Gift giving in The Philippines

[Ray]

Right.  And the chance of that ever happening is what?   

From my experience... maybe 20%

Ray

[z_k_g]

From my experience... maybe 20%

Ray

20%

You being pretty generous today, feeling ok?

Maybe you had some nice crispy bacon this morning and you are feeling guilty and giving old Piggy a break? 

Zulu

[Ray]

Ray

20%

You being pretty generous today, feeling ok?

Maybe you had some nice crispy bacon this morning and you are feeling guilty and giving old Piggy a break?  

Not really. 20% is about right.

Now had Bob worded his question “And the chance of that happening in the near future is what?”, vice “And the chance of that ever happening is what?”, then I would have said 5%.

I have actually seen a lot of Filipinas develop their ability to say “NO” over time, after they moved here.

Ray

[robert angel]

I don't know how unusual this really is--if indeed it IS unusual, but I since it came up, I haven't had to cut anyone off financially from my wife's family, nor from her friends, before or since we married. Nobody ever approached me, except for one very unusual set of circumstances, which ultimately worked out fine--well fine for me, actually for US, anyway.

That 'set of circumstances' was when the only sibling in the family who's older than my wife, needed some help to pay a greedy agency and set up all the paperwork and in the typical way things are done over there, pay off some people, as he attempted to land long term work in Japan.

Even by USA standards, the whole kabang cost a LOT of money and it was yours truly who bankrolled it, BUT, as it turned out, it was an elaborate scam. It even made the national news there.

Believe it or not, I'll try and make a long story short. Yes it was a scam, and yes, I made a 'loan' which to anyone here who hasn't grasped it already, in the Philippines, a loan from a foreigner means GIFT, meaning you should  just forget about ever getting it back.

But my wife's family isn't like most families there. They realized that when I made the loan, I expected to get it back, as we had discussed and they, acting in good faith, went to great lengths and we got the money back. It took a long time, but it didn't put them in great hardship--really the money returned didn't even come from their earnings, but more from their concerted efforts. They are really good people. Given how it all went down, and the fact that they're not rich by any means, I would've just accepted the fact that I was crap out of luck--that not just me--but WE, as a family, had gotten screwed.

It might be helpful to some people new to all this to describe how my wife and I basically handle our earnings and what she sends home, what she contributes to our household's bottom line, how we monitor it (loosely, but with trust) etc. and if anyone's interested, I'll share that--I think this place was intended to help and entertain, not bicker and bum people out. But if it might save someone some grief, I'd go there. But honestly, lately a lot of the posts here have me all but reaching for the barf bag, and I'm looking for greener pastures for my long winded musings.

[Woody]

It might be helpful to some people new to all this to describe how my wife and I basically handle our earnings and what she sends home, what she contributes to our household's bottom line, how we monitor it (loosely, but with trust) etc. and if anyone's interested, I'll share that--I think this place was intended to help and entertain, not bicker and bum people out. But if it might save someone some grief, I'd go there. But honestly, lately a lot of the posts here have me all but reaching for the barf bag, and I'm looking for greener pastures for my long winded musings.

As much as I would like to hear the story Robert, I feel you are correct. For me it is not such an issue, but I have noticed a sharp increase hostilities on the Asian side; probably as a spillover from the Latin side(Which is reaching the boiling point, IMO).

[piglett]

Right.  And the chance of that ever happening is what?   

she has already made the statement "they have 2 hands & 2 feet let them work like we do" i guess she just gave into the relentless pressure.

pig

[fathertime]

i had been noticing that the account that i had set up with TDbank had had about 50% more money going into it than my wife had been making when she was working as a nurse there in Manila. every time the wife said "oh i am almost out of money I would run rite down to the bank & add some more funds.
$50 here $100 there added up by the end on the month.

once Marily returned back to work i figure i am in the clear .......WRONG
i get a text "I don't have food money"
WTF she had just got paid , how can this be???
so i throw another $50 down the hole & ask the wife to come to the cafe so we can chat.
it seems that she gets hit up for cash often & doesn't always say "NO!"
i told her that i would put her "pay" in the account twice a month once she ends working to study full time for the national nurses exam.
I explain that she will ONLY get this twice a month deposit unless it is life of death.
for the life of me i can't understand a person that gives away their food money & i told her so.
I guess she just figured that she would just get more from me  
well that gravy train has come to a crashing screeching halt !!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wasn't aware that i needed to treat my wife like she was a grade school child
so in closing after some strong words from me the wife is well aware of how things will be from now on.


pig AKA  soon to be known as the cheep kano prick by all of her freeloading non working relatives  

he pigglet,
i hope you get your gal over here....IMO getting her here is what comes first...schooling is second...feeding her extended family is 250th... from my perspective,  too many bad things can happen when this takes too long What is your current timeline for getting her here?

