Cynical? Bitter? Me?

[Pete E]

A little cynical I have become.Bitter is something I never wanted to be and I don't think it applies to my Colombiana experience,but on self reflection it could apply to my attitude about the catholic church,as pointed out by my friend Cali James.I preffer to think of it as still pissed off.Maybe I should head for the dictionary.
If we are going to play gotcha here it will have a very limiting effect on what people are willing to post.And its often not simple,you can try to describe something,use a loaded word like game,and get all kinds of reaction based on what that word means to someone else.
You guys who know me I trust to read my posts in the right spirit.
Others I will not let stop me.Actually the only guy who ever REALLY pissed me off here was our late banned poster Big B.One time he came off critising my spelling,I look at the keyboard more than the srceen,and said if WE are going to HELP you you need to write better.He included his new 2 week ass on the list in WE ,admonishing me who had been here 5 years.
But back to subject.Perspective can be a very personal thing.We are greatly influenced by what we have personally experienced,perhaps out of balence withn the true situation.
In my case I have had an intimate relationship with 2 Colombianas I was commited to,in retrospect unwisely so.Both I still believe in
MANY ways are very above average Colombianas.Both would impress most people greatly as being good girls,exceptionally so.Both would also lie their ass off and steal.That was so hard to accept I initially didn't want to believe it.
Both ,I think also,had they really loved me,would have treated me different.So I have to think some off you guys who have had good experiences have woman who really cares for you more than a woman who is above this type of behavior.Sometimes it takes a bad situation to test someones character.If everything is wonderfull the issue can lie dormant.BUT- I do belive some of you do have trully good girls.I could list some of you but it would be incomplete so I won't.And I have several friends who have seemingly very good wives.Sometimes wonder if its because they realise what a good deal they have and don't want to screw it up.But some do really seem to be very honest and for real.
Speaking of honesty,we did a thread on this a couple of years ago started by me talking about the casual way the truth seemed to be percieved and used by many Colombians,men and women.I think there is a cultural difference here that is no possitive.Alot of guys chimed in with stories.We had A colombiano living in the US who posted here I am told was so offended by this he went away.Sorry.I think its an important subject,we just have to remember if we think or say all we are stereotyping unfairly.BUT,I personally belive Colombians will lie more readily than most people in the US.Its almost automatic behavior sometimes.Not thought of as anything wrong.If they don't want to do ,say or admit somethintg the automatic lie,like an excuse.
Put that together with a very tough situation here in Colombia and you willfind a very large percentage of people that see you as an opportunity and are willing to use you.Colombianas in particular because we are more willing to let them.A pretty girls effects our judgement.
For me I thin k alot of this is just wising up,not being cynical,but then again maybe I need to head for the dictionary.
cali has been knocked alot as having trouble girls.I have always defended it because for me its still the place with the highest possibilty of finding what you want based on the number of women attractive women available.The overall success rate is probably better,even though the number of problem girls is higher,because there is less chance of just striking out because you can't find someone.
As I said before,my perspective having lived inCali 8 months as a single man is ALOT different than when I was an occasional visitor as a married mani used to think most relationships were successsfull,I just made a bad choice.My new perspective,from what I personally see is most of them are heading for trouble sooner if not later.MOST,not all.But Most is huge.I used to think 20% problem relationships.What I have SEEN,and this may be out of balence with
the overall situation,is more like 70-80%.But maybe I have just collected people who have failed before.Some guys come here once,get lucky,find a good girl and we don't hear from them.
OK,back to where I am with this.I live here.I like it here.Its so much more interesting than living in the states.And,more importantly,I can get the kind of woman I can never get there.So I will proceed with caution,try to change some of my old automatic
behavior that causes me to do unwise things.Its not so much about knowing better as DOING better.One of our new posters came on like eveerybody knows that,where have you been.Knowing and doing are 2 different things.Knowing intellectually and getting it on a gut level are not the same at ALL.
So sorry I used the word game,which sent people in the direction of
their impressions of it,as in being a total game player.But,it is a game I think.We need to keep our eyes open and be smart,thats a way of playing the game of life.The basic chica here is a WHOLE lot better at it than the basic gringo.But we can learn,eventually.
I know this is a ramble,maybe alot of scattered thoughts I should pull together better.If someone wants to play gotcha I'm sure I said SOMETHING they can use.But for most of you I trust you with sharing my intimate thoughts enough to not let the other guys stop me.
More coming on age perspective,a very important issue to me.I need to get some more imput before I go off on that one.

