Too young and immature?

[Maverick]

Hey all!


I definitely appreciate all of your advice so far!


Based on previous relationships, my travels, and other interactions, I've decided that Filipinas will best suit what I'm looking for in a girl. I've been chatting with some girls from dating sites and I've found it a bit overwhelming with all of the messages, to be honest (so much so that I've actually stopped going on the site for the time being lol).


Anyway, I found a very pretty girl that I really enjoy talking to. We've literally talked every day for the last week for about 3 hours per day (I try to limit it, but I lose track of time). Our personalities seem to click more than any girl that I've met in a long time.


Furthermore, I have a lot in common with her parents. We have similar views on the future. She's made it clear that she has no interest in moving to the US. She seems to be kind and understanding.


My issue is that she's 21. I've seen on here that young women are not great to go for because of immaturity (I'm 26 though...so 21 would be within my range, for sure). She finished school, but does not work (she claims to be looking for a job, but I'm not sure that she is). She also doesn't really cook or clean and relies on her parents for a lot of it.


If you guys were in my position, would you drop this girl because of her youth and apparent immaturity? Or would you keep it going because of the connection?

[mambocowboy]

Hey all!


I definitely appreciate all of your advice so far!


Based on previous relationships, my travels, and other interactions, I've decided that Filipinas will best suit what I'm looking for in a girl. I've been chatting with some girls from dating sites and I've found it a bit overwhelming with all of the messages, to be honest (so much so that I've actually stopped going on the site for the time being lol).


Anyway, I found a very pretty girl that I really enjoy talking to. We've literally talked every day for the last week for about 3 hours per day (I try to limit it, but I lose track of time). Our personalities seem to click more than any girl that I've met in a long time.


Furthermore, I have a lot in common with her parents. We have similar views on the future. She's made it clear that she has no interest in moving to the US. She seems to be kind and understanding.


My issue is that she's 21. I've seen on here that young women are not great to go for because of immaturity (I'm 26 though...so 21 would be within my range, for sure). She finished school, but does not work (she claims to be looking for a job, but I'm not sure that she is). She also doesn't really cook or clean and relies on her parents for a lot of it.


If you guys were in my position, would you drop this girl because of her youth and apparent immaturity? Or would you keep it going because of the connection?

If I were you I'd travel and enjoy myself with a number of ladies. You're only 26. Enjoy yourself until you're sure you want to marry...As for the Pinay's maturity, why are you taking steps to establish a potentially long-term relationship with a woman who's saying she has no desire to leave her country? That aside, she sounds very dependent on her parents. And the fact that she doesn't cook or clean would make her a poor marriage prospect unless you have enough money to afford to pay for outside help....

[robert angel]

Hey all!


I definitely appreciate all of your advice so far!


Based on previous relationships, my travels, and other interactions, I've decided that Filipinas will best suit what I'm looking for in a girl. I've been chatting with some girls from dating sites and I've found it a bit overwhelming with all of the messages, to be honest (so much so that I've actually stopped going on the site for the time being lol).


Anyway, I found a very pretty girl that I really enjoy talking to. We've literally talked every day for the last week for about 3 hours per day (I try to limit it, but I lose track of time). Our personalities seem to click more than any girl that I've met in a long time.


Furthermore, I have a lot in common with her parents. We have similar views on the future. She's made it clear that she has no interest in moving to the US. She seems to be kind and understanding.


My issue is that she's 21. I've seen on here that young women are not great to go for because of immaturity (I'm 26 though...so 21 would be within my range, for sure). She finished school, but does not work (she claims to be looking for a job, but I'm not sure that she is). She also doesn't really cook or clean and relies on her parents for a lot of it.


If you guys were in my position, would you drop this girl because of her youth and apparent immaturity? Or would you keep it going because of the connection?

 
Dang if Mambo didn't get it right (again)
 
Yea, I see flags there that the pilot of the Titantic might have spotted. I betchya, she's a nice girl, cute as a button and she's truly sweet on you, but  in terms of reality, I don't see a 'happily ever after' picture there. I suggest you back off, at most stay friends and continue to cast your net in the Philippines for other attractive women with more wordly ambitions that probably fit your ideals.
 
You're relatively new to all this and there are many, many women out there. It just takes time to find a good number of women that you feel have 'keeper quality' and narrow down the list, hoping that the one who makes the final cut as 'the one', isn't grabbed by another guy. Maybe refine your search to keep an eye on women who have created new profiles--hopefully 'dating site virgins'. If you see a gal who doesn't even have a picture posted yet, but has a great written profile--if you like her and find later she's also really cute (and not just in some slick studio pic) that'd be a sight to see and pursue!
 
