Here's my situation. Insights will be much appreciated.

[alex915]

Okay, so like I mentioned in my intro thread, I'm a 35-year young man thinking of seeking a long-term relationship with a good woman from Latin America.

Little bit more on my background:
Born in Mexico and raised up until the age of 13 in Mexico City.  I attended Kinder, Primaria and Secundaria in Mexico.  I did my High School and college education here in the States. 6'1", 180 lbs, in relatively good, slender shape.  Light complexion.  I shave my head bald (hey, my parents genes didn't bless me in that area ) and sport a goatee.  I have lived pretty much all over the US but I call El Paso, TX my home (hence the 915 thingy -- the local area code).  Gee, this sounds like a freaking personals ad already.  Where's the space for the obligatory "walks on the beach" line?   

I have my reasons for not wanting to date American women anymore.  Sure, they're not all the same but, at this point in my life I'd rather not waste my time anymore.  Let's just say that if I'm gonna spend time, money and effort on a girl, I'd rather do it on a young, good-looking woman who will appreciate it, shall we? 

The ironic thing is that although I'm relatively good meeting and dating women, it is the knowledge of women that allows me to meet many of them but, at the same time, allows me to quickly identify low-quality candidates for a long-term relationship, which is my goal in the end.  Now, I'm not being arrogant here.  I was enlightened in my mid to late-twenties with knowledge about women that has been both a blessing and a curse for the two reasons that I have already mentioned.  For those of you who have seen the movie "The Matrix", I was offered "the red pill".  I took it and it opened my eyes.  Now, even if I wanted to forget it all, I can't.  I can't be plugged back in.  I must now live my life with this knowledge and its consequences.

Which brings me to my decision for seeking a woman from Latin America.  In my travels throughout this wonderful voyage called Life, I have met many great-looking women here in the State and have entered long-term relationships with several of the ones who were promising via the conduct that they displayed.  Unfortunately, as the relationships progressed, I identify crucial components in their emotional, psychological and behavioral makeup that would make a long-term commitment or even marriage a proposition that would have eventually failed.  So instead of thinking with my lower head and my heart, I thought with my top head and ended the relationships.

(to be continued in the next post...)

[alex915]

So in the past week or so I thought about what my parents had told me 5 years ago when I was turning 30:  "Why don't you bring a girl from Mexico and marry her?"  I considered it.  But I thought: "I live here.  A potential girl will live over there.  Will she want to move?  The logistics of a inter-country relationship will probably be a pain in the ass!"  (plus I don't believe in long-distance relationships).

I have the following questions for which I would appreciate it the insights of this great community.

I am not your stereotypical "gringo".  You know.  Caucasian, blue-eyed, blonde-haired I am not.  A black man I am not either.  I am a hispanic man, of Mexican descent who is black-haired (when I do have it!), black-eyed and brown-skinned.  Should I even bother with Latin American women?  Do they mostly want their "gringo" or "negrito chulo"?

Reading what you've read about me, do you think I would have a chance going to one of these countries and bypassing the agencies?  I speak Spanish fluently, I'm a looker, have a great personality and a great sense of humor but I would have no idea where to go.

And talking about countries, what are the opinions of the community of Mexican women?  Central America?  South America?

How about age differences?  I've seen some profiles of women as young as 18 who say that age is not an issue.  Is this a red flag?  Or do women in Latin America not place as much importance in age difference as women here in the States.

And taking about profiles, what are some of the better services I could employ to start getting my feet wet?

[utopiacowboy]

Mexican women want Mexican men so I think you're way ahead of most gringos. In Colombia, yeah they swoon over the blond blue-eyed gringo so you feel like you're Brad Pitt or George Clooney there. In Mexico NOT! You must have a lot of relatives still there. Why don't they put out some feelers and introduce you to some chicks?

[Dave H]

Hey alex,

You should have Mexican women lining up to meet you!  Are you into the "Latina" look? My sons (still in their 20's) are half Hispanic and are drawn like magnets to blond hair, light skin, and freckles!  Not their Papi! 

