What my wife said...

[Stevo]

Don't know quite why we got on the topic of correspondence the other night, but she told me that any letter she received from a guy living in an apartment she just trash canned...never even considered responding no matter what the guy looked like.

She said that she wanted to live in a house and that was that.  What about those guys who were just living in an apartment until they got married?  Well, she said, that might be OK, but she didn't want to take the chance that the guy would stay living in an apartment.

Any way, something to keep in mind when corresponding.  If you don't already have a house, but plan on getting one once you are married, you might want to mention this is your first letter.

Stevo

[Anastassia]

... in response to What my wife said..., posted by Stevo on Aug 21, 2002

I think there are lots of methods of finding an AM to marry, the method that I used worked for me.

I didn't have any profile or picture in the internet, nor was I a member of any agency, I was totally by myself, I knew English and found an internet cafe and knew where and how to search.

So I didn't put myself in the market and said "Ok, guys, here I am, come and see me." I was not passive, I was active. I myself went to the guys’ profiles and it was me who was choosing at the beginning, and it was impossible for me to get letters from guys who didn’t fit my description, as I initially contacted only those who fit. So I didn't have problems with that, I was choosing within guys who already fit my desire, after that it was the matter of clicking, interests, honesty, sincerity, seriousness, readiness to come to me, to marry...

But again I don't say that other methods are bad, they are just not for me.

The idea is to find a method that will work for you, for each of us.

Anastassia

Notarized and Certified Russian/English Translations
Moscow Diploma with Honors; Cambridge
http://www.translation.wasem.net

[Ryan]

... in response to What my wife said..., posted by Stevo on Aug 21, 2002

So when I go to my timeshare (apartment living) in New York over looking central park I will just leave here at home at the house out in the country taking care of the garden and feeling the chickens.  Hey if that’s what she wants, great you must respect a woman that knows what she wants even if she is being a little silly.  

No really what it is was another cultural difference thing.  They have no idea what some apartments are like in this country all they know are those drab Russian looking complexes that only have hot water certain hours of the day.  

In the end she got what she was looking for and this is all that really counts.

[Jack]

... in response to Re: What my wife said..., posted by Ryan on Aug 22, 2002

Hey we have had some real dozzies around here lately, like some you used to be involved with, where you been?

[Ryan]

... in response to where U been?, posted by Jack on Aug 22, 2002

I saw it and was so tempted to get involved but I am taking the good advice and started some other hobbies etc.  After so many years of posting I think I have learned enough from you guys that I know what I have to do and how I have to conduct myself.  It just seems like we all go over the same stuff over and over.  All I have to do now is go and meet the women.  I have my Visa for Russia and I’m going in a couple months, I’m busy corresponding with a few RW getting stuff together and working my ass off.  I really should not be posting until I need some help with the Fiancé Visa and paperwork stuff as the rest is really up to me now.  I read and keep up with the Visa stuff, once in a while I might take a pot shot at a post for old time sake but really I think you guys have the market on giving the good advice.  Some might not think so but I really have grown in so many different ways from writing in reading this board for as long as I have.  I will defiantly post when I have a trip report.
Have fun I’m still reading and laughing…

[Anastassia]

... in response to What my wife said..., posted by Stevo on Aug 21, 2002

MarkinTx said:

Stevo's wife didn't say that she wanted a mansion with a swimming pool... she just didn't want to live in a cramped apartment where four people have to share a bedroom (which is how a lot of the women there have had to live.)

She probably wanted hot water, too. Does this make her a gold digger?

___________________________________

And he cought this idea absolutely right, any decent and honest RW wants to improve material situation and to move not into a castle (from a tent), but into a separate flat (from a flat with parents) or into a house (from a separate flat). I mean this change is just one or max 2 steps up, something that is NORMAL, a place where a couple can start a family.

And i think that material status is very important, but agian while searching for a husband it is NOT on the first place (for me) it is on the 4th or 5th. Some women don't pay attention to that at all saying that "Love is such a pure thing that i don't care where he lives, what he does..." And some (like me) still pay attention but it is not the primary preference.

Here is my preference

1. faith/race - Christian, white
2. high education
3. cute, handsome, attraction, chemistry
4. age (27-33)
5. successful, stable

And these are a MUST for my future husband to have, all 5 MUST be present.

Anastassia

Notarized and Certified Russian/English Translations
Moscow Diploma with Honors; Cambridge
http://www.translation.wasem.net  

[Robert D]

... in response to Re: What my wife said..., posted by Anastassia on Aug 22, 2002

I can understand how she feels.   I kept my old house a two flat with two bedroom, about 1500 square feet in both apartments.   I lived in one apartment for years.   Now I have a new house with 2500 sq feet and this has made a world of difference in my quality of life

Robert D.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: What my wife said..., posted by Anastassia on Aug 22, 2002

Yes you are exactly right.

100 percent.

Ain't no use for any fsu lady to have an interest in a man that cannot support his new family in the same decent means that he has afforded himself in the past.

Provided he's living "ok", and not in a dumpster somewhere.