Perhaps you ought to slow a bit and decide what you really want in a woman...

[Maverick]

If I were you I'd travel and enjoy myself with a number of ladies. You're only 26. Enjoy yourself until you're sure you want to marry...As for the Pinay's maturity, why are you taking steps to establish a potentially long-term relationship with a woman who's saying she has no desire to leave her country? That aside, she sounds very dependent on her parents. And the fact that she doesn't cook or clean would make her a poor marriage prospect unless you have enough money to afford to pay for outside help....

Well, my plan is to live in another country and have enough money to afford to pay for outside help, regardless of whether or not I marry a girl there.


But, yes, the dependence on her parents is an issue. It's the main reason that me and my last foreign gf broke up (though, those circumstances were different since she lived in the US already).

 
Dang if Mambo didn't get it right (again)
 
Yea, I see flags there that the pilot of the Titantic might have spotted. I betchya, she's a nice girl, cute as a button and she's truly sweet on you, but  in terms of reality, I don't see a 'happily ever after' picture there. I suggest you back off, at most stay friends and continue to cast your net in the Philippines for other attractive women with more wordly ambitions that probably fit your ideals.
 
You're relatively new to all this and there are many, many women out there. It just takes time to find a good number of women that you feel have 'keeper quality' and narrow down the list, hoping that the one who makes the final cut as 'the one', isn't grabbed by another guy. Maybe refine your search to keep an eye on women who have created new profiles--hopefully 'dating site virgins'. If you see a gal who doesn't even have a picture posted yet, but has a great written profile--if you like her and find later she's also really cute (and not just in some slick studio pic) that'd be a sight to see and pursue!
 
Perhaps you ought to slow a bit and decide what you really want in a woman...

Yes, I'm pretty confused. I won't lie about that. To be honest, while I do get girls in the US, I'm used to overlooking certain bad attributes if the girl is hot enough (a typical mindset of guys that date here). So that might be one of my issues.


Another issue is figuring out what I actually want in a wife.


Thanks for the advice!


It seems I have a lot of thinking to do before I jump back into this.

[Bob_S]

...she sounds very dependent on her parents. And the fact that she doesn't cook or clean would make her a poor marriage prospect unless you have enough money to afford to pay for outside help....

True that.  Lots of big red flags for those willing to look up from the cleavage.  At this stage in her development, she's an expensive high-maintenance train wreck waiting to happen.  Throw her back.  Let her grow up a bit.  Cast your line again.

[robert angel]

Well, my plan is to live in another country and have enough money to afford to pay for outside help, regardless of whether or not I marry a girl there.


But, yes, the dependence on her parents is an issue. It's the main reason that me and my last foreign gf broke up (though, those circumstances were different since she lived in the US already).



Yes, I'm pretty confused. I won't lie about that. To be honest, while I do get girls in the US, I'm used to overlooking certain bad attributes if the girl is hot enough (a typical mindset of guys that date here). So that might be one of my issues.


Another issue is figuring out what I actually want in a wife.


Thanks for the advice!


It seems I have a lot of thinking to do before I jump back into this.

 
 The chances of an American guy finding work that supports him self in the Philippines is slim to none. Sure there are companies with factories and/or call centers like Dell, Belkin, Ford, Timex, etc, but  most work's done by Filipinos on the cheap--they speak great English and few Americans are needed.

 
After you've been there a few months, you might question as to how much you want to even live over there. We used to think we'd live over there about three quarters of the year, but now a days, it's probably less than half--maybe 4 to 6 months of the year. We have a modest home in a clean, safe non gated community there. The home being a bit up on a hill, it  catches a breeze, but once you step out of the subdivision a ways, the traffic, poverty, pollution and the heat is just overwhelming. It's certainly not for most Americans!

 
If I were looking to explore the world and work in different nations, there would be many places I consider first before the Philipppines. In fact the only job I'd take in the Philippines would be as Head Master at prestigious Brent International School in Baguio, which pays its Teachers probably a higher wage than USA Teachers earn. It's in the coolest part of the nation, officially known as 'The summer capital of the Philippines". They typically not only pay well, but supply housing, etc.
 

There's a lot of other nations where w/o a great deal of  education, you can not only make probably at best, a modest living teaching English, but you'd meet a whole lot of people and probably be treated with a great deal of respect.
 
