Very Young Guy

[Ethan14]

Hey guys, I've been browsing the posts here for a few weeks, at first purely out of curiosity of marrying abroad, but I think I've been convinced! So many of your experiences sound really exciting and positive, it's inspiring.

The unique thing about me is that I'm only 20, still in college. I date around fairly frequently and AW are alright. But out of curiosity I started reading the posts on here and I feel like I'm already leaning toward trying to meet a girl from the Philippines! I checked out Filipinaheart just to see what it was like and wow! 
The girls are absolutely gorgeous and I love their sense of values and romance.

I have some questions but one that comes to mind is: Is it weird for me to have this idea in my head at such a young age? Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan on starting to look for a girl to marry for another five years at least, when I have a stable job and income, but am I too young to start dreaming?

In any case, I hope to learn more from you guys.

[Ray]

Welcome aboard Ethan!

No, you're not too young or "weird".

I first became interested in Filipinas at age 21 and made my first trip to the Philippines at age 22. I have been hooked ever since. I married a Filipina at age 25.

Do explore the culture and try to cultivate some friendships over there, both male and female. And start saving up for a vacation trip so you'll be ready to go when the time is right.

Ray

[Jeff S]

Hi Ethan and welcome. Yes, it's very weird to find a 20 year old, still in college getting so wise so early. It takes many guys a few harsh life lessons, maybe even a marriage or two before they get to where you are right now.

Like you, I became interested in foreign women when I was in college. I was a competitive judoist in college and at that time the sport, it's management, culture and language was dominated by Japanese. I started traveling to Asia right after graduation on business, when I was 23 and dated Asian women over the next ten years, as I traveled across the Pacific frequently for my work. I married my wife when I was 34 in Japan.

Take your time, learn about the cultures and best of luck. We;'re looking forward to your participation here.

- Jeff

[Dave H]

Hi Ethan,

Welcome to P-L. Unlike most of us here, you came to your senses early.

Good Luck,

Dave

[Ethan14]

Thanks for the support guys!

Now the hard part is going to be waiting so long before I can start looking for someone, haha.

[Dave H]

Thanks for the support guys!

Now the hard part is going to be waiting so long before I can start looking for someone, haha.

Hey Ethan,

Not necessarily true! Not everyone is in a hurry to get married. Some ladies want to complete their studies first and perhaps start working in their field of study. Nothing wrong with meeting new friends, both female and male in the country of your choice. When you do visit the country for pleasure, or to meet a potential spouse in person, you will already have invaluable connections and insight.

Dave

[Bob_S]

Hi Ethan and welcome. Yes, it's very weird to find a 20 year old, still in college getting so wise so early. It takes many guys a few harsh life lessons, maybe even a marriage or two before they get to where you are right now.

Gotta agree with that.  While an interest in foreign gals is quite normal, especially if you are in college where you might get more exposure to girls from different countries (immigrants and exchange students) so you can clearly see a difference in their approach to men, wanting to take the long and difficult road of marrying a foreign national who still resides overseas typically comes at a later age after having been burned, spurned, and/or treated as a door mat by local women loaded with issues and baggage yet still think their poop don't stink.  Picking the right path at this age means you have a good chance of avoiding all that.

But a hint: don't go boasting to any of your friends or family, especially female friends and family, about your preferences and choice of a future mate.  They will not understand and you will just catch a lot of crap about it.

[robert angel]

Not that they really matter in the larger scheme of things, but it's interesting how many of the AW in the work place and even in general, act a bit 'put out' when they hear you're seriously involved with or even considering, a woman overseas. Some are overt about it--but many just snipe behind your backs. These same AW may be distant, play hard to get and just be cold queens (of their own realm), but they do resent such competition for whatever reasons.

[thekfc]

Welcome Ethan to P-L.

Not that they really matter in the larger scheme of things, but it's interesting how many of the AW in the work place and even in general, act a bit 'put out' when they hear you're seriously involved with or even considering, a woman overseas. Some are overt about it--but many just snipe behind your backs. These same AW may be distant, play hard to get and just be cold queens (of their own realm), but they do resent such competition for whatever reasons.

yep. There is one female co-worker of mine who after hearing out about me and Ahya started "bad mouthing" Asians. She have 2 so called "boyfriends" how she is playing. She asked me why I do not like AW - I took her to big display mirror in the store & pointed to her reflection & said to her "this is why".
The expression on her face - priceless.
She haven't said a bad word about Asians in my presence since.

