Can a One Woman Trip be successful?

[whitey]

               It's true Iggy, but it takes a special person to make that work...hehehe

                                                          


                      Researcher

Aww man, how did you get access to my Facebook account?!  I think you're better with computers than you let on ...

Yes, 9 months is a long time, and I would never advocate that length of time for guys that are ready, available, and actively "wife hunting".

My situation was different.  At the time, I was only looking for a partner to study Spanish ... I had no romantic intentions.  I was also going through a separation and divorce with my (then) current wife, and did not consider myself available for dating.

But, after 9 months when I felt my life was straightened out enough to begin dating and to give Nazly the attention she deserved, I hopped on a plane right away.  Since then, I've been back 9 more times in the last 2.5 years.

[Researcher]

......and I see you had Lasik surgery to get rid of those glasses...hehehe


       If there ever was a reason to wait a while that's it Whitey.But you definitely lucked out with Nazly.I don't know many Colombianas that wait that long.

     Researcher

[thekfc]

~I tried several approaches to find the one that worked for me and I don't consider that failure. ~

Thekfc's quote of the day:
Be not ashamed of failure as failure is part of being human. Appreciate your failures for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Failure is the highway to success.

[Bob_S]

Thekfc's quote of the day:
...Failure is the highway to success.

I forget who said it (probably George Will since he's such a fan of the game), but even the top multi-million-dollar ball players fail to even make it to first base 2/3rds of the time at bat.  Even the best sluggers on a team will strike out over 200 times in a season.   

[Capstone]

So you think you created your own luck? HA! Funny stuff that is.There are many things in this life that you don't have control over so luck plays a huge role in life.This is no exception.

I definitely do create my own luck. The fact of the matter is there are very few things in ones life in which they do not have direct control over whether they care to admit it or not. Outside of the deaths of loved ones, there isn't really anything that has happened in my direct personal or professional life that hasn't been a direct result of things that I have done or just as importantly things that I have not done - either way I made the decision to do or not do those things. Men create their own luck and control their destiny while sheep sit idly by and wait for things to happen to them.  Sure things have happened to me as a result of the actions of others in which I had no control over but at the same time it was my decision to put myself in a position to where those actions affected me or not.

[Researcher]

I definitely do create my own luck. The fact of the matter is there are very few things in ones life in which they do not have direct control over whether they care to admit it or not. Outside of the deaths of loved ones, there isn't really anything that has happened in my direct personal or professional life that hasn't been a direct result of things that I have done or just as importantly things that I have not done - either way I made the decision to do or not do those things. Men create their own luck and control their destiny while sheep sit idly by and wait for things to happen to them.  Sure things have happened to me as a result of the actions of others in which I had no control over but at the same time it was my decision to put myself in a position to where those actions affected me or not.

       Kind of agree with you on that. It's like the saying goes "I can't control the wind but I can adjust my sails." Which is probably the same thing you are saying. Sure I control the choices I make but seldom do I control the outcome.And in this case I can't control whether or not someone is telling me lies to set me up but I can use  my judgement as to whether or not they are.Also, I have learned that I can't make myself have chemistry with someone.If it isn't there then it isn't there.There are many articles that say online chemistry isn't the same as in person chemistry.I agree with that.That is what I experienced any way.It's disappointing to have great chemistry and attraction with a woman online but find out that it is not the same in person. It sucks actually.I didn't want to waste trips to find that out.I'm glad it has worked for some guys but I would not recommend this approach. I have already read on this forum where some guys had to weed out many women before they found one they wanted to visit.One guy posted he weeded out over 300 women, yikes! Maybe that's what it takes.

       Researcher

[dennislevy]

As i said, i did a WOVO one time, I went to Russia in 2005 and I was incredibly lucky, because she was the best friend of a woman I knew in my home town, she was an honest woman and she spoke very good English.

Other people might think I failed because it didnt evolve into a marrage, and I never saw her again, but that was MY decision.....and she was a wonderful girl.

What that trip taught me was that I could attract a younger woman and have her as a lover, I preferred dating OUTSIDE of the US, and my personality, social skills and level of self confidence would be stand me in better stead OUTSIDE of the US. So that WOVO was a successful trip.

When I came to Colombia, I used an agency, Latin Life Mates in Bgota and I had a very good experience, I met 24 women in three weeks, and I got hooked on Colombian women.

And at this point, after almost three years of living in Colombia, I m not that interested in getting married imemdiately, I have no interest in bringing a woman back to the US and I prefer my life here...then the life I lived in the US.

