Very Young Guy

[opensource]

AGREE! Your college age friends won't understand either (male or female). Maybe when they get a little older and more serious you can bust their balls a bit. But I guaran-freakin-tee you that almost nobody will understand. This includes family, friends, classmates, etc.

The one exception is your grandmother... she may very well understand. The way your asian (latin) lady comes off compared to our generation of AW... grandma likes.

And when your woman arrives in the United States the men finally get it. Their wives and girlfriends aren't generally pleased however... with a few exceptions.

For those that have told friends/family and have been ridiculed what all has been said? Do they say they are looking for a green card?

[z_k_g]

 She has no desire to move next door to Ray, Williamthenerd, or FreeloadingZulu.

Good luck

FreeloadingZulu?  Williamthenerd?

I stopped name calling when I was in the 3rd grade.  Your actions (name calling) have no place here, your behavior is inappropriate and has no place here on P-L.

We are men here, apparently you have a major problem with anyone expressing any opinion or disagreement about the things that you espouse in anyway what so ever.

What is your problem?  You should seriously consider just not participating in this forum of ideas because your response (name calling) is very immature and uncalled for among men.

I will no longer respond to you or any of your posts.

Your have earned the right to be removed from P-L and be banned.

Zulu

[Ethan14]

Zulu:

You bring up some very good questions I should be asking myself. And while I think I'll have all of the partying out of my system by the time I'm done with college, I'm not too experienced with relationships that last more than a year. I would like to think that I'll be ready to find a lifelong relationship within the next 5 years but it's hard to say. I definitely won't be rushing into anything, that's for sure. In any case, thanks for the challenging questions.


ByChoice:

Are you sure Filipinas prefer men that are decades older than them? I know they don't mind them and that age is more respected in their culture, but it seems weird that the family oriented women would only go after men much older than them. After all, the average age of marriage in the Philippines is 24 for women and 26 for men, only 2 years of difference.

[jm21-2]

Opensource,

My parents were surprised that my girlfriend is not into camping, sailing, or hiking (camping and sailing are very uncommon hobbies in Asia, and hiking is quite different from what those in the Pacific NW are used to). Their basic reaction was "what do you do with a girl like that?"

Ethan,

There will always be old guys who insist that younger women prefer older guys. There is some truth to that in every culture...many girls prefer a guy with material wealth and for the vast majority of men that's something that comes with age. Perhaps if you're comparing the average 25yo to the average 35yo the 35yo has a lot more material wealth accumulated, is more stable, more grateful to have a young wife, more easily controlled by sex, etc....good things for a girl looking for stability.

That being said...the major question is do you want a girl who's looking almost solely for stability? I sure wouldn't. I want a girl who likes me for me, not because she thinks I'm stable and easy. Also, from a financial perspective, a successful young guy has a lot more to offer than the average middle-aged guy.

When I first started this process I was a little worried about the girls preferring older guys, but I've never actually seen it happen. The young girls who list that they are looking for a guy age 35-45 light up when a decent guy in his 20's messages them. They aren't stupid and know who their audience is...mostly older guys. And for the most part they're OK with that, but to say they scorn young successful guys is ridiculous. I don't care what country they're from.

[opensource]

JM,

That's a good point. Since they are not into those sorts of things, generally, do they want to try to do those things? From, my limited experience it seems that most of them do not have hobbies like mine due to them having no time because of working and school.

Ethan,

I agree with JM, they are probably more or less catering to their bigger audience. I've never been turned down to chat with one yet who said they wanted older guys. Heck, I've even had older women message me. Actually, I'd venture to say that we are at an advantage. I let the girls know ahead of time that I am in college and more or less make it seem like I am not very well off. If they're that interested in us to wait til we finish schooling to marry them then I'd say they must really feel love for you.

Also, referring back to earlier in my post, for those of you that are married to Filipinas how content are they just being at home? Do they generally like going outside often or exploring? I know that you can't make a generalization but from your personal experiences are they very adventurous?

[Woody]

For those that have told friends/family and have been ridiculed what all has been said? Do they say they are looking for a green card?

My parents understood, hell, they expected me to be looking abroad(always had a bit of a fascination with foreign cultures and ancient history). When I told my mom that I was most likely moving to Colombia, he main line of questioning was on the viability of living and retiring in Colombia(rights of foreigners, property ownership, etc). In fact, she will be visiting me in Colombia once I own a place there.