Dave

[Jeff S]

How much time do you spend in Mexico? I have never had any issues meeting Mexican women in my many years of spending lots of time there on business. Plenty of gabachos put down the border towns because of the seedy reputation, but they are filled with maquiladoras who are filled with young single Mexicanas from all over Mexico, many as factory workers, and plenty more as white collar engineers, accountants and so on. Same with Guadalajara, Queretero, Puebla and the other industrial cities of Mexico. I've been to company parties with several hundred people that were 3 to 1 women to men. So often the men cross the border, but the women come from the ranchitos to where the work is, the industrial parts of the cities.

U/C has the right idea, Mexico is all about relationships. Forget about bars, you need to get to know families, groups, church organizations, schools, anything but boy meets girl venues, and the place is packed with single women. I had an old timer at a relative of a good friend's 25th wedding anniversary in Guadalajara, literally bringing me by the hand, girls to dance with. As soon as I'd finish with one, he'd head off in the crowd, nearly all of whom he knew, and find another who was interested in meeting the big gabacho. I'd only met him that evening.

There seem to be a wider acceptable age range in Mexico than the US. My divorced business friends there all seem to gravitate to women 35 (typo) 15 years or more younger than they are. I'd be very wary of really young ones though, but I did have a fortysomething manager marry one of the workers who was 19 once. They both seemed happy. I don't know how it worked out in the long run though.

If you're an engineer, you should figure out a way to get yourself across the bridge in Ciudad Juarez in some context other than tourism. Delphi's new R&D center there has 1200 or so employees, many of whom are young, female, college educated and absolutely stunning. The same is true of the huge electronics industry there. If you could get in there as a sales rep, troubleshooting consultant, anything (there are hundreds of companies who would use the services of a fluent Spanish speaking technical consultant for their twin plant operations) you'd be absolutely shocked at what a candy store it is, a short walk over the bridge for you. PM me for more details if that sounds interesting.

Anyway, as I've posted over and over again here, it's all about what culture fits best with you, not which city has women with the most bubble butts, or most interested in outdoor sports. You can find just about any personality and look in any country or city you go, it's about where you're going to be most at-home with their cultural quirks, and having being brought up in the Mexican culture, I'd guess it would be the place for you to look. Your Dad is probably right.

[alex915]

You must have a lot of relatives still there. Why don't they put out some feelers and introduce you to some chicks?

Yeah, I only started thinking about going abroad for a nice girl so I'm speaking to my parents this weekend and asking them to start asking some relatives.  Most of my dad's family is in the States but most of my mom's family is still living in Mexico.

[alex915]

You should have Mexican women lining up to meet you! 

Well, they are.    But unfortunately, I'm not interested in the ones who have already become "Americanized" and/or have major baggage.  Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of pretty girls here in town but, unfortunately, the ones who I'm attracted to have already been "spoiled."  If I can find me a pretty one who is a good, unspoiled woman, I'll be very lucky but in the meantime, I'm gonna try to make my own luck!

Are you into the "Latina" look? My sons (still in their 20's) are half Hispanic and are drawn like magnets to blond hair, light skin, and freckles!  Not their Papi! 

Definitely!  When I was young I thought I wanted me a leggy, busty blonde bombshell but as I matured, I came to the realization that slender, curvy women with long, black hair and tanned skin was what really rocked my boat.  The last woman who asked me to marry her was like a cross between Ashley Judd and Fran Drescher but with nice, tan skin and deep black hair!  Definitely the woman of my dreams... physically.  Turns out she wasn't long-term, marriage material. 

[alex915]

How much time do you spend in Mexico? I have never had any issues meeting Mexican women in my many years of spending lots of time there on business.

Well you see, that's the thing.  I don't have any business in Mexico.  I go a visit maybe every couple of years but it's mostly out of obligation to visit family.

But now that my interest in women has shifted to a possible long-term partner from Mexico, I'll have to change that...

