What to know when talking to Filipinas?

[Ethan14]

You and I are in the same boat. We're around the same age and I have lost interest in most AW. I guess it'll just take time getting used to talking to some that you can actually talk to. An idea I am looking into is trying the Rosetta Stone to learn Tagalog, anyone tried it?

That's really cool. I guess we'll be going through with this whole thing at around the same time. Maybe I'll hear some good stories/advice from you, hopefully a trip report eventually! (And vice-versa)
Are you looking to just make some friends over there at this point or are you actually looking for someone?

I also tried that DateinAsia.com site you were talking about. You actually found some decent girls on that site? I signed up a couple of days ago and everyone I talk to has pretty bad English. I had better luck finding girls on a free, mostly American dating website, OKCupid.com. And Filipinaheart.com looks pretty promising. I'll pay for a membership for that when I'm more ready to find someone.

[robert angel]

Make friends first--whether casually or geared to a serious relationship. Don't limit yourself.

While sadly enough that most 'friends' on line treat one another as 'disposable' (the nature of the internet) you can learn a good bit about the people and culture online before going and getting 'the rest of story', although not being a native there--we'll never truly grasp it all, as some Kanos here will affirm.

In particular, I recall some older women who were very ready to set me up with women of all types, asking me if I wanted a pretty travel partner who would also give me 'fringe benefits' for just bringing her along to nice tourist spots, or if I wanted to meet another type of girl for possibly a serious relationship/marriage--perhaps even a family member of theirs they'd introduce me to.

I was very surprised how open and honest these older women were--they were intelligent, well educated and did not initially make such offers, but after a while, I guess they liked me and offered help. I obviously didn't go with the easy travel partner w/ fringe benefits option. Each time I went--I was fortunate to have lined up a great gal who I'd conversed with for quite a while and we had a wonderful time, until I met the one--my current wife. That's a 'best case scenario' I guess. I as pretty sure I knew what (who) was waiting for me there in terms of my companion, and I was correct.

So don't limit yourself to just making contacts with say, women 18 to 25 years of age. Make friends across a wide spectrum and carefully get yourself educated. If sadly your first true intentions--the ONE lady you should be going to see because you did your initial homework correctly, doesn't work out for whatever reasons--contacts as I've described could be golden.

If you want to travel from island to island, town to town, trying to deflower so called 'virgins' and banging any one who looks hot, you may come home with some unintended souvenir!

[jmcooper002]

My filipina girl explained this very simply to me. She says that she wants a guy to make the first move. "Its just a filipina thing!". I have chatted with girls that never wanted to contact me first and I had to inform them several times that it was okay. My GF now will contact me but that was after a month of talking to her for 5 -6 hours a day and making initial contact.

I am surprised though that fil girls although very conservative in many regards are much more open sexually that nonce thought before. Even a girl that is still a virgin will open up and be a little naughty. I think that was one of the biggest shocks for me. But they do it in such a way that is innocent, and caring. Unlike many American women who will just sleep with a guy cause she was in the mood. I don't get the feeling that many filipinas are really like that. They want to at least think that they man they are intimate with is interested in marriage.

[Bob_S]

But I'll definitely take all this advice to heart. I guess you don't have to worry about being "friend zoned" by Asian women?

What jm21 said.  With Am-W, being shunted to the "friends zone" means being shelved until she needs to use you (wants you to pay for something, needs you as an emotional vomit bucket, whatever) without ever putting out.  But with Asian women, the "friends zone" is where they stick you while they check you out for serious future potential.  Don't be impatient or offended if an As-W sticks you in her friend zone for a few weeks, months, or even years.  It doesn't mean she's off frakking other guys.  Seriously.  As long as she's not whining about the other guys she's dating while she's keeping you shelved (as Am-W are apt to do), you are still in the game.