But somehow, your words irk me a little... and only a little...  Maybe I'm just too easily offended these days.

We'll see.

Best wishes to you and your family Anastassia.

[Anastassia]

... in response to Sorry about that, that came off a bit ho..., posted by BrianN on Aug 22, 2002

Why do my words irk you? :-)

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: What my wife said..., posted by Anastassia on Aug 22, 2002

Now that you've been here and done this... and possibly known other AW/RW, what are your REAL thoughts on this thing Asya?

Your number 2 strikes me as being a bit.... ahem should I say.. pre-disposed that possibly you might not have known the difference between "high" education and knowing how to make a living here for a man?

Just because we're not all brainiacs with phd's behind our name and elongated monikers to sign off with doesn't make us losers.  

Smile.

Brian
Certified Loser/Non-Educated
Trailer Park Extraordinaire
PL Diploma with Honors; LP Certified
http://losers.com

[Anastassia]

... in response to wow., posted by BrianN on Aug 22, 2002

HI Brian,

I know the difference between "high" education and knowing how to make a living here for a man. It just when it comes to finding a man of your life, forever, then I cannot marry a man who has higher education, but doesn't have enough of money for a renting an apt or a house, nor can I marry a man who has lots of money but doesn't have high education. I need both, I need all of those 5.

And if you have enough money for this endeavor and don't have high education it does NOT mean that you are a looser, maybe you will enter any university in future and get this education, God knows, and you should and will find a lady who doesn't care about this that much, you will find a lady who fits your desires and she will find you because you will fit her conceptions.

My search was very strict, and was narrowed to many things, and I think I have a right to be so strict to my future husband because I am asking NOTHING MORE than what I myself have.. I think this is fair. Don’t you think?

Anastassia

P.S. Nobody had any problems with my signature, you are the first one.

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: wow., posted by Anastassia on Aug 22, 2002

I think you are coming across as a bit of a snob..  It really is in poor taste to put your "credentials" out there with every post.  I have two Master's degress and was Phi Kappa Phi through all of it, but here, I simply say I am a therapist..  It's just not that big of a deal to people and it is condescending to keep throwing it at people.  I am sure there are men here who have much higher educations than yourself but they never feel it necessary to advertise it.

This from your post-

"nor can I marry a man who has lots of money but doesn't have high education. I need both."

This kind of talk does not inspire men here.  To many, you come off sounding like a gold digger, only interested in status and money, something most of us men here do their very best to avoid.  
You could easily find a man who has tons of education and makes great money.. problem is, he could also be a child molester or an extortionist!  Perhaps you might look more at the MAN and less at what he HAS (i.e. university paper, money, big house, etc..).

It's fine to have "standards" but when status and money become more important than kindness, support, honesty and love, it will not go over really big here..

For what it's worth..

Oscar

[Anastassia]

... in response to Annastassia-, posted by Oscar on Aug 23, 2002

Hi Oscar and MarkinTx,

About my signature – I don’t think I am putting it out too often in comparison to others, and I sincerely don’t think we should discuss this here, everybody is happy with my credentials and that I show them from time to time, (I won’t this time) Actually the reason I do this is to LET ALL OF THE MEN who are in this endeavor KNOW that I can help them with any translations, and K1 cultural advising, that i came through this myself, and so on, this is the field of my profession, this is how I can prove the quality and responsibility of my work. When I write my signature I am not bragging (though I am very proud) but I am just saying that this is a TRULY professional who can help you. i see some other nice translators, but they for some reason don't have such signatures, maybe because they don't have such credentials, so if i have why not putting this out once in a while, this is who i am, you cannot take my education away from me. Again i am not bragging or boasting.
I am very glad for your degrees and professionalism, and I think that it would be natural for you to go to some therapeutic boards and advertise a little bit there. On this board we are all talking about the theme that my profession has LOTS to do with. Also there are many men with lots of degrees who cannot figure how to detect a scam, how and where to search for Russian learning materials, K1 details and so on. This doesn’t mean they are not smart, this is just a new field for them, it takes lots of time and maybe some mistakes to figure this out… i came through some of these mistakes and now i want to share with you for you not to make them, how to avoid them.
This is where I step in and actually save men money and what is more important time.

Now about gold-digging. In this chain of emails we are talking about what place material interest takes in a woman’s head while searching for an AM, that some women are ok with living in an apt and some want a house, and some a mantion with 5 cars and swimming pool…In this chain in particular we are not talking about love, devotion, faith...
You are saying “It's fine to have "standards" but when status and money become more important than kindness, support, honesty and love, it will not go over really big here..
I ABSOLUTELY agree with you, i DID NOT say that they are more important than kindness, support and honesty...

We are not talking about this here, it is like for granted in this chain, we are discussing WHAT ELSE apart from all the things that you mentioned IS NECESSARY for women.

If I don’t write this in my email it doesn’t mean these things don’t exist for me, not at all, as MarkinTx noticed, the first thing on my list is Faith.