Plenty of gabachos put down the border towns because of the seedy reputation, but they are filled with maquiladoras who are filled with young single Mexicanas from all over Mexico, many as factory workers, and plenty more as white collar engineers, accountants and so on. Same with Guadalajara, Queretero, Puebla and the other industrial cities of Mexico. I've been to company parties with several hundred people that were 3 to 1 women to men. So often the men cross the border, but the women come from the ranchitos to where the work is, the industrial parts of the cities.

Yeah.  I know exactly what you're saying.  However, exploring Juarez is not an option for me.  I don't like the city.  Plus with all the violence going on, it's not a place that I would like to visit anytime soon.

U/C has the right idea, Mexico is all about relationships.

Yeah, this is something that I'm definitely gonna have to explore.  Like I mentioned above, I'm asking my folks to put out the word back home.

There seem to be a wider acceptable age range in Mexico than the US. My divorced business friends there all seem to gravitate to women 35 years or more younger than they are. I'd be very wary of really young ones though, but I did have a fortysomething manager marry one of the workers who was 19 once. They both seemed happy. I don't know how it worked out in the long run though.

Ideally, I would like to find someone if their low to mid-twenties.  The reason for this is that they wouldn't be little girls anymore but will be beginning to enter their more mature state.  Well, at least that's my theory! 

If you're an engineer, you should figure out a way to get yourself across the bridge in Ciudad Juarez in some context other than tourism. Delphi's new R&D center there has 1200 or so employees, many of whom are young, female, college educated and absolutely stunning. The same is true of the huge electronics industry there. If you could get in there as a sales rep, troubleshooting consultant, anything (there are hundreds of companies who would use the services of a fluent Spanish speaking technical consultant for their twin plant operations) you'd be absolutely shocked at what a candy store it is, a short walk over the bridge for you. PM me for more details if that sounds interesting.

Cool, thanks!  Although my degree is in engineering, I am now doing IT for the state.  I have decided that I'm going to stay a state employee and retire within the system because I am guaranteed a nice pension at the end of my working life.  Plus I get to retire at 53.    Something that I couldn't probably do in private industry.

Anyway, as I've posted over and over again here, it's all about what culture fits best with you, not which city has women with the most bubble butts, or most interested in outdoor sports. You can find just about any personality and look in any country or city you go, it's about where you're going to be most at-home with their cultural quirks, and having being brought up in the Mexican culture, I'd guess it would be the place for you to look. Your Dad is probably right.

Yeah, I totally agree.  But, while I will be concentrating my efforts on a finding me a nice Mexican girl, if stunner from Central or SA happens to find me irresistible and she happens to be a good one, I ain't saying "No." 

[Bob_S]

U/C has the right idea, Mexico is all about relationships. Forget about bars, you need to get to know families, groups, church organizations, schools, anything but boy meets girl venues, and the place is packed with single women.

I concur.  This is the best approach for a number of reasons.  First off, you have a better chance of avoiding a visa shark.  If you family or friends of family sets you up with a lady they know who gets here and pulls a runner, it will bring shame on the family.

Secondly, they can help screen prospective ladies to better find you a match.  Now, I'm assuming, having come of age in the U.S., in searching for a wife you are not just looking for some maid or sex toy.  Maids can be hired more cheaply and for less fuss than bringing over a foreign spouse, and in the U.S. there are plenty of women willing to volunteer as sex toys for free or cheap.  From those of us with experience, the best long-term wives are those that are our match, equal to us in some level (social, educational, intellectual, spiritually, whatever).  Maybe not in everything (heck, they probably surpass us in many respects!), but enough that we can view our women with respect.

So when you put the word out that you are looking for a wife, you may want to include some qualifiers in what you are looking for.  For example, since you are an engineer, you would probably ultimately be more comfortable with a woman who has some education: a HS graduate at least, preferably with some college or even a college degree herself.  How is your activity level?  Are you a homebody or outdoorsy?  You don't have to have the same hobbies, but if she likes to stay at home and likes her man around, but you prefer to spend your weekends playing company softball and hanging out at sports bars, you won't be a long happy match.


