Too young and immature?

[mambocowboy]

I don't mind her having a career, but it's important to me that she values family first. Cooking and cleaning, to me, is mandatory for a wife.


As far as the alimony and divorce thing go, that's precisely one of the major reasons why I don't want to bring a girl to the US and get married here (or marry a native girl from the US). Too risky, in my opinion.

Mav, from your descriptions of this girl she's super immature. She likes Justin freaking Bieber and can't cook or clean? NEXT!

[Ray]

It's not JUST that though. She does nothing at all all day. All she does is play internet games. She doesn't know how to cook either. I'm thinking that if we end up getting married, then I'll have to work and use hired help to cook, clean, and take care of the kids, while she sits around and does nothing. I realize that I kind of sound like an [snip] here, but this seems to stand to reason, in my opinion.
　
I am trying to make it out there. She knows that. I made the unfortunate mistake of joining the military so I have to get permission from them and I have to save up leave. I can't make it out there until October at the earliest, but I am planning to go out there....regardless of whether or not I see her.

So it's not like I plan on spending the rest of my life as a keyboard jockey. As I said, I plan to not only marry a foreign girl, but MOVE to her country.

Also, if I'm late, she gets jealous and pissed off and assumes that I'm talking with other girls. Her last Filipino boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend and made her pregnant (the friend). At times, she infers that I'll do the same thing since he was a similar age to me.

 
Maverick,
 
I agree. Sitting around all day playing games on the Internet should be considered a red flag.
 
And the jealousy issue is also a big concern.
 
But I wouldn't worry about the cooking and cleaning thing. ANYONE can clean a home if they have the desire. Cleaning takes no special training or experience, just some cleaning supplies and time to do it.
 
Also, almost anyone can learn to cook, at almost any age. My mom used to do all the cooking and cleaning in our home when I was growing up, but my sisters are excellent cooks. They taught themselves when they were out on their own, just like I did, and I consider myself a fairly good cook. When my first wife came here, she had never used an oven in her life. But she taught herself and became very good at baking.
 
So all this worry amomg some of you guys about cooking and cleaning experience should not be a big deal. Laziness is another matter entirely, but the motivation to learn household skills is the most important factor.
 
So what is the policy in the military now on travel overseas while on leave? Are there any major restrictions on unoficial travel to the Philippines? When I was in the Navy, I used to catch free MAC flights to the PI while on leave, but I guess that particular benefit is long gone now. Perhaps you could save a bunch if you could catch a hop to Guam or Japan and fly commercial to Manila from there. It may be worth looking into.
 
Good luck on your upcoming trip...
 
Ray
 
 
 
 

[Ray]

Your posts based on personal experience are actually helpful... but your own biases cloud your opinions as much as anyone else... and the generation gap between yourself and the poster is also evident. There was a time when this board was full of posters looking (or already married) for the stay at home housewife. This younger traveler may or may not want that... but in my experience with younger couples the female many times has a career. And her having at least a part-time job or a full-time career has sure saved guys that get divorced on alimony. Your advice based on your experience is good though... your advice on internet relationships is spot on. I do think you have trouble relating to the younger generation.

　
WTF are you talking about?
　
As usual, you completely missed the whole point of my comments. I have been active on this forum for something like 15 years and I have never been an advocate for stay-at-home wives. If you weren’t so busy tooting your own horn, you would have noticed that fact long ago.
　
Now listen up sonny...you might just learn something. As I said previously in this thread, jobs in the Philippines, particularly for women, are extremely hard to come by, even for college graduates. Help wanted ads for even relatively menial positions often have ridiculous requirements, including college degrees. It is not unusual that female job applicants must be single, under 25, and submission of photos is often required. Prospective employees are often selected primarily on the basis of looks, even for jobs where they are not dealing with the public. If a young lady is lucky enough to land a decent job, she may lose her job if she gets married.
　
Knowing the right people with the right connections is probably the most important factor in securing a good job. Decent local government jobs are often reserved for relatives and family members of close associates. Many young ladies are lucky enough to have a family business that they can work in. Others find that the only decent prospects are overseas working as housekeepers or nannies.
　
Once again, for a young lady to be unemployed and unable to find a decent job is quite normal in the Philippines.
　
And as I have often stated here before, I have found that probably 95% of Filipina immigrants to the US are going to want to work outside the home at one time or another. So for the best odds of finding a permanent stay-at-home wife, if that is what you are looking for, the Philippines may not be the best place to look.
　
Ray
　

[Maverick]

 
Maverick,
 
I agree. Sitting around all day playing games on the Internet should be considered a red flag.
 