My sisters gave my some non-serious jabbing about green cards, but they weren't very surprised either. My brother's don't really care one way or another. Then again, I will be the second person in my family to marry a foreigner. One sister married a Brit a a few years back and has been living in England ever since.

I get jabbing from friends at work, not about the women, about going to Colombia. In fact, most of my friends/coworkers just think I'm going to live a very short life in Colombia, they really don't take the whole dating thing seriously. Then again, my circle of friends are used to foreign dating. A lot of military guys are married to Japanese, Korean, German, etc chicks.

[jm21-2]

JM,

That's a good point. Since they are not into those sorts of things, generally, do they want to try to do those things? From, my limited experience it seems that most of them do not have hobbies like mine due to them having no time because of working and school.

My experience knowing quite a few girls who are immigrants and talking with a lot of foreign girls:

Camping: Maybe at a modern campground with showers and a blow-up mattress, but not too often

Sailing: A lot of girls find the idea exciting, but it's a highly impractical and expensive activity. I have not had a girlfriend out sailing (just was able to get a boat last year) so don't know how the reality holds up.

Hiking: most Asian girls tend to ahve a greater appreciation of nature, but aren't really into strenuous exercise, so an easy hike with nice scenery should be a good bet.

Again, I'm not married and so far none of the girls I've dated have made it to the US so take it with a grain of salt.

[Ray]

...for those of you that are married to Filipinas how content are they just being at home? Do they generally like going outside often or exploring? I know that you can't make a generalization but from your personal experiences are they very adventurous?

From my experience, most Filipinas here are not content just being at home. At least 95% will want to work outside the home. I would say that most like to travel and explore new environments.

Of course some are more adventurous than others. If you find a lady who has lived away from home, worked abroad, traveled without family, etc., then she is very likely an adventurous soul who will adapt readily to life in the West without any significant homesickness.

For the younger girls who have always lived at home, never ventured far away alone, never worked in a real job, etc., then the chances of adjustment problems are much higher.

Ray

[robert angel]

I have seen very, very few Filipinas who don't work. A lot might occasionally complain about 'having to work', but I think if they didn't 'have to', they'd go back to work anyways, maybe in their own business. With Filipino guys, I don't see the same intensity, usually. maybe it's because it's really hard for a Filipina to get an even break, job wise, back in the RP.

My wife insists on working two jobs and even with a computer engineering degree, takes classes on top of that to add Microsoft A+ and Cisco certification and goes to work once a week with a speech pathologist to fine tune her English speaking and writing skills.

I don't know how she does it and she does complain sometimes and like many of us--says 'if only I won the lottery in a big way, I'd quit everything, take care of my family, etc'.

Lately almost every day, she says she's going to 'call in sick' and treat herself better (really she'd probably mostly catch up on computer homework) but she hasn't called in sick in two years. I will probably have to force her to take at least a month off this summer--she's already talking about more classes and another possible job.

I work two or three jobs fairly often myself (three currently), but my hours and vacation time are more flexible and allow more time off, if I choose to take it. My parents raised us to work and told us "any job is a good job", at least if it's honest anyway.....

My Filipina wife is driven to better herself and be a success in the USA, although everyone we know already considers her to be one--she's actually embarrassed by awards and recognition and thinks somehow they're getting things wrong, that she's not THAT good--that she's just doing what she's supposed to do. At the same time, she is amazed at how lazy some of the people under her management are so lazy.

Her friends are all pretty much the same way--working two jobs, although it's not absolutely necessary.

But I am almost positive that even if we won a 100 million, that after traveling a bunch and  spoiling her family rotten, she'd find something to do resembling work--probably her own business, maybe something charitable to help Filipinos and we'd probably move over to the RP.

Oh--and all that money would quite possibly put an impossible strain on our marriage. Money is soooo evil.

She's already seen how money and materialism doesn't buy happiness, but of course, all of us wouldn't mind winning a big pile of money and be free to stay home and sleep in when we want to--to say 'Take this job and shove it!'

There are so many people--probably most of them--who find that winning a big lottery totally screws up their life. I like the story of the guy who won, I think it was 7 million, in Arizona, pissed it all away and then tried to sue the state for ruining his life!

[robert angel]

Yesterday, I said:

>>Lately almost every day, she says she's going to 'call in sick' and treat herself better (really she'd probably mostly catch up on computer homework) but she hasn't called in sick in two years.<<

I was wrong---she's never called in to say she was sick, or couldn't come in when she really was able to and it's been almost five years.