Keep us posted on any likely prospects and how things go.

(Oh, and BTW, if you decide you might like to meet a Japanese girl too, I know one in Japan who speaks English and is learning Spanish because she loves Mexico.)

[InnocentVixen]

Reading this posts reminded me of my cousin's wedding last year in Durango, the bride had relatives in the states so she invited them and they brought some friends along as a mini-vacation, they were all male, she of course invited all of her relatives around Mexico but most of them where young single female women... her male cousins didn't have much fun, but as you can imagine their friends had a blast with so many girls to choose from!

So weddings are always a good place to meet a nice mexican girl, first of all because you will spot the single ones really fast, second because even the shy ones will assist because of the family and third, if you like a more lively one just pick the ones that are dancing the night away

Girls over here are usually somewhat intimidated by the gueritos (yes, they are considered very attractive) and we don't have much contact with negritos so they usually get approached or avoided depending on the personality of the woman. Your looks would only get in the way if that particular woman happens to have very specific tastes I would guess.

I don't know about your likes or dislikes so I have no idea if I know of anyone that you might be interested in.

[robert angel]

Weddings are a good place too meet girls of any nationality. Mix, booze, food, romance, sentimentalism, music and dancing, and you've got the right mix, I reckon!

[utopiacowboy]

Weddings are a good place too meet girls of any nationality. Mix, booze, food, romance, sentimentalism, music and dancing, and you've got the right mix, I reckon!

Not just the weddings - there are also tons of quinceaneras as well.

[fathertime]

Alex, I don't know that much about the mexican babes since I went to colombia, but given what you have said about yourself, you will have no problem with the ladies once you meet them.  I guess one question is how can you meet them.  The guys seem to have good advice on where to meet the ladies.  One issue for me would be: How to get involved in these 'social circles' or weddings, and do you really want to be involved in a bunch of socializing that you are doing for ulterior motives?  I would have a hard time being involved in a Church for example if I was just going there for the women.  I also like to be the one choosing the women I want to see.  There is no harm in having family members on the lookout, but given you probably have some pretty heavy duty criteria and there may not be that many super attractive single ladies like this that your family members are running across in a reasonable timeframe.

For me, I preferred to meet marriage minded ladies through an agency.  Granted there  are a % you have to look out for, but you are fluent in Spanish and should be able to spot visa sharks fairly easily.  I found it to be a good option and wouldn't take that option off the table just yet.  Well that is my two cents.

Good luck,
Fathertime!

[bcc_1_2]

What I can stay is for the young stereotypical gringo Monterrey MX is way better than Anytown Midwest USA.

Chihuahua can't be more than 150 or 200 miles or so from you. I can only comment on my experience, but I think it is safe to say Mexicans date and marry all the time . It should be fun... plus being on the border you'd get to travel down often.

Go experience Honduras, Colombia, etc if you like, but you can't make it down there for a weekend trip like you could in Mexico.

[z_k_g]

Weddings are a good place too meet girls of any nationality. Mix, booze, food, romance, sentimentalism, music and dancing, and you've got the right mix, I reckon!

Robert's shortest post ever!!!!   

Zulu

[Jeff S]

Alex, I don't know that much about the mexican babes since I went to colombia, but given what you have said about yourself, you will have no problem with the ladies once you meet them.  I guess one question is how can you meet them.  The guys seem to have good advice on where to meet the ladies.  One issue for me would be: How to get involved in these 'social circles' or weddings, and do you really want to be involved in a bunch of socializing that you are doing for ulterior motives?  I would have a hard time being involved in a Church for example if I was just going there for the women.  I also like to be the one choosing the women I want to see.  There is no harm in having family members on the lookout, but given you probably have some pretty heavy duty criteria and there may not be that many super attractive single ladies like this that your family members are running across in a reasonable timeframe.

