Waiting 5 years for Divorce

[Peter Lee]

I have a question for the board

I have chatted with a young lady 27 with a 7 year old son she is now in Cebu

We chatted and made friends

She asked for no money has a good job and was not in a position to get married as she was still married to her husband in the USA and has been waiting for her divorce papers for 5 years.  
The story she tells:
It seemed that she got a fiancé visa with guy no1 who she knew for 8 months

While in the USA she said she did not love this guy and pursued and married guy no 2
She got pregnant and said her dad was dying of cancer so she went back home with her USA born son.

Her husband was suppose to process the spousal visa and started it.  Meanwhile her husband meets an AW and falls in lust, AW moves into his house and he stops all immigration paperwork.   She waits and tries to get a divorce; he is nowhere to be found.   She spends all her money on finding him and years later gets him on the phone.   She said the separation was a peaceful on and he was surprised to hear her voice but was not angry.  He said he would finally get the divorce papers and send it to her, this was in Dec 02 it is now April 03.   I know uncontested divorces can be done in less than a week when two parties agree.   He is from Arizona she is in Cebu, she understands she made bad choices but she said she was very young.  

If her husband does not come forth with the divorce papers and has no interest to pursue her spousal visa what can she do to obtain a divorce after this 5 year wait???

I would imagine that if she ever got back to the USA she could file for child support which would motivate her husband to do as little as possible and delay as much as possible.  

I was wondering if there was any past history of cases like this.  There must be many cases of women stranded in the Philippines in situations like that.  

Since the baby is born in the USA she can wait till he is 18 and have him partition his mom to come with him.   How long would that take once he is 18 and that’s 11 years from now?  Or is there another route for her to take.  

[greg]

... in response to Waiting 5 years for Divorce, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 15, 2003

a Filipina website where U can post your Profile and Pictures?? You would then recieve ton of snail and email letters from countless available Pinays to choose from. Not only that...the Pinays would share your Profile with other available Filipinas looking for a Hubby. Just a Thought..Personally I did not like the idea of writing the Filipinas first...I started out Posting my profile on Filipina4Love back in 1998, recieved countless snail mail letter. I was unlucky to get involved with a married Pinay, didn't know she was married until her fiancee visa was approved. A Guy can be Lucky or UnLucky in his search for Love and Happiness abroad. Just think with your big Head always )

[greg]

... in response to Waiting 5 years for Divorce, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 15, 2003

from any married or separated Pinay, not worth the Headaches. Guys should search for a single, never married childless Filipina. Countless Pinays are available for Guys to choose from, sooo why get involved with Filipinas carrying around Baggage?? You can find those kinda women already here. Guys should seek a better woman abroad than whats available in America, not someone the same or worst.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Run without Delay, posted by greg on Apr 16, 2003

When I was single, I always tended to prefer divorced women. In addition, I never considered children "baggage." I always figured divorced women and those with children were more stable, more serious, and more willing to do what it takes to make a relationship last. They'd lost that "I'm waiting for Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet" fantasy, and look for an honest, stable guy. That was probably because I'm the engineer type, more appealing to women who'd lived and learned from the "bad boy" type. Thise guys, to me, are just a-holes with a smooth line of BS. Anyway, I never once regretted marrying a divorced women and raising her daughter.

Yes, I realize you're talking specifically about Pinays and I'm not necessarily. I really know very few Filipinas, but in general, divorced women and single moms don't necessarily constitute a baggage problem. There are some real gems who will really appreciate a man willing to take care of them, amongst some with "baggage." I think your hit rate of real sweeties could be just as good or better than among the very young.

This one Peter came across strikes me as the baggage type though.

Just my 2 cents worth.

- Jeff

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Run without Delay, posted by Jeff S on Apr 16, 2003

Hi Jeff,

I found that most AW's, even with their own children, looked at my kids as a liability. I personally thought of them as my biggest asset and love them dearly. I took an early retirement, passing up a promotion and losing tens of thousands of dollars per year, just so I could be there for them while they are growing up. I felt that was the least they deserved after being abandoned by their mother. I believed that an intelligent woman would consider the fact that I was raising them alone as a single father, to be a testament to my character, devotion to family, and stability. It didn't happen until I met my Filipina wife. While initially, she would have preferred a never married man without children, she saw beneath the surface, unlike some narrow-minded AW's and Filipinas.