[piglett]

So don't limit yourself to just making contacts with say, women 18 to 25 years of age. Make friends across a wide spectrum and carefully get yourself educated.


sooo true I was looking in the 18-25 year range & then I saw 2 new members of filipiniaheart that were 26. So i said well ok why not? as it turned out they were both great ladies & one i now intend to marry in June.


piglett

[Ray]

An idea I am looking into is trying the Rosetta Stone to learn Tagalog, anyone tried it?

I have no personal experience with Rosetta Stone but I understand it isn’t cheap.

Tagalog is not an easy language to learn. Just the verb conjugations can drive you nuts.

I am studying Tagalog (Pilipino) at my local community College. The course covers reading, writing, and verbal conversation, with added emphasis on Filipino culture. The instructors are very good and my current teacher is willing to provide free one-on-one tutoring before or after class time.

To me, the immediate feedback on my pronunciation and grammar usage is very important. Whichever method you try for learning Tagalog, try to go with something that provides at least some direct criticism of your verbal skills. Without that, good luck!

Keep in mind that to become fluent, it takes an average of about 7 years of total immersion. I try to practice my Tagalog every day. My wife & I converse regularly in Tagalog, my immediate neighbors are all Filipinos, my dentist and her assistant are native Tagalog. I also use Tagalog with the ladies at our local Filipino bakery, and with the cashiers and baggers at the supermarket. If you live in an area where there is little opportunity to practice what you are studying, then it will become very difficult to reinforce your knowledge.

Also, there are something like 170+ separate languages spoken in the Philippines and Tagalog is only used regularly mostly in parts of Luzon and the Southern Tagalog Regions. Tagalog (or Pilipino/Filipino) is taught in the schools in the Philippines so most Filipinos have a good grasp of Tagalog, even as a second language.

Tagalog may be more useful to you here in the States, where Filipinos of all language backgrounds use it, along with English, as a common language wherever Filipinos congregate.

There is a Philippine Government run Web site where they will supposedly teach you Filipino on-line for something like $20 USD per lesson block, which sounds very reasonable. You may want to try something like that first before you invest a large sum in computer-based instruction materials. There are other free sites on the Web where you can learn Tagalog, so do some surfing there too.

http://www.learnfilipino.ph/sitemap.asp

Either way, get yourself a good English-Tagalog-English pocket dictionary for starters. They are relatively inexpensive and a necessity. Check with Amazon.com.

Good luck!

Ray

[robert angel]

I cannot begin to fathom learning Tagalog or Visayan--also known as Bisayan, for what reason I have no idea.... 
I think once you're into or past your teens, your brain's ability to learn a second language diminishes quickly in most people. Takes a lot of dedication for sure.

I've been hanging around Filipinos for over 25 years and been married to a Filipina for about twenty, and it's embarrassing how little I've learned. During that time I was able to pick up two advanced graduate degrees from good universities and rarely even did homework while working full time, so I don't think I am too dumb.

 I guess I just have zippo talent for foreign languages and mathematics, I guess. The Visayan flies by so fast, I really have trouble following it..

[opensource]

Ethan,

I am looking for a friendships for now. I'd like to take about a year to learn much more about the country and it's customs before I visit. I'd like to visit next summer at the earliest.

Yes, I found two very interesting girls on there so far -- both have VERY good English. I enjoy talking to them first, so I can learn more about the country through them without everything getting lost in translation..

Keep looking there, it's free and has many girls. Usually, I look at their profile and if they have lots written about themselves that aren't quotes and is written in decent English -- I'll engage.

Ray,

I'd like to thank you for your input. I'll check around.

Robert,

This is just out of curiosity and enjoyment out of reading your posts. What did you get your graduate degrees in or what fields are you employed in, if you don't mind me asking?

[Dave H]

I have also found that total immersion is the easiest way to learn a new language. It worked with my Spanish. The more time that I spend living in the Philippines, the more I am able to pick up bits and pieces of Bisayan. Tagalog is another matter since it is only heard on TV where I live. As to "Filipino" (Tagalog) lessons for our daughter, we leave it to school teachers who are Filipino language experts! A Spanish and other Latin languages.s Ray mentioned, instant feedback is very important! I still mispronounce many Filipino place names, since I learned most of them from reading maps and not speaking with Filipinos or visiting. Then again, Tagalogs mispronounce the name of our city. They pronounce every vowel or diphthong as a separate syllable, as in Spanish and other Latin languages.