The few times, she's been out, she applied for 'personal leave' for us to take care of immigration/USCIS concerns -- since she's a US citizen now--not a concern.

Today she ACTUALLY did call in and got a substitute to fill in for the first time, so she actually has about 8 weeks of sick time 'in the 'bank' at work. She's sleeping in a bit, then will do the college home work she's been worried about, (she's totally bummed out that she only got an 81% on the first Cisco Computer Networking class exam) clean up the house and hopefully tonight, allow me to take her out to dinner a movie.

So YES----most Filipinas want to work. As mentioned, most if not all the Filipinas she knows work a couple of jobs and are sort of appalled at how lazy AW are. Them Filipinas can work!

Just respect that when they want to send some of their salary home, guys. I don't even ask my wife to help with the mortgage or grocery bills, but she covers groceries sometimes anyway, regularly covers other bills and contributes financially in a lot of other ways.

[Woody]

she's totally bummed out that she only got an 81% on the first Cisco Computer Networking class exam

You may not realize this but 81% is something to worry about with the CCNA. Sure the current classroom tests don't really mean anything, but on that final real CCNA exam she needs to be in the upper 90s. You can get a 95 and fail your CCNA exam. You are competing against everyone else that is taking the test at the same time as you. They only allow a certain percentage of people to get a CCNA. (Unless something has changed in the last three years, but I doubt it.)

Also, if she has the option of the split exam, take it. 

[piglett]

Rob it sounds to me like she is slowly getting burnt out.
You may need to step in & ask her to make a few ajustments like working less at the 2nd job.




just my 2 cents
piglett

[thekfc]

The CCNA passing score varies for each exam.

Also it depends on if your are taking ICND1 + ICND2 = CCNA or CCNA.
ICND 1 and ICND 2 is a little bit hard than CCNA and the pass score for ICND was higher than CCNA - I am not sure if that is still true. I just asked 2 friends who recently took the exams - one pass with a 856 & the other with 882. they both had different # of questions on their exams.

As for what the passing score is: This directly from Cisco:
As a matter of policy Cisco Systems, Inc. does not disclose the content of our certification exams. This includes exam pass marks, the exact number of questions on each exam, as well as the number of each type of question a candidate will see during their exam.

[robert angel]

Yea Piglett--I tell her when she gets a bit whiny that I'm not standing in her way if she wants to quit her second job--that we'll get at least as well as we did before. Thank God the cars are paid for and the motgage is only $640 a month. They made her a manager at the second job and now she's taking home extra worries, working on scheduling and layouts at home and second guessing a lot of things--so yea, you're onto something. Might be a lil fire now--but we know how they can get

Instead of letting her make up her mind, I might need to step in and just say "Either the second job or school has to go" because I can see it becoming a quality of life issue as it gets more intense.

It's not beyond the realm of understanding Filipinas to think that maybe she hopes I do domething like that, especially because she's using about $500 a month of the extra $$ to send home and doesn't want to lose too much 'gravy'.

Yea, Kfc, Woody--that Cisco stuff isn't easy. She's just in her second week of the first of four courses, so we're not talking about the actual, final test for Cisco Certification yet--probably not going to be close to that for a year, then she wants to do Microsoft, A+, she says.

I will definitely put my foot down this summer and make sure we take at least a month off--maybe head up to NYC or Wash. DC for a week or so and veg. out at home until good and bred and ready for something else. I don't like needing a vacation from my vacation because we lived too fast.

But definitely--thanks guys--all of you--your "two cents" is definitely appreciated, $$$ level from me. I need to realize how hard that stuff is--the books are pretty overwhelming to me--the whole timed cisco test format, etc. I can kind of look at most multiple choice exams on subjects I'm not familiar with and get over on them, but not here. I have helped her with other college level stuff--but again--I can't do squat here.

As all of you said one way or another--it looks like there ought to be some correction in the balance we have here. I'm used to two or three jobs, but basically I'm an educational consultant on a couple of my jobs, one full, one part time, and a 3rd helping out with the fed. census for a while--my jobs are like pissing off pier 10 compared to hers. Plus she's worried about making her bones--her reputation and moving up the food chain here. Can't help but wonder what it'd be like with her working around all those handsome young bucks at a Gulfstream Aerospace, the port authority or Mitsubishi--really she has more options than that, which I definitely see coming down the line, but hey--that's life-if she's going to run, it'll happen sooner or later...