Not saying that it's the case with the gal you've been chatting, but some gals will tell you they don't necessarily want to leave the Philippines so as to affirm that they are purely looking for romance and not looking for a meal ticket or to marry to get a green card & perm. residence in the USA--'reverse psychology'.

 
Maverick, besides the typical check lists you encounter on dating sites, have you made a list of things, characteristics you want in a lady? Things to consider might include: age range, interests, family---is she an only child, or have siblings she's learned to 'get along with'? How does she feel about material things--is she prudent with the pocket book or a 'fashionista'? Education, height, weight, religion and how they choose or not choose to practice----there's a whole lot more not the least that intangible 'chemistry' between the two of you and a few might be non negotiables, others you might have some flex room on. Good luck!

[thekfc]

After you've been there a few months, you might question as to how much you want to even live over there. We used to think we'd live over there about three quarters of the year, but now a days, it's probably less than half--maybe 4 to 6 months of the year.

In my view, one of the good great thing about living in the PI (or the surrounding countries) is you have both East Asia and South East Asia in your backyard. Explore the area, be an adventurer - why stay in one place. Regional flights are cheap as well as food & accommodations.

Remember, by marrying the individual you also marry the culture........so why not explore the culture (more) and the surrounding areas. 

[Maverick]

Hey Robert! Thanks again for the response! I appreciate all of your advice!

 
 The chances of an American guy finding work that supports him self in the Philippines is slim to none. Sure there are companies with factories and/or call centers like Dell, Belkin, Ford, Timex, etc, but  most work's done by Filipinos on the cheap--they speak great English and few Americans are needed.

I don't plan to get a job in the Philippines. I'm currently working on an online business. I've been making $500-$1000 per month over the past few months. My military contract doesn't run out until the end of 2015. I figure I should be able to scale up the business to be making a good monthly income (I'm shooting for $5000 per month, just to be on the safe side) by that time.

 

After you've been there a few months, you might question as to how much you want to even live over there. We used to think we'd live over there about three quarters of the year, but now a days, it's probably less than half--maybe 4 to 6 months of the year. We have a modest home in a clean, safe non gated community there. The home being a bit up on a hill, it  catches a breeze, but once you step out of the subdivision a ways, the traffic, poverty, pollution and the heat is just overwhelming. It's certainly not for most Americans!

I definitely understand this. I lived in Thailand for a bit between college and grad school and assumed that the Philippines would be similar. After reading through this forum and some others, I've come to understand that the Philippines may be significantly worse than Thailand.


I'm currently trying to take leave for the end of the year and explore it for myself. 

 

If I were looking to explore the world and work in different nations, there would be many places I consider first before the Philipppines. In fact the only job I'd take in the Philippines would be as Head Master at prestigious Brent International School in Baguio, which pays its Teachers probably a higher wage than USA Teachers earn. It's in the coolest part of the nation, officially known as 'The summer capital of the Philippines". They typically not only pay well, but supply housing, etc.


There's a lot of other nations where w/o a great deal of  education, you can not only make probably at best, a modest living teaching English, but you'd meet a whole lot of people and probably be treated with a great deal of respect.

I'm interested in living in the Philippines because Filipinas are my favorite kinds of girls (and obviously living there would give me the best chance of meeting a good one). I also want to live in a country where the average height is significantly shorter than in the western world.
 

Not saying that it's the case with the gal you've been chatting, but some gals will tell you they don't necessarily want to leave the Philippines so as to affirm that they are purely looking for romance and not looking for a meal ticket or to marry to get a green card & perm. residence in the USA--'reverse psychology'.

I certainly wouldn't discount this. This girl can definitely be trying to do this. I really have no idea.

Maverick, besides the typical check lists you encounter on dating sites, have you made a list of things, characteristics you want in a lady? Things to consider might include: age range, interests, family---is she an only child, or have siblings she's learned to 'get along with'? How does she feel about material things--is she prudent with the pocket book or a 'fashionista'? Education, height, weight, religion and how they choose or not choose to practice----there's a whole lot more not the least that intangible 'chemistry' between the two of you and a few might be non negotiables, others you might have some flex room on. Good luck!

I do have a mental list, but I've been realizing from talking to this girl and a few others (and from searching the boards, as well as the responses in this thread) that my list needs work. Some issues have presented themselves that I didn't even think about.


So I will definitely create a revised written list before attacking the dating sites again.


Again, thank you, Robert, for your insightful and incredibly helpful post! 