For me, I preferred to meet marriage minded ladies through an agency.  Granted there  are a % you have to look out for, but you are fluent in Spanish and should be able to spot visa sharks fairly easily.  I found it to be a good option and wouldn't take that option off the table just yet.  Well that is my two cents.

Good luck,
Fathertime!

Are you saying you'd rather avoid social gatherings, parties, dances and such if you aren't specifically on the prowl? And you'd rather not meet, dance and socialize with women who don't meet your exact criteria?

Those kinds of things are fun for me still, even now that I'm married and I have continued to do them even after being married. I took my wife to a few but she had little interest, probably because she had enough trouble with English and knew absolutely zero Spanish, but she had no problem with me continuing to socialize at business Christmas parties, friend's weddings, friend's kids quincineras and so on. I've made some lifelong friends that way, and had a lot of fun.

No one says you have to sit in a church and pretend, just to meet women, but Sunday afternoon picnic and fiesta is fair game.

This thread is taking on the feel of the Wedding Crashers movie.

[fathertime]

Are you saying you'd rather avoid social gatherings, parties, dances and such if you aren't specifically on the prowl? And you'd rather not meet, dance and socialize with women who don't meet your exact criteria?

Those kinds of things are fun for me still, even now that I'm married and I have continued to do them even after being married. I took my wife to a few but she had little interest, probably because she had enough trouble with English and knew absolutely zero Spanish, but she had no problem with me continuing to socialize at business Christmas parties, friend's weddings, friend's kids quincineras and so on. I've made some lifelong friends that way, and had a lot of fun.

No one says you have to sit in a church and pretend, just to meet women, but Sunday afternoon picnic and fiesta is fair game.

This thread is taking on the feel of the Wedding Crashers movie.

Hey Jeff, I guess I was sorta saying that! .   I see no harm in a single man who is social and extroverted, doing all those things you guys prescribed, for less social people or people that prefer to cut to the chase, an agency is a viable route as well.  I don’t enjoy dancing strictly for dancing, for me the only reason I would EVER dance was to pick up a babe, those days were long gone for me even before I met my wife.    I suppose I envy people like yourself that dance out of the pure enjoyment of it, this has never been something I could pull off.    When I was younger I enjoyed parties (and have the photos to prove it ), but in recent years I found that I didn’t enjoy parties that much, I guess I got ‘partied out’.  Nowadays I prefer a setting of one on one or a small group, which is why I liked agencies.  Hence, I was imagining myself in his position and thought it might be useful information IF he was also not too comfy with the idea of going to weddings/churchs/parties, where he was looking for a babe while being pretty much a stranger to everybody.  As far as the exact criteria, I think you misunderstood my comment there, I didn’t have a rigorous set of criterion for women. As horrible as it may sound, at a party (when I was single) I might find it boring to talk with women that I don’t find attractive, even if they are the gateway to meeting a lady more to my liking.  As you might have gathered, there are certain personality types that thrive in an agency setting where they make some choices upfront, it is hard to say what the original poster would be most interested in, but I am just offering my own warped perspective.

I haven’t seen wedding crashers, but I heard it was a funny movie.


Fathertime!

[Bob_S]

Not just the weddings - there are also tons of quinceaneras as well.

Perv.  Stay away from those 15-y.o. girls.   

[InnocentVixen]

I don't know much about el señor Alex personality, but no matter how introverted he might be (but I have the feeling he is not) I wouldn't recommend an agency in his case, he has so many options, why limit himself and complicate things?

Finding a marriage minded lady in Mexico is not a problem, I dare to guess finding a marriage minded latina somewhere else should be pretty easy too specially if he gets to meet them by acquaintances.

Alex if you are like fathertime who preffer to have babes lined up for him to choose (hey, nothing wrong with that!) you could always use a dating site like mexicancupid.com or latinamericancupid.com, make sure to write your profile in spanish, in fact if you make up your mind where to go, you could put your location as that place and avoid quite a few visa sharks, just make sure you tell them the truth once you trust them

@robert... are you feeling ok? 

