Supply&Demand

[Lara]

Hi peeps, nice to meet ya all. I believe many of your are looking for some international friends/marriage/whatever. I have a que, which may not sound polite enuff, but i'm so curious.....

That's about marriage ads from western men looking for  russian fem. I got an impression that some of you are asking for too much,  like: 50 yo men, a supermarket surepvisor is looking for 18-25 yo well educated female w/o kids,slim, good looking (and the rest). I would say that well educated females NEVER look at supermarket supervisors, leaving aside the age difference and other discrepancies.

From another hand i hear from foreigners that ruswomen married them for money/immigration/other benefits........but asking for THAT much the 50 yo man can get NO answeres or be deceived, it's obvious to me that he can not be interesting for a young well educated beauty(plus rusmen r not blind or stupid and normally marry these women themselves.

Hope i didn't abuse anybody,
will be happy to get any comments

LARA

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Because I've already figured out I can expect to live 24 years longer than Ukranian men!  That's why.

[NK]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Lara,

It'll do you no good posting stuff like that here. You're not saying anything that hasn't already been said many,many,many times here in the past. The fact is that there are a lot (though by no means all) of men involved in this pursuit who are determined to find a woman 20+ years younger than they are and who looks good on their arm. Denial seems to be their best method of defense when others tell them they're asking for trouble. For example, they'll say things like "a large age difference dosen't matter if we have common interests and likes" or "RW are much more mature than their Western counterparts of the same age" etc.
That's not to say that all such relationships are doomed to failure, as some can work out, but they're far and few between. But telling the men who want much younger women that this isn't a good idea is like telling teenagers that it's not a good idea to go to parties where there's booze and drugs to be had -- if they really want to do it, no one or nothing will stop them.

[Lara]

... in response to You're wasting your time, posted by NK on Feb 19, 2002

i got this impression yesterday-that it was very silly of me to think that anyone will at least look at the mirror or smell his own body before asking for a fem -20yo. The subject was discussed it in our feministic russian forums, you know how much women like to talk about love I was invited to come and listen to the other side. I'm SO HAPPY i have never dealt with this "marriage business" before - i would be very unlikely after that to marry a foreigner
So i'm just checking responses to my message , don't want to be rude ignoring nice sincere messages like your
After that i'll go back to work, holidays r over

[tim360z]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Playtimes over.  Time to cook a little can of Dinty Moore beef stew and feed the hubby and kids.

[thesearch]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

is that this is her experience with Russian women - that many have low ethical standards relative to an agenda of getting out of the FSU. They will intentionally marry a foreign man when they do not love him. They justify it if you are stupid enough to go there.

There are women like this - of course we all know it. There are men who stretch the limits - we all know that also. It is good for a Russian woman to remind men of this.

However, Lara - this thing about 3 to 7 years difference in age. The Russian men that I met do not follow this rule. I am not sure how you came up with this. I date women ten years younger than me all the time in the USA. Why would I intentionally look for an older women from the FSU?

[Lara]

... in response to I suspect what Lara is telling us, posted by thesearch on Feb 18, 2002

I think you got me right, thesearch. The main idea was not to look for a daughter to marry Russian men think of 10 years difference pretty positive and no1 will think of 2-3 more years if it comes to love. But when a young lovely creature declares that she would love to marry 10+ older man - to me it sounds as @DADDY TAKE ME OUT OF HERE!!"

I see the situation from another side, no personal benefits, i'm pleased you and some other ppl were not trying to take a piece of me,
TNX
Lara

[tim360z]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

One usually derives conclusions based upon their life experience what they have seen or heard and then process the information in the form of an opinion.  Most people find their own opinions to be important...even sacrosanct.  One can also give advice to others based upon their opinion. When it comes to love and marriage,  you can usually throw out all those little advices.  They are like little myths,  endowed with some truth and some untruth.  It is difficult indeed to calculate in advance just exactly what attributes and everything your future partner will possess.  Marriage is not a goal...like a touchdown or the end of a search...it is really the beginning.  You never know just what life or a marriage has in store for you until you have begun to really live it.  An example,  my best friend at 25,  married a beautiful and rich (very)18 year old.  Everyone said the marriage is doomed.  No way it could ever work...she had beauty, brains, class and a net worth my buddy never had dreamed of.  And he certainly was not a "blue blood",  like her family and social contemperaries.  Everyones opinion was that she could have almost any guy she wished and in the future my buddy would be traded-in.  Well,  they just celebrated their 25th anniversary.  They had good dynamics and they had good character and of course love,  which evolved as they grew in their marriage.

Many times I also see the "age" horse whipped to death on this board.  4, 7, 12, 15, 20, 25 differences debated about like a bunch of "relationship therapists"...the ones who are normally divorced.  It really is how interesting and appealing the guy is... which really moves a woman.  No,  the grocery manager may not move the intelligent and beautiful 25 year old girl...things just ain't gonna work out.  But the interesting guy very well may.  And he may have the abitility to make this girl feel good about herself and her life and that is numero uno.  And happy women very seldom stray,  although the opportunity is always present.  And marriage again,  ain't some acheived goal...its more like the starting line in a marathon. Prior to this you can discuss it all and calibrate it and measure it and quantify and qualify it... but in love...forget it.  There are many other factors involved.  

ps: Myself,  years ago I did everything right.  Had the perfect marriage with the perfect girl,  such great opinions and predictions et al.  Within 5 years it made the sinking of the Titanic look Ok.  So,  love,  you never know.And the people who think they do...know sheeeett.