[Maverick]

In my view, one of the good great thing about living in the PI (or the surrounding countries) is you have both East Asia and South East Asia in your backyard. Explore the area, be an adventurer - why stay in one place. Regional flights are cheap as well as food & accommodations.

Remember, by marrying the individual you also marry the culture........so why not explore the culture (more) and the surrounding areas.

This is a very good point.


I will absolutely do this! Thanks for the advice. 

[Ray]

Hey all!


I definitely appreciate all of your advice so far!


Based on previous relationships, my travels, and other interactions, I've decided that Filipinas will best suit what I'm looking for in a girl. I've been chatting with some girls from dating sites and I've found it a bit overwhelming with all of the messages, to be honest (so much so that I've actually stopped going on the site for the time being lol).


Anyway, I found a very pretty girl that I really enjoy talking to. We've literally talked every day for the last week for about 3 hours per day (I try to limit it, but I lose track of time). Our personalities seem to click more than any girl that I've met in a long time.


Furthermore, I have a lot in common with her parents. We have similar views on the future. She's made it clear that she has no interest in moving to the US. She seems to be kind and understanding.


My issue is that she's 21. I've seen on here that young women are not great to go for because of immaturity (I'm 26 though...so 21 would be within my range, for sure). She finished school, but does not work (she claims to be looking for a job, but I'm not sure that she is). She also doesn't really cook or clean and relies on her parents for a lot of it.


If you guys were in my position, would you drop this girl because of her youth and apparent immaturity? Or would you keep it going because of the connection?

　
 
          
 
 
 
Hi Mav,
　
First, if you’re 26, then 21 IS NOT too young for you. She’s in the same general stage of life that you are.
　
If she finished her college education and is not working, then she fits the typical profile of young college grads over there. Unfortunately, job opportunities, even for college grads, are terrible in the PI. Many recent grads are lucky to get a job as a sales girl in a department store at the mall. Recent nursing graduates have a waiting list to get into an unpaid volunteer job at a local hospital where they can get some experience in their profession. A "good" job for a college grad would be working overseas as a nanny or housekeeper.
　
So the fact that she is not yet employed, or is unable to find any meaningful employment, is nothing to worry about.
　
She is dependent upon her parents? Perfectly normal for her age. It is very likely that they made her schooling a priority, hence her dependence on their financial support. Working to pay your own way through college is actually the rare exception over there, so no worries here either.
　
She doesn’t have experience cooking or cleaning house? Again, no big deal. From my experience, this is perfectly normal, even for Filipino families here in the States. The priority is often on education and many young girls never have the opportunity to develop their skills in the kitchen, because that territory belongs to mom (or grandma). Many families over there, even lower middle class, employ maids or helpers to assist with the housework or cooking. In this case, the children will not be encouraged or even allowed to do housework or cooking.
　
From what you have posted so far, I see absolutely no red flags or blatant signs of immaturity. I think you should continue your communications with this young lady, even if nothing romantic comes of it. Use it as an opportunity to learn about the culture. And remember that maybe she has a slightly older sister or cousin who is available if things don’t work out between you two.   
　
Ray

[Maverick]

　
 
          
 
 
 
Hi Mav,
　
First, if you’re 26, then 21 IS NOT too young for you. She’s in the same general stage of life that you are.
　
If she finished her college education and is not working, then she fits the typical profile of young college grads over there. Unfortunately, job opportunities, even for college grads, are terrible in the PI. Many recent grads are lucky to get a job as a sales girl in a department store at the mall. Recent nursing graduates have a waiting list to get into an unpaid volunteer job at a local hospital where they can get some experience in their profession. A "good" job for a college grad would be working overseas as a nanny or housekeeper.
　
So the fact that she is not yet employed, or is unable to find any meaningful employment, is nothing to worry about.
　
She is dependent upon her parents? Perfectly normal for her age. It is very likely that they made her schooling a priority, hence her dependence on their financial support. Working to pay your own way through college is actually the rare exception over there, so no worries here either.
　
She doesn’t experience cooking or cleaning house? Again, no big deal. From my experience, this is perfectly normal, even for Filipino families here in the States. The priority is often on education and many young girls never have the opportunity to develop their skills in the kitchen, because that territory belongs to mom (or grandma). Many families over there, even lower middle class, employ maids or helpers to assist with the housework or cooking. In this case, the children will not be encouraged or even allowed to do housework or cooking.
　
From what you have posted so far, I see absolutely no red flags or blatant signs of immaturity. I think you should continue your communications with this young lady, even if nothing romantic comes of it. Use it as an opportunity to learn about the culture. And remember that maybe she has a slightly older sister or cousin who is available if things don’t work out between you two.   
　
Ray

Thanks for taking the time to write this, Ray! I appreciate the advice! 