Pete

[Chris F]

... in response to Cynical? Bitter? Me?, posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

In my opinion, Cali tends to have more problems then other cities in South America as far as " a woman to brig back to the states as a wife"

The reasons have been posted mant times before...Cali is a bit over fished...bad Gringo behavior has contributed to creating insincere women..etc...

But if I choose to stay single for life..Cali would probably be my number one choice for a city to live in becasue when the red flag calenas start showing their ugly heads...its easy to just move on to another beautiful woman.....

Stay single Pete...enjoy the ride of each beautiful Calena and move on to the next when the problems start...

[Craig]

... in response to Cynical? Bitter? Me?, posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

Pete I friend of mine helped me get through a really tuff time. I lost my children in a divorce and my wife was sleeping with my chidhood friend (25+ years.)among others. My friend is a Dr. of clinical Psy at Villanova University. She told me I was co-dependent. She said that you could take 2 people who where co-dependent stick them in a room with 100 others and by the end of the night they would find each other. Her point was that we as humans tend to seek what we know. You must find out what makes you do the things you do, or causes you to make the choices you make when it comes to meeting women in order to stop the cycle. I truly believe it's no accident when we continue to make bad choices when it comes picking the women we think are the right ones for us. The first place we need to look is at ourselves, it's usually the last though.

Pete let me know what your current e-mail is.

Craig

[Pete E]

... in response to FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Craig on Aug 15, 2004

Craig,
One other thing.I don't doubt that person helped you.I do doubt she has a balenced point of view.Or perhaps even you do after having had that problem.People tend too look at life from their proffession or possition.Want someone to tell you you need a shrink?See a shrink.
Reminds me of what my general practictioner said when another doctor reffered me to a surgeon.He said if you want an opinion you need surgury,see a surgeon.Sure enough,he recommended surgury.The problem was the cure was worse than the problem.Three doctors thought cutting out my colon and mounting a bag of shit on me would be a successsfull treatment.NOT ME.Wouldn't have wanted that along in the jacuzzi last night with my new girl.I kept shopping,thank you.The problem has been pretty much under control after finding another doctor 16 months ago.And there are interesting new treatments coming up for it,Chrons disease or Ulcerative coolitus,nobody could ever say for sure.One is to introduce a relatively harmless intestinal parasite,a worm,to the colon.Its worked amazingly well in studies.What does a doctor say when you tell them that?"That doesn't sound like anything you would want to do." Not as much as wearing a bag of shit?Get real doc.Think about it if YOU were ME.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Craig on Aug 15, 2004

I don't think I go as far as co dependent.John Bradshaw,the shrink not my friend  John says if you walk in the room and your eyes meet with someone and its shazam run like hell the other way.I say Bullsh!t.You might be missing the love of your life.He is co dependent about being co dependent.A miserable SOB in my opinion.For all his education and experience I don't think he is happy.Got the head up the old anos in my opinion,and seeing all sh!t.
If you find it impossible to change maybe.I know I can change this.I just needed a little more reason to.Think I got plenty now.And again its easier to change when you have lots of choices.I tried psychology.Expensive way to bullshit with someone.And of course it occurs if I am paying this MF $100 an hour I must be crazy.Self fufilling prophesy.

Pete

[Craig]

... in response to Re: FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

Well let me put it bluntly then. I've read most of your posts cause your an interesting guy and from the small amount of time I met you you seem  nice enough. If your telling me you don't have problems your the only one who believes it. Pete your moods swing from one end to the other. Your in love then your not. First your telling people Cali is great then in a few weeks your telling people the women are all lying theives. Your going through relationships like you were changing pants. The women you keep picking all do the same things to you. Your posts are upbeat then you sound like death run-it over in the next post. No matter how you do it Pete get some help. Thers's no shame in that.