[Woody]

But definitely--thanks guys--all of you--your "two cents" is definitely appreciated, $$$ level from me. I need to realize how hard that stuff is--the books are pretty overwhelming to me--the whole timed cisco test format, etc. I can kind of look at most multiple choice exams on subjects I'm not familiar with and get over on them, but not here. I have helped her with other college level stuff--but again--I can't do squat here.

It is not that it is so difficult, it is that you need to get into the Cisco mindset. The Cisco way and the easiest/best way do not always intersect. I'm going to have to get my CCNA eventually(probably next year), but I have been putting it off for a few years. For me, the whole networks things is not a big deal, but I grew up building computers and networks. No one taught me how to build a network. I just kind of did it, and researched why things didn't work(No one told me that a 10base2 needed t-connectors and terminators for a two computer net. Then again, I was 10 years old when I did all this, to include making my own ends.).

[ByChoice]

From my experience, most Filipinas here are not content just being at home. At least 95% will want to work outside the home. I would say that most like to travel and explore new environments.

Of course some are more adventurous than others. If you find a lady who has lived away from home, worked abroad, traveled without family, etc., then she is very likely an adventurous soul who will adapt readily to life in the West without any significant homesickness.

For the younger girls who have always lived at home, never ventured far away alone, never worked in a real job, etc., then the chances of adjustment problems are much higher.

Ray

I have friends who have been married to Phils for 35 years.  I have a long history with the country and its culture.  Consumerism is what drives both foreigners and phils into working two or three jobs when 90 percent of the girls I meet here would be happy with a loving family and food on the table, educated or not.  I know a Phil girl who works abroad who decided not to marry until she was finished helped her brother and sisters finish  school.

Dont be confused with the separate issues of having to work and wanting to work.  Only in rare cases will prolonged stress due to over work benifit a marriage; like when the married couple can no longer stand being around each other.  

Consumerism tied in with credit has probably destroyed more relationships than anything, multi national or not.  Some of these guys here have forced their wives into working an enormous number of hours for prides sake, to own stuff, like multiple autos and huge houses or to gain expensive educations they will never use, when they could have gone to the local library to study up on their hobbies.  Seeing as how the divorce rate in the USA and some other first world nations approachover 50% you would do well to examine the causes, and then avoid people who try to make you feel like you are nothing without 5 bedrooms and two BMWs.

decide whats important is my suggestion, then dont put your wife to work just so you can have a new model airplane.

[robert angel]

I think by now, people here don't see a pressing need to counter every little thing that gets posted here, but some things are more repugnant than others and a little  'airing out' might be in the common good.

Regarding:

Don't be confused with the separate issues of having to work and wanting to work.<<

I think most guys who bring a wife here from the Philippines will find a woman who wants to get her work papers and actually work. Part of it is they may be bored and without a lot to do--there are numerous possible reassons and I don't pretend to be omniscient, unlike some people here.

My wife was used to working six days a week, twelve hours a day at Coca Cola Davao  and then  having to even come in 'half days' on occasional Sundays. She had done her engineering internship there and they really liked her and despite it being a sexist, male dominated work place, they were going to make her a 'regular'--unlike most employees there who are contract workers. Jobs are hard to find over there and good jobs with large corporations are even rarer. She had to think very long and hard before leaving that job to spend several weeks with me the first time I went to visit her. Hundreds, if not thousands, line up for a job like that there.

We live beneath our means, in a nice, but not fancy home, less than 1400 square feet, have two cars, a 2003 Honda Pilot and a 1997 Toyota Camry. We clip coupons and when we eat out, we look for specials. We occasionally treat ourselves to some nicer things, but by and large, I'm saving for our future and she's saving for her family--for four sibling's tuition and family medical needs, as well as to bring her parents here to visit and sponsor her siblings coming over here to work. Yes, work! I don't ask her to pay for much--not the house, groceries, insurances, phone--I've always paid for those things and I didn't marry her to bring someone in and cut my bills in half. She all but made me put the cable, internet and water biils in her name and she wants to pay them, so be it. I like to buy her nice clothes, some jewlry and perfumes, and I do, but that's pretty much her domain and I don't really follow her week to week finances.