[dewey4350]

Take the time and go spend a couple weeks if she has no job and nothing to do meet her. Most will come get you at the airport and stay with you while your there ( not in the same room). But very close where they can keep a eye on you. Like Ray says, even if you don't hit it off with her there is always another pretty family member. Most will have three are four girl friends or family members  with you the first couple of days anyway. Thats another story. See what your getting into!

[Tanuki]

Mav,
Ray made some very valid points.  I hate to go against what he says, but if it was me, I would step off.  Now, I am much older than you and just wouldn't want to waste the time to try to see if it would pan out.  My girl graduated from college and, like Ray said, she had a very hard time finding work.  The jobs she could find was working in Jollibee and then over to the mall.  Eventually she did go overseas to work and send money home.  Just like Ray said, maybe her parents can avoid having her help out around the house, but knowing my how my girl is.  I don't think she would agree with that and would buck her Mom and has bucked her Mom.  I guess what I am trying to say is it boils down to this, there are thousands of girls over there looking for a man.  When I made my profile on the dating site I used, I had 6-7 messages in my inbox before my picture was even approved.  At this stage you are in the captains chair and all the numbers are on your side.  You just don't have to take anymore risk then need be.  While you may think this girl is HOT! I can assure you there are hundreds just like her and a thousand better. You are 26 and you have time on your hands.

[Maverick]

Mav,
Ray made some very valid points.  I hate to go against what he says, but if it was me, I would step off.  Now, I am much older than you and just wouldn't want to waste the time to try to see if it would pan out.  My girl graduated from college and, like Ray said, she had a very hard time finding work.  The jobs she could find was working in Jollibee and then over to the mall.  Eventually she did go overseas to work and send money home.  Just like Ray said, maybe her parents can avoid having her help out around the house, but knowing my how my girl is.  I don't think she would agree with that and would buck her Mom and has bucked her Mom.  I guess what I am trying to say is it boils down to this, there are thousands of girls over there looking for a man.  When I made my profile on the dating site I used, I had 6-7 messages in my inbox before my picture was even approved.  At this stage you are in the captains chair and all the numbers are on your side.  You just don't have to take anymore risk then need be.  While you may think this girl is HOT! I can assure you there are hundreds just like her and a thousand better. You are 26 and you have time on your hands.

Yeah, these are good points.


It's definitely weird for a conversation to be this easy with a girl. It reminds me of my filipina ex girlfriend. 


But you are right. I need to spread myself out a bit more. I'll keep this girl around anyway. 


Thanks for the response!

[Maverick]

Just an update.


I cut off contact with this particular girl today. She started to be very late for our conversation sessions (despite the fact that she literally sat at home and did nothing all day) and started doing shady things. She also was getting VERY jealous for no reason.


It turns out that she wasn't even applying for jobs.


Plus, when I first visit the Philippines, I'm planning on checking out Manila and Cebu. This girl lives WAY too far from both of them. So I would have had to go considerably out of my way to see her (or she would have had to take a plane to see me).

Mav,
Ray made some very valid points.  I hate to go against what he says, but if it was me, I would step off.  Now, I am much older than you and just wouldn't want to waste the time to try to see if it would pan out.  My girl graduated from college and, like Ray said, she had a very hard time finding work.  The jobs she could find was working in Jollibee and then over to the mall.  Eventually she did go overseas to work and send money home.  Just like Ray said, maybe her parents can avoid having her help out around the house, but knowing my how my girl is.  I don't think she would agree with that and would buck her Mom and has bucked her Mom.  I guess what I am trying to say is it boils down to this, there are thousands of girls over there looking for a man.  When I made my profile on the dating site I used, I had 6-7 messages in my inbox before my picture was even approved.  At this stage you are in the captains chair and all the numbers are on your side.  You just don't have to take anymore risk then need be.  While you may think this girl is HOT! I can assure you there are hundreds just like her and a thousand better. You are 26 and you have time on your hands.

This post turned out to correct in this particular instance for this particular girl.


Thanks again for the feedback everybody! 

[robert angel]

This goes to show that sometimes it takes time to really determine a person's true sincerity and their loyalty. My wife was working 12 hour shifts 6 days, sometimes seven days a week and she was never late. Never asked for a cent, although I didn't know until later that her internet café bills were taking away from her food budget--she was cutting it thin.  If she was going back home for the weekend or otherwise stood to miss chatting/on cam, she told me ahead of time. This is over  YEARS. If nothing else, it takes time to notice inconsistencies. Here's a gal who's not even working and she's showing up late more and more and being jealous of you to boot?
 