I do think so many things have to click for a WOVO to evolve into a marriage in which the woman joins the man in his country. I dont think its wrong in any way to try it, BUT, I think that unless a man is realistic or has experience BEFORE in international romance and or there is a meshing of goals and expectations in the couple, and mutual honesty and communciation.....a   lot of communication BEFORE the meeting, it usually wont work.

We re all looking at this from the point of view of men.....so I think the man has to READ the woman correctly and HE  has to be HONEST with himself.  

I ve met Whitey in Baranquilla and it s easy to see why Nazly loves him, he is a genuinely, honest, sincere, sweet guy. I ve never met FT, but he had a ton of experience in Colombia and previous trips to Jamie s agency before he met his wife
These men are two very different personalities but they were both honest.

Most of the regular posters are familiar with the story of a man from Canada who went to Peru to meet a woman, married her and moved with his children to Peru. It was a WOVO and it failed because HE wasnt honest!!!!

The advantage of meeting a lot oif woman and its just my perception is that you learn more about how women in that particular culture think. You can compare and contrast....and it is the way that I like to live my lfe.....to compare and contrast....



      

[Ray]

IMHO, those guys who go to meet a bunch of women without doing any serious advance communications, are lazy and  don’t have a clue how to communicate with women, most likely because they are closet homosexuals. 

Ray

[Researcher]

IMHO, those guys who go to meet a bunch of women without doing any serious advance communications, are lazy and  don’t have a clue how to communicate with women, most likely because they are closet homosexuals. 

Ray

        Nah, more like they are lesbians in men's bodies.
 


       Researcher

[jm21-2]

As I see it, you have two choices in your pursuit if you want not only a wife but a companion:
1.  Find a nice girl who likes you and hope she can adapt to your hobbies.  JM is basically doing that, hoping his fiancée will grow to enjoy sailing with him.
2.  Go to where there are large groups of women who are into your hobby already and hope you can find one that likes you.

#2 is definitely easier, but some hobbies are just uncommon. Maybe in Japan Woody could find some girls who are into extreme sports, but in most countries probably not. Or at least the selection would be so small it would make things difficult. And you'd probably be looking at very westernized women which might not be what Woody wants. Anyways, a tough call....

On the subject of one woman trips, I'd like to point out two things that don't seem to have been raised:

1. WTF woman is going to be happy with a potential husband who's dating a ton of women and her? Am I the only one who has experienced women being jealous at times? Do women not like to feel they're special or unique or that your feelings for them are for them alone? Have I completely missed the boat on this one?

2. Long distance relationships are NOT EASY. Maybe it's not so bad with Colombia if you're in Florida, but for many of us the long distance aspect is a real PITA. Being in similar time zones and in person is hundreds of times easier. It is NOT an easy way out. Maybe to some guys it seems that way at first, but after months of late night skype calls and coming into work as a zombie...with none of the physical aspects of the relationship to reward you...you can get pretty burned out...

[Researcher]

#2 is definitely easier, but some hobbies are just uncommon. Maybe in Japan Woody could find some girls who are into extreme sports, but in most countries probably not. Or at least the selection would be so small it would make things difficult. And you'd probably be looking at very westernized women which might not be what Woody wants. Anyways, a tough call....

On the subject of one woman trips, I'd like to point out two things that don't seem to have been raised:

1. WTF woman is going to be happy with a potential husband who's dating a ton of women and her? Am I the only one who has experienced women being jealous at times? Do women not like to feel they're special or unique or that your feelings for them are for them alone? Have I completely missed the boat on this one?

2. Long distance relationships are NOT EASY. Maybe it's not so bad with Colombia if you're in Florida, but for many of us the long distance aspect is a real PITA. Being in similar time zones and in person is hundreds of times easier. It is NOT an easy way out. Maybe to some guys it seems that way at first, but after months of late night skype calls and coming into work as a zombie...with none of the physical aspects of the relationship to reward you...you can get pretty burned out...

  Well JM, that's why you shouldn't commit to a woman right off the bat.If one of the many I was getting to know something about got jealous then I tagged her psycho and moved on.What's the point of going out of the country to date one woman at a time.For me it was all about options.

     I see your point on the long distance thing. Guys going to Asian countries are probably better off with the WOVO thing.You mostly have internet sites and no agencies so if you try and set up meeting several women you might have to visit the whole country.But still you can probably setup two or three dates near one another and again if one woman gets jealous she's a psycho and very insecure.

     Researcher

[thekfc]

  Well JM, that's why you shouldn't commit to a woman right off the bat.If one of the many I was getting to know something about got jealous then I tagged her psycho and moved on.What's the point of going out of the country to date one woman at a time.For me it was all about options.