Dave

[myrealprofit]

Hey I'm just starting to talk to some Filipina girls.

I was wondering if you guys had any tips on how to talk to them and how they're different from AW?

For example, there are a few girls who will never initiate conversation with me on IM, I always have to say hi to them first. Now for an American girl I would think this is a sign of disinterest. Is it the same with a Filipina girl or is it maybe because she is less forward than the girls I'm used to?

Any information about how social interactions with Filipina girls are different would be appreciated. 

My advice, just tell them "NO" OK, just playing, but I guess the main reason I have kept away from Filipina girls is because they seem to be way more internet savvy with chatting with guys. I just find the less interaction with the internet the better! Just my opinion and I am no expert!

[robert angel]

Regarding:

> I guess the main reason I have kept away from Filipina girls is because they seem to be way more internet savvy with chatting with guys. I just find the less interaction with the internet the better! Just my opinion and I am no expert!<<

I can't speak internet savviness for women from rural areas outside of the Philippines that well, but I think in those places, (rural) they probably have little or no internet and in places with more and with equal access to the internet, they're going to be at the same level of 'savvy' regardless of location. It's not a 'nationality' thing, I don't think. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think different cultures with the same level of expertise and access to the internet will be pretty much equal in how they use it, for good and bad. Sort of an unprovable hypothesis, I guess--and like your opinion, which I respect &*#@ --ha ha---ya never know...

To say "the less interaction with the internet the better" when you're talking about thousands of miles to travel and thousands of dollars to spend to see one another doesn't strike me as quite right, given the reality we're in here--it's sort of--shall we say--'a necessary evil'. Yes, the internet leaves opportunity for deceptions, but trying to avoid it and win a foreign bride without it and it's pitfalls is sort of like wanting to stay warm, but not get anywhere near the fire. And I really, really dislike the conniving, cold nature of the internet--the artificialness where in reality, people often treat another as 'disposable'.

[robert angel]

Hey Dave,

Saying ""I have also found that total immersion is the easiest way to learn a new language. It worked with my Spanish. The more time that I spend living in the Philippines, the more I am able to pick up bits and pieces of Bisayan""

Oh yea--where you are--total immersion is definitely the term! From what I've heard--they don't even have Grayline Tour buses in Butuan!

I have to give you credit for being --shall we say 'middle aged' and able to pick up the language a fair bit there--I thought it was all but impossible for guys our age, damn you!

I felt a bit better when you stated: ""I still mispronounce many Filipino place names, since I learned most of them from reading maps and not speaking with Filipinos or visiting.""

The names of half the places over there just put my tongue into knots and what comes out of my mou mou just makes my wife laugh and roll her eyes. Actually, that's probably a good thing, because by now, she's heard all my jokes already.

I want to go to Tagibilaran, but I can't even pronounce that right, after a thousand tries--and that's one of the easier ones...

Look, I heard you're going down that way and I need you to tell them to change the name to TAGA BILARIAN, because that's the way it should actually be pronounced. I think we might be living around there sooner or later and that would help bunches--tell them I told you so. Thank you very much in advance, Dave.

BTW, I was going to ask you to leave the light on for me, because I was going to stop by and visit you guys in old Butuan--well--actually, I really wanted to visit so I could see those huge, surfer sized waves I heard so much about roll on in, but I just realized that's actually Surigao Del Sur, so there's been a little change in plans....

I guess I am one of those 'ugly Americans' because I was reading the posts where guys are saying that virtually nobody speaks English in Colombia and I was thinking how need to get down there and fix that awful problem. Isn't there a law? Didn't Teddy Roosevelt fix all that a while back?