[Heat]

... in response to Re: Re: FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Craig on Aug 15, 2004

Pete is a very upbeat, happy guy.  You don't know him.
Clam up dude.

[Craig]

... in response to Pure caca....., posted by Heat on Aug 16, 2004

Ok dude....Go back to sleep As#hole

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Craig on Aug 15, 2004

I sound like death run over in the street?Where the f--k did you get that?I don't think there is anybody here more upbeat than me,even when describing a bad experience.I always get a positive lesson out of things even when they
turn out bad.Don't misconstrue my telling of something that turned out bad or forming a new opinion about alot of chicas as whining or depression.I ALWAYS come out stronger,even if I don't get the lesson the first time.

Pete

[Craig]

... in response to And,I just reread,where the f--k did you..., posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

Ok Pete then I misread your intentions, Death run it over in the street? Not sure where you got that quote check my post..I said post not street.. I meant that sometimes your posts sound like your depressed. I just believe that any one out there in a failed relationship has to except some of the blame. It's about excepting are shortcoming's and doing what we can to cahnge them. When I here that it's all there fault or she did this type of thing, it's just not how life goes. It's a bill of goods that won't add up.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: And,I just reread,where the f--k did..., posted by Craig on Aug 16, 2004

Craig,
Its says death run it over,I guess I put in the street part.Either way thats not me at all and I don't know how you could have possibly put that on it.Death run over?Point out one thing I ever said that you could say that about.
I am from the San Francisco bay area.kind of the psycobable capital of the world.I have done alot of different things there that people thought were good for your growth.Some had some good parts,some bad parts,some awfull f--king manipulative parts.Been there done that no mas.There are a huge number of people there still in to contemplating their ass in some form or another.Most of us moved on.
I am VERY comfortable in my own skin these days.So it pisses me off a little when someone says get help.And reminds me of some a-sholes from the past.You seem like a nice guy.Sorry I took it out on you.You may intend well but you are TOTALLY off base in my opinion.
As far as Bradshaw,I was probably,no for sure too hard on him.But I used to watch him.Fresh faced bright eyed audiences hearing him go on and on about the SHAME.Well I guess he did have a VERY disfunctional childhood.And he comes off as miserable to me,but maybe thats because he gets hooked in to his old shit when talking about it.Then he says after all these years,30 maybe,he is just STARTING to get it together? Seem to me he ought to forget what he knows about it if it doesn't work in 30 years.And people want to follow his formula?I think there is alot to disfunctional families and co dependency.The problem is it seems people get in to this and look at every one else from that point of view.As in run the other way if you see someone accross the room and shazam?Only if you are hard core f--ked up in my opinion.otherwise your missing something maybe very good.I think there is a spiritual part of us that guides us to people.Do we want to miss that because some shrink had a disfunctional childhood?Not me.
One of my good friends here had a Shazam experience when meeting his wife.To me he got one of the 2 the best Colombianas I ever met.Want to miss that because someone can't quit trying to fit you in their mold?I think he would tell you hell no.
I did not have a disfunctional childhood.It doesn't fit me at all I don't think.
HHMM,funny,co dependent in Colombia.We are dependent on their sex and they our money? truth there but I wouldn't use the word dependent.We like.They could get dependent I guess.Money is habit forming.
OK,so I had 2 relationships where I gave too much and got too little.I do tend to be a generous empathetic person.
I see that.I don't need to pay someone too tell me.
Because bad things have happened to me people might presume I am sad or deppresed about it.far from it.Its INTERESTING,thats why I tell the story.
IF you go back to when I was still living with my ex wife last fall,that was no fun and I was hurting sometimes then.
The Donery thing.No,not hurting.A little sad when I would think about it sometimes because I thought she was such a good person and still do in a way.But even sometimes good people will do stuff.Its a lesson in life in Colombia.She was just looking out for her and hers,her family and kids more than me.
So lets just agree to disagree about it and go on.But I challenge you to watch my posts now with an open mind and see if you still have your same opinion.