Fathertime!

[piglett]

he pigglet,
i hope you get your gal over here....IMO getting her here is what comes first...schooling is second...feeding her extended family is 250th... from my perspective,  too many bad things can happen when this takes too long What is your current timeline for getting her here?

Fathertime!

I'm still waiting on my "pals" at the VSS give up the NOA2 
no word from them yet 
Marily's last day at work for a while will be the 15th of this month
she will study 6 days a week until the 1st week of July which is when she takes her 2 day nursing exam. given that she got 74% last time i'm hoping for something along the lines of 84% this time.
due to the fact that so many people all applied at one time
(because the fees were about to go up)
i can't really say when my wife's interview will be
I was hoping for June/July but now that looks to be overly optimistic.


pig

[thekfc]

I completely agree that a few good threads have gone the other way. There are a lot of good informative threads (like this one) where people started contributing and have created/are creating positive feed backs.

There are also post created in the threads where someone may make an error, someone  misreading a post, or someone posting something that may mean completely differently to another reader.  Everyone make mistakes, or view things differently - it is human nature to be different or make mistakes.

When things are pointed out - someone takes offense to that. Maybe their ego get in the way or trying to "fit in" or lack of knowledge/experience with said subject or maybe  previously reading erroneous "facts" about a said subject & thinking that it is true....the reasons are endless.

That being said, people should know & say " hey I am wrong on this" and accept that they are wrong & do not let they ego get in the way. They should also know when to back off/quit.

Good informative threads, especially like this one which I created should not be "destroyed"  by egotistic.

Remember to keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them. 

[z_k_g]

Woody,

I tend to disagree with Roberts assessment.

Men with varied backgrounds and points of view will tend to go at it sometimes.  But this is more healthy than hurtful.

Robert (and other members on the Asian side) should start posts on subjects that are more informative and use his exceptional writing and communication skills to develop and encourage more informative posts.

Its a matter of balance.

We can count on one hand the posts on the Asian side that have been sent to the flame room.  Disagreements are not necessarily bad

Quality content is directly proportional to the different members who actually post and the new member who feel inclined to join P-L and get involved with their stories.

I did address a concern in a recent post which focused on existing members over analyzing newbies initial posts and hitting them so hard that they are discouraged from any further posting.

This would be a sinnificant blow to quality and variation that keeps P-L useful, fresh and informative.  Veteran members are critical because of their knowledge, but newbies are just as important they keep P-L up to date and relevant by exposing all the members to the latest trends, issues, obstacles and concerns.

If we show a healthy respect for everyone, offer support when needed, critical analysis when necessary and supportive and informative guidance whenever possible (Under Jeff's watchful eyes) then P-L will live up to every thing it professes in "P-L Values"

I can only speak for myself, but I think P-L has some warts, but is a great place to discuss, debate, learn and share information about the entire process of seeking and successfully marrying a foreign bride.

Zulu

[thekfc]

I'm still waiting on my "pals" at the VSS give up the NOA2 
no word from them yet 
Marily's last day at work for a while will be the 15th of this month
she will study 6 days a week until the 1st week of July which is when she takes her 2 day nursing exam. given that she got 74% last time i'm hoping for something along the lines of 84% this time.
due to the fact that so many people all applied at one time
(because the fees were about to go up)
i can't really say when my wife's interview will be
I was hoping for June/July but now that looks to be overly optimistic.


pig

Just make sure that you are collecting everything needed for the NVC stage. Also go over them to make sure that there are no errors.

When you get your NOA2 and are in NVC - make sure that you talk to a "live" person and NOT their AVRS.

Be proactive because if you wait for snail mail/updates (especially from the AVRS) - you will be waiting forever.

My wife's case was approved, interview scheduled & done, she is here in NYC & she have her green card in hand BUT her case # have still not been inputted into the AVRS. We were not the only ones - they were a few others as well . 

[Bob_S]

she has already made the statement "they have 2 hands & 2 feet let them work like we do"...