[robert angel]

Way to go Kfc--talk about 'IN YOUR FACE!'--and she sure enough asked for it.....

[Ethan14]

Not that they really matter in the larger scheme of things, but it's interesting how many of the AW in the work place and even in general, act a bit 'put out' when they hear you're seriously involved with or even considering, a woman overseas. Some are overt about it--but many just snipe behind your backs. These same AW may be distant, play hard to get and just be cold queens (of their own realm), but they do resent such competition for whatever reasons.

Yeah, the resentment of competition seems like somewhat of a natural response (although AW don't offer too much competition anyway). I imagine some Filipino men resent us too.

And I probably won't go boasting about it to my friends and everyone I know, but I feel like I should be open with my family when the time comes. I feel like they might worry about "green card sharks" and my well being but would be supportive overall. But if I take this path then I'm sure some people will have negative reactions to it and that's just something I'll have to deal with.

[robert angel]

Ethan,

Regarding other people's reactions, just remember the words of Dr. Seuss:

"those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

I was really worried about some differences between my wife and I and it hung me up for literally YEARS, only to realize my family and her family didn't share the same concerns I had. Yes, my teenage son did, but at his age, nobody other than his mom would have been OK with him. He's cool with the situation now.

As for other people, most negative comments come from disgruntled single women on the periphery of my life--usually behind our backs--and usually from rather pitiful women, many well on their way to becoming bitter old maids. I definitely don't lose any sleep over the negative vibes that seem to permeate their existence. If they weren't miserable--if they didn't have some axe to grind--someone they felt they could look down on and complain about, they'd be miserable!

While for most of us, family can be a deal breaker, sometimes even there, you have to go with what you feel is best in your heart and mind regardless.

Edward gave up the crown of England against his family and closest advisor's arguments and lived happily ever after with a 'commoner'.

[jm21-2]

My situation has been pretty different I guess. With both my foreign GFs the only problem with my family is that everyone is dying to meet them and doesn't get to. My parents get a little irked that I go to meet their family before she's met mine. I introduced my current GF to my best friend over webcam when he was visiting and they've been talking a bit, which I'm sure would make my dad go haywire if he knew (haven't introduced her to my parents yet).

I work primarily with a woman who is from Ukraine and met her husband through correspondence maybe 15 years ago. She's actually the only one who has given any negative feedback. She thinks it's a big burden to sign that affidavit of support and have to support a woman for a while here while she acclimates to the US, and I should be looking for an American girl with a decent income and a great health insurance plan  .

[Ethan14]

I work primarily with a woman who is from Ukraine and met her husband through correspondence maybe 15 years ago. She's actually the only one who has given any negative feedback. She thinks it's a big burden to sign that affidavit of support and have to support a woman for a while here while she acclimates to the US, and I should be looking for an American girl with a decent income and a great health insurance plan  .

Haha that's ironic for her to be the only one to be negative about it. Is it really that much of a financial burden to support her after your married? Surely not all foreign women want to be housewives?

[jm21-2]

Haha that's ironic for her to be the only one to be negative about it. Is it really that much of a financial burden to support her after your married? Surely not all foreign women want to be housewives?

There are plenty of foreign spouses who want to work. Many will have to re-train but that's not a huge burden. If they get a decent job there are not many worries.

But in my state (WA) any dependent spouse is a large burden, and a foreign spouse is especially harsh. Some federal district courts have recently held that the affidavit of support is a contract that can be sued upon by the foreign spouse. Believe me, it can give a lot of leverage. I handle a lot of divorces and have clients who are foreign spouses who got a ridiculous amount of spousal support in large part due to that. Nothing to be taken lightly. The pledge of support has a very lengthy duration.

[bcc_1_2]

But a hint: don't go boasting to any of your friends or family, especially female friends and family, about your preferences and choice of a future mate.  They will not understand and you will just catch a lot of crap about it.

AGREE! Your college age friends won't understand either (male or female). Maybe when they get a little older and more serious you can bust their balls a bit. But I guaran-freakin-tee you that almost nobody will understand. This includes family, friends, classmates, etc.

