2 Years in the Married life...

[John K]

Well, it's been 2 years since Marina and I have tied the knot. (Sept 2000).  Since then, a lot has happened.  We've moved 3 times now, the last time into our first house.  We just got Marina's permanent green card from the LA INS (We got the permanent one because we had been married for over 2 years by the time we got to the interview).  Marina got home for 2 1/2 months last year to see the family, which gave me time to do some travelling and get some corporate projects done.  And the cat is finally healthy, after many, many visits to the vet. :-)

Our biggest issue right now is our new house.  We bought a "fixer upper" in California's "Inland Empire", east of LA.  What we didn't realize was how much fixing up it is taking!  A lot of grinding, sanding, spackling, sanding, painting, replacing fixtures, new carpeting, and so forth has started to turn this 10 year rental to migrant workers into a respectable house.  There's a lot more work to be done, but we have to rely on a contractor to do it, as we cannot touch escrow money directly.  Still to come are new windows, new doors, new fence, new roof, bathroom repairs, and God knows what else.  Within a month or two, we should have something quite respectable...

I do apologize for not being around, but married life puts a lot of demands on my time.  I have almost no free time anymore, which can be difficult at times for me.  I still do answer emails, so if anyone wants to write me, feel free.  

One small note with the Green Card interview, we were required to provide the following:

Birth certificates for both of us, (Marina's was translated)
INS photos of both of us
Lease / housing papers with both our names on it.  
Banking statements in both our names,
3 years of tax returns, including W2's,
Photographic proof of our life together,
Sealed medical exam papers, to include immunization records.
Marina's passport with I94, and work permit
Photo IDs of Marina and me (my driver's license and her passport).
All advanced parole paperwork, past and present.

I didn't bring photos of me or my birth certificate, which could have been a problem.  Luckily, the INS officer accepted my military ID as proof of my citizenship.  He also gave us a pass to return in the afternoon, as we ran across the street to get INS photos taken of me, and to allow me to make copies of my tax returns.  After we provided the officer what he needed, he returned to Marina her passport with the "green card" stamp in it.  We should see the card itself in a couple of months.

The INS building itself was a bit of a trick.  There are two INS entrances.  The first is for petitioners and those with questions.  That line goes out the door, down the sidewalk, around the corner, down the sidewalk, and depending on the time of day, possibly around the corner again.  The other entry is for those who have appointments.  It's a small line that goes directly into a screening area and from there into the Federal Building's lobby.  No pocket knives allowed (I had to run mine back to the car).  No cameras allowed.  No video cameras either.  You each must provide a photo ID to enter the building (passports accepted).  After you are inside, you go to your respective waiting room, turn in your invitation letter, and wait to be called to interview.  And wait.  And wait...

All in all, Marina and I are settling in pretty well.  Married life isn't easy, however.  I tend to be a little cold and unfeeling sometimes, which is hard on my wife.  I'm learning, however, and slowly I'm beginning to come around.  We are dealing with budgeting issues, especially with the purchase of a new house that badly needs work done.  Plus, my wife still has not adjusted to life in America.  Her heart is still in Ukraine, and she cannot bring herself to accept her life here.  Perhaps the new house will do the trick.  We have DSL in our new home, which means she can finally watch her Russian TV channels...

Well, I got to go.  Take care, folks, and drop me a line if you feel like it...

[Valya]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

Hi,
Congatulations on your 2-nd Anniversary.
I have a married friend from Ukraine currently living in LA with her husband and a baby-son. If you wish I can give you her email, so your wife and my friend can communicate.

[John K]

... in response to Re: 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by Valya on Nov 6, 2002

We rarely get to LA (It's about a 1 1/2 to 2 hour drive on "the 10", given daily traffic conditions), but it would be nice for us to have someone to visit when we do go.  We make the trek about every couple of months, so Marina can get some Russian movies, books and food.

We tried meeting with some Russian people in our area, but Marina didn't get along with them.  One woman just wanted my wife to act as a proxy babysitter with her kids, so she could get some shopping done.  The other lady had a "I'm better than you" attitude that really put Marina off.  Especially since the lady wasn't really any better off than my wife...

Please email me the Russian address and I will pass it along to my wife.  Does your friend receive emails in Russian?  Marina normally sends and receives emails this way...

[mudd]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

glad to hear from someone who is still married. one question if you dont mind answering.  after two years, and she still hasnt adjusted to life here. i would think that anyone living in any country after two years would have adjusted. why is it so hard for her to adjust?  
p.s take your time on the fixer upper, if you rush it, it will put a lot of strain on both of you. ben there, done that!!!!

[SteveM]

... in response to Re: 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by mudd on Nov 6, 2002

Same thing to report here about the protracted adjustment period.

First year in America was very hard for my wife.  We didn't get past basic family adjustment issues for a few months, and having her mom's visa application rejected made things very sour for a few weeks.  The spring brightened things up a lot, but she was still happy to get back to Russia for a couple of months in the summer.

The second year got progressively easier, particularly when we were able to get her mom here for a couple of months.  There were a lot of things that her mom enjoyed and appreciated here, which gave my wife a better sense of the things she was starting to take for granted.

The bond to her past life is still strong, though.  Even with a marriage I can honestly describe as better than a fairy tale and a first year at work that is turning out way above expectations, my wife still misses being close to her mom, grandmother, and her dog.  After two hours in class and eight at work, she still gets worn down by the always having to speak English.

At the same time, we have a lot less friction about dealing with the American way of things than we used to.  She now understands that I am not personally responsible for the availability of medical treatment (or lack thereof) in America, the health insurance system, automated phone systems, the timeliness of home repair appointments, and (hopefully) the increased population of Republicans invading our fair city in January.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by mudd on Nov 6, 2002

Mudd,
It does take time.  My experience is that the third year is when the real transition takes place.  That would be when my wife changed from a Russian in America to a Russian American.
KenC

[Stevo]

... in response to about right, posted by KenC on Nov 6, 2002

for my wife to really begin adjusting.  Now after almost 3 years, my wife appears to be RA, not an R-in-A.

[juio99]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

Thanks to you for coming back to post some follow ups.  Most guys disappear after they have their woman here, so we never know the 'rest of the story.'  John, isn't that East LA area a little rough?  Are you going to be learning Spanish?

JR

[Stevo]

... in response to John and Steve, posted by juio99 on Nov 6, 2002

ggg

[SteveM]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

Congrats on the 2nd, and hope you are finished with the house work sometime in the near future.

Our second was today; couldn't be any happier with how things have worked out...

[tfcrew]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

Wow..the LA INS seems pretty thorough.
Keep posting....
Karl

[John K]

... in response to 2 Years in the Married life..., posted by John K on Nov 5, 2002

For the INS we also provided and I864 - Affidavit of support and a letter from my boss on company letterhead saying that I worked for my company, what my salary was and how long I've worked there.  We also needed the invitation letter the INS sent to us.

Sorry about that.  Trying to do this from memory is kind of tough, especially when your memory is pretty much shot...