[utopiacowboy]

Perv.  Stay away from those 15-y.o. girls.   

They all have mothers! And aunts and sisters and cousins and.........we're talking Mexican families here, they're huge.

[Jeff S]

LOL - So true. My secretary has over 120 FIRST cousins! I have 5.

[robert angel]

Innocentvixen,

Re:

>>@robert... are you feeling ok? <<

Actually--I'm feeling with my hands lately... Am I missing something here?

[fathertime]

I don't know much about el señor Alex personality, but no matter how introverted he might be (but I have the feeling he is not) I wouldn't recommend an agency in his case, he has so many options, why limit himself and complicate things?
 

Hey IV, 

I agree that he should not limit himself, that is why an agency should not be taken off the table just yet.  He has more options then most of us did, but why exclude one option automatically.  He may well be outgoing and not feel the need for an agency, but sometimes even outgoing people may prefer the ease of using one, that is why I threw out the option as something to nibble on. 

I imagine he would do well on a site like mexicancupid like you suggested, although I wouldn't know because I never tried it myself.

Fathertime!

[Researcher]

     I've been all over Mexico and I liked Guadalajara the best.Its a big city but not over crowded like Mexico City and the people were very friendly.As far as meeting women goes its not like here in the US simply because the women there are approachable.I met women in many places but didn't meet them in bars because it simply wasn't necessary.I would go hang out at the shopping mall on Sunday afternoons and meet women easily.


    Researcher

[alex915]

Now, I'm assuming, having come of age in the U.S., in searching for a wife you are not just looking for some maid or sex toy.  Maids can be hired more cheaply and for less fuss than bringing over a foreign spouse, and in the U.S. there are plenty of women willing to volunteer as sex toys for free or cheap.

Haha!   No, I'm actually looking for a partner and potential mother to my children.  I actually run my household (even if it's just a 1-person one) pretty well.  I cook, clean, maintain my house, etc.  Sex has always been an important part of all my long-term relationships but it is not the most important factor.  For me, compatibility is.

From those of us with experience, the best long-term wives are those that are our match, equal to us in some level (social, educational, intellectual, spiritually, whatever).  Maybe not in everything (heck, they probably surpass us in many respects!), but enough that we can view our women with respect.  So when you put the word out that you are looking for a wife, you may want to include some qualifiers in what you are looking for.  For example, since you are an engineer, you would probably ultimately be more comfortable with a woman who has some education: a HS graduate at least, preferably with some college or even a college degree herself.

I don't really care much for educational levels.  Actually, in my experience, I've had the most problems with women who have been overly ambitious with their educational levels.  Now, don't get me wrong.  It's great to have ambition (it drives us to become better people) but it needs to be for the right reasons.  Unfortunately, these women have placed their careers about everything else just for the money.  Money is nice to have (and you do need to have some) but it should not the basis on which a relationship is based upon.

I'm more interested in her being a good person, with good values and morals.  We can worry about furthering her education later down the road, if that is something that she's interested in exploring.

How is your activity level?  Are you a homebody or outdoorsy?  You don't have to have the same hobbies, but if she likes to stay at home and likes her man around, but you prefer to spend your weekends playing company softball and hanging out at sports bars, you won't be a long happy match.

I'm a nice balance of indoors and outdoors.  Sometimes I just like to watch movies at home and other times I'm out hiking in the wilderness.  If it's a fun activity, I'll more than likely be interested in participating in it, even it is just sporadically.  I like motorcycles too.  They're a big part of my life.

(Oh, and BTW, if you decide you might like to meet a Japanese girl too, I know one in Japan who speaks English and is learning Spanish because she loves Mexico.)

Well, in my experience, East Asian women, when looking for a foreign partner, are usually looking for Caucasian men.  But if she's a kawaii-ko, she's good one and she digs good-looking Mexican guys, yeah by all means, send her my way.