Financial issues with your RW/UW?

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Actually Mark..., posted by BURKE89 on Oct 16, 2002

One thing is that I think age makes a difference.

Victoria is 31, and so she lived and worked some under the Soviet System. She speaks of it almost longingly...

Understand that she had a government job, and under the Soviet System, that was great. When the SU broke up, the sattelite countries faced a lot of hardship, and government jobs became not nearly what they used to be. (a lot less perks...)

However, I don't think that any socialist teachings or leanings counteracts the primary directive that: "The Man is in Charge." At least I've never seen it.

She has never asserted herself on anything that she considers to be my domain.

Money falls in that category. I don't think that is going to change. She seems completely content to let me set the guidelines in this area, and she will just follow them.

I don't know what other guy's experiences are... but if she sudenly starts trying to exert influence over how we spend our money, I will be surprised.

She may want me to SAVE more... but I consider that a good thing.

The only time I have ever seen her completely rebel was this past trip in Kiev. I wanted to buy her father a watch as a present, and she was trying to get me to buy the Casio. I insisted on buying the British Royal watch, and she would not agree. "It is too much money! The Casio is a very good watch!"

When I told her that my mind was made up and to get the clerk... she flatly refused.

She thought that she had me... since the clerks didn't speak English. But they spoke MasterCard, and I got the watch anyway.

So... did she pout? Or glare at me? Nope... she shook her head all the way home, but she accepted my decision. (There was, it turns out, a reason why she had felt so stringly... but it is too long a story to relate now...)

Anyway... I can't imagine her suddenly wanting to take my checkbook and go spending.

I know time changes things. But I think the first time she has to write a check for over a hudred dollars she'll break out into a cold sweat!

[KenC]

... in response to I can't say for sure, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

Mark,
As I have said before, it will take a while for your sweetie to get a handle on the numbers here.  Here we have lots of money coming in and lots going out.  This is the opposite of there, little coming in and little going out.  Even with your woman's educational background, it may take a while to grasp the whole situation.  
-
Also plan on her squirreling away excess cash for a rainy day.  Last April Lena and I were in an electronics store and I was admiring the digital cameras.  As my birthday was approaching, she asked if I would like one for my gift.  Being the way I am, I said that I would buy one later.  She offered to buy it for me with her saved money.  I was kind of shocked that she had put away that amount.  She ended up paying for the camera and an expensive new cordless phone for my office too.  In all the years of being married to an AW, I was never surprised by how much money she had hidden away, only by reciepts for purchases (for herself) she had hidden away.
KenC

[MarkInTx]

... in response to adjustments, posted by KenC on Oct 16, 2002

Yeah, that's one reason that I never told her how much I make a year.

I may have to, though, in Warsaw. Is it true that they will ask her that?

As for the squirreling away money, and then buying you a present with it... That reminds me of something I read...

The classic: Proverbs 31 (the impossible standard for a woman, I have heard some call it...)

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. . .
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
...  She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard..
... She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
...She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
...She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
...her husband praises her:  "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate

(still trying for that "most thoughtful post" accolade from John L ;-)

[Dan]

... in response to I believe you, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

You asked about the information disclosure at the Warsaw interview. In the link you supplied to the board a while back (US Embassy in Warsaw), it tells you that she must provide "Evidence of Support" - and it refers to Packet 4. If you examine Packet 4, you will see that it specifies submittal of Form I-864. If you read Form I-864, it provides some guidelines for providing said "evidence" - and the most straight-forward is to provide copies of your recent tax return and a letter from your employer stating your income.

It seems she will have access to your income information - IF she can read English.

- Dan

[MarkInTx]

... in response to And BTW . . ., posted by Dan on Oct 16, 2002

Do they actually ASK her in the interview how much I make. I read somewhere that they do.

(She can read English, but I doubt she will be reading through all of the forms I bring...)

I'm more concerned at this point with making sure that the interview goes smoothly than I am about "protecting" the secrecy of my income...

[Dan]

... in response to But..., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

You should prepare her for all the likely questions that an interviewer might ask to prove the legitimacy of your relationship.

Olya was not asked about my income - but she knew it - and Olya's experience at the interview was far from 'normal' - so it is not a good indicator of what Victoria will face.

