if you happen across a nice lady that has the qualities that you are looking for...do yourself a favor and don't write her off just because she's TOO fine. As a now married C/gena veteran once told me "Hey man, don't discriminate...somebody has to date the fine ones."

[paulsaxton]

... in response to Is it worth the trouble?, posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

Hello and I hear what you are saying.  I myself, was VERY skeptical having been through the mill with American Women..I was starting to feel that perhaps I would never meet a woman with which I could have that 50-60 year wedding anniversary.
I went to South America (Peru), but all countries are good, I just happened to want to see Macchu Picchu.  I met a beautiful young intelligent Latina and fell in love almost immediately.  I went back four times that year and on the third trip asked her to marry me and to be my wife FOREVER.  I stressed that I was serious about the Forever part and she had already assured me that her goal was to only marry once and make it last.

You have to have some trust, however do not go with your eyes closed.  You will know if a woman is sincere and also...DON'T be afraid to go for that beauty queeen type of girl as there are so many beautiful women that they will be flattered by your attention.
Remember they are women and need to be treated as women, with respect I mean...and you will have a lifetime of bliss, I promise.  Do NOT think of them as going to turn into American type women...they for the most part think AW are stupid and will try to avoid being called an AW.

I hope some of this helps and if I can help just e-mail me.

Paul

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by paulsaxton on Jul 9, 2001

Paul,

Best of luck to you & your lady. If you have any travel related info in regards to visiting the ruins. Could you post it here or send it to me via e-mail. Macchu Picchu & Eygpt places that me & my lady really want to visit.

Thanks again & good luck....Hoda

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by paulsaxton on Jul 9, 2001

Adding to that, aim for a woman of, say 25 or older so that she is fully grown and has a fully formed character and personality. A woman younger than 25 can be mature, and a woman of 40 can be immature beyond hope, but the girl we´ve been talking abut here obviously wasn´t very mature. Repeating my previous comment, if you´ve flown all the way to South America to visit her, and she doesn´t have the courtesy to shut her cell phone off when you´re together, she´s probably not what you´re looking for.
 Don´t give up the ship, though. There are plenty of good ones.

[Diego A.]

... in response to Re: Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by Bueller on Jul 9, 2001

I'm still a believer even though I loved and lost in
venezuela but the experience was truly great she was great
the time we had I wouldn't trade for anything. "Could have missed the pain but I'd had to miss the dance." For me
there is no finer woman than the Latina although ofcourse
all over the world there are good and bad people.  Some
of the AM going to SA have bad intentions "going for sex"
that ruin it for those of us who are sincere but I believe
In fact I know that with sincerity and effort a bueatiful
Latina can be our destiny.  Nothing wrong with going for
the bueaty queens as long as you seek a bueatiful heart to
go with the outer bueaty I don't believe that the ugly
girl will always be a better person. A bueatiful girl
can be bueatiful inside and the converse can be true.
I believe you can aim higher in looks in a latina then
you can in a American girl because there are so many of
them and they are without doubt the most bueatiful in
the world!  I don't know why God caused the Latinas to
shine as brightly as they do but it's a fact.  Who is Ms.
Universe? A latina
But Yes it's worth it because both the AW (don't appreciate a good man)  and LM are dumb
(I'm speaking in general about the machoistic male)
and deserve each other.
which provides an incredible opportunity for the AM and the
LW to come together in a strange symbiosis.  I wish we could trade  all the AW for
all the LW but then there would be a war.  Because after
a day the Latin Guys would say give us back our women and
we would say no way!
If you want the best in life the best in a wife that is a Latina
Diego

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by Diego A. on Jul 9, 2001

This post is nothing but pure illogical rhetoric. YOUR mis-guided philosphy to justify YOUR desire for a Latina shows that YOU are nothing but a bigot. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can get mad all you want, and even say I mis-interpreted your comments, but take a minute and think about how dumb you sound.

Aaron

[rick13]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by Diego A. on Jul 9, 2001

I went to a wedding last night. As I looked around at the young couples I noticed the men with the really pretty women were tripping all over themsleves for her to accomodate.I then saw a goddess walking in with a very average guy. The girl about 25. Guy about 29-30. She had long brown hair,slight tanned glow,low cut back long black dress,absolutely breath taking.

Then I saw how she looked at him. Intiating contact. Lovingly taking his hand and flirtig with not one man in the room. Searching validation of her attractiveness from him alone.
   
