Its a game we play

[Pete E]

I keep remembering the line from a Kenny Rogers song " If you are going to play the game son you need to learn to play it right."
As a former lamb to slaughter,like many new guys here are, I am FINALLY starting to catch on a little.
I know "game" sounds a little cold to some people,but that pretty accurately describes what Colombianas do to us.Even if they love you,
which is fairly rare I think,they are still playing the game to get what they want.
So,the question is,might it be wise to wake up and see what is going on?
I just met a new girl.She is hot.There are some flags that may or may not be significant.So I will proceed with caution and view it as a game like they do I think.Being totally willing to let her go at ANY time.This time I will play it smart,not stupid.Stupid as in being too generous,too dependable,too predictable,too easy,too boring.Women,wether they admit it or not like a challenge.
The bad part is all the sh!t In went through already.The good part is,this could be fun.
BUT,lest you think I turned in to a total Colombiano,when the right girl really PROVES to me,not just wishfull thinkig,that she is the one,I am open to a permanent,no make that serious relationship.Who knows about permanent.

Pete

[Rebel]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

Pete: You clearly deserve better than what you've gotten so far. Do you think maybe part of the reason things haven't worked out so well so far is your source for women? After being burned once or twice I would seriously consider the motives and/or judgment of those who are recommending women. I suppose in your case it would be one particular agency. Maybe nothing untoward has occurred in this respect on their part but at a minimum it appears to be unsound perception of what these women are all about. This is a strong argument for the benefits of learning the language so you can better learn the motives of those you're interested in and not have to rely on other people who may not have your best interest at heart. Learn spanish and stay a country mile away from any agency. This is where you'll find what you're looking for.

Rebel

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Its a game we play, posted by Rebel on Aug 14, 2004

Some truth here.My choices have been more limited than they need to be in Cali.Might have something to do with an 18 year old chica who probably thinks anyone over 40 is ancient representing you.
I will expound more on this later.There is a funny story about perception based imformation about the same guy,me,from 2 different sources.Would you believe a girl cancelled a date with me based on imformation from one source in order to take a date with me based on imformation from another source?Same guy,same girl,same night.Ah ha,this explains ALOT.
And of course your right about the language.But my new chica is better at english than my spanish so its easy to just go that route.
And deserving better doesn't get it done.Looking out for yourself better does.

Pete

[jim c]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

You are sounding a bit angry. Actually all one needs is to be independant and self assured. Each lady we meet has the potential to be the one , but we must be willing to let her go if she is not. To be happy we must be willing to be alone and choose a partner that we really care for, not one we could love potentially.

   There is no failure in breaking a relationship that is not correct for both parties. The fantasy that looks are the deciding factor in romance is very dangereous. Unfortunately the agencies thrive on this perception. Just because she is beautiful does not mean she is interested in making you happy forever. I had a conversation with my secretary the other day and she said a colombian woman could not possibly love a man that could not say I love you with emotion in spanish. Saying it in english simply does not evoke the same emotional response. Interaction at an emotional level requires true communication and comprehension. SO LEARN AND COMMUNICATE. You can only rent companionship for a limited time. JIMC

[kented]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

You have turned cynical rather suddenly.  Date and enjoy but realize that many women are not playing games.  You perspective will force yuou to go slowly and not ignore red flags which are necessary in this persuit.  Thereare lots of gems out there, even in Colombia.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Its a game we play, posted by kented on Aug 14, 2004

Alot of gems,yes.Not playing games? Sorry I think thats most of them.
Cynical? Me? Mr pollyanna? I consider it wising up.My perception after living here as a single man 8 months is alot different than it was when I was an occasional visitor as a married man.
But lots of gems.And if they happen to really care about you you just might get treated well.Otherwise you antenna better be working.

Pete

[kented]

... in response to Re: Re: Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

I lived in CR for seven months, the first three before I met my wife.  I met lots of terrific women who were sincere and honest.  The problems with Colombia is that lots of women have had bad experience with gringos or have friends who have and lots of women are desperate to get out which makes them act strangely.