     I see your point on the long distance thing. Guys going to Asian countries are probably better off with the WOVO thing.You mostly have internet sites and no agencies so if you try and set up meeting several women you might have to visit the whole country.But still you can probably setup two or three dates near one another and again if one woman gets jealous she's a psycho and very insecure.
     Researcher

How would you view the reverse role - A woman with her "back up" plans - dating a bunch of guys and you?

[Researcher]

How would you view the reverse role - A woman with her "back up" plans - dating a bunch of guys and you?

     Easy KFC, its called dating in the US! If that is the situation then it is what it is.I would rather a woman choose to be with me from dating other guys than to be with me out of desperation or because she felt she had  little choice.These women know that we have many choices, they aren't dumb.The ones that are mature and secure with themselves will accept the situation because they don't want to be with the wrong guy.The insecure and immature ones will have a problem with it.

      Researcher

[jm21-2]

I would not encourage guys to meet multiple women in China or Taiwan...I can imagine how poorly that would go...wear protection if you want to try that route, and I don't mean a condom...it's hard to imagine Latin America being that different but I haven't been there. I chatted with a Brazilian girl for quite a while and she never would have put up with that...but she was a model/medical student and had relatively high standards....

My assistant is from Ukraine and married her husband after sending letters back and forth, during the height of perestroika, a very desperate time....and she would be flaming mad (still) if her husband had dated other girls when he was over there. She would probably keep it from him, but omfg I can imagine how pissed she would have been under the surface. Just because your GF/wife doesn't tell you something doesn't mean it's non-existent.

I just find it really hard to believe there are any women with self-confidence who would be OK with their potential husband dating several other girls...it just doesn't jive with my personal experience....at least outside the US. On that TV special about Colombia I think one of the girls mentioned she felt like a piece of meet going to a social....doesn't seem that different.

[thekfc]

    Easy KFC, its called dating in the US! If that is the situation then it is what it is.I would rather a woman choose to be with me from dating other guys that to be with me out of desperation or because she felt she had  little choice.

      Researcher

[Researcher]

     JM, that's one reason I liked to do one on one meetings.But mostly I did it that way so I could focus on one woman at a time instead of trying to take in a whole group.But as a believer in the free market it should be easy for you to understand supply and demand. There were always more women available than even I could meet.After a while I did what I could to treat the women respectfully but bottom line I was meeting many women and had it down to a science.Some women didn't like it and some didn't seem to mind it.Either way they had a choice not to see me.Supply and demand JM, supply and demand.


     Researcher

[thekfc]

    Easy KFC, its called dating in the US! If that is the situation then it is what it is.I would rather a woman choose to be with me from dating other guys than to be with me out of desperation or because she felt she had  little choice.These women know that we have many choices, they aren't dumb.The ones that are mature and secure with themselves will accept the situation because they don't want to be with the wrong guy.The insecure and immature ones will have a problem with it.

      Researcher

I did not ask how the woman will view it or accept the situation, I asked how would you (the male) view/accept the situation of a woman dating a bunch of guys and you.

[Researcher]

  Or maybe...


                           

[Researcher]

I did not ask how the woman will view it or accept the situation, I asked how would you (the male) view/accept the situation of a woman dating a bunch of guys and you.

    I thought the phrase "its called dating in the US" would have answered your question sorry, my bad. I would view the situation like I did when I was dating women here in the US. The women I dated were always being pursued by other guys and I didn't have a problem with it. If the woman met a guy she liked better than me and went with him then fine. The reason? I don't want to be with a woman that wants to be with someone else.Another reason? I have been perfectly happy alone.I don't need a woman to complete me.To me, this is the mature way of looking at it. I hope that answers your question.

      I got this attitude about women after dating around alot.After a while I saw things for what they were.I knew if I was going to be sensitive about the situation then I was going to end up with hurt feelings alot. Its just dating.No big deal. Once I got past all these little things that you guys worry so much about dating became fun.

   Researcher

[thekfc]

   I thought the phrase "its called dating in the US" would have answered your question sorry, my bad. I would view the situation like I did when I was dating women here in the US. The women I dated were always being pursued by other guys and I didn't have a problem with it. If the woman met a guy she liked better than me and went with him then fine. The reason? I don't want to be with a woman that wants to be with someone else.Another reason? I have been perfectly happy alone.I don't need a woman to complete me.To me, this is the mature way of looking at it. I hope that answers your question.

      I got this attitude about women after dating around alot.After a while I saw things for what they were.I knew if I was going to be sensitive about the situation then I was going to end up with hurt feelings alot. Its just dating.No big deal. Once I got past all these little things that you guys worry so much about dating became fun.

   Researcher

No need to get all riled up. 

No "dating in the US" did not answer my question because I was not referring to dating women in the USA.....I was referring to dating women in LA.