And the jealousy issue is also a big concern.
 
But I wouldn't worry about the cooking and cleaning thing. ANYONE can clean a home if they have the desire. Cleaning takes no special training or experience, just some cleaning supplies and time to do it.
 
Also, almost anyone can learn to cook, at almost any age. My mom used to do all the cooking and cleaning in our home when I was growing up, but my sisters are excellent cooks. They taught themselves when they were out on their own, just like I did, and I consider myself a fairly good cook. When my first wife came here, she had never used an oven in her life. But she taught herself and became very good at baking.
 
So all this worry amomg some of you guys about cooking and cleaning experience should not be a big deal. Laziness is another matter entirely, but the motivation to learn household skills is the most important factor.

Yeah fair enough. I am concerned about the laziness though, as it seems like she's pretty lazy. There was just a general feeling of "princess" I got from her. She's also a BIG Facebook poster. So a lot of her comments on there, random picture taking, etc. just suggested that to me.


It was actually something that I was trying to talk myself out of for a while because I liked the girl. But, as many have said on here, I should talk to many different women and not settle down with the first pretty one I find, especially since I'm young and have the time.
 

So what is the policy in the military now on travel overseas while on leave? Are there any major restrictions on unoficial travel to the Philippines? When I was in the Navy, I used to catch free MAC flights to the PI while on leave, but I guess that particular benefit is long gone now. Perhaps you could save a bunch if you could catch a hop to Guam or Japan and fly commercial to Manila from there. It may be worth looking into.
 
Good luck on your upcoming trip...

Unfortunately, my time constraint will not allow me to take one of the free flights. They still exist, but they are not as frequent as they used to be. Also, because of my job, I am unable to take more than 2 weeks off at a time. So I'll probably just fly the regular way so as to make the most out of those 2 weeks.


There are some restrictions due to terrorist threats in the Mindanao area, but I plan on checking out Manila and Cebu on my first trip anyway. Then head to the Mindanao area for my second trip.


Thanks again for the advice and the suggestions! 

[dewey4350]

Mav I don't know as much as Ray by no means. But I can share a couple points with you, on time and a schedule is not a good thing to look for in a filapino lady. It does not happen. Immature and not looking for a job, they will sometimes wait on one rather than not look for another. I know a young lady graduated college, pretty, young single looked for a job in Cebu. Found two worked at them both never got payed from either. They would tell her she needed more paper work for her degree always something. Like Ray says what there is to pick from may end up costing you money just to do it.?? There's the big city. If its a outer province it would be very hard. Just get out of town and look I would think the quality is so much better. I just came back I was there 24days the ones that approach you are not what your looking for LOL. Becareful be smart you can do it just go.

[thekfc]

You said you already cut-off but I would like to inject some points that haven't been said - this could be a learning lesson for some folks.

I am a bit concerned about the globalization of the world with social media and all. This girl that I was talking to was very aware of what was going on in the world (she's on Facebook constantly and is a big fan of Justin Beiber). I'm hoping that the rest of the girls aren't like this.

This is the Information Age we live in. You would should expect whatever lady you are chatting with to know what is going on in the world, especially a lady of that age.

I suspect that (but I could be wrong) you would want a lady you can relate to, converse with on current events, go to the movies, music, etc, etc, etc,.

As I said, I plan to not only marry a foreign girl, but MOVE to her country.

Before you make that decision, make sure you are comfortable with the culture, people, food, environment, entertainment, transportation, shopping, etc, etc,.

And the best way to do that is by spending time on the ground there in what ever country you decide to settle in. A good amount of time.

Another issue is figuring out what I actually want in a wife.

Yes, that is something you have to figure out before you make any commitment.

Manila is a really big pool, but there's sometimes a "Manila effect'--the big city, jaded kind of girl deal you can run into. Not knocking them all by any means--some sharp guys have ended up with terrific Manila gals--I just think there are more things to look for.........I'd look at Bohol and Dumaguete too.