Unless something is an issue that effects our marriage adversily, I have learned not to make an issue out of little things. Sure you have to nip things in the bud before they become big issues later on, but you have to learn to pick your battles as well.

She's a smart cookie and I support her in a lot of ways by not adding my 'two bits' everytime she wants try something. She's had some false starts in terms of jobs and field of study here, but she's actually very vocal about NOT wanting me to go to her work place and 'fix things' although I am usually able to do so.

She doesn't want or need me to help her choose where she wants to work. I could have used her engineering degree and experience at Coca Cola to land her a job that pays four times what she makes now easily, but she didn't want to do things that way--she wants to improve herself--her english speaking and writing, first. Not necessary in my opinion, but hey--if it makes her happy and more confident doing things this way, I'm with her. By trying to stay out of her way and not fix every little thing at work. By doing so,  it's allowed her to learn and to feel confident about life here. She feels like I respect her judgement and ability. There has to be a balance between being protective and allowing freedom and growth, even if it means occasional failure.

I honestly think that life often involves working in a number of jobs--even careers, that failry suck and that with time, you hopefully find a balance where you like or better tolerate your job and the money's better as well. Whether it was shovel snow, washing dishes, pulling onions on a farm or working as absentee relief in an auto factory, I've had a lot of piss poor jobs, but I'm better off for it. My wife has had it better, but is still finding her way there and overall she likes it--they respect her and she's advancing everywhere she's been here.

Regarding:

>>decide whats important is my suggestion, then don't put your wife to work just so you can have a new model airplane.<<

Wow--what a totally offensive statement--insinuating that we're acting like pimps and children at the same time, putting her out on the street, working her so that she can buy us toys. I think that people often accuse other people of the very things and characteristics that they themselves are guilty of and I have a hunch that this is one of those cases.

Once again, your condescending, patronizing, omniscient, assholian attitude is just freaking ridiculous and really stinks this place up. We've had some pretty moronic and insulting things written in these forums, but perhaps that takes the cake, and it's all over your face. Shame on you.

[Ray]

Regarding:

>>decide whats important is my suggestion, then don't put your wife to work just so you can have a new model airplane.<<

Wow--what a totally offensive statement--insinuating that we're acting like pimps and children at the same time, putting her out on the street, working her so that she can buy us toys.I think that people often accuse other people of the very things and characteristics that they themselves are guilty of and I have a hunch that this is one of those cases.

BINGO!


Robert, you are exactly right!

Isn't this the same guy who said he lives off of his wife's income?

ROFLMAO!

[Woody]

Regarding:

>>decide whats important is my suggestion, then don't put your wife to work just so you can have a new model airplane.<<

Wow--what a totally offensive statement--insinuating that we're acting like pimps and children at the same time, putting her out on the street, working her so that she can buy us toys. I think that people often accuse other people of the very things and characteristics that they themselves are guilty of and I have a hunch that this is one of those cases.

Once again, your condescending, patronizing, omniscient, assholian attitude is just freaking ridiculous and really stinks this place up. We've had some pretty moronic and insulting things written in these forums, but perhaps that takes the cake, and it's all over your face. Shame on you.

Interesting statement from him when you consider the audience. With very few exceptions, this forum is all men seeking a woman to fulfill traditional gender roles. That is, the men are the primary breadwinners and the home is the domain of the woman. Whether or not she works is largely unimportant to the male population here, as long as she is happy with her role. In almost all cases, the men here do not expect the woman to contribute monetarily to the relationship.

For my part, I want a good looking, sweet, fun, hard working, and intelligent(ok, not too intelligent, she still needs to fall for me) woman. She can never have a job for the entire time that we are married for all I care. I am financially prepared(and expecting) to be the only breadwinner in the relationship. As long as she stays occupied and happy, that is what counts.



As to him having an assholian attitude.....right on! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Ray may be abrasive and assholic at times, but at least he contributes in a positive manner and the forums are better for it.

[Bob_S]

assholian attitude

"assholian", Ha!  I gotta add that one to the spell checker. 

[fathertime]

Looks like the gang nailed this phony loser!

Fathertime!

[robert angel]

Yea guys--and after I got off my soap box earlier--it occurred to me that this guy talks about the poor innocent Filipinas who are so used and corrupted by us and by life in the USA , as if they're as intelligent and have all the self will and determination of a gerbil. Highly patronizing, condescending, just insulting to the women.

