What to know when talking to Filipinas?

[Ethan14]

Hey I'm just starting to talk to some Filipina girls.

I was wondering if you guys had any tips on how to talk to them and how they're different from AW?

For example, there are a few girls who will never initiate conversation with me on IM, I always have to say hi to them first. Now for an American girl I would think this is a sign of disinterest. Is it the same with a Filipina girl or is it maybe because she is less forward than the girls I'm used to?

Any information about how social interactions with Filipina girls are different would be appreciated. 

[Woody]

For example, there are a few girls who will never initiate conversation with me on IM, I always have to say hi to them first. Now for an American girl I would think this is a sign of disinterest. Is it the same with a Filipina girl or is it maybe because she is less forward than the girls I'm used to?

I'm guessing it is just that they are expecting you to initiate things. With Colombianas it is the opposite. Unless I want to be inundated with chat requests, I have to appear offline.

[robert angel]

Good  question Ethan!

I wish I had somewhere like this to go to when I started talking to Filipinas. It was hard enough then 'conversing', using two campbells soup cans tied to a very long length of string! In fact, I still need to ask some of the more experienced guys here why my Filipina wife, who I've known for nine years, still occasionally asks me "Honey--can I ask you something?" Honestly--she still does!

But OK--Kano--Filipina Communications, 101--for three credits:

First--never assume they know exactly --completly---what you're talking about, no matter how much it seems they do understand what you're saying, or more precisely, understand what you mean.

We tend to use, and sometimes we're not even aware of it, metaphors, idioms, slang and words, especially long words, that aren't really used much there. While it seems the Filipina you're talking to 'get its'  -- often they're not getting it. And they don't want to look dumb or scare you off.

It is claimed that the Philippines is the third most populated English speaking country on earth, but never for get that it is still their second language and I believe that their primary language, Tagalog, only has about 50,000 words in it. A basic college dictionary in the USA has over 200,000 words in it!

In a book written in English--and pretty much the educational system there teaches (or is supposed to) in English, they might be able to read the words around the phrases and the words around a word that they don't understand, and get the overall meaning, 'the gist of it' (a phrase they'd never understand, BTW--'catch my drift'?)  but in verbal conversation and in instant messenger chat--it's not nearly as easy--it slides by and you won't even notice they're not getting it.

With Filipinas without a lot of formal education, it's even more challenging, but my wife went to good schools as a child, was tops in her class and completed a five year university program in computer engineering. Still, she has challenges with some aspects of English written expression and to a lesser extent, some finer points of verbal expression. We work on it--when she's writing letters, even cards, she usually asks 'How does THIS sound?'


She works with the school system and reads, writes and speaks well enough to be very highly regarded there, but she's aware of her challenges and takes a weekly class to help her with her English ability, for both verbal and written language.

I think Filipinas from the bigger cities are more used to USA style idioms, metaphors and slang than ladies who grew up in the province, as my wife did (she went to a big city university), but engineering didn't require as much English as say, a liberal arts degree and she didn't have to lean on it at school that much.


So in summary--speak/write plainly--simply. Use short sentences when you can, not going too fast. Be aware of slang, metaphors and idioms. She may seem like she's understanding you by the way she's responding, but may not be doing so nearly as much as you think. Some very nice ladies may be put off if your language is so 'good' that they can't understand you--they'll think you're a 'brainiac', incompatible with them and move on.

[robert angel]

My experience in going into a group chat environment in a Filipina oriented site is that especially when you're new, you'll get so many incomings by girls who want to personal chat you in private--often quickly switching you to yahoo, where you can be more exclusively 'theirs', that it can make your head spin. Some of them are real aggressive. While a lot of them are flirty, flighty types, there will almost always be a few who are quite nice, who you can learn from, and vice versa. 

Just because a girl initializes contact with you doesn't mean she's 'bad news'.

There are some girls who won't initiate contact with many guys, because even though they're 'available' they might have hot looking profile pics and be fending off a lot of wolves, selectively talking to whomever they want to.

I think over the years, more traditional Filipinas who in the past wouldn't have dreamed have initializing 'chat' with a guy, are now more willing, but they'll (and a lot of the nicest girls are this way, I think) will be very, very shy, regardless of their English conversational ability. They may, and often do, have friend or two nearby to encourage them and give them more confidence, but they may well want to follow your lead. I think these kinds of women have a lot of upside. Older women will usually have more questions about you, your life, GF's, ex wives and so on.

It's awkward when you have those dead air times where conversation is slow, but it may take awhile for her to open up, she may have language challenges (not her fault) or she may have been burned in the past and is slow to trust and open up.