Pete

[Craig]

... in response to Re: Re: And,I just reread,where the f--k..., posted by Pete E on Aug 16, 2004

Ok Pete I'll do that.....I didn't mean to offend you maybe to get you thinking and if it means a sh@t I think what you said in this post makes a lot of sense. I don't disagree with you maybe my methods are a little different. Remember I was the guy who usually takes your side. I got taken by a Calena also.... I hope I learned something from it. I will see you in Cali and the way I figure it I owe you dinner and a beer.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: And,I just reread,where the ..., posted by Craig on Aug 16, 2004

Craig,
Sounds good.But you owe me nothing.See you in Cali.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: FOOD FOR THOUGHT, posted by Craig on Aug 15, 2004

I have laid out for everyone my experiences here.I admit I tend to be too much of a good guy,too generous too easy.
but I don't buy your picture at all.
Mood swings?My opinion has changed based on my experience.How about experience swings?I am in the process of learning to open my eyes,which I think by now are sufficiently more open than your average guy here.I was too trusting too nice.I won't do it again.Thats not even cynical,its smart.
Need help?As in talking to some shrink?No gracias,been there done that, total f--king waste of money and time.I only did it because some guys like you seemed to think it was a good idea for about everybody.I don't buy it.If you really need it,fine.If not it can not only be expensive but damaging.We basically have to figure it out for ourself.Dealing with it we need to do ourself.I don't need anybody to tell me how,I just need to do it.
You have misconstrued and exagerated my experience.Cali IS great.There is just a higher percentage of women here that want to use you than I thought before.My opinion has changed.Its not a mood swing.I was in love.It didn't work.I am older and wiser for it.I am not whining but moving on.
Going through relationships like changing pants?One  relationship in 8 months.thats pretty damn little for Cali.
Let me tell you,arm chairs shrinks will get me to quit posting here faster than a-sholes.
The guy who talked me into counsoling years ago had way bigger problems than me,then thought everybody needed it.He did.I didn't.I kind of wonder if other people that talk about this are similar.Like maybe you? You spent alot of money on this?You buy all this co depency stuff?I think its real for some people.But we get a John Bradshaw up there,talking about after many many years he is finally starting to get it together.He obviously had really severe problems if he hasn't got over them by now.He might be better off just forgetting what he knows about it and living his life.I think,as I said,he has optical rectalitis,his head up his ass and analising the shit out of it.
The ah ha I got out of counsoling was I didn't need it,I was totally responsible for my life,my actions and the consequences.I didn't need to pay somebody lots more money to figure it out.
I can take care of my problems.I don't even consider them problems but experiences in life.I don't need any help.I only post to express myself.I like to do it.Usually.Post like yours make methink twice about telling anybody anything.

Pete

[Craig]

... in response to I totally disagree.Analise yourself., posted by Pete E on Aug 15, 2004

I'm sure you rather have people kiss you ass then tell you the truth. Now I will agree it's my preception I'm talking about and not yours. What I'm saying is this is how you come across to me. Maybe the women you meet somehow feel the same.

I'm no armchair shrink he'd be concerned if you told him you wanted to jump off a bridge I would probably watch. :)I've also never been to a shrink I have a friend who was and helped me through a tuff time. She told me one thing and she was right. About the need for another we tend to feel that we must have love, sex whatever, which causes the choice to pick those who tend to abuse in one form or another and are needy also. Don't buy it? I don't give a s@#t. It's just a thought.

Your reality is yours Pete and if your happy then that's all that matters.  Don't let me stop you from posting Pete I sure don't have all the answers If I did I sure wouldn't be here doing this. By the way... I like Bradshaw he's a nice guy and I've met him in New York. It's Freud I have a problem with.

As far as guys like me and what they think I'd forget what I said and continue to keep doing it your way.