If my wife wants to, she has the access to enough cash and credit in her own name, as well as mine/ours, to fly off to the RP and stay a damn long time, leaving me to hand wash my own underwear and fix my own lunch. If we divorced, she'd have enough money to start a dozen businesses given her smarts and family livelihood/connections, make a fine, safe living, fairly loaning money to farmers against their future crops or land holdings.

She's far from being some passive prisoner of a manipulative husband in a country that wants to ruin her. She has a good, loyal heart, even in rough times, but she has free will and self determination in spades, also. Like a lot of Asian and unlike way too many AW's, she just doesn't turn those characteristics into weapons against men and family. She wants to look good and for me to look good and healthy as a reflection on US, she's not a 'me' centric person like most AWs are.

Even the Filipinas we know who married real bums or are in tough economic straits almost always have fellow Filipina friends who will take them in and help them  get a new start here.

I long, long ago decided that the moniker a lot of women over there put on them selves "I'm a SIMPLE Filipina" while usually being  a sweet and sincere expression of someone who really is, for the most part, modest, was in reality, far far from the truth.

People are almost all complex beings--individuals and should be treated and respected as such, IF they deserve that respect.

[piglett]

>>decide whats important is my suggestion, then don't put your wife to work just so you can have a new model airplane.<<
Wow--what a totally offensive statement--insinuating that we're acting like pimps and children at the same time, putting her out on the street, working her so that she can buy us toys. I think that people often accuse other people of the very things and characteristics that they themselves are guilty of and I have a hunch that this is one of those cases.
Once again, your condescending, patronizing, omniscient, assholian attitude is just freaking ridiculous and really stinks this place up. We've had some pretty moronic and insulting things written in these forums, but perhaps that takes the cake, and it's all over your face. Shame on you.

Robert why don't you tell us what you really think?
Oh come on stop sugar coating it soooo much 


piglett

[z_k_g]

Yea guys--and after I got off my soap box earlier--it occurred to me that this guy talks about the poor innocent Filipinas who are so used and corrupted by us and by life in the USA , as if they're as intelligent and have all the self will and determination of a gerbil. Highly patronizing, condescending, just insulting to the women.

If my wife wants to, she has the access to enough cash and credit in her own name, as well as mine/ours, to fly off to the RP and stay a damn long time, leaving me to hand wash my own underwear and fix my own lunch. If we divorced, she'd have enough money to start a dozen businesses given her smarts and family livelihood/connections, make a fine, safe living, fairly loaning money to farmers against their future crops or land holdings.

She's far from being some passive prisoner of a manipulative husband in a country that wants to ruin her. She has a good, loyal heart, even in rough times, but she has free will and self determination in spades, also. Like a lot of Asian and unlike way too many AW's, she just doesn't turn those characteristics into weapons against men and family. She wants to look good and for me to look good and healthy as a reflection on US, she's not a 'me' centric person like most AWs are.

Even the Filipinas we know who married real bums or are in tough economic straits almost always have fellow Filipina friends who will take them in and help them  get a new start here.

I long, long ago decided that the moniker a lot of women over there put on them selves "I'm a SIMPLE Filipina" while usually being  a sweet and sincere expression of someone who really is, for the most part, modest, was in reality, far far from the truth.

People are almost all complex beings--individuals and should be treated and respected as such, IF they deserve that respect.

I totally agree!!! 

If an American woman (a younger educated hottie like your wife) had what your wife has right now you would be crying in a beer as she walked away with your $$! 

I looked to Asia, and the Philippines specifically, because I wanted exactly the type of woman your wife has proven herself to be!  I have no desire to deal with a weak woman that I can manipulate and tell what to do and say and how to think.  I am looking for a strong, intelligent, resourceful woman who has a deep respect and love for me, values every aspect of the relationship and loves her family.

Robert, looks like you have found that!!

My hope is that this forum will assist me in making the right choice!!

Thanks guys!!

[robert angel]

Thanks Zulu,


You're too kind--but thanks all the same. Yea, I got lucky. I respect you and your posts/opinions, but please take this w/o malice--It sounds like you're a 'connoisseur' of gorgeous women--the 9.5 to 10 babes out there. Be extra careful there--you've seen what those pretty Siamese cats are like--purring so nicely--they get theirs and end up scratching our asses.

