Time for me to DUMP this lady?

[dennislevy]

Its an easy thing to dismiss.
 
When I say trauma, I m not talking about baggage or issues, or physical trauma  I am talking about  something so hurtful and horrifying and specifc that happend to a person and as a result, they have fears that are intensified, and the same sequence (or nightmare) happens in their minds, and there are triggers that bring on that memory. sometimes its something visual, or a sound or a smell.
 
Every brain deals with the effects of psychic trauma differenly, and for evey person the events that may cause TRAUMA are different.  For women, some of the most common events that cause psychic TRAUMA are rape, death of a loved one, physical beating/battering  by a loved one , clear evidence of infidelty (for instance a woman walks into her home and sees her husband or novio in bed with another woman who is her best friend. ....
 
Colombian womanhave reated to me each of these instances  Twice, Ive heard the I walked into my home and found my man with my best amiga  or the wife who was pregnant during the first year of marriage and found out that ther husband had also knocked up his secretary, who the woman who had a novio for 8 years and the entire time he was married to another woman.   

Some peope can overcome trauma, others cant and the brain chemistry is changed as a result, often producing heightened, illogical erratic and exaggerated responses to every day life.
 
Dramatic changes in brain chemistry may result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Borderline Prsonality Disorder or another or a comination of Erratic Emotional Personality disorders.
 
After having talked with as many colombianas as I have, I think there is a river of emotional and mood disorders in the female population, and women have suffered TRAUMA
 
The widow in Ayapel used the word TRAUMA to describe somehting that had happened in her past.....and understand that the death of a loved one may cause TRAUMA in a survivor. After she stated her fears to continue a relationship with me, she checked off on the recurring vision nightmare question I ll ask...and that was enough for me.   

[Researcher]

        Dennis, I understand what you mean by trauma. I also understand that some people deal with bad things that happen to them better than others. The reason I tend to dismiss many Colombianas "trauma" is from my experience they tend to be overly dramatic about many things.For instance physical ailments.They seem to exaggerate sickness or injuries, most of them do anyway.I'll give you an example. I was dating this woman in Bogota. She told me that as a child one day she saw a pretty bracelet on the ground and started to pick it up when her father came running over and grabbed her.It wasn't a bracelet, it was a coral snake.I understand they are very deadly and that was scary for a child.

        When I was 13 I was bitten by a poisonous copperhead snake.I spent a week in the hospital and almost died because I was allergic to the anti-venom serum they gave me.After that I watched for snakes and came close to being bitten by a rattlesnake but I got him before he got me.

       Ok, that's the background info. So me and this woman go out in Bogota to Maloka. It's kind of a science museum. One exhibit was snakes. This lady saw that and freaked out just from the sight.Now, I don't like snakes because of my experience but I don't go into an almost comatose state at the mere sight of them.Sure, she had a close call as a child but she wasn't bitten and as I recall her story she didn't get too close to the animal.To me she was being overly dramatic.

       Now, I wrote this long post to ask you if you think many of these ladies are really suffering from trauma or are they just overly dramatic?

      Researcher

[dennislevy]

Researcher
 
Certainly many Colombian women can be dramatic, and they can make a telenovela out of a lot of things that you and I might say .....OK, not great....but no harm and no broken bones..lets keep going.
 
The story you related about the past experiences with snakes and the different reactions at the musuem...(and yes I ve been there quite a few times to see IMAX movies), your story illustrates my point...different people (you and the woman) dealt with similar bad stuff (the snakes) in different ways.
 
With respect, I dont think you can say...well I was bitten, I almost died and she wasn t...so she was overly dramatic. You are placing your value of what is horrible on her...and her defintion of what is horrible was different and valid for her. 
 
And also the ages at which you encountered snakes were different. If I understand correctly, she was much younger then you. 
 
I was briefly married to a trauma victim in the US for 2 months....this was in 2006 and before I came to Colombia...and what I learned...the hard way...was that there was no f.....g way I could put myself in her shoes...and understand what she had gone through. She was brilliant, beautiful, a high school history teacher  and very damaged. 

And so in Colombia if a woman tells me that she has trauma and the event she relates  is certainly something capable of producing trauma in some people....Im not going to spend one minute debating if she is one of those people or if she is being overly dramatic
 
Because I am immediately looking for the exit sign and terminating as politely and quickly as I can.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Researcher]

       I agree, in many situations it is best to look for the exit sign. If a woman is suffering from some type of trauma or if she has baggage it is best to ask yourself if the relationship can work.

       Researcher