I wanted to say this: When you or any man makes a search, and let’s imagine that IT IS A REALLY DETAILED SEARCH that allows you to both see a lady’s picture and choose the whole list of things such as: age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, children, education, location, profession, hobby, faith, languages, smoking and drinking, salary… Would you look through all of these and check and specify what you would like, or you would say ‘Doesn’t matter’ on some of them???

There are very few agencies with such kind of search, I wish there were much more, both for men and women, on most of them they allow you to choose just age, height, weight, children…

I would pick exactly what I need (what i actually did), I would check everything according to my preferences.

Now this is very important moment right here. At this point this is just INITIAL SEARCH. First contact search. THIS IS WHEN PERSONAL THINGS START, this is when one should start looking and wondering OK, LET’S SEE WHAT IS INSIDE OF THAT PERSON, who and what she really is, what is her character and how it reveals itself, here when we start talking about love, friendship, sincerity, honesty, kindness, support, we are talking/corresponding with a REAL PERSON trying to figure out all these human traits… and finally fall in love….And develop these feelings, and prove to each other and ourselves that this is a person we need.

So this whole process involves 2 parts I should say: 1 – initially searching for data/information of a person, 2 – building a relationship, big, true, eternal, sincere, strong, trusting, deep, forgiving relationship.

Oscar, you just assumed something based on a phrase that you took out of the context, looking at that very single sentence. Those people who know me closer or personally will probably understand me better or can explain or prove to you better about me.

I would never marry a man without true sincere love to him, my decision to marry him was made based on all the things that I talked about combined together, but the greatest of them all of course is MY FEELINGS, how we managed to build this trust, how we were patient with all of these K1 visa problems, how our feelings were developing. I was paying attention to everything – emails, letters, little gifts, how often he wrote and what he wrote, how much time and effort he put in to me, HOW HIS ACTIONS COINSIDE WITH HIS WORDS…

....And I tried my best from my side...

So Oscar, please, don’t rush to judge me, ask me any questions, I would do my best to answer them, only then you can come to some little conclusions. By the way you can read all of my posts here on this list, then on RWG and RWL, just typing in “Wasem” (my surname) in search. This will let you understand better who I am and how I got here.

You are saying: So I am not saying that this Anastassia is a complete jerk or anything. I am saying I can see where some guys would be ruffled by her style, where she comes off as a bit of a snob..

Oscar, please tell me who will be ruffled by my style??? Those who I chose to correspond with won’t be at all as they fit my description and desire initially, I can say that those who don’t fit will be ruffled, but it is impossible, as I won’t even contact them and they won’t know about my existence!!! You are talking about some weird case where a woman who likes lets say very tall men would for some reason contact a short man and will start telling him her concerns about his height, humiliating him!!!

I don’t fully understand you, please clarify.

I am not a snob, I am very confident of myself, I know my ‘price’, I know my level. I am also a very touchy and tender person, friendly and ready to discuss things instead of coming to some hasty conclusions.

MarInTx, thanks for your support and understanding.

Anastassia

P.S. sorry for mistakes if you find any.

[Oscar]

... in response to To Oscar and MarkInTx, posted by Anastassia on Aug 23, 2002

Anastassia-

From the reactions in the posts of a few of the men I read on the board with this thread, it seems you were coming across as a bit of a snob.. I say you were "coming across" that way, I am not saying you absolutely are one..

As for your "signature", there was a comment or two about it from other posters and I happen to agree that this is not the place to advertise as it is supposedly against the board rules.

About "goldiggers", I again did not say you WERE one, I said some of the comments I saw and from what some of the other posters reacted to, could make you "seem" like one.  From my post-
"Hi Mark..
I did not say she WAS a goldigger, I said some of her comments (like the one I quoted) could make her seem like one. It obviously ruffled more than a few feathers on the board."

Concerning guys being "ruffled by your style", that is what happened here with a few posters. I read their posts and they were "ruffled" by some of your comments, Brian and a couple of others.
I am not judging you Anastassia, I point out that you have offended a few posters with this thread and they have made that known.  I am not saying it makes you a goldigger or a snob, perhaps its just the phraseology you use and partly translation.  I have been to the FSU four times and I know that your countrie does not put the same value on tact that is stressed in the USA.  It is not right or wrong, it is "different" as I am sure you are aware.  I would simply say that one must be careful in the way they phrase things.  I know when I first saw it, I didn't like the quote of yours that a man must have both a lot of money and a higher education.  It may not be exactly how you feel, but it is what we read and see.  The only way we know you is by what you write.  If we sat down with you and actually had a conversation, perhaps it would be different.

Oscar

[MarkInTx]

... in response to To Oscar and MarkInTx, posted by Anastassia on Aug 23, 2002

I admire all of you women who stick with us.

It gets to be quite a "Boys Club" here sometimes...

If you can wade through all of our posts about hotties, babes, and even discussions of the latest Victoria Secret catalog... it seems like the least we can do is cut you a little slack :-)

Guys... believe me... you don't want to run off all of the women folk.

Sheesh it will degenrate into Lord of the Flies here quickly if you do...