Love can it last?

[Ray]

... in response to Caca de toro.., posted by Jeff S on May 24, 2003

I agree wholeheartedly!

Ray

[joemc]

... in response to Caca de toro.., posted by Jeff S on May 24, 2003

el toro,
        I do agree
                    joemc

[joemc]

... in response to Love can it last?, posted by Peter Lee on May 24, 2003

Hi Peter,
      When I got married in the P.I. I was at the age
      of 23. In reality with no experince in a relationship
      just a young guy with hopes. I said to my self I would
      be happy if the marriage lasts a few years.
      And that hope has lasted for over twenty years.
      I understand that my hope could be over tommorrow.       Ray has given you some good points, but
 only you walk in your shoes of life. I have known
Pinoys and Pinays from the Seattle area that have gone back
to the P.I. to get marry. And they too would find marriage with
failure. It happens more than you think.
                                              joemc
                                       
                                 
           

[Ray]

... in response to Love can it last?, posted by Peter Lee on May 24, 2003

Peter, if you want to be one of the exceptions, then stop looking at all the failures around you and start looking at yourself!

There are no guarantees in life, so don't expect guaranteed success in marriage. Find a good woman with a set of strong moral values and be ready to place all of your trust in her before you even think of marriage.

Love is something that you have to work at. It takes time. Become best friends first and then work on the love. There will likely be times in your marriage when you just don't feel that you love each other any more. But if you are still best friends, and you have a lot of other things in common, then you can weather the storms until that love returns. And it will return if both partners are fully committed to the marriage and to each other.

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Why not?, posted by Ray on May 24, 2003

Well said Ray.

In fact that was my conversation with my fiancée in our last Chat.  You just put it together better.  But we all learn from other's mistakes right?  I have noticed a pattern in relationships.  It is better to be prepared to handle problems.  Because there are no guarantees in life is why I posted "when things go wrong".

Unfortunately putting all your trust in someone is what got many men into big trouble.  Trust but verify
You are stating the politically correct thing to do.  But then theory meets reality and thousands of well meaning couples get divorced, that is reality.  
Nothing you said I could disagree with and it should be a classic guide for a relationship, but sh@t happens!

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Why not?, posted by Peter Lee on May 24, 2003

Peter,
Yes Sh#t happens, but don't fall into the trap of attracting what you think.  It's not just psycho mumbo jumbo...it's a universal truth.  I don't mean to sound critical but just wanted to warn you cause I understand where you are coming from.  I married late and always found something wrong in my past relationships.  I was content with spinsterhood until I met my now husband.  I'm glad I waited cause everythign was just right with this guy.  If there were problems, we always made it work for us.
If you are not in love with the woman you're marrying, just don't do it.  Being in love is great to start off a relationship even if it will not sustain you thru the many days and nights of a shared life - the monotony of marriage.
In my opinion, it's the respect you should build on.  If you can sustain that, the being in love part is easy and the love gets stronger and grows.  Never lose sight of what first attracted you to your mate even if he's picking his nose right in front of you...stuff like that.
I think marriages fail because individuals eventually grow apart instead of growing together.  Then you get selfish and only focus on what YOU want because you are not thinking as a pair anymore. Selfishness is the biggest killer of any relationship. The biggest adjustment I made when I got married was thinking in terms of my husband and I, as a unit, and not just ME like I did in the past.
I really believe you and your partner need to have a common purpose or goal when you enter the marriage.  That should be clear between the two of you BEFORE you take the plunge.
I know someone who married his wife because he wanted guaranteed sex every night and the woman married him to get out of her father's house. They never admitted it to each other, only to friends. That marriage didn't last and while it lasted was a very unpleasant one.  

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Why not?, posted by Peter Lee on May 24, 2003

Of course shytt happens Peter, but my point was don't put too much emphasis on love. Love in and of itself is NOT a good enough reason for marriage! But love will grow in a good marriage.

Maybe that's why some of those other marriages that you hear of failed miserably. Maybe they tried to wing it on love alone? Perhaps...

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Why not?, posted by Ray on May 24, 2003

Now your talking my language LOL.  I told my gale that love will grow in time if the marriage is a good one.  One of her main concerns is that I still treat her with some respect after marriage.