When Things Go wrong again...

[Mita]

After reading the post below posted by Peter I asked my husband what his plans were "if things go wrong" and he told me he just never thought about it.
Actually he did, I came over here with a return ticket to Manila which he insisted we got - just in case I didn't like it in the US.  For myself, I thought I would stay here in the US if things didn't work out.  I have 2 sisters in different states and always thought "if things went wrong" I'd go and live with them until I could sort things out.  I also thought of doing the wedding in the US because there is no divorce in the Philippines.  If things didn't work out, it is easier to untangle yourself from a marriage in the US than it would've been in the Philippines.
In the practical sense, it would've been really devastating for me if things didn't work out - I had a good job in a great company in Metro Manila and was up for promotion that year I left, AND I am over 35 and that disqualifies me from getting jobs with most companies in the Philippines and thus make it more difficult to start all over again back home.
As for divorce, I understand that spousal support depends on the number of years the marriage lasted, which would put me at another disadvantage.  
I thought of all these things (and more) before coming over here.  I'm just grateful now that things  worked out because I've never been happier.  Making plans for the future is so much better when you have someone to share that future with.

[Ray]

... in response to When Things Go wrong again..., posted by Mita on May 24, 2003

Hi Mita,

I think everyone has those thoughts - What if things go wrong? What will I do?

The guys are worried about losing everything in a nasty divorce and the ladies are worried that they will be stranded far from home with a man that they "thought" they knew, but who turned out to be something quite different.

You made an excellent point about the sacrifices that a Filipina makes when she decides to chuck it all and move abroad. Like you mentioned, because of age and other factors, there often is no going back to the life you had before in your home country. Personally, I think that you ladies are taking a much bigger personal risk than we foreign men are, but that's just my opinion. You were wise to at least have some sort of back-up plan, which I'm sure that you never intended to use. The ladies that have no 'Plan B' are leaving themselves wide open for potential disaster.

I don't blame anyone for at least thinking about their options and what they might have to do to survive just in case things go wrong, but at some point we all have to just trust our judgement and put our faith and trust in our partner before we make the commitment. Unfortunately, there are too many folks out there who don't take their wedding vows seriously - "...till life do us part". THAT is the gamble that we are willing to make when we are fully committed.

Ray