That's what she says when she's with you.  Basically what you have is a submissive girl.  When she's with you, she submits to you and talks your talk.  When she's with them, she submits to them.  Don't be angry with her, just understand who she is and know the situation won't improve until you have her there in person right by your side.  Anything you can do to get her out of there and away from her family's influence fast will help minimize the damage.

Remember to keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them.

I like that.  I'm going to steal it for my facebook page.   

[Bill_McC]

But honestly, lately a lot of the posts here have me all but reaching for the barf bag, and I'm looking for greener pastures for my long winded musings.

Its the same self appointed chosen few that seem to pollute every good thread on this board. Instead of starting a new topic to squabble about their off topic crap, they add pages and pages of totally useless BS to each and every GOOD topic on this board. Honestly I'm about tired of trying to wade though the junk to get to the treasure. In my opinion they're doing the "newbies" a total disservice. They all say "go read the archives." Well when they/we do, the off topic garbage that's contained in this thread is the muck that we have to wade through.

Bill

[z_k_g]

That's what she says when she's with you.  Basically what you have is a submissive girl.  When she's with you, she submits to you and talks your talk.  When she's with them, she submits to them. 

Bob,

I have another viewpoint, if I may.

Its very possible that Porky's wife may not be a submissive person with everyone, but is just simply saving face in the situation.

Look at it this way, she has just married an American and now she has got her prince charming.  Porky has laid down the law in terms of being santa, but he wife still wants to show that her status is bumped up a notch.

(I think Robert articulated this best in his post, I'm just paraphrasing it here)

Basically she wants to spread her fortune to her friends and family before she leaves for her new home, and she wants her new hubby to look like a generous kano and not a stingy tightwad. 

So she probably got carried away with the gift giving and handouts (because she had so much extra cash on hand).  But, once she starts this facade its hard to go back and now she is kinda caught on a slippery slope.  If she does she looks like a fraud and now she has another face issue.  So she just keeps on giving!

Now I may be way off on my assessment and the situation is closer to what you describe but that's just my viewpoint from what I gleaned from Porky's many posts.

Whatever the case, I hope he has things worked out and gets his wife to honestly turn off the cash spigot.

Zulu

[z_k_g]

Its the same self appointed chosen few that seem to pollute every good thread on this board. Instead of starting a new topic to squabble about their off topic crap, they add pages and pages of totally useless BS to each and every GOOD topic on this board. Honestly I'm about tired of trying to wade though the junk to get to the treasure. In my opinion they're doing the "newbies" a total disservice. They all say "go read the archives." Well when they/we do, the off topic garbage that's contained in this thread is the muck that we have to wade through.

Bill

Bill,

I respect you opinion, but because you may not have sufficiently read the archives and other recent posts you feel your statements are justified.

They are not.

Please don't take my suggestion "read the archives" as a put down Bill. 

I spent almost a month reading the archives before I made my first post so I'm not making that suggestion lightly. I think its the single most important thing you can do on P-L.

Clearly, the trend to go off subject and start discussing "unrelated junk" is not isolated to any particular person, group or time frame.  In fact, I would say going off subject is more the norm than the exception.

For example, here was a recent September 2010 newbie post dealing with the Philippines that got turned into a REALLY long winded discussions about cars for pages of unrelated BS.

(Bill, take a look at the PERPS who were responsible for this off topic "garbage")

http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=5688.0

And the winner is!!!

Piglett,

I do feel kind of bad about us turning KenC's initial thread into 'Car and Driver Forum', because there's some really good poop in this thread at the beginning--including some web sites that anyone thinking of living In the Philippines should save in their favorites--maybe we should get back there

But regarding your question--Maybe it's just higher here and it was about a 20 y/o Corolla, but a guy I know was charged something like $150 for a basic black 'Toyota brand' steel wheel--just what you  put the tire on and cover with a hubcap.

I can give many many more examples, but I think I made my point.

While I agree that wading through the "muck" of off topic garbage can be tedious, don't be so hasty in your conclusion that "only" certain posters are guilty of this behavior.

We ALL Do It! 

Also, I am glad that you pointed out that this type of rambling diminishes the value of the discourse, I totally Agree.

As a group we should stop pointing fingers, and all commit to doing a better job of keeping the posts focused on their original subject matter.