Let me put it this way (imagine that the ladies are precious metals) there are diamonds, platinum, gold, silver, brass, copper, nickle, iron in EVERY city you go. You just have to decide on what YOU want and not the other person.

There were other things too that bothered me (besides her tardiness and laziness). I showed her a pic of my brother a little while ago and she actually said "He's cuter." She said she was kidding around, but I'm not so sure. My brother and I have a lot of bad blood so this bothered me (and still bothers me). Of course, this could certainly be immaturity on my part. But I am pretty young so I guess I have a good excuse. 

Hmm, it looks like both of you did show some form of immaturity.

I don't mind her having a career..........Cooking and cleaning, to me, is mandatory for a wife.

Ok, I will not comment on this one.

As far as the alimony and divorce thing go, that's precisely one of the major reasons why I don't want to bring a girl to the US and get married here (or marry a native girl from the US). 

Just remember that the "rules" may be favorable to the lady in her country and not to you.

Maverick, you are still very young. Take your time, do some more chatting, take a few trips, learn more about the culture. The local food (that's what you will be eating if you settle there). Learn some phrases, learn about the modes of transportation (would you be comfortable riding the local transports? or would you drive?), experience the weather at different time of the year, housing? electricity & internet (expensive in the Pi & sometimes sucks)..................................tbc.

[robert angel]

Great advice above--I think it is pretty global in proper application. I have bashed Manila and mega cities maybe more than I should have and the analogy about precious metals is great. Kfc's a cool cat and yet I'm surprised (a little) that he hasn't busted me on that count.
 
In any given nation, there's probably a number of women 'just right' for you. In the cities, there are bigger and deeper 'mines' to find women worth more than diamonds and gold--or deeper mines to fall down in--but more women overall. It's real easy to get lost in a megalopolis like Manila--or NYC, Tokyo, Bogota or Rio De Janeiro.
 
That said, figuring out what characteristics make up the 'just right' can be challenging and even then, there's no guarantee you won't drift apart, grow in different directions or find that her just living here in 'materialism land' and meeting certain people changes her in some undesirable ways.
 
One thing is for sure. You have to get on the plane. Aside from that, giving it a lot of thought w/o psyching yourself out is important too.

[robert angel]

Mav I don't know as much as Ray by no means. But I can share a couple points with you, on time and a schedule is not a good thing to look for in a filapino lady. It does not happen. Immature and not looking for a job, they will sometimes wait on one rather than not look for another. I know a young lady graduated college, pretty, young single looked for a job in Cebu. Found two worked at them both never got payed from either. They would tell her she needed more paper work for her degree always something. Like Ray says what there is to pick from may end up costing you money just to do it. ?? There's the big city. If its a outer province it would be very hard. Just get out of town and look I would think the quality is so much better. I just came back I was there 24days the ones that approach you are not what your looking for LOL. Becareful be smart you can do it just go.

 
My wife was telling me tonight that back home the companies that are looking for male workers in the Philippines for decent jobs largely insist that they be between 25 and 27 years old and have at least some college education.
 
It's twice as hard for females in gaining decent employment. Once they're past a certain age, in most circles, they're simply not hirable. And unless they physically attractive--often meaning 'cute' or 'sexy', they don't have a prayer. No age or sex discrimination laws there, that's for sure.
 
No wonder so may pray and will pay a Filipino agency a king's ransom to land a job overseas--it's how the folks back home w/o jobs get money to buy food--to survive.

[Maverick]

Another update: I randomly went on the girl's Facebook today and it said that she got engaged to another guy (who is much older than me) while we were still talking (I think she hid it from me on purpose until I cut her off).


Damn, this is shady as sh*t lol. Now I wonder if she was just trying to scam him out of money and hook up with me....or they were both trying to scam me out of money.....or if she was trying to scam both of us.


Should I say something to the guy or just let it be?

[bcc_1_2]

　
Once again, for a young lady to be unemployed and unable to find a decent job is quite normal in the Philippines.
　
　

It is normal in some parts of Latin America too, but that doesn't mean I would be interested in a situation like that.
But the good advice you did give Mav was that if he wanted some kind of commitment or exclusivity he needed to get on a plane. Mav seems surprised that his former webchat girl got engaged to someone else. Maybe she is shady but also completely normal for her to communicate with many men hoping a couple might visit.