Then we can go to France and do the same thing, I figure. Those ungrateful, Vichy swine still owe us big time for us saving the world for democracy and inventing pantyhose at the same time, but as the women in Colombia are better looking, it's more in the USA's national interest to remedy the problem there first! We'll show them!

[Ray]

...actually, I really wanted to visit so I could see those huge, surfer sized waves I heard so much about roll on in, but I just realized that's actually Surigao Del Sur, so there's been a little change in plans....

Robert,

If you want the big surfer waves, you need to go to Siargao Island in Surigao Del Norte. There is a big annual international surfing competition around Sept-Oct, mostly at Cloud Nine.

Ray

[ByChoice]

I have no personal experience with Rosetta Stone but I understand it isn’t cheap.

Tagalog is not an easy language to learn. Just the verb conjugations can drive you nuts.

I am studying Tagalog (Pilipino) at my local community College. The course covers reading, writing, and verbal conversation, with added emphasis on Filipino culture. The instructors are very good and my current teacher is willing to provide free one-on-one tutoring before or after class time.

To me, the immediate feedback on my pronunciation and grammar usage is very important. Whichever method you try for learning Tagalog, try to go with something that provides at least some direct criticism of your verbal skills. Without that, good luck!

Keep in mind that to become fluent, it takes an average of about 7 years of total immersion. I try to practice my Tagalog every day. My wife & I converse regularly in Tagalog, my immediate neighbors are all Filipinos, my dentist and her assistant are native Tagalog. I also use Tagalog with the ladies at our local Filipino bakery, and with the cashiers and baggers at the supermarket. If you live in an area where there is little opportunity to practice what you are studying, then it will become very difficult to reinforce your knowledge.

Also, there are something like 170+ separate languages spoken in the Philippines and Tagalog is only used regularly mostly in parts of Luzon and the Southern Tagalog Regions. Tagalog (or Pilipino/Filipino) is taught in the schools in the Philippines so most Filipinos have a good grasp of Tagalog, even as a second language.

Tagalog may be more useful to you here in the States, where Filipinos of all language backgrounds use it, along with English, as a common language wherever Filipinos congregate.

There is a Philippine Government run Web site where they will supposedly teach you Filipino on-line for something like $20 USD per lesson block, which sounds very reasonable. You may want to try something like that first before you invest a large sum in computer-based instruction materials. There are other free sites on the Web where you can learn Tagalog, so do some surfing there too.

http://www.learnfilipino.ph/sitemap.asp

Either way, get yourself a good English-Tagalog-English pocket dictionary for starters. They are relatively inexpensive and a necessity. Check with Amazon.com.

Good luck!

Ray

It has been my experience in the Philippines, where i have been living on and off for 35 years, that Tagalog is worth the time and effort to learn, without expense; there are many dialects, but they are not as  separate as Ray might have you believe.  At the very least if you learn Tagalog you have a pretty good chance of being understood, although, you might have some difficulty understanding one of the other dialects. Remember this though;  the Filipinos consider it kind of a treat to speak with English speakers, and many times they go out of their way to recall their early English lessons.  Even children who cannot afford school have some basic English skills. There are so many Filipinos living all over the world that free lessons can be had for the sake of friendship.  I own a copy of Rosetta stone, and although I don't regret buying it, I wouldn't buy it again.  As with any language, practice makes perfect. 

It does not take 7 years to become fluent.  With dedicated practice and an adequate teacher you can be speaking well in two months, and be fluent inside of a year.

There are a surprising number of English and Spanish words in their language.  In many places they count numbers using Spanish words.  The Spanish were here for hundreds of years before the Spanish American war in 1898.  Then the US navy  decimated the Spanish fleet in manila bay.  The Japanese were here too short a time to have any lasting influence, but the US and the PI have had close ties for better that a hundred years.

The US is not completely popular here and loosing some influence.  Older generations are caught between loving MacArthur and hating what rap music and American consumerism is doing to their young people.