Dave H.

[Alvin1]

... in response to Re: Run without Delay, posted by Jeff S on Apr 16, 2003

Well said Jeff but this woman left another man to marry someone else and then became pregnant, etc.  She changed her mind while she was here on a visa to date someone else and possible marry someone else. She possibly has no sense of loyalty or morals.

When you look at the picture as painted by Peter, you can only come to one valid conclusion about this young lady.

I agree with what you are saying but I do not believe that this lady meet your criteria.  I am sure that she could have learned from her mistakes and could be an excellent candidate for marriage but is not worth the chance since there are so many young ladies available.

I think that the most important thing is for Peter to take a close look at himself and to do some self analysis as to why he is attracted to her.  Maybe he has an underlying gizmo that needs to be analyzed so that he can make good choices in life or this lady could be a good choice but it is very risky.

Good luck to both of them

Alvin1

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Run without Delay, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 17, 2003

Did I say I was attracted to her?

Don't remember saying that, just wanted to ask a few questions and tell the story she related to me.  I was surprised that she told me the whole story.  She could have lied a bit and made it sound so she was more of a victim but she didn't.  It was another love me for what I am thing.

Anyway here is a woman who can't get married or get a fiance visa and has to wait till her son is 21 till he can get her States Side.  

I did see her on web cam and she was very attractive, way above average in personality and looks.  Leave no stone unturned.

The quest goes on

[Dave H]

... in response to Run without Delay, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 17, 2003

Hi Alvin,

This lady doesn't have a good track record! Possibly even looking for someone to bring her over so she can get back together with whatever the man's number was...the guy that regected her. Many more wonderful ladies available without problems or bad motives.

Dave H.

[greg]

... in response to Run without Delay, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 17, 2003

God Bless

[Jeff S]

... in response to Run without Delay, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 17, 2003

.. about Peter's situation. That's why I posted this:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/messages/40405.html

My comments were generically about married women and in response to Greg's comments. I'm sure glad I didn't run because of my wife's "baggage," a really sweet 8 year old girl who's now a college graduate, just as sweet, and still calls me "Daddy."

- Jeff

[Peter Lee]

... in response to I agree with you 100%, posted by Jeff S on Apr 17, 2003

WOW

[greg]

... in response to I agree with you 100%, posted by Jeff S on Apr 17, 2003

You married a Japanese woman, very easy for the Japanese to come here, no plm for your wife to bring her child. Philippines and Japan are far out different when it comes to bringing a Lady and her children to America. My friend is married to a Pinay, her two children are still in RP..Big headache for the Guy trying to help bring her children here.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Jeff, posted by greg on Apr 17, 2003

That must be really tough on bith the mother anc children. I thought that normally K1s & K2s were processed together so that mothers & children don't have to be separated.
- Jeff

[Alvin1]

... in response to I agree with you 100%, posted by Jeff S on Apr 17, 2003

I am the product of 2 failed marriages and now a successful 3rd marriage.  My first wife and I had 3 sons and now I have 3 daughters. My first wife considers all my children her children and has them over to her house for special occasions with me and my wife.  She wants to baby sit for my 2 baby daughters and make purchases for them.  My oldest daughter actually stays there on occasions if I am unavailable and loves and respects her.

I know these are different circumstances and what I am trying to expresses is that children are children and they need to be spared the agony of a bad marriage or relationship.

I was an orphan and I love my grandfather and uncle who rasied me dearly and as much as my father if he had not died when I was young.  I do not think that I would have been successful if I had been raised by my father becasue he was too easy going and I was a lazy kid who left to his own would not have finished elementary school.  So I know how your daughter feels about you because I am in her position.

Because I was an orphan and I know what it means to be homeless at a young age, I am arranging an adoption for a local couple who desperately want to adopt a child from Asia.

Good luck
Alvin1

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: I agree with you 100%, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 17, 2003

My wife often talks about people's luck. She believes there are those who are born lucky and others who aren't. I, on the other hand have always believed that you make your own luck. Maybe these two ideas aren't so mutually exclusive?

Anyway. you're obviously a lucky guy, in spite of the bad luck life has sometimes handed you, a person able to turn bad luck into good.

Good luck to you as well,

Jeff