If I was still looking, especially among younger women, a somewhat shy, educated, not to sexy dressed-a modest, but attractive young lady, with (it takes a while to tell) from a decent family that taught her good values, would be what I'd love to find. If she came from the provinces and then went to a larger city for further education, all the better. Just remember that some of the best girls will be, especially at first, somewhat reserved.

[Bob_S]

For example, there are a few girls who will never initiate conversation with me on IM, I always have to say hi to them first. Now for an American girl I would think this is a sign of disinterest. Is it the same with a Filipina girl or is it maybe because she is less forward than the girls I'm used to?

It's a Eastern culture thing.  A good girl does not want to appear too forward.  Forget everything you've learned about women.  Dating in the East is more like how your grandfather courted your grandmother.  That's part of what makes them special.




P.S. And when you DO encounter a girl who appears very forward and actively seeks you out?  Watch your wallet.  Not saying they're all that way.  Just watch your wallet.  'Nuff said.

[piglett]

I would also like to put my 2 cents in here
some ladies want you to switch to YM rite away.
some of them will try to have you pay them for their naked pictures.
Others will try to pull the old "broken phone" scam
Others will ask you for a computer, like money grows on trees or something.
I remember one who hinted about money for her tuition. I cut here loose rite then & there.

good luck dude
piglett

[Dave H]

Great advice Rob!

They speak English in the Philippines?   I will help my daughter with her math, social studies, history, etc, but I won't touch Philippine English with my purple tabo!   English in the Philippines is taught by non-native English speakers and can be quite interesting to say the least. Most of the confusion for me seems to come from their English by the dictionary and the use of Spanish vowel pronunciation.

Dave

[Ethan14]

Great info guys. I'm used to having to tease girls, or ignore them at times in order to keep their interest. I guess I'll have to rethink my flirting a little.

There are probably a lot of great shy girls who are overlooked too. I'll have to look out for them.

[Ray]

Robert made some good points about Filipinos and their understanding of the English language.

I would like to add one important point. When speaking verbally to Filipinas, do speak a little slower if need be, and try to keep the language usage a little simpler so that you will be more readily understood, BUT…

Please DO NOT use that stupid baby-talk that a lot of guys revert to when talking to Filipinos! It is degrading and downright stupid the way some guys change the whole tone of their voice to a pseudo baby-talk mode when addressing their wives or girlfriends.

Use your normal tone of voice, be patient, and they will pick up the subtleties of everyday English faster that you may think.

Ray

[Dave H]

Hey Ray,

Great points! Even though they Filipinos use the Spanish 4-5 vowel sounds when speaking English, I must say Philippine English is really not that difficult to understand. Understanding us can be another matter. I tend to speak English way TOOO FAST and run words together. Having a very deep voice does not help matters. The fact that we speak from the middle of our mouths and back of our throats is odd to them. They say that we "swallow our words," also calling it "speaking slang." Filipinos speak from the front of their mouths and  project the words out. When speaking with Filipinos that are not very familiar with my speaking style, I try to raise my voice up a few octaves (not baby talk), project my words, speak slower, clearly, pronouncing entire words (sometimes adding an extra syl..la..ble or two in a Filipino manner (Cath(o)-lic = Cath-ol-ic), use some Philippine pronunciations, avoid slang, etc.

My Filipina sister-in-law teaches British students. British teachers often put down what they call Filipino (American) pronunciation and word usage. I told her to tell them that there are a HELL of a lot more American's speaking English than British. English is a Germanic language and the Germans speak English in the American manner, not British!

Dave

[stevjulietb]

Juliet's English is improving greatly, now that she hears AJ constantly repeating the sounds of our letters.  She had to talk to a telemarketer(sp) the other day, she got mad at the "foreigner" for speaking bad English.  LOL

The advice I have for everyone...go slow..it takes time to learn the processes needed for this rewarding adventure.

Steveb

[robert angel]

Ray:

>>Use your normal tone of voice<<  & >>Please DO NOT use that stupid baby-talk<<

That's ridiculous. Every time I've been in Mexico that I can actually remember, I've spoken English using a Spanish accent, using a lot of emphasis on each word, especially on the end of words, and it's worked in taxis, pharmacias, restaurants and hotels! So does singing the chorus to that great song by The Knack "My Corona!" Andale!!>>It works!

Furthermore, soft, mushy and romantic baby talk, especially in the dark, works with my highly educated Filipina wife every time. As a matter of fact, my fav. 'pet' word for her IS 'babycakes'! So put that in your pipe and flame it! 