[Maverick]

It is normal in some parts of Latin America too, but that doesn't mean I would be interested in a situation like that.
But the good advice you did give Mav was that if he wanted some kind of commitment or exclusivity he needed to get on a plane. Mav seems surprised that his former webchat girl got engaged to someone else. Maybe she is shady but also completely normal for her to communicate with many men hoping a couple might visit.

Haha I'm aware that I need to get on a plane. As I stated previously, I'm in the military. So I can't just jump on a plane. I'm trying to get out there October/November. No guarantee that I'll be able to do that though.


The thing is though....this girl got engaged to this guy and hid it from me on Facebook (she did this while we were still talking). She also still has my picture as her default pic on her Skype (which means that she has multiple accounts). She also got REALLY jealous and kept accusing me of talking to other girls. So I'm thinking she was a scammer now.


She was convincing as hell though, which is scary.


Either way, this has really opened my eyes.

[michaelb]

I think it's a case of "Maverick TALKS a good game.....Freddy, on the other hand, SHOWED UP". And you know what? If Bobby had shown up before Freddy, she'd be engaged to Bobby now.

See it from her side, you and Bobby might NEVER show up, and a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

[robert angel]

Hey Mav., I'm actually somewhat glad you got a bit burned w/o being fried EARLY in the game, w/o putting too much out on the line yourself, save pride. I know what it's like to travel literally to the other side of the planet, paying among the highest airfares to physically spend weeks with a woman, only to realize we weren't 'right'. That's the Philippines and S. America isn't exactly chump change either.
 
It's happened several times--seemingly all for naught. But it wasn't all for naught. Each time, I took away something golden--life lessons and memories of life in a nation and culture vastly different than my own.
 
Hope you took mental notes and know what to look for. They're are still pitches they'll throw at you that you haven't seen yet, so keep working on your game--they're all playing to some extent.
 
Not busting your chops, guy, you just turned a darker shade of green. In a year or so, if you pay close attention, you may end up a somewhat seasoned and hopefully happy veteran of the 'International Dating Games". Don't quit if you think you like the trophies.....

[Maverick]

Hey Mav., I'm actually somewhat glad you got a bit burned w/o being fried EARLY in the game, w/o putting too much out on the line yourself, save pride. I know what it's like to travel literally to the other side of the planet, paying among the highest airfares to physically spend weeks with a woman, only to realize we weren't 'right'. That's the Philippines and S. America isn't exactly chump change either.
 
It's happened several times--seemingly all for naught. But it wasn't all for naught. Each time, I took away something golden--life lessons and memories of life in a nation and culture vastly different than my own.
 
Hope you took mental notes and know what to look for. They're are still pitches they'll throw at you that you haven't seen yet, so keep working on your game--they're all playing to some extent.
 
Not busting your chops, guy, you just turned a darker shade of green. In a year or so, if you pay close attention, you may end up a somewhat seasoned and hopefully happy veteran of the 'International Dating Games". Don't quit if you think you like the trophies.....

Yeah, thanks for the advice, Robert! I have to start listening to you guys more. It seems many of you had this girl figured out after my first post 3 months ago lol.


I definitely feel that ping of experience now. I feel like I'm playing Super Mario Brothers and I just beat the boss and made it to Level 2. 

[mambocowboy]

Yeah, thanks for the advice, Robert! I have to start listening to you guys more. It seems many of you had this girl figured out after my first post 3 months ago lol.


I definitely feel that ping of experience now. I feel like I'm playing Super Mario Brothers and I just beat the boss and made it to Level 2. 

Like RA said, good you got burned not fried.

[thekfc]

Another update: I randomly went on the girl's Facebook today and it said that she got engaged to another guy (who is much older than me) while we were still talking (I think she hid it from me on purpose until I cut her off).


Damn, this is shady as sh*t lol. Now I wonder if she was just trying to scam him out of money and hook up with me....or they were both trying to scam me out of money.....or if she was trying to scam both of us.


Should I say something to the guy or just let it be?

Let it be and move on.

Plus you do not want to be in the middle of (an unwanted) situation or be accused of something.

