Anyone need a good laugh....

[wsbill]

I got scammed by my lady friend.  I got a confirmation letter from her girlfriend who would type out e-mails to me in the past.

I ignored what Rostick told me.
(as we were heading out to the airport, she wasn't all that terribly concerned I was leaving that day; I guess most gals would be upset... I just thought it was her temperment...wrong.

I'm not beating myself up about this... but I'm airing it because there just might be a few guys in the back of the room here in the message board that don't post... that might have these same things surfacing in their relationship.

 The red flags were suddle things, they just didn't like hit me over the head at the time.

Like for getting her papers translated I told her I would send the money to Jack/Rostick for their help...  she wanted her friends to do.  Thus, the end result was I didn't send anyone any money.

When she said her fathers car died... Yeah, right me pony up money to fix the rust bucket.  Not.

But to send her $300 bucks in December and to ask for more at the end of January, gulp... dumb me sent $100 more.

Hello....  Will someone see if I have a sign attach to my back that sez kick me.

I'm totally guilty, no excuses here... She was the first girl that came along.  I thought she was different from all the rest.

Guess not.   Boy will be very protective next...

Listen to your guide/translator...  Rostick, I own you one!!!

Live and learn... ha.

[hockeybrain]

... in response to Anyone need a good laugh...., posted by wsbill on Mar 27, 2002

I recently had a learning experience with a Ukrainian woman as well.  $400 is a small amount to learn the womans true intentions.  Be glad it happened now.  Next time you will be more aware of the red flags.  Good luck.

[tim360z]

... in response to Anyone need a good laugh...., posted by wsbill on Mar 27, 2002

Ya know Bill,
   I just don't see what the whole big deal is here.  Perhaps I don't know too much about your situtation either.  But the $400--forget it.  For a decent woman...that is pocket change.  She shared with you and now you are sharing with her.  Titfortat. Also,  I think if this girl or any girl wanted to scam you or any guy---they could do alot better than $400 over the months.  Now,  maybe she found you kinda interesting for awhile and then...changed her mind....these things happen in either direction.  Invariably,  chicks cost money.  Always.  Funny...when a relationship breaks-up the girl is mourning her time invested and the guy is mourning the money.  

 

[yoe]

... in response to Anyone need a good laugh...., posted by wsbill on Mar 27, 2002

definition of scammed.............
if the girl was a scammer you could be:
1. out $20,000
2. dead and she is collecting insurance
3. is coming over anyway to dump you after her green card
a. then she kills you collect insurance and bring her boyfreind boris over
4. is collecting money from many men
5. took the money and changed her phone #

did any of these happen.
Do not feel bad Bill - this is good for the newbies to see. This is the true Scammer story. It is human nature to do this. But I am afraid that you must take the heat my friend. If anyone was scammed it was her. She has wasted much time on a wing and a prayer. What do guys think these girls do all day-sit by the window and wait for their prince charming from America to come and save them-think again fellas-these are strong, intelligent women. They have not surived through their times by being stupid and weak. So my advice to you newbies! If you are timid, paraniod, stingy, have little capital, or are in anyway doing this to fill a void of personal insucurity-you will get wasted-and maybe hurt some very nice girls on your way down.
Good luck to all
Joe

[wsbill]

... in response to Let me give you a more refined ..., posted by yoe on Mar 29, 2002

I have totally opened my relationship for others to comment on and do a check and balance on their relationship and if they're going down a deadend path.

It is reassuring to hear, others have been there.. done that.. and learned from it and moved on.  Like I am.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Anyone need a good laugh...., posted by wsbill on Mar 27, 2002

I want everyone to succeed and be happy unless they're a psycho killer.  Revise your strategy and try again.  You lost about the minimum amount you could lose before finding out they aren't sincere.  Hey, my divorce cost me over $15K and that was 17 years ago.  I'm still mad about it.

[thesearch]

... in response to Anyone need a good laugh...., posted by wsbill on Mar 27, 2002

Bill, first of all let me say that I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with this. Events like this can have a take the wind out of your sales effect sometimes relative to getting back in the saddle and getting into a serious search for a FSU woman. Time will take care of this.

A long time ago I discussed my zero tolerance attitude and it became clear that in describing my views I essentially was drawing a line in the sand and found that all of those that responded did not agree with me and were going to stand on the other side of that line. However, if you had this attitude you might not have had to deal with this issue now as being such a negative. Instead it could be more like "Well I sniffed this one out before she could do too much damage." and you might have actually patted yourself on the back. And in reality she did not too much damage financially but time wise it seems she did, heart wise it seems she did a little damage also. I have to have the zero tolerance attitude as by nature I am too trusting. I expect people to be like me. I learned - it is not the real world.

Zero tolerance IMHO is a more important issue when dealing with women from the FSU because of the limits of exposure that we have. They are half way around the world for goodness sake. There is too much at risk to not have caution. It is much easier to hide intention through the Internet and short meetings then it is when you can be around someone whenever you want.

Zero tolerance here to me would have dictated that if the lady did not seem that upset at me leaving, I would observe this, deem it not acceptable behavior for a woman who supposedly was considering me for a marriage partner. You can not expect a Rostic or someone else to do this for you as they someday may not be around and as you well saw, even if they are you might ignore them. However,  back to her not seemingly being too upset about me leaving, I would also accept that I might be reading it wrong but until proven otherwise I would assume her actions simply mirrored her level of interest in me - low on the rictor scale.

I would simply cool it after the departure that did not reveal her being upset and let her play her hand and thus allow her to reveal more clearly who she is and her real intentions. My philosophy --- let a woman know that you are interested, court her and then observe her response. If the response is appropriate continue, if not - stop, wait and observe.