If she's still on dating sites and if you were still serious about her, I'd try and contact a few pretty 'good catch' guys and have them approach her and have them ask if she's 'available'--if she's narrowed down her list or what. If she's said to you that you're the ONE and yet she's still playing with other guys, it's time to move on. I know we're all doing a 'process of elimination' in choosing, but 'comes a time'.
 
Sounds a bit sneaky and underhanded maybe, but if the saying "All's fair in love and war" is true, this tactic is relatively mild. Plus if you're looking to marry someone, the stakes, emotionally and financially down the line are so high that a little proactive 'loss prevention' isn't a bad idea, IMO.
 
Manila is a really big pool, but there's sometimes a "Manila effect'--the big city, jaded kind of girl deal you can run into. Not knocking them all by any means--some sharp guys have ended up with terrific Manila gals--I just think there are more things to look for. Even though they say Davao's now bigger than Cebu City, I prefer it over C.C. C.C.'c known as a mini Manila in some aspects. I'd look at Bohol and Dumaguete too.
 
Also, a lot of gals raised in the country side (provinces) move to the bigger cities for college and or work. If they are well adjusted, have a good family upbringing and solid values, that's a great start.
 
I took several very expensive (although very enjoyable) trips for me until I made my decision. It stung a bit each time I had to make a 'no' decision, but it paid off, even though I had to settle for a lady younger and prettier than I originally was planning on. She's just been rock steady since we started as friends around 2001, eventually (obviously) getting more serious as time went by.

[Maverick]

This goes to show that sometimes it takes time to really determine a person's true sincerity and their loyalty. My wife was working 12 hour shifts 6 days, sometimes seven days a week and she was never late. Never asked for a cent, although I didn't know until later that her internet café bills were taking away from her food budget--she was cutting it thin.  If she was going back home for the weekend or otherwise stood to miss chatting/on cam, she told me ahead of time. This is over  YEARS. If nothing else, it takes time to notice inconsistencies. Here's a gal who's not even working and she's showing up late more and more and being jealous of you to boot?

Wow, that's awesome! Sounds like a really quality girl.


Yeah, I got the feeling that this girl has princess syndrome. I could date here in the States for that. 
 

If she's still on dating sites and if you were still serious about her, I'd try and contact a few pretty 'good catch' guys and have them approach her and have them ask if she's 'available'--if she's narrowed down her list or what. If she's said to you that you're the ONE and yet she's still playing with other guys, it's time to move on. I know we're all doing a 'process of elimination' in choosing, but 'comes a time'.

Well, this was kind of my fault. To her credit, I didn't commit to her and I didn't ask her to commit to me. It just felt strange to me to commit when we didn't even meet in person yet. Maybe I was wrong in how I approached this?
 

Sounds a bit sneaky and underhanded maybe, but if the saying "All's fair in love and war" is true, this tactic is relatively mild. Plus if you're looking to marry someone, the stakes, emotionally and financially down the line are so high that a little proactive 'loss prevention' isn't a bad idea, IMO.

It's a moot point at this point. I mean she started coming on late and we had a discussion about it. Then literally 3 days later, she did the same thing.....and then repeated it 2 days after that. Maybe she met someone else or maybe she just got comfortable, but, either way, that's a huge lack of respect over something very small (since she knows I'm working 10+ hour days).
 

Manila is a really big pool, but there's sometimes a "Manila effect'--the big city, jaded kind of girl deal you can run into. Not knocking them all by any means--some sharp guys have ended up with terrific Manila gals--I just think there are more things to look for. Even though they say Davao's now bigger than Cebu City, I prefer it over C.C. C.C.'c known as a mini Manila in some aspects. I'd look at Bohol and Dumaguete too.

This is interesting. Thanks for the response. I haven't heard good things about Manila and was looking into other places to go. I will definitely check these other places out.
 

Also, a lot of gals raised in the country side (provinces) move to the bigger cities for college and or work. If they are well adjusted, have a good family upbringing and solid values, that's a great start.

Yes, this girl is actually from a province, believe it or not. She seemed to have a good family, but appears to be lacking in values, unfortunately.
 

I took several very expensive (although very enjoyable) trips for me until I made my decision. It stung a bit each time I had to make a 'no' decision, but it paid off, even though I had to settle for a lady younger and prettier than I originally was planning on. She's just been rock steady since we started as friends around 2001, eventually (obviously) getting more serious as time went by.