Maybe I didn't phrase my question right...what I meant to say was:
Is it ok for you guys to have back up plans (dating multiple ladies) when you go to LA but not for the women in LA to have the same back up plans (dating multiple guys while they are also dating you)?

You have already answered that....so let us hear from some of the other guys with or who had back up plans.

[Researcher]

    Oh,I'm not riled up KFC.I just telling you.You guys are way too uptight about dating.

     Researcher

[dennislevy]

I m with Researcher on this 100%, there are just too many women in Colombia to be uptight aobut dating.

In 2008 just about the time I met Researcher, I was a client at LAI in Bogota. A man (who didnt speak Spanish) was at the agency for his first trip. He had a translator, so he and a woman and the translator go to lunch at an expensive restaurant in Santa Ana Mall, near the agency. he spent at least 60 dollars or 120,000 pesos for the three of them.

They come back and the man talks to the agency worker about his schedule. The translator takes off and his date sits next to me at the computers and we start chatting in Spanish. I asked her if she had a committment with the man, she says oh no this was the first date, so I ask her to have coffee with me and she says sure, give me 10 minutes to check my emails.

After 10 minutes she stands up and says vamos and we walk 50 feet to Charlie s Place, talk for an hour and a half and I spent maybe 6,000 pesos, say 3 bucks. In 90 minutes, we found out that we weren t a fit. fine..... We said take care and a kiss on the cheek.

The man who was at that time 51 complained to the agency owner that I had taken his girl and since he had gone out with her and had paid for a nice meal, he had dibs! He was meeting other women but he didnt think that it was right that she shouid have a date so quickly! It said something bad about her character!!!!!

I talked to him and what I wanted to say was.... look you re a immature, jealous [snip], but wha tI did say was...look she s not interested in meand I m not interested in her...go out with her again...

so he sulked for 2 or three days band and they went out maybe 3 or four times and nothing happened.

And that is  what SOME American men want to do, they want to make rules , to impose their standard of behavior and morality  on Colombian women and when the woman bails on him becasuae he so cold and up tight, they don t  understand it.

[thekfc]

    Oh,I'm not riled up KFC.I just telling you.You guys are way too uptight about dating.

     Researcher

Who is way too up about dating?

I asked a simple question & I got a much better response from dennislevy.

Just to reiterate, my question was: How would you view the reverse role - A woman with her "back up" plans - dating a bunch of guys and you?

The answer could have been one of the below 2......with a little explanation.

1. There are guys who goes to LA with a "back up" plans and they date a bunch of women.........these guys think that it is okay for them to do so but at the same time it is not okay for the women to do the same. They want the woman to date them exclusively but they themselves can date as many women as they want.

2. Guys go to LA with a "back up" plan & they date many women in order to find that "special" lady. The women are also trying to find that "special" guy and date different guys. They are both free to date whomever they like UNTIL they become exclusive with each other.

[dennislevy]

the second option is the ideal model....but simce most guys want to chase the best looking girls...there is a lot of contention in agenices.

If you want to avoid contention and competition, find jewels in the other 80%. its an aquired ability and instinct and most guys won take the time to learn how to do it.

 

[Colgando]

Who is way too up about dating?

I asked a simple question & I got a much better response from dennislevy.

Just to reiterate, my question was: How would you view the reverse role - A woman with her "back up" plans - dating a bunch of guys and you?

The answer could have been one of the below 2......with a little explanation.

1. There are guys who goes to LA with a "back up" plans and they date a bunch of women.........these guys think that it is okay for them to do so but at the same time it is not okay for the women to do the same. They want the woman to date them exclusively but they themselves can date as many women as they want.

2. Guys go to LA with a "back up" plan & they date many women in order to find that "special" lady. The women are also trying to find that "special" guy and date different guys. They are both free to date whomever they like UNTIL they become exclusive with each other.

I would say all these women that men talk to on the internet for months on end without ever having met them are talking to women with back-up plans. So if a guy is dating on the internet, then he needs to accept the fact that the woman has a back-up plan. If I dated online, I would accept that, it would only be realistic. Now after having gone and met the girl, boy comes back home, boy has a girlfriend, I bet that many of these women still have a back-up plan, not all, don't get me wrong, just trying to judge the rational self-interest that a person has. I am just saying that the reality of long-distance international dating introduces infidelity risk into the scenario after a person becomes exclusive. I suppose a man could hire a private detective to trail his novia to confirm this, but I suspect most just go on faith that their novia is staying faithful without a back-up plan. Now, boy puts a ring on the finger, ok, no more back-up plans, boy brings wife to his country, no more back-up plans.