Zulu

[Bill_McC]

I've spent months reading the archives as well as nearly every letter of whats been written on the Asian side since I got here. The reason its taken months is because the threads are full of crap like what as been argued about in this thread. The fact is that it is the same group of 5 or 6 that continually pollute almost every thread on here. Then they continue to give the same tired advice of go read the archives when the archives are FULL of threads exactly like this one; one page, maybe two of good information followed by 6 of useless garbage. A complete waste of time to wade through.

If you feel the need to argue and debate, thats fine, please do so, but its VERY simple to click on the new thread button and start another thread without contaminating a good one such as what this one started off as.

This is only my opinion, but its one thats been developed BECAUSE I HAVE READ THE ARCHIVES!

Bill

[z_k_g]

I've spent months reading the archives as well as nearly every letter of whats been written on the Asian side since I got here. The reason its taken months is because the threads are full of crap like what as been argued about in this thread. The fact is that it is the same group of 5 or 6 that continually pollute almost every thread on here. Then they continue to give the same tired advice of go read the archives when the archives are FULL of threads exactly like this one; one page, maybe two of good information followed by 6 of useless garbage. A complete waste of time to wade through.

If you feel the need to argue and debate, thats fine, please do so, but its VERY simple to click on the new thread button and start another thread without contaminating a good one such as what this one started off as.

This is only my opinion, but its one thats been developed BECAUSE I HAVE READ THE ARCHIVES!

Bill,

You didn't make that point earlier.

I agree with you.

Zulu

[thekfc]

I started to compile a list of info - info from trip reports, visits, advice given from various threads/members, info I would collected "later" as well as info from my wife's family members, friends, etc, . 

I wanted to make a " master thread"  but right now, I have discontinued it and why?..........

In the future I may continue but right now it is on the back burner.

[Ray]

Its the same self appointed chosen few that seem to pollute every good thread on this board. Instead of starting a new topic to squabble about their off topic crap, they add pages and pages of totally useless BS to each and every GOOD topic on this board. Honestly I'm about tired of trying to wade though the junk to get to the treasure. In my opinion they're doing the "newbies" a total disservice. They all say "go read the archives." Well when they/we do, the off topic garbage that's contained in this thread is the muck that we have to wade through.

Bill

So Bill, are you the self-appointed forum police now?

I really don’t understand what your beef is.

Who determines what a “GOOD topic” is? YOU?

Who determines what “totally useless BS” is? YOU?

Have you ever posted “off topic garbage” in a thread? YES you have.

Have you ever engaged in silly flame wars? YES you have.

Have you ever engaged in name calling and/or petty insults on this forum? YES you have.

Have you contributed anything positive to this thread? NO you haven’t.

What makes you so certain that this thread is destined for the Flame Room? I didn’t see any flames in this thread until YOU stuck your nose in and posted some silly insults.

Arguing and debating have been part of the culture on this forum for many years before you ever showed up here. I think perhaps you are misinterpreting “friendly” debates for flame wars. And there has never been any rule prohibiting any discussions not closely related to the original topic of a thread. Things develop and change as the discussion progresses, and there is no need to always start another thread because of this.

And one man’s “totally useless BS” may be of interest to another, don’t you think? Do you think that perhaps some readers out there may find a discussion of Bluegrass music for example, to be “totally useless BS” when it pops up in the middle of an unrelated thread?

Don’t you find it just a little presumptuous of yourself to tell us how this forum should be run and what is and isn’t of importance to the readers here? Especially when you yourself have engaged in much of the behavior that you are now suddenly complaining about?

So what do you want from us Bill? Do you want your money back?

What did it cost you to join this forum? NOTHING!

What did it cost you for all the advice you have gotten on this forum? NOTHING!

What did it cost you for all the responses to your questions? NOTHING!

My advice: If you see something on this forum that really bothers you, instead of sticking your nose in a discussion and making silly insulting comments and accusations against the members here, why not contact the moderator directly with your complaint? That way YOU won’t have to be the one starting a flame war.

Make sense?    

Ray

[fathertime]

My advice: If you see something on this forum that really bothers you, instead of sticking your nose in a discussion and making silly insulting comments and accusations against the members here, why not contact the moderator directly with your complaint? That way YOU won’t have to be the one starting a flame war.

Make sense?    

Ray

i'm going to have to agree with ray on this one...if you are not comfy with a conversation you can just ignore it and post to the people you feel like responding to.
i wouldn't resort to tattle-tailing about something you don't like though...
you get free info here, so i wouldn't worry about what you think is pollution...others may not see it that way, because you don't speak for all posters.

fathertime!