Its too bad, because these are a wonderful people.  Its folks like some of the senior members who are ruining this culture by trying to change it.  Americans equate success with fortune...these folks equate success with close families .  About 98% of the old people live with their children or grandchildren.  the thought of growing old in America is disturbing to them.  Remember, when you take a bride to America or Australia, or Europe, you are breaking apart something they Cherish most...their families.

[robert angel]

Regarding:

>>If you want the big surfer waves, you need to go to Siargao Island in Surigao Del Norte<<


Yea Ray, that sounds pretty good. My recall was off a bit--I guess if you want to stay on the big island of Mindanao, Surigao Del Norte is better for waves and beach action than Del Sur, name aside. Siargao is getting quite a reputation lately, and the pretty much once undiscovered beach area thereabouts, now called "Cloud Nine" is sometimes referred to now as "Crowd Nine"--which they say is more accessible than some other, also said to be 'totally excellent man', beaches around there.


I love a good beach ever since I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are of getting lost from my parents at beaches, getting caught up in waves way too big for me and getting all but annihilated by the surf. I can remember a brief snapshot of maybe a a second or two timewise-an image in my mind of my hands and feet being totally stretched and spread out in a five foot tunnel tube of a wave and the eerie whooshing sound and strange mirrored beauty of that wave, right before it ground me into the sandy ocean bottom. It was almost like I just HAD to pay a painful price for that special moment--really a couple seconds...

When I was a kid, my parents divorced and my Mom, firesty as she is, took my sisters and I and we moved from NYC to St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. There were times we could hardly afford water, never mind powdered milk, but it was cool--there were always people poorer, so we didn't feel that bad. My sisters and I were the only white kids at our school--my nickname was 'white cheese'.

I made money singing calypso songs for Navy Seabees sailors on R&R, they'd toss me coins and it was a good deal--a white, towheaded kid singing the black man's music! This was before the cruise ships and millions of tourists began coming in--there were even a few Dane holdouts from when Denmark sold the islands off. And I had the run of the place.

Anyway--when there was a really bad storm and even after a hurricaine, I'd skip school with a couple of equally dumb kids, and go out to the beach and jump waves. They probably weren't as big as I seem to remember, but to me, the really 'big mamas' seemed to be at least as big as three story high houses. We'd squat down when the wave was at low trough and jump the SOB as it rose. Quite the rush! Even the barracuda knew better than us...

Anyway--there's still more beaches to discover and Palawan, Bohol, Camiguin and the Surigao area are on our list!

[Ray]

...there are many dialects, but they are not as  separate as Ray might have you believe.  At the very least if you learn Tagalog you have a pretty good chance of being understood, although, you might have some difficulty understanding one of the other dialects.

It's obvious that you know little about language.

A dialect is generally considered to be a variation of a main language, where the speakers of different dialects are mutually understood.

Tagalog, which is one of many main languages of the Philippines, is not mutually comprehensible with other major Philippine languages. A native Tagalog speaker and a native Surigaonon speaker for example, could not effectively communicate with each other based solely on their knowledge of only their respective native languages.

But as I mentioned in the quote you included in your own post, the co-national language, Filipino (essentially Tagalog), is taught in the schools throughout the Philippines. With the high literacy rate, most Filipinos learned Filipino (Tagalog) in school with some reinforcement from TV and radio. That is why they can understand a Tagalog speaker, NOT because of similarities in their different languages.

See, even you Mr. Know-it-all can learn something here if you take your head out of your ass long enough to pay attention…

Ray

[crashfirepm53]

Alot of great information here. Robert was right. Don't assume they understand everything you are saying/typing at least not until you talk on the phone so you can hear her English level. It would be embarressing to them to appear that their English isn't so good. Plus, a Pinay that speaks good English is probibly viewed a little more desired than one that speaks poorly. Don't let that distract you though.
My girl speaks really good English but it's basic to intermediate level. Very clear. I find that when I speak I talk and text like her, leaving out words even using wrong words but she understands to make the point.