On a side note for what I have seen on facebook (I am FB everyday) from my wife's nieces, their college mates and friends, these young ladies (and guys) change their relationship status quite often - sometimes up to 5 times a month. If they pissed off at their boyfriend, girlfriend or mate - they change to something like "it's complicated, engaged (to someone else), even divorce or married when they are not. For some of them it's their way of trying to get a reaction from the other person, trying to make someone jealous or attention. 

One of them had her FB profile pic with her BF and about an hour later she changed it to a crying emotion. About 2 hours later she had over 40 comments.

You have to learn to see their game and don't play it or fall for it.

I definitely feel that ping of experience now. I feel like I'm playing Super Mario Brothers and I just beat the boss and made it to Level 2. 

If you are not careful, pay attention and learn - then you will be right back to level 1.

[Ray]

Damn, this is shady as sh*t lol. Now I wonder if she was just trying to scam him out of money and hook up with me....or they were both trying to scam me out of money.....or if she was trying to scam both of us.

Should I say something to the guy or just let it be?

Mav, time for a reality check...
 
Was she trying to "scam" you? Did she ask you for money? Did you send her any money? If the answers are no, then you were not scammed.
 
Was she trying to scam the other guy? Who cares? Like michaelb said, he showed up and you didn't. So to what purpose would you want to tell the other guy anything? For petty revenge?
 
It seems that your feelings were hurt by this young lady, but like you said befoire, you never made any commitments so you have no beef. Simply said, you were not "burned" by her.
 
Live and learn and forget about the young lady. There are more important things in life that obsessing over some internet chat partner.
 
Now start planning that trip and think positive!   
 
 
Ray
 
 
 

[Maverick]

Mav, time for a reality check...
 
Was she trying to "scam" you? Did she ask you for money? Did you send her any money? If the answers are no, then you were not scammed.
 
Was she trying to scam the other guy? Who cares? Like michaelb said, he showed up and you didn't. So to what purpose would you want to tell the other guy anything? For petty revenge?
 
It seems that your feelings were hurt by this young lady, but like you said befoire, you never made any commitments so you have no beef. Simply said, you were not "burned" by her.
 
Live and learn and forget about the young lady. There are more important things in life that obsessing over some internet chat partner.
 
Now start planning that trip and think positive!   
 
 
Ray

Yeah, I've been thinking it over. I was a little pissed at the time, but, in reality, I really wasn't being fair to her.


It's good that she found someone that will marry her now (as opposed to later, which is the only thing I can promise).


Plenty more girls out there. 

[beulah]

Hey Mav, I'm glad you are taking Ray and KFC's good advice.  At least she didn't break off an engagement or screw you in the middle of the visa paperwork for no good reason.  Others have suffered much worse. 

[Maverick]

Update

It's been a while since I posted so I figured I'd let you guys know what ended up happening.


We started talking again a few days after my last post (I actually forget who initiated it now). She claimed that she just got engaged to that guy to make me jealous. We talked from late August to early October. Suddenly, her Facebook got hacked. A week later, she ran out of money to pay for her Skype and needed money. She stopped talking to me after I wouldn't give her any.


Crazy. After 4 months of talking about 3 hours a day, I found out that she legitimately was a scammer. Damn, she was very convincing.


Due to my military obligation, it will be difficult to make it out to the Philippines any time soon. But I've come up with a possible solution. There's a few military bases in Japan. I'm trying to get stationed there. Also, I've become close with some native Filipinos in my area that said they will go with me to the Philippines and introduce me to their families and friends.


So a few different options there. But it will likely not happen for another 1.5 years (which isn't too bad).


Until then, I'm biting the bullet and dating American girls.


Either way, I learned a lot from this experience. Thanks for the advice all!

[mambocowboy]

Update

It's been a while since I posted so I figured I'd let you guys know what ended up happening.


We started talking again a few days after my last post (I actually forget who initiated it now). She claimed that she just got engaged to that guy to make me jealous. We talked from late August to early October. Suddenly, her Facebook got hacked. A week later, she ran out of money to pay for her Skype and needed money. She stopped talking to me after I wouldn't give her any.


Crazy. After 4 months of talking about 3 hours a day, I found out that she legitimately was a scammer. Damn, she was very convincing.


Due to my military obligation, it will be difficult to make it out to the Philippines any time soon. But I've come up with a possible solution. There's a few military bases in Japan. I'm trying to get stationed there. Also, I've become close with some native Filipinos in my area that said they will go with me to the Philippines and introduce me to their families and friends.