[piglett]

That's what she says when she's with you.  Basically what you have is a submissive girl.  When she's with you, she submits to you and talks your talk.  When she's with them, she submits to them.  Don't be angry with her, just understand who she is and know the situation won't improve until you have her there in person right by your side.  Anything you can do to get her out of there and away from her family's influence fast will help minimize the damage.

thankyou for your incite Bob. i knew there was at least 1 piece of the puzzle that I was missing but i just couldn't seem to get a grasp on it.


pig

[piglett]

I've spent months reading the archives as well as nearly every letter of whats been written on the Asian side since I got here. The reason its taken months is because the threads are full of crap like what as been argued about in this thread. The fact is that it is the same group of 5 or 6 that continually pollute almost every thread on here. Then they continue to give the same tired advice of go read the archives when the archives are FULL of threads exactly like this one; one page, maybe two of good information followed by 6 of useless garbage. A complete waste of time to wade through.

If you feel the need to argue and debate, thats fine, please do so, but its VERY simple to click on the new thread button and start another thread without contaminating a good one such as what this one started off as.

This is only my opinion, but its one thats been developed BECAUSE I HAVE READ THE ARCHIVES!

Bill

I'm very sorry Bill but you see many of us haven't received out Planet-Love paychecks in many months. this has caused many of us to have to cut way back on things like food,heat & many other things that normal people just take for granted . I myself just now finished my 1 can of Alpo for the week & have been forced to move into an igloo. Hopefully my past due PL pay will show up any day & I'll be able to afford 2 cans of Alpo a week & that mite just be enough to drive the hunger pains away so i myself can stay on topic at least most of the time


piglett 

[piglett]

Just make sure that you are collecting everything needed for the NVC stage. Also go over them to make sure that there are no errors.

When you get your NOA2 and are in NVC - make sure that you talk to a "live" person and NOT their AVRS.

Be proactive because if you wait for snail mail/updates (especially from the AVRS) - you will be waiting forever.

My wife's case was approved, interview scheduled & done, she is here in NYC & she have her green card in hand BUT her case # have still not been inputted into the AVRS. We were not the only ones - they were a few others as well . 

hey thanks for the 411 KFC
just checked VJ.com & no one in our group has received noa2 yet 

pig

[thekfc]

I'm very sorry Bill but you see many of us haven't received out Planet-Love paychecks in many months. this has caused many of us to have to cut way back on things like food,heat & many other things that normal people just take for granted . I myself just now finished my 1 can of Alpo for the week & have been forced to move into an igloo. Hopefully my past due PL pay will show up any day & I'll be able to afford 2 cans of Alpo a week & that mite just be enough to drive the hunger pains away so i myself can stay on topic at least most of the time


piglett 

There you go again....that is your problem, using one name can goods!!!!!!!!
I have said it many times before Alpo do not stick to your bones  - use Blue Buffalo. BB have the meat name, high in protein, it looks like meat & taste like meat too.
I do not know about you but I get a check every month from P-L, I even got a bonus last month. 

I read just about every thread that is created after I joined. There are many times that I am not "comfy" with a subject, see threads/posts as "meaningless' to me or do not "comply" with my views.

But, I know when to ignore a thread/post, to move on, to participate as well as to limit my participation. That is where common sense would come into play but unfortunate to some people - common sense is dead.

I listen to everyone - even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Every thread has it purpose so there is no such thing as an unimportant thread.

[Dave H]

My whole point is, once again, that the latest technology devices are not a necessity, but a luxury in the Philippines. They are for “rich kids” so to speak.

Ray

Hey Ray,

I agree!

Cellphones are a status symbol to many Filipinas. Fortunately, my wife has no interest in cellphones and doesn't like to text! Many Filipinas seem to equate an expensive cellphone with being wealthy. I have often heard Filipinas say to another with an expensive cellphone, "It must be nice to be rich!"...even when they live in the nipa hut next door. Many get them as gifts from family members living overseas (working or married to a foreigner). Other Filipinas save every piso they can to buy a nice cellphone. They may live in a nipa hut and barely have enough rice to eat...but by God they can hold up that cellphone and proudly text away! Unfortunately, the latest, and greatest will be an antique tomorrow! Cellphone snatching has now become very common in my city.

Dave