I'm starting to think that meeting overseas may not be as good as it seems anymore. I am a bit concerned about the globalization of the world with social media and all. This girl that I was talking to was very aware of what was going on in the world (she's on Facebook constantly and is a big fan of Justin Beiber). I'm hoping that the rest of the girls aren't like this.


But I will push on!


Thanks again for the advice, Robert! I appreciate the constant input. 

[bcc_1_2]

I'm starting to think that meeting overseas may not be as good as it seems anymore. I am a bit concerned about the globalization of the world with social media and all. This girl that I was talking to was very aware of what was going on in the world (she's on Facebook constantly and is a big fan of Justin Beiber). I'm hoping that the rest of the girls aren't like this.

If she is 18 and likes him I guess that might be globalization... if she's a bit older the girls her age here aren't going to be into that guy as he is for the younger girls. I've been in a club in Latin America where they played old American rock music but with the lyrics in Spanish. Plenty of young girls rocked out to that... and I got a good laugh. That's not globalization in the sense that women are copying American women their own age.
Women all over the world are getting on social networking though. That is definitely accurate... but they aren't talking to American Girls from Los Angeles... they are networking with their Peeps. The prefrontal cortex of the brain stops developing around 24 or 25... so if she's at least that old her culture is basically who she is. She will adapt to moving to a new country like anyone else would, but she's an adult and won't change in the way children and teens do when they move to the States.

[Ray]

I have some general thoughts after reading Mav’s update. This is NOT a critique of Mav since I know little about the particulars of his relationship with this young lady, only what little he has posted here. These are just general observations about Internet relationships because this subject has come up before
　
As far as her having no job and not actively seeking employment, I see no big problem in and of itself for reasons stated previously.
　
So she didn’t show up online at the appointed time for the daily 3-hour chat session? If there is no commitment to any kind of exclusive relationship, you have never visited her, and there is are no firm plans to visit her in the near future, then why should she be expected to be there for you on your schedule for your daily chat session? Under the circumstances, I don’t think she owes you anything.
　
If you two were engaged, married, or you were financially supporting her, it would be a different situation. But to call her disrespectful for not being available to you on your personal schedule sounds a bit controlling to me. She has her own life and doesn’t owe you anything without any firm commitment to an exclusive relationship.
　
My point is that we can sometimes get caught up in the fantasy of an online relationship to the point where we expect too much from these young ladies. If you are chatting for 3 hours every day with someone, and you are looking for something more permanent in the relationship, then get on the plane and go visit her in person. Until you do that, you are really nothing more than an Internet fantasy guy.
　
Like I said, this same issue has come up before in our discussions here, and that’s why I think it is important to stop and think about what we want from these online relationships, and what is fair to expect from the young ladies on the other end of the line.
　
Your thoughts?
　
Ray
　

[bcc_1_2]

Your posts based on personal experience are actually helpful... but your own biases cloud your opinions as much as anyone else... and the generation gap between yourself and the poster is also evident. There was a time when this board was full of posters looking (or already married) for the stay at home housewife. This younger traveler may or may not want that... but in my experience with younger couples the female many times has a career. And her having at least a part-time job or a full-time career has sure saved guys that get divorced on alimony. Your advice based on your experience is good though... your advice on internet relationships is spot on. I do think you have trouble relating to the younger generation.

[mambocowboy]

Your posts based on personal experience are actually helpful... but your own biases cloud your opinions as much as anyone else... and the generation gap between yourself and the poster is also evident. There was a time when this board was full of posters looking (or already married) for the stay at home housewife. This younger traveler may or may not want that... but in my experience with younger couples the female many times has a career. And her having at least a part-time job or a full-time career has sure saved guys that get divorced on alimony. Your advice based on your experience is good though... your advice on internet relationships is spot on. I do think you have trouble relating to the younger generation.

you keep trying to distinguish between "career women," and "housewives." Well, my wife was a career woman in Colombia, but she's gotta wait awhile to get started with her career here due having to learn English, having to meet licensure requirements for her profession over here, and raising a newborn. Since she got here she's been a housewife AND eventually she'll get her career back. I don't understand why you keep trying to create these categories as though they're mutually exclusive.

[bcc_1_2]

I don't understand why you keep trying to create these categories as though they're mutually exclusive.