So a few different options there. But it will likely not happen for another 1.5 years (which isn't too bad).


Until then, I'm biting the bullet and dating American girls.


Either way, I learned a lot from this experience. Thanks for the advice all!

thanks for the update Maverick. You'll be better off having learned from this...

[Bob_S]

...But I've come up with a possible solution. There's a few military bases in Japan. I'm trying to get stationed there. Also, I've become close with some native Filipinos in my area that said they will go with me to the Philippines and introduce me to their families and friends. ...

The base in Okinawa is expected to be downsized.  Having worn out their welcome, a lot of their mission is expected to be transferred to the other bases on the main island, especially Iwakuni where my wife is from.  I know a lot of the sightseeing spots around there.
But be warned.  While a long distance relationship with a Pinay might seem most reasonable and worth the effort after dealing with local domestic women in the U.S., once you are in Japan the cost to benefit analysis of a LDR with a girl in another country might not seem like it is such a major reward when compared to what is available just outside the gate.     You won't find too many scammers there.  They have more money than you, and their passport is more desirable than yours.  But they'll be throwing themselves at you (in that demur Far East way) for their own reasons.

[bcc_1_2]

Let it be and move on.

Plus you do not want to be in the middle of (an unwanted) situation or be accused of something.

On a side note for what I have seen on facebook (I am FB everyday) from my wife's nieces, their college mates and friends, these young ladies (and guys) change their relationship status quite often - sometimes up to 5 times a month. If they pissed off at their boyfriend, girlfriend or mate - they change to something like "it's complicated, engaged (to someone else), even divorce or married when they are not. For some of them it's their way of trying to get a reaction from the other person, trying to make someone jealous or attention. 

One of them had her FB profile pic with her BF and about an hour later she changed it to a crying emotion. About 2 hours later she had over 40 comments.

You have to learn to see their game and don't play it or fall for it.
 If you are not careful, pay attention and learn - then you will be right back to level 1.

It is good that the OP got his feet a little wet and is learning some of the games that go on. I quoted the above post to highlight what was said above. Social networking is a great way to get connected with hotties. That being said I don't suggest playing the FB/social networking game with these young ladies. Use facebook as a tool and that is it. I wouldn't suggest listing any personal info on you (college, current employer, relationship status... don't list any of it). You should use FB to keep tabs but that it is it. Don't react, don't play the game, keep your posts protected.

[Maverick]

The base in Okinawa is expected to be downsized.  Having worn out their welcome, a lot of their mission is expected to be transferred to the other bases on the main island, especially Iwakuni where my wife is from.  I know a lot of the sightseeing spots around there.
But be warned.  While a long distance relationship with a Pinay might seem most reasonable and worth the effort after dealing with local domestic women in the U.S., once you are in Japan the cost to benefit analysis of a LDR with a girl in another country might not seem like it is such a major reward when compared to what is available just outside the gate.     You won't find too many scammers there.  They have more money than you, and their passport is more desirable than yours.  But they'll be throwing themselves at you (in that demur Far East way) for their own reasons.

The entire military is downsizing so it's pretty much affecting every base. My job, however, is very important to the military and will not be downsized.


However, I recently found out that because of my experience level (not that experienced), being stationed overseas will be somewhat of a longshot (still possible, but not as likely as I originally thought). So this might not be an option after all.


I'm pretty much just brainstorming and trying to come up with ideas at this point. I'd prefer to live in a place for a little while and get to know the girls that way. If that's not possible, I'll proceed anyway.


Thanks for the response!

[Maverick]

It is good that the OP got his feet a little wet and is learning some of the games that go on. I quoted the above post to highlight what was said above. Social networking is a great way to get connected with hotties. That being said I don't suggest playing the FB/social networking game with these young ladies. Use facebook as a tool and that is it. I wouldn't suggest listing any personal info on you (college, current employer, relationship status... don't list any of it). You should use FB to keep tabs but that it is it. Don't react, don't play the game, keep your posts protected.

It was definitely a good learning experience, for sure.


As far as Facebook, I pretty grew up on it. So I have TONS of posts from previous years, but I've rarely posted in the past 2 years and don't have much info about myself on there (not even my real name). So no worries there.