Since changing countries is not an option, you just need to be careful.  You need to establish a few parameters about who you ask for the second date based on what you are looking for and what you want to avoid.  

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

Pete

How old is this hot "girl"?

Kenny also said:

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away, know when to run.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to One question, One comment, posted by DallasSteve2 on Aug 14, 2004

Steve,
Yup,other good Kenny advice.
The girl is 41,looks about 30,has a hot body.So kind of up in the age I should be looking for.Actually I have never seen a better looking 41 year old.I mean hot,the kind of body I like,T and A.
As far as other detractors below I will respond later,actually I agree with alot of what they say.My general comment is its better to figure it out later than never and alot of options make you feel strong about it.
I got another supposedly hot one coming in 45 miniutes and they might be early.Whats the source?I might reveal that to individual guys,later after I really check it out more.

Pete

[Chris F]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

Hey Pete!!

Glad your having fun with someone new. Do not make the mistake of only seeing her right now...it is to early for that...remember as you said..."women like a challenge" if you are only seeing her from the beginning...your not a challenge.

You need to date other people for right now and not tell her everything your doing....this will keep her guessing about you which will add to being a challenge.

Listen to your own words Pete... "Even if they love you...which is rare I think" Pete...I think you would just be better off being Hugh Hefner for the rest of your life in Cali...enjoy each situation and then move on...........

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Its a game we play, posted by Chris F on Aug 14, 2004

You might be the only guy who understood what I was trying to say.
But optomistic me thinks there is a relationship out there better than playing Hugh Hefner.But in the meantime,while I am looking I don't really want to play the fool anymore.Been there.Done that.Didn't work.No mas.Even though I consider myself very intelligent I have been a slow learner,in terms of what I do and how I act.Its more about savy than intelligence.

Pete

[zack]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

Pete,

When you find the right lady, do you plan to stay in Cali or move back to the states? If the former is your plan, at least that will help filter out the green card sharks. But you will still be viewed as a "rich American." Hence, more game-player ladies to deal with. Just stay the nice guy you are. If they can't appreciate that kind of man, it is their problem, not yours. I agree with Clay in that game-playing isn't your nature and hence you'd be better off just being yourself.

Zack

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Its a game we play, posted by zack on Aug 14, 2004

Zack,
I called it a game,but what is usually considered game playing is not what I intend.i am very honest and intend to remain so,a big disadvantage to game players.But I don't intend to volunteer anything to my disadvantage.
Its more like thinking myself worthy and looking out for myself in a smart way.Its hard to put in to words but I have a feel for it with this girl.Sometyhing like you get what you expect,what you will not accept less than,not what you think you might deserve by being a good guy.That one NEVER worked for me.

Pete

[Phoenix]

... in response to Its a game we play, posted by Pete E on Aug 14, 2004

That post sounds all well and good but tell us how are you going to play the game. I mean, you are a nice guy after all believing in love and all that.  

How are you just going to turn yourself into a player when it's not in your DNA?

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Its a game we play, posted by Phoenix on Aug 14, 2004

I don't have to turn in to a player just notice what I did that didn't work and get an idea what might.Nice guys are not REQUIRRED to be suckers.
But for instance,new chica,don't go crazy over her even if she is hot.I am determined not to come up with any of my old behavior that undermines how I am percieved.I got a new chance here.I have observed what works and what does not.Time to put it in to action.
One other little factor,I don't intend to have just one girl untill someome really shows me she deserves all my attention.That way you don't put too much on any one relationship.I'm meeting another new one tonight,also described as hot,we will see.
Relationships are  like negotiating.You have to be willing to walk.Then maybe you don't have to.
If you come on like a doormat,guess what,you get walked on.
Easier said than done perhaps,but I feel up for the challenge.
I will keep you posted.

Pete