[Rickster]

... in response to Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Lara,

Unfortunately, I think sometimes the senerio you posed does happen.  I also think that there are many who are looking for a Russian wife for many good reasons.  My Russian wife is 12 years younger than me.  Because I am very active at 37, it really isn't an issue...perhaps later in life!?!  My wife has been here 3 months and I will summarize by saying she is a very caring, dependable and loving person.  After about 15 years of searching for such a wife in America I decided it was not possible for me.  Now things are great and I am enjoying learning Russian (going to college classes) and she is learning English and I am learning a lot about her culture.  Please don't assume everbody fits in the situation you mentioned....there are a lot of different reasons.

[Lara]

... in response to Re: Supply&Demand, posted by Rickster on Feb 18, 2002

sure, Rick , 12 years difference is not bad ( a bit much to my mind, but it's YOUR business ) i'm glad 2 hear you both r happy.

the only que - do you think your wife will stay with you in a couple of years when she speaks proper english, find a nice job and learn from other peeps that if she were not russian (read second rate ) you would never have a chance 2 marry her.........

Plus there is a strange (to my russian mind) attitude from other men - it looks like everyone wants to date a married woman, it's a bit strange - in Russia we normally say "i'm married" -full stop!!!!-but foreigners start @ Are you HAPPILY married?" what would you wife say when she speaks well enuff to understand and reply ?

BR
Lara

[chuck12]

... in response to Re: Re: Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Laura, that is not entirely true. Russian men are infamous for having extramarital affairs, more then one mistress at a time and many of their wives are aware of it and some even expect it. Possibly many marriages in FSU end up in divorce because of this, but then maybe not? In U.S., chances are very great marriage will end up in divorce. Why marriages would likely "NOT" end up in divorce in FSU is quite simple, as we all know, what are the chances of a 30-yr old RW (with children) of getting married to another Russian man? Chances are slim to none.  

As to the age difference, whomever you marry certain risks are involved. More risk involved in marrying someone from overseas (re: of age difference) simply because you have less time to really get to know that person to determine how compatible you are. However, age difference aside, you must share same goals and interests, must have chemistry on both sides and honest with each other from beginning. Also, ave life span of a RM is 50-55 yrs old. Alcohol abuse can take its toll. I am a 45 years old, but I work out vigorously daily and I can match any 25 - 35 year old physically/athletically. Just because you may be in the mid 40's doesn't mean you are 75lb over weight and ready for a wheel chair. Younger doesn't mean better. Even hooking up with someone your own age doesn't mean chances are any better, there are just too  many variables one has to examine in order to figure out the lasting success of any relationship. Also, if RW is young and attractive I would think she would have many opportunities to find a AM closer to her age if that is what she is looking for, why then choose an older AM if younger men are available?

This topic will go round and round and round, but there are successful marriages where age difference does exceed 10 years or more, every relationship is different/unique. If RW has mind set that marriage will end in divorce regardless of how great marriage is, because all she is looking for is a greencard, she may find that it is not so easy to be on her own, grass may look green on the other side but thats just because you are looking from a distance and you don't always see the weeds and brown patches. Ok, said my 2cents, i feel better now!

[jj]

... in response to Re: Re: Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Lara just joined.  Some of her posts indcate a poor "Rusky" english.  However the above post is good english...  not in content but in form...  ß äóìàþ, ÷òî Âû òÿíåòå íàøó öåïü... Êëýð

[Lara]

... in response to Something wrong here..., posted by jj on Feb 18, 2002

ß ÷òî-òî íå ïîíÿëà ïðî öåïü Sorry for typing errors, just have long nails i'll try 2 be more accurate

[terry]

... in response to Something wrong here..., posted by jj on Feb 18, 2002

You are right jj.

[Rickster]

... in response to Re: Re: Supply&Demand, posted by Lara on Feb 18, 2002

Lara,

In regards to your first question about the possibility of my Russian wife divorcing me in a couple of years.  We had an extensive prenuptial agreement that took us weeks to complete.  Her two largest concerns were that I might later develop a drinking or drug problem (pretty common in Russian) and that I might find another woman.  There are very stiff penalites on me if such a situation developes.  Don't think this was a situation where she didn't understand the agreement and I just made her sign it.  We had it translated into Russian and also had a translator spend two days talking about divorces in America and how common they are and what the prenuptial agreement actually said.  In my view, we got everything out on the table and if it was her choice to divorce me in two years and I didn't have problems on my side then basically she gets half of whatever was acquired while we were together.  That wouldn't amount to much after only 2 years...probably not much after even 5 years.  Why would she sign this if her gameplan is to divorce me in a few years?

The main reason why a Russian wife was the right choice for me was the whole issue of divorce.  I am scared to death of divorce and in America it is a very common thing that can be done about as easily as changing your mailing address.  I want a long, happy future with one person.  We are also planning marriage counceling (idea we both want).  I am willing to do about anything to avoid divorce but it means a lot of work from us both.  So far we are off to a good start and that is the ideal time to look for ways to improve and better prepare for possible hard times in the future.