[thekfc]

I am also one of those who tend to talk too fast.
Sometimes when I am talking to Ahya she would tell me  to "write it down"  - that is her clue to me that I am talking to fast.

Ahya is a teacher & she understand English good but her 3rd sister have a great command of the English language maybe of her traveling experience (HK, Singapore, Japan, etc).

[Bob_S]

Great info guys. I'm used to having to tease girls, or ignore them at times in order to keep their interest.

Yeah, that might work in America, that might work in Latin America, but it don't work too well in Asia.  They are more apt to take you at face value.  If you ignore them, they'll assume you are not interested and move on.  No effing mind games.

There are probably a lot of great shy girls who are overlooked too. I'll have to look out for them.

Yes, they are, and it's a damn shame.  I know a sweet Japanese girl, 26 but looks 16, who is eager to meet a nice guy from North America.  But when it comes to guys, she is painfully shy.  I tried to fix her up with a coworker of mine, but he is a Latino and is used to more aggressive girls putting in a lot more effort, so sadly, things fell apart.  Too bad.  They would have been a nice match.  The shy girls just have a hard time competing.

[ByChoice]

I have to purge my phone of excess girl numbers every two weeks.  Every time I turn around some girl wants to be my friend.  Funny how it never happens when my wife is around.  I save the phone numbers and pass them on to my single friends.  The girls are not that tough to meet or impress.  Just remember; good girls are attracted to good guys, bad girls are attracted to anyone with a bulging wallet or a few ounces of rugby.

My advise: dont bother with any girl that doesnt have a great job or who is too anxious to come to the USA.  But even so,  guys who wouldnt have a prayer dating a gorgeous rich American actress can find seemingly great opportunities here.  Last year I met an ugly canadian guy who could barely afford his trip to the PI.  He was about to marry a pinay lawyer.  I wonder what she wanted, or was it true love?

[jm21-2]

Great info guys. I'm used to having to tease girls, or ignore them at times in order to keep their interest. I guess I'll have to rethink my flirting a little.

There are probably a lot of great shy girls who are overlooked too. I'll have to look out for them.

Seriously, re-think it. I don't know much about Filipinas but Chinese/Taiwanese girls really don't go for guys who play hard to get. From reading the boards here I imagine Chinese girls are more likely to get pissed off whereas Filipinas are more likely to feel hurt/neglected, but either one is bad.

[robert angel]

I don't think any Filipina worth having is going to chase after any guy. She will most likely be nice to you if you're not a jerk, and after she's known you a while say 'hi' if she sees you're online and you're available, but she won't engage in  one sided, relentless pursuing of some guy who's playing hard to get or worse yet teasing her--or aggressively try and take you away from another woman. She easily gets jealous. Filipinas can have tempers and often have unique, hard to describe pride mixed with a good balance of modesty, but if you offend one, you may be surprised when you get a few E mails basically telling you that 'you're not a good, decent man.


Never try and referee a fight between Filipinas. Not only is it pointless and likely beyond our realm of understanding, but no matter how bitter the fight, they're likely to put aside their bitterness (for a little while anyway) and wail on your ass instead, for having the nerve to interere in "Filipina relations" (or the lack thereof)

Jm21-2's mentioned before that some Asian women really don't like being teased and I think that extends to Filipinas and probably most Asian women. Teasing isn't really part of their, for lack of a better description 'conversational mentality' and the way a kano might phrase it and intend it as being 'teasing' would likely be taken a meanness or just confuse them away from you.

Perhaps you should listen to (and READ below) the attached link to Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness" song. Note how it repeats twice, DON'T tease her!

 http://www.jango.com/music/Otis+Redding?l=0 

<< That's a good link to it and some other tasty free jams to lay on her--for you both to listen tor--like Al Greenes "Let's Stay together"

Guys--let me know if you 'tuned into' this link!

I think the lyrics (written in 1932!) about sum up almost perfectly what it takes to woo a Filipina of relatively modest means. The lyrics vary a bit from site to site and while Otis Redding undoubtedly did the song best (backed by Booker T and the MG's, produced by Issac Hayes) it's been covered by everyone from Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Jimmy Durante to current bad boy poster child Chris Browne, to name but a fraction. Michael Buble's 'sanitized' version is most certainly the one 99% of Filipinas would choose to hear. A LOT of Filipinas LOVE Michael Buble!