My experience is that women who are really interested show it. Besides, if the woman really is attracted to you, she will not let things drop if you do as long as you let her know that you were genuinely interested by either your words or obvious actions. She will pick the ball up and show you that she cares simply because she does not want to lose you.

Yes, there will be some shy ladies that won't do anything. If you think her personality is such = simply tell her that you are not going to pursue her as you can tell she is not seriously interested. This gives her the invitation to show you otherwise.

I personally would never try to win over a lady that was not interested in me because if I was successful, what would I be getting in the long run? Many guys think that it is a challenge and that it is there job to win the lady over to you - it can almost be about ego it seems to me. Not to say that there are not couples who are happy whereby the lady was not at first interested but, that more often than not this was simply about allowing time for the lady to know about your total package. I guess I am digressing here but, the point is, only accept certain behavior.

If I sound as if I know all about women, I do not mean that at all. I do know about me, and for me this approach works. So what if I lose one woman, there are so many more. All that is important is that you get just one - the one that really wants to be with you and vice versa and IMHO zero tolerance is a powerful filter. More scammers and green card ladies will be removed from the available list than sincere women.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Zero Tolerance revisited, posted by thesearch on Mar 28, 2002

Appreciate the reminder.

[Ryan]

... in response to Zero Tolerance revisited, posted by thesearch on Mar 28, 2002

I think your post helped me to finally turn on some light in my head…  It is so true, oh my god!  I really was scammed my first trip over, and I did it all myself…  I do feel like the true sucker today….  LOL Oh man when I look back, my face turns red just thinking about it…  In some way my search is just starting to get interesting.

[thesearch]

... in response to Nice post......, posted by Ryan on Mar 29, 2002

Ryan,

I have concluded that everything is created in the mind and that like a garden we can either give it water and sunlight or we can do things to not nourish it.

What I am going to tell you is old, has been said many times but it seems that it is something that has to be repeated and repeated in our life as there seems to be a tendency to drift in life to the opposite direction.

What I am referring to is looking to the positive and focusing on that.

So, how does that apply with your lady from Lugansk?
How do you view this positively? Well, this experience will pay off the rest of your life. You know what not to do, and I suspect you will never do anything like that again - and more importantly, I'd bet your skills in assessing people have increased dramatically as a result of the introspection that resulted from all of this.

I remember reading a book about seven self made millionaires. You know what?------They had failed and made more mistakes volume wise than people who get no where in life. The difference was how they viewed their mistakes and misfortunes. They viewed them as learning experiences, acquired knowledge which they viewed as making them more capable. One guy created a fortune twice only to loose it twice then a third finally learning how to hold on to it. The point is that our greatest lessons not uncommonly come from our mistakes. Losers were people who became self criticizing because they failed. This would then lower self esteem and thus make them less optimistic and thus more prone to fail again. There is more to this - look at things positively than is obvious on the surface - it goes far deeper with more ramifications than is readily apparent.

So, if you have to pay the price of the failure, why would you deny yourself the prize that also came from that experience. That would be like buying a very expensive car, then pouting about the price and deciding to leave the car there in retaliation and continue to complain every time you went to work to replace the money you spent on the car that you now are not enjoying.

BTW  did you see my post under your Post way below about the results of your letter writing?

[KenC]

... in response to Zero Tolerance revisited, posted by thesearch on Mar 28, 2002

Greg,
Your zero tolerance should work both ways.  Should a woman tolerate a man that shows little interest in her?  Would a call every couple of weeks show sincere interest on his part?  Or how about whining about an additional expense of a hundred bucks?  (over a long period of time)  Should a woman tolerate a man that puts forth so little effort to "win her over" as that?  Come on, Greg, be serious (for Bill's sake in this case).  Effort has to be made by both partners.  It is bad enough that he has shown the attitude that he was doing her such a great favor in choosing her, but you don't need to feed his misdirected (and misplaced) ego by agreeing that he was scammed.  She didn't scam him, she probably died from lonliness and boredom.
KenC

[thesearch]

... in response to it works both ways, posted by KenC on Mar 29, 2002

Ken,

I may not be fully aware of all aspects behind Bill's attentions to his lady and thus I can not really comment.

In the same light, I did read a post on another forum for RW whereby the lady complained how her husband always threw it in her face about how she owed him for him rescuing her from her situation. They have grown apart and she is just waiting until the two year bench mark and he will find that they are history.

I agree that a woman should be the same. I only discussed one half of the equation in my post. Usually in this world it is more common that the man approaches the lady first and thus my post only focused on this half and the lady's response.

The role that men and women take in relationships is similar  but also entirely different.

When you said it goes both ways, it got me to think about an e-mail that I got this morning from the one lady that I have been writing to. I have been writing to her since late fall last. She asked me when I would be able to come and see her. I sent an e-mail telling her that it would towards the end of summer this year. This was pushing it up some as I was considering hooking up with Jack's October tour and seeing her then. Well, her e-mail came this morning telling that this was not good enough - that it needs to be sooner! She was not asking, she was essentially demanding!

So, is this what you were talking about ))

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: it works both ways, posted by thesearch on Mar 29, 2002

How long do you expect a woman to wait anyway.  

Don't remind a woman of how much you spent to get her over here.  Just say it was money well spent.

[greg2]

... in response to Jeeeez, posted by BubbaGump on Mar 30, 2002

please explain your post

[BubbaGump]

... in response to you talkin to me?, posted by greg2 on Mar 30, 2002

The girls get pretty impatient.  Not many seem to want to stick with a long correspondence.  I think you should try and get there within 4 months.  

I can only remember about 15 biographies and for a lot of guys I have to keep refreshing my memory.