The one exception is your grandmother... she may very well understand. The way your asian (latin) lady comes off compared to our generation of AW... grandma likes.

And when your woman arrives in the United States the men finally get it. Their wives and girlfriends aren't generally pleased however... with a few exceptions.

[Ethan14]

Well I took all of your advice and started casually talking to some Filipina girls! Some of them seem flaky or don't speak English well. But others are so genuine and nice and attentive! Hopefully by the time I'm ready to get more serious about this I'll know more about the culture, the people, and maybe even have a few friends there.

And I don't know if I can keep this a secret from all of my college friends when girls from the Philippines are posting on my facebook, haha. But I'll keep that advice in mind, thanks.

[bcc_1_2]

Well I took all of your advice and started casually talking to some Filipina girls!

And I don't know if I can keep this a secret from all of my college friends when girls from the Philippines are posting on my facebook, haha.

When trying to get a job the first step is generally getting screened by the HR department. They do check facebook and the vast majority of those working in HR are women (American women). If and when you start applying for jobs make sure you lock your facebook account down. You can put the settings so non friends can't see your photos or really anything other than your name, location, and school. Plus you can set up different groups of friends.... so those pictures and private comments are only made available to them and not friends you don't know well... can't remember etc.

I'm sure you know how to use Facebook better than me... just be aware the AW you have to get past for your next job interview.

Other than that just be upfront with any foreign women you chat up. If you are just trying to learn about them and the culture... make sure they understand you wont be flying out to meet them this summer... or possibly ever.

[jm21-2]

There are companies now archiving facebook and other social networking sites. I imagine by the next decade you'll be able to order a report on a potential employee of any juicy things they've done on social networking sites in the last 5 years, even if it was deleted long ago. Definitely something any high school or college student should be very concerned about.

[Bob_S]

There are companies now archiving facebook and other social networking sites. I imagine by the next decade you'll be able to order a report on a potential employee of any juicy things they've done on social networking sites in the last 5 years, even if it was deleted long ago. Definitely something any high school or college student should be very concerned about.

I'll bet that's available now.  It's amazing how stupid some of the supposedly tech-savvy kids can be sometimes.  Don't they know that NOTHING is truly secure on the Internet?  Anything you send: text, picture, music file, whatever, is saved on some server somewhere and can be hacked or recovered to be used against you at any future date.  The basic rule I heard was, don't send anything you wouldn't have written on a postcard, and that includes any photos or videos.  Any naked photos of yourself will be made public in less than 24 hours of uploading them to a supposed secure site or sending them as e-mails by computer or cell phone.

[robert angel]

I mentioned in an earlier post that there ARE businesses that collect personal data on people--stuff that eventually washes out of places like google, yahoo searches, from myspace, facebook, on and on.

My son was on myspace when he was 14 or 15 y/o and used the word 'rape' and also his nick name at the time 'Jordan the "sheeet''  A____" and an online search brought it up then, but not anymore.  Saying you are 'THE sheeet' is, or was a way to say you're really cool, in teen talk.

It's probably archived somewhere to this day, I'm rather sure. I've spoken to middle school and high school groups of kids and they find all of this very funny, for some odd reason. Also odd is the fact that the short films they typically show these kids about being safe on the internet don't really mention that their 'Permanent Record' extends beyond the school office records vault and Law enforcement data base--that companies keep dossiers indefinitely and will sell the info for a price--and it can keep you from getting a job you want later on.

In a few minutes, using some humor and then some scary reality, I usually get them to straighten their slouching asses up in their chairs and their laughing becomes more of a dismayed smirk.

I work around a lot of military and when they're up for a security clearance review and/or upgrade, the guys in suits come knocking on my door with all kinds of questions.

I am rather sure the govt. and larger corporations pay these personal data collection agencies a nice fee to call up any dirt that may have washed out of the general online data base over time. If you can identify a potential security risk before you pay him or her $75,000 or more a year, the $50 or so you pay to get some extra poop from an additional background check might be well worth their time and money.

Information storage does cost and you can turn a profit from it. It's not just whether or not Johnny stole cookies from the cookie jar anymore and legal rights and privacy issues are still catching up with technology.

[Ethan14]

Yeah, it's definitely something people should be thinking about.