- Dan

[Dan]

... in response to I believe you, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

MarkInTx wrote: "I never told her how much I make a year"

Sounds like an open and trusting relationship to me!  [heavy sarcasm intended]

- Dan

[MarkInTx]

... in response to What a Revelation . . ., posted by Dan on Oct 16, 2002

It's early, and I'm sitting here drinking coffee... and I have a little time to play your silly game... so here goes...

If I had said: "Yeah, I told Victoria that I make $____" you would say: "Yeah, so your gold-digging girlfriend is only after your money, just like LP says!"

If I don't tell her how much I make, you say: "Ah ha! See, you don't trust her!"

The fact is that it has nothing to do with not trusting her character. I just don't think that she could comprehend the amount of money that I bring in a month. Just as she could not comprehend the amount of money I pay on my Lexus each month. It's just foreign to her.

If someone who makes $125 a month hears about someone making $1000 a month, they thinks a lot of money. But here, it is below the poverty line. It's just a different environment. Until she has been here, there is no sense in trying to explain it.

And you know that.

If anyone else had said this, your post would have been a "Yes... that's true. Good plan."

Because its me, you decide to attack.

How can I say this? Because KenC said something very similar in his post, and you said nothing. (KenC: "As I have said before, it will take a while for your sweetie to get a handle on the numbers here....")

And, he has said other things similar in the past (a fact he references...)

You are just prowling around looking at my posts and trying to pick a fight.

I'm about ready to turn up the squelch on you, Dan, because your static is becoming annoying. I may have to put you on full ignore, like I have LP.

It would be a shame, because (unlike LP) I think you sometimes DO make a post worth reading.

But this constant baiting is getting tiresome.

I would say it is beneath you... but I'm not sure anymore if it is. It seems to be EXACTLY you.

First you did it with Oscar... and now me.

Grow up already...

[joe]

... in response to Re: What a Revelation . . ., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

my wife made over $1500 a month in the FSU. As far as people making $1000 a month that is about $1200 a month more than I make now. I have not made a dime since Christmas! What does that mean?
Joe
I know people in the FSU that are paying cash for new Mercedes, homes everything. While people here are trying to pay off their Honda Civic. People got money all over this world of ours-and a lot don't. Life is tough-and real tough when you don't make money.......
Joe

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Perceptions........, posted by joe on Oct 16, 2002

Well... I don't know what your wife did, but she must have been doing all right.

My fiance was making a little more every month than I give my daughter for allowance...

How, I don't know...

[Dan]

... in response to Re: What a Revelation . . ., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

It won't hurt my feelings a bit.

But since you're (probably) still reading THIS one - I'll try (yet again) to make the point.

Mark, your overbearing sense of self-importance blinds you to a LOT of useful information - LP's among that.

I am not baiting you in this post - I do, sincerely, believe that your failing to take the time to discuss this important issue with someone that you plan to make a life with - is inconceivable (for me, anyway). [Note - if I was trying to take a 'shot' at you - this is where it would be - but I am not].

If you have read any of my posts on the topic (and I know you have), you will know that I am unfailing in my suggestion (in fact, urging) for guys to find any way they can to break through the language barriers to communicate on important topics with their girls. Clearly, finances is among those highly-important topics.

My counsel to you is that you need to find a way to discuss this - and to give your girl credit for gaining some appreciation for the financial/economic differences ASAP.

This is not to discount what KenC says about the inevitable transition as the lady assimilates the practicality of economics in America - but that should NOT prohibit one from making the attempt to begin the educational process as early as possible.

It is all about trust and communication - and the sooner you firmly-establish that pattern and habit, the better (IMO).

- Dan

[MtMav]

... in response to Squelch Away . . ., posted by Dan on Oct 16, 2002

"Mark, your overbearing sense of self importance....." followed 3 paragraphs later by: "My counsel to you....."
Dan, your verbiage sounds a bit overbearing and self-important! Dan, my "counsel" to you is to visit a mirror. Mark is right in his previous post....... you're just looking to pick a fight.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Dan, you wrote: , posted by MtMav on Oct 16, 2002

FWIW... I think he really did try in that post NOT to be confrontational...

Though it was a bit ironic, huh?

[Dan]

... in response to Thanks, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 16, 2002

You don't need to throw THAT stuff around - do you??

- Dan

[Charles]

... in response to Now Now Mark - We're Just Getting Nice N..., posted by Dan on Oct 16, 2002

Dan and Mark - I am tired of the "de-baiting" that seems to consume this board of late.  Mark has become a pain of late to be sure, but Dan you don't need to remind us of it every time.  We can figure that out for ourselves.