I think it is good and wise to decide what you want in a woman--age, appearance,  education and most importantly--a personality you can live with. What I originally expected and set out looking for was for a woman who was in her mid 30's educated, pretty and maybe with a child, a lady with a son the same age as my own sons. Might be stupid, but I figured if I took her son in and treated him like my own, that would add security--sort of 'insurance' to cement our marriage.

I am a cautious and maybe too often cynical guy in terms of marriage. Divorce, child custody and fighting over money and property in the USA  courts can do that to a guy.

Anyway, I ended up going way outside my 'plans' ending up with (by chance) a wonderful younger woman, with a great, loyal and honest personalty, someone well educated and who really likes to work and achieve in life in the USA while taking care of the house--making it a HOME.

It was by dumb luck that I tried to deny and highly unusual.

I put this woman on the back burner for YEARS, chatting her, salivating over how cute she is, as I watched her go through college, into the work world--working 12 hour days and still making time to chat my ass--it blew my mind, but for too long, I kept saying  'too young, too hot' must resist.. It was a real ego trip to have this sexy young woman/child to wake up to almost every morning to, but I never--at least at first, took it seriously. And I didn't lead her on--I even told her about a couple other Filipinas who I'd gone to visit, or was going to visit. Even was 90 minutes from her and didn't make the time to visit her as she requested. Amazing--she had a Chicago Surgeon and a Carribean Airline pilot, both  who were pursuing her who had a lot more money and other things to offer her. I knew she wasn't 'all about the benjamins'!

We were 'straight up' with each other and over a long period. I could see she was rock steady consistent. I didn't know how really, really poor she was until I got over there, but she never asked me for a cent--didn't even hint at it.

I think she's also very pretty --and yea--sexy too. Yet, she doesn't feel she's a 'hottie' but my 13 and 19 y/o sons , handsome and popular lads with the girls calling them--probably wish they had GF's as pretty and that their homies would stop dropping their jaws when they come over here and see her--haha. She takes care of herself--she's already younger looking by a long stretch than her actual age and even compared to her fellow Filipinas. She just stays in shape inside and out--doesn't want or need a lot of makeup. What's funny is when she's in a middle or high school, they sometimes ask her if she has a hall pass!.

What's been tough is she said she'd treat my sons like her own kids. She's quite good to them, but it's been more of a strain than she imagined. We'll live through it. American teenagers look like monsters compared to her younger brothers and sisters for sure--even compared to 95% of RP kids. She didn't expect that, despite her best intentions.

But what I am saying to you is sometimes we end up going outside of our planned parameters and it can be good--I have to say that here and now that for us it's pretty good-I went outside mine and so far, so good. I take it one day, one week, month and year at a time.

If it all went south tommorrow, I'd be bummed, but I'd know she'd made it, she helped put 4 siblings through college on money she earned and is now a first class US citizen and asset to this nation. I'd try look at the good times and remember the 'magic' that was and smile.

You've been around the block a few times and I mean that in a good way. That means you can probably spot a real good prospect, no matter how FINE she looks and get a good idea if she's got the 'right stuff' for you.

Nonetheless, when you get into the 9 to 10 point range on hotness, the higher up the scale, the harder the time you'll going have finding a gal you can live with, one who won't come to the USA and let an already high level of self confidence blow out of proportion. I think gals from the provinces are less problematic in this regard.

I don't care how far from the country they come from (my wife was three hours from the city but studied engineering in metro Davao for 5 years and worked at Coca Cola a couple more years) life in the USA is gonna change them and their core inner values will be really, really tested.

My wife, closing in on 5 years here, has changed, but it's no where near out of controll. Whereas a couple of years ago she still couldn't believe she was actually driving a car (a 97 Camry--God probably would have said "Thou shall not have an Infinity or Porsche as one's first car--if he wasn't so busy) she will see them and go hmmm--but then dismiss it as being too extravagant. Before--even still--she won't post pictures of her in her car--she doesn't want to look like she's bragging--I don't think she's sent pics of her in her car home. She's still modest about not wanting to look (or act) like she's rich or 'high and mighty'.

Anyway--to end this novelette--just be careful with the 'tens'--you've got a good head and experience, but we've all been blinded by beauty at one time or another. Don't limit yourself with parameters that might be too narrow. Ask yourself--what will life in the USA do this type of lady? It's hard to predict--but try. I am pretty sure you'll do fine, just a little 'brotherly advice' that I don't think could hurt ya. Sometimes even us 'players' get played, no matter how much game we've got.