   I was curious, was this woman foreign? She had so much class,was such a lady,and seemed so obviously in love with this man. So sweet. I thought she would be. As we got up to go to the Venetian tabe for dessert I heard her speaking perfect English with no accent at all, and such a soft voice. An AW!!!!! I was stunned! Then I looked down at her hand and she had on a wedding ring.  This man was her husband. Though he treated her with kindness and respect,and seemed to be as "in love" as she was I noticed something interesting. He was not tripping all over himself to accomodate her.Maybe that made the difference,Idon't know.

 
I do know i FELT A TWINGE OF JEALOUSY ALL NIGHT (hey! I'm human!). I wondered if he realized how lucky he was.  See he has a woman who is probably his dreamgirl.  The thing is, she chose him knowing and having been around AM who trip all over her. I imagine she has met Mr. Big bucks quite a few times in her life,men who offered her the stars and the moon.  She knows she can find a richer,handsomer man, but she chose him!                    
I was jealous because though I know any man can get a gorgeous foreign woman, We all wonder how she will react when she comes to a new environment? all these AM wanting her? will she still be the girl you married or will she change for the worst. Will she become so impressed with her surroundings,the material things, that she wants more? Will she flirt with all the good-looking men around? Will her head swell because of all that attention from AM?

                                  This man was lucky. He met a woman on his ground,who was used to all these oppurtunities given to her. A woman with charecter who was not easily impressed or persuaded. Later on I asked a man who knew the couple about her. He shook his head and said she was the "dream wife" he always wanted. He said she treated her husband like gold,and her husband was a firefighter.  They had been married 2 years.    

 As we men looked with envy at this gorgeous creature, I wondered if I will ever be as lucky to have such a level headed,classy,respectful(she did not flirt one bit, which was huge brownie points!) wife who is half as crazy for me,as this goddess was for her husband.

[KADAMS]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by rick13 on Jul 9, 2001

Time is the most valued thing in the Universe, you can not buy it, but you can spend it, some say love is the same. But, you can only see results over time. Patience in love is difficult at best, your heart says move, but your mind says be carefull. Truth is you, and from you report, the rest of the room were watching this girl. Now how long do you think it will take for some jerk with nothing but a fancy car or an important name to sit down and talk to her at work, at the mall, or out with her friends? How will she react? How will she react to Indecent proposals? Could she be strong enough and respect her vows to stay true to her man? Truely a fine lady as that would be bombarded by players wanting to show their game. Players with much more materalistic gifts for her enjoyment, right?

This is my problemo con Latinas, can you put forth the trust needed for successfull marriage to such striking ladies?

Wish I knew................

[rick13]

... in response to Time will tell........, posted by KADAMS on Jul 9, 2001

I am pretty sure this grl has been hit on by all types from the time she was 16. Rich,super rich,buff,not so buff:)I doubt at 25, men are just begining to notice her.

 I guess she may be that small percentage of knockouts who is not too shallow. I think the fact she was not looking to see who was paying attention to her showed alot. She didn't care what other men thought of her. Her eyes were only for her husband. I think we are all used to seeing beautiful women who need to somehow prove to themselves that they can attract whoever they want. This one just had an air of confidence and needed no validation. It was refreshing.  My one pet peeve is pretty women who have such low self esteem, they need to make sure everyone is checking them out.

  I just prefer a woman who is a bit on the shy side,and totally unaware of her effects on men.That is so endearing. To me that woman can outshine the sexy bomshell type anyday.

[rick13]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it worth the trouble?, posted by rick13 on Jul 9, 2001

My point was, I had full admiration for a woman who only had eyes for her husband. It is a rare instance that a beautiful woman is not looking to see how many men she can get to pay attention to her. I liked that attitude.I wish I am lucky enough to find a woman who only has ees for me.

That's why I am seriously considering the Phillipines or Vietnam. I think the younger girls there are more on the shy side and I prefer that. I have seen lots of my latin friends and AM friends with latinas who flirt too much. Even though it is just innocent flirting, it makes a lot of guys think she is an easy pick-up. At times I feel the girl is majorly flirting with me,and then I'll hear someone else talk about how she was eying him like lunch. I know it's a bit immature on our part,but we're pretty young.  

   Anyway, I usually feel sorry for the boyfriend or husband,because other guys think his girl is being disrespectful.I just would rather my girl not be too flirty.  I know not all latinas are that way though. I have met and dated a few sweet ones who do not flirt, but that is few.  I am just saying choose one that is ot too flirty.Otherwise,think why she requires so much validation from men. it could be trouble.