Need advice

[Tootsie]

Hi guys,

I haven’t posted for a while and now I noticed that a lot of “old” regular posters disappeared and many new posters appeared. So probably I have to introduce myself once again in order to avoid situations when people comment my posts as they were posts of an American man.

I’m a Russian woman and I live in Moscow. I have been to the US several times and I have a multi-entry US visa. I had an American boyfriend but things didn’t work between us and now I’m again in a “free search”.

And I need your advice.

I don’t want to post my ad on Internet sites where RW are looking for foreign men. First men usually correspond with many women, second very few men finally come to Russia, third if they even come to Russia they meet many women and I’m not sure I wish to take part in such competition. It seems to me that to win the competition results in taking too much responsibility. Later a man can always tell the chosen lady: “I met so many women and chose you and you didn’t meet my expectations”. Sorry it’s not for me.

Also I’m not eager to correspond long. Often it is just waste of time. There are too many things you cannot find out through e-mail or telephone calls. In the past I corresponded with an American man for 2 years and it took me a minute to realize that we didn’t match when we met in person.  I admit importance of correspondence before meeting in person but I would prefer it was short.

There is no problem for me to find 10 (20, 50, 100 or more) AM to correspond with. I can post my ad on International sites or e-mail men myself.  I’m sure in some time some of men will suggest me to come to the US and perhaps even offer to pay for the flight although it’s not so important. But here is a great problem.  First I will hardly agree to stay at home of a man I never met in person and hardly know. Second, even if I stay at the hotel (and who will pay for it?) I have a risk to find myself alone in a strange country in a strange place without any help (and taxi to the airport will probably be not cheap).  Third, if one of us doesn’t like another I will have to go back to Russia and two long flights within a week isn’t something easy and good for health. Fourth, in this case one of us will loose money (flight, hotel etc.).  Therefore going to the US to a man I’ve only corresponded with before is too risky.

Another option is to choose men from one place (like some of you choose women from one city), correspond with them for a short time and then come to the US at my own expense and meet them. Here is another problem. Staying in the US for a month will hardly bring anything and obviously I will need more time to find out “who is who”. With my visa I can legally stay for 6 months. Unfortunately so long stay cost a lot of money and I cannot afford that. It could be perfect if I could find job but I don’t have work permission. My friend has been to the US and worked as a maid without work permission but she didn’t recommend me such option. She said the work was very hard - she cleaned big house, cooked, washed, ironed and took care of 2 children and 3 dogs. She had only one day-off and as she said on this day she was too tired to go out.

Maybe some of you have any other ideas what shall I do. I thank you for your advice in advance.

Yours,

Tootsie

[Patrick]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I could set you up with a page here at PL.  Since you live in Moscow, I'd think you'd get at least some clients and who knows, maybe you'd meet a man that way.

I think finding illegal work here in the US is going to be difficult and could create problems later if, and when, you want to change your status to permanent in the future.

[Tootsie]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

nt

[BrianN]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

It sounds like you're looking for something that everyone wants...  a reasonable, loving, and attractive partner with chemistry that works for you.  You obviously respect a lot of the people here, and their input, why not post more of your bio on your profile. Maybe a lurker that might meet these qualifications, may pick up on it. (sounds cheap, but what else can one do?)

A store that has closed doors, gets no customers.

Just a thought.

[BarryM]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

My good friend Bob has recently got engaged to his new fiancee. Bob has never traveled to Russia and I don't think he used any agencies or responded to ads in any way. His fiancee came over on either a business visa or a tourist visa over a year ago and she stayed here for several months her first time in the US with some of her relatives. She worked for an American company in Vladivostok. I believe they met at an Orthodox Church but I'm not sure if it was our regular church or another one. They have been corresponding with each other for a long time now. She arrived last week with her daughter on a medical visa. He did not formally ask her to marry him until she arrived because of the type of visa she used to enter the US with but it was his intent all along and she knew of his intent as well. He has consulted an immigration attorney concerning this and was told that it would be no problem to get an AOS once they were married.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you don't have to meet someone from the internet. You can also do the same thing that we do... you can correspond with many different men, take the trip over here, meet them, and see who you like. You can even stay and get married here once you feel you've found the right man. You have many more options than most RW because you have a visa. Find the right mate is very difficult, I know. The funny thing is, what you have as a vision in your mind of the right mate is not necessarily the true one. Keep an open mind and you may be surprised at the result.

-blm

[Mark W]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

You need a visa to work legally in the US.  You could probably live a better life working legally in Russia than you could working illegally in the US.  If you have an engineering degree you may be able to find a job through the H1-B visa program.  These are for jobs in the high tech industry mainly.  Unfortunately, times are slow right now so it will be difficult.  What type of engineering is your degree in?  I have friends in Atlanta who are recruiters. I could probably get you some more visa details if you email me.

[Richard]

... in response to Jobs, posted by Mark W on Mar 11, 2002

Tootsie's lanuage skills (Russian, German, English) might qualify her for a job as translater.  However, H1B's, as pointed out by DE, take some planning.

[DE]

... in response to Jobs, posted by Mark W on Mar 11, 2002

The problem with the H-1B visa is that they reach the allotted quota usually by February each year.  Unfortunately, it is probably already to late to get one for this year as it requires a lot of pre-planning and a job offer from a company that is willing to wait until the next quota becomes available.  Planning now for next year is a good idea!

[Mark W]

... in response to Re: Jobs, posted by DE on Mar 11, 2002

Actually, with the downturn in the economy the H1-B quota has not been filled the last two year.  They were well short last year.  My friends are recruiters who specialize in this area.  The problem now is convincing companies to take the extra expense of the H1-B when the market is filled with unemployed US nationals.

[Sal]

... in response to Need advice, posted by Tootsie on Mar 11, 2002

I think I read that you visited Washington DC. I think you would have a great time in Baltimore or Philadelphia area.  I moved just southwest of Philadephia 6 months ago and love it. It is close to the 3 cities mentioned, also close to New York City, Atlantic City(nice on weekends to see shows and gamble)and many small places.  This way your not just near one city and each are nice in there own way(Philadelphia is my favorite so far).

Just an idea on an area to look at...Good luck!

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Need advice, posted by Sal on Mar 11, 2002

:-)

[Sal]

... in response to are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Stan B on Mar 12, 2002

I'm not familar with the term "mainline"(95?).

[Richard]

... in response to Re: are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Sal on Mar 12, 2002

I believe he's refering to the old Pennsylvania Railroad local that goes out to the western suburbs like Malvern and Merion.  It is where Society lived.

I grew up in the southwestern burbs near, but not on, the Main Line.

Another iteresting area to visit is Pennsylvania Dutch Country or Amish Country in Lancaster County.  Reading to the North of Lancaster is an outlet mall mecca.

[Sal]

... in response to Re: Re: are you on the 'mainline'? n/t, posted by Richard on Mar 12, 2002

I live in north Delawre now. I haven't been to Lancaster in years, but planning a trip after I get back from Europe in first part of June.

[Richard]

... in response to Thanks, posted by Sal on Mar 12, 2002

Try connecting onto route 741 (that's the PA route number) to Route 30 in Gap.  It's a real country two lane road, but the distance is so much shorter that you do save time.  I used to use that road to commute to work every day.