 Ooh she may be weary
And them young girls they do get weary
Wearing that same old shaggy dress
But when they get weary
[You gotta] try a little tenderness

[Tell you, might not believe it, but]
You know she's waiting
Just anticipating
The thing that she'll never, never, possess,no,no
But while [all the time] she's without it
Go to her and try just a little bit of tenderness
[Thats all you gentlemen gotta do]

Oh,but its one thing
It might be a bit sentimental yeah, yeah
She has - her greaves and care
But the soft words [they] are spoken so gentle
Yeah
But, oh, that makes it, makes it easier to bear, yeah

You wont regret it
No no,
Them young girls they dont forget it
[Cause] Love is their whole, whole happiness Yes, yes, yeah

And its all so easy
Come on and try
Try a little Tenderness
Yeah Try
Just keep on trying

You've got to love her
Squeeze her
Don't tease her Make love [Get to her]
Hold her tight
Just, just try a little tenderness
Thats all you gotta do
Youve gotta hold her tight

One more time
You`ve got to love her
hold her Don't tease her
Never leave her
Make love to her
Hold her, man

Try a little tenderness
[Just one time] God have mercy now

All you`ve gotta do
Love her
You've gotta hold her
Don't squeeze her
Never leave her Y
ou gotta now,now,now

Watch it , tell everybody
Try
Try a little tenderness

You gotta make love
Don't tease her
Never leave her
Rub her down
Smooth her, soothe her
Move her
Love her
Rub her
Gotta gotta, zak it to her
Try some tenderness

Oh yeah
Tenderness
Little tendernes
Gotta, lord you gotta hold her
Squeeze her Never leave her

[thekfc]

I don't think any Filipina worth having is going to chase after any guy. She will most likely be nice to you if you're not a jerk, and after she's known you a while say 'hi' if she sees you're online and you're available,

So true! I still get the occasional "hi" from some of the ladies that I have chatted with (including the sisters), I get the hi, how are you?, how is life? have you been to phil yet?, how was your trip?, when are you coming back? etc,.

[robert angel]

Yup--very polite and nice. I still get nice e mails, some on holidays, just wishing me and my situation well. No biggie--if I do reply, it's also brief and polite--no heavy chats.

And with some, it's not only sweet, nice and polite, but they're very subtly letting the door stay open a little bit 'just in case' things don't work out between you and #1--but without pressure.

Some would also want to meet a friend like you by reference.

Kfc--can you dig that tune I referenced?

[thekfc]

Kfc--can you dig that tune I referenced?

Hell Yeah!!!!!!
Even Ahya knows some of his songs. I gave Ahya a portable hard drive with a ton of music on it & one day she was going thru it & all of a sudden she started singing Otis Redding's "Sitting on the dock of the Bay" & then The Manhattans - "Shining Star" & she knew the words more than I did.

Listen to this song again just gave me a great idea for my wedding song.

[robert angel]

Kfc---As they say in the RP, bud--- Yeh Hey!
 
Jam up!

[thekfc]

Here is a great great jam.

Embedding have been disabled - just click on Watch on YouTube in the middle to watch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC8GCb4LhZ4&feature=related

I love these lyrics especially"

For as long as you're say
that you are in love with me
truly our love will grow wider
Deeper than any sea

And of all the little things that I would ever want
In this whole wide world
Is for someone like you to say
right now that you'll be my girl

[Ethan14]

My advise: dont bother with any girl that doesnt have a great job or who is too anxious to come to the USA.

Yeah I've been trying to only talk to girls with college educations. The others usually seem to have really bad English, and I just can't have a meaningful conversation with them.

But I'll definitely take all this advice to heart. I guess you don't have to worry about being "friend zoned" by Asian women?

 I might as well forget the flirting style I've always used with American girls. I'm barely interested in dating them anymore. (I guess I won't date someone for at least the next 2 years since I'm still in college?) 

[jm21-2]

But I'll definitely take all this advice to heart. I guess you don't have to worry about being "friend zoned" by Asian women?

Typically the 'friend zone' is where relationships begin, rather than end, with most Asian girls.

[opensource]

Yeah I've been trying to only talk to girls with college educations. The others usually seem to have really bad English, and I just can't have a meaningful conversation with them.

But I'll definitely take all this advice to heart. I guess you don't have to worry about being "friend zoned" by Asian women?

 I might as well forget the flirting style I've always used with American girls. I'm barely interested in dating them anymore. (I guess I won't date someone for at least the next 2 years since I'm still in college?) 

You and I are in the same boat. We're around the same age and I have lost interest in most AW. I guess it'll just take time getting used to talking to some that you can actually talk to. An idea I am looking into is trying the Rosetta Stone to learn Tagalog, anyone tried it?