I don't as my wife will be bouncing back and forth between the two categories with a new baby as well.  several years ago the tone was more good-wife.com with posters dead set against their woman working... which is completely fine to hold that opinion... I'm just voicing that young people don't remember those "good ole days" because they weren't alive... so their tastes and preferences are likely different

[fathertime]

.  several years ago the tone was more good-wife.com with posters dead set against their woman working... which is completely fine to hold that opinion... 

No it wasn't you self-important numb-skull  (not calling names, just giving an accurate description). 


Why don't you go ahead and provide evidence that the board was 'dead set against women working'....as usual you are just making stuff up...or maybe you can provide the posts.  hahaha


Fathertime! 

[Maverick]

Thanks for the response!

I have some general thoughts after reading Mav’s update. This is NOT a critique of Mav since I know little about the particulars of his relationship with this young lady, only what little he has posted here. These are just general observations about Internet relationships because this subject has come up before

　
Critiques are more than welcome. As I said in my previous posts, I really have no idea what I'm doing. LOL!

As far as her having no job and not actively seeking employment, I see no big problem in and of itself for reasons stated previously.

It's not JUST that though. She does nothing at all all day. All she does is play internet games. She doesn't know how to cook either. I'm thinking that if we end up getting married, then I'll have to work and use hired help to cook, clean, and take care of the kids, while she sits around and does nothing. I realize that I kind of sound like an [snip] here, but this seems to stand to reason, in my opinion.

　

So she didn’t show up online at the appointed time for the daily 3-hour chat session? If there is no commitment to any kind of exclusive relationship, you have never visited her, and there is are no firm plans to visit her in the near future, then why should she be expected to be there for you on your schedule for your daily chat session? Under the circumstances, I don’t think she owes you anything.

　
You are right. She really doesn't owe me anything.

If you two were engaged, married, or you were financially supporting her, it would be a different situation. But to call her disrespectful for not being available to you on your personal schedule sounds a bit controlling to me. She has her own life and doesn’t owe you anything without any firm commitment to an exclusive relationship.

Maybe that is controlling. It's not really about my personal schedule. I work A LOT and she really doesn't do anything with her time. As I said, she sits around the house all the time. So I have a limited amount of time to speak. Maybe I was being unfair though. I'm not sure to be honest.

My point is that we can sometimes get caught up in the fantasy of an online relationship to the point where we expect too much from these young ladies. If you are chatting for 3 hours every day with someone, and you are looking for something more permanent in the relationship, then get on the plane and go visit her in person. Until you do that, you are really nothing more than an Internet fantasy guy.

　
I am trying to make it out there. She knows that. I made the unfortunate mistake of joining the military so I have to get permission from them and I have to save up leave. I can't make it out there until October at the earliest, but I am planning to go out there....regardless of whether or not I see her.


So it's not like I plan on spending the rest of my life as a keyboard jockey. As I said, I plan to not only marry a foreign girl, but MOVE to her country.

Like I said, this same issue has come up before in our discussions here, and that’s why I think it is important to stop and think about what we want from these online relationships, and what is fair to expect from the young ladies on the other end of the line.
　
Your thoughts?

　
Like I said, I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm learning as I go. I don't know what's "normal" for these kinds of things.
　
There were other things too that bothered me (besides her tardiness and laziness). I showed her a pic of my brother a little while ago and she actually said "He's cuter." She said she was kidding around, but I'm not so sure. My brother and I have a lot of bad blood so this bothered me (and still bothers me). Of course, this could certainly be immaturity on my part. But I am pretty young so I guess I have a good excuse. 


Also, if I'm late, she gets jealous and pissed off and assumes that I'm talking with other girls. Her last Filipino boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend and made her pregnant (the friend). At times, she infers that I'll do the same thing since he was a similar age to me.


Anyway, I appreciate the advice! 

[Maverick]

Your posts based on personal experience are actually helpful... but your own biases cloud your opinions as much as anyone else... and the generation gap between yourself and the poster is also evident. There was a time when this board was full of posters looking (or already married) for the stay at home housewife. This younger traveler may or may not want that... but in my experience with younger couples the female many times has a career. And her having at least a part-time job or a full-time career has sure saved guys that get divorced on alimony. Your advice based on your experience is good though... your advice on internet relationships is spot on. I do think you have trouble relating to the younger generation.

I don't mind her having a career, but it's important to me that she values family first. Cooking and cleaning, to me, is mandatory for a wife.


As far as the alimony and divorce thing go, that's precisely one of the major reasons why I don't want to bring a girl to the US and get married here (or marry a native girl from the US). Too risky, in my opinion.