Personally, I make sure I have as many privacy settings as I can so only friends can see my information/pictures. And I don't post anything incriminating or embarrassing on the internet either. Hopefully those two steps will keep me safe. I'd be worried about some of the things a lot of girls my age post on their facebooks. Thousands of public photos of them drinking underage and trying to be sexy for their facebook photos. I feel like they're the ones who will be affected by all of this.

I am seriously considering applying to police departments in a couple of years when I graduate though, and I know for a fact that they have an investigator who's job it is to do background investigations, and I'm sure that includes internet history. I'll have to pass through the gauntlet anyway, what with the background investigation, polygraph test, etc.

[piglett]

well i guess smart people sometimes do dumb things.
I always watch whatever i put in emails to friends & never say anything on the phone that i wouldn't say in public.
the feds have been in bed with the phone company's for years, I think that the A & E channel had a show on that a few years back. so if they did so much way back in the 70's & 80'how much are they doing now??
I don't think i wish to find out myself. I would just hate for the feds to have drive all the way up here.
after all i am a long ways from the city's 


piglett 
 

[z_k_g]

Welcome Ethan!

Good luck on your search! 

Please don't make your decision based on the hotness of the Filipinas!  I will tell you that these hotties are not american girls that you can just go clubbin with and all the guys will just be amazed at your skills! 

The majority of the filipina women want a good husband, provider, partner in life and father for their future children.  This is not a dating site, but a site for men who are looking for marriage. 

My question is "Is this the right forum for you?" 

Marriage is a major responsible choice early in your life at 20.  When I was your age all I cared about was beer, hot babes, parties and strip clubs- honestly anything fun.  I dated a few Latina babes that were super hot but they wanted a serious relationship and I wanted to have fun and been seen with these babes!  Honesty ask your self are you ready to let that go at 20?

It was not until i got in my 30's did i want to settle down and cherish my relationships and the idea of family and a good wife and best friend.   That's a major transition in life for a man and you wont understand the full gravity of that transition until you get that to that age, its not something you can acquire by reading posts.  Most men don't get there until after an ended marriage, children or a major long term relationship.  Some never.

Part of the true value of P-L is that the men here have the experience to know what they don't want in a woman and a relationship.  Our life experiences have taught us the value of woman beyond her looks and a relationship beyond its convenience.  Its our 2nd and 3rd time so we have wisdom.  The most important part of P-L is that, men here share experiences that reveal what we want in a woman!

Honestly I have yet to meet a young man in their 20's who is ready and has the wisdom and insight to truly cherish a good relationship and have insight to understand the things posted here, you may be an exception.

Read and learn, but I think that P-L will serve you better when you get to 30 or older.  This is not a search for hotties dating site, but a site for men who are looking for marriage. 

If that is what you truely want, they guys here can guide you the right way!

Zulu

[ByChoice]

My advise....for what its worth.  I live here in the Philippines.  I meet new people all the time, rich, poor, educated, uneducated, property owners and squatters.  The girls who Ive thought to be genuine, family oriented, and truly interested in a good marriage,  seemed to ignore younger men.  It is not uncommon for a young woman of 18 to 22 to seek a mate older than 35.  I'm 52, average looking, and dress plainly; i attract young girls like a rock star.  When I tell the girls that I have a friend  for them to meet they generally ask, "how old is he?"  When I mention my cousin is 28 they sometimes look disappointed and tell me he's too young.

These girls are not looking for the same things American women look for.  These girls are not that independent. They are looking for a secure loving man to provide them with a home and food for the children.  They equate security with age.  I could have courted any number of 18 to 22 year old girls, but that wasn't in my nature, my wife was in her mid thirties when we met.  Its not uncommon to see hotties hanging off the shirt sleeves of aging foreigners who can hardly walk.  Most of the separations or annulments which accure here are between similarly aged couples.....The wiser girls pay attention to stats like that and look for mature men.  

I wasn't looking when I found my wife. It always seems to happen that the greatest things come to me when I least expect it, like when I find money in the pocket of pants I haven't worn in a long time.  You might consider living here for 6 months, after your done with school, and learn the culture.  But be warned;  Americanized Filipinas may be every bit as difficult to deal with as Natural American citizens, perhaps worse.  Fortunately my wife loves her country and is planning to make me a citizen of it.  [name-calling removed by admin].

Good luck