Some words they use in a completely wrong manner but pay attention. My girl says she wants to "pinch" me. Thats not what she really is saying. Thats her way of expressing her feelings to me, the desire to touch me. "Hugs" is another one that means more than just a hug but physical affection.
Some guys say not to tease them about their English profiency. My girl loves it!! But I do it in a fun way. I say some crazy things sometimes that she takes literally but she can't comprehend it. I used the term "butthead" the other day. Her reply.... "HUH". I can imagine her picturing a guy with a butt for a head. LOL.
If you get any opinion she is not true or after money, move on. Too many good ones still looking.

I wouldn't get to focussed on just a certain type, age or education of the woman you are looking for. I'm 39 and was looking up to 35 ish with 25 the absolute bottem end. Many 18 y/o wrote me or tried to chat. Thats too young.They want to chat but wouldn't type anything.lol. I did write a 21 y/o by mistake, best mistake I ever made so far. Once you get to know someone, your thoughts could change.
The girl in my avatar, I have been talking with since November. Matter of fact I am flying out on May 10 to Cebu. I haven't spoke to many women in PH. After her , there wasn't a need in my opinion. She has really blown me away.

I am surprised though that fil girls although very conservative in many regards are much more open sexually that nonce thought before. Even a girl that is still a virgin will open up and be a little naughty. I think that was one of the biggest shocks for me. But they do it in such a way that is innocent, and caring. Unlike many American women who will just sleep with a guy cause she was in the mood. I don't get the feeling that many filipinas are really like that. They want to at least think that they man they are intimate with is interested in marriage.

I'd agree. They are very concerned about their image and reputation.But really they are human too. Without details, my girl isn’t very sexually educated, almost uneducated there. To me sex is very important. I’ve been with American women that just didn’t make the cut in that department. I had a 5’9’, Puerto Rican beauty that we got along excellent. But sexually it was ok and some things she just was reserved or just against. I couldn’t stay in it. Anyways, one day I just threw out some sexual comment or joke. In the past she said that was gross but she felt comfortable with me and viewed my comment very differently. She’d never tolerate that from another or me early on in our talks.
Our conversations on the subject has really grown, she has opened up and although inexperienced is a willing student.lol.
Her friends saw my pic she took to work which by the way she took back home cause they all kept taking it away! I’m a big guy and they say things like is she ready for bedroom, things like that. They’d never say anything sexually explicted. You see my point. Very subtle.
Her cousin is engaged to an American. He just left there. Not one word about sex was discussed but they both know what was really happening on his visit.

You have probably read this but Asian women don’t really “date” around. If you are talking to one beyond as friends, she will get attached quickly and you will be her boyfriend. She won’t like you talking to other women. If that’s not what you are looking for then be honest. Hiding something is only trouble later. Better now than after marriage or a $4000 trip.

[Dave H]

Hey Dave,

I have to give you credit for being --shall we say 'middle aged' and able to pick up the language a fair bit there--I thought it was all but impossible for guys our age, damn you!

Thanks Rob,

But you are giving me much more credit than I deserve! I am only learning the "bad" words!  I know what it means when someone calls me a "pisot" or "bastos." I do speak Chavacano, but there are only a few other people in town who have any clue as to what I am saying.  More English is heard here than Tagalog. Tagalog is more for TV, the movies, and Filipino subjects in school here. But I sure wish I could speak it it, mainly because I love Filipino action movies so much!!!

You will have to visit Cloud 9 with me. I haven't made it yet, do to other things that came up. But some of my friends and relatives go there often. I know a few other surf spots in Surigao Del Norte and Del Sur.

There are many different languages in the Bisayan language group alone. My wife speaks 5 or 6 of them. We had some Mamanwa visitors at Christmas time. My wife was able to converse some with them using a combination of Suriganon, Butuanon, Cebuano, Boholano, etc. I just used sign language...they said that I am the "Datu of the Sun"..or maybe it was that my "floodlight is very bright like the sun." Oh well, I prefer the first translation!

Datu of the Sun

[robert angel]

Datu funny 4 me!