Don't know I'm ready (long)

[PBC01]

I’m embarrassed to say I’m even thinking of going this route. I’m a 34 yr. old Male, starting second career and a second life. Never really dated much before because of work and I'm finding the single scene miserable. I'm decent looking and am told by many women that I have strong appeal. The problem is most women who are attracted to me really don't appeal physically (Obesity, it’s the American weigh!). Maybe my standards are way too high. Okay, I’ve done my reading and seen allot more horror stories than happy endings. I went to LAI’s website and considered going on one their trips this summer, the women are beautiful but I just don’t see myself with a group of guys older than my father. I read on the websites that “it’s not about the greencard”. No offense, but I’ve seen the photos on LAI and you’re not going to convince me that a 20 yr. old is interested in a guy pushing 60 yr. (stability aside these women have sexual needs too). Actually I don’t want to rush into marriage either. I just want to go to Colombia and have some fun. Maybe I’ll meet someone not affiliated with an agency, who will allow me to feel a less like a pimp or potential chump. I just don’t know which way to go. I’d love to hear from others close in age about their experiences with this long distance thing.

[Phoenix]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004

PBC01 stated: "The problem is most women who are attracted to me really don't appeal physically (Obesity, it’s the American weigh!)."

You are so right.  

The difference between Latin America and the USA on fat is shocking. I have been to Latin America several times and it's always depressing to return to Fat Farm USA.

Things are particularly bad if one is searching for a Black female.  77% of Black females are overweight in the USA compared to 58% of White females.  A whopping 50% of Black females are OBESE, compared to 30% of White females.

Here's the data:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/tables/2002/02hus070.pdf

I am not looking for perfection but damn, is it asking too much to want a woman who wouldn't crush you if she laid on top of you?

A large part of being attractive is simply having a reasonably fit body and American women fail miserably on this standard.  In the two Latin countries I've visited, you have to go out of your way to find a fat woman.

[burbuja2]

... in response to Fat Farm USA, posted by Phoenix on Apr 16, 2004

"I don't bump no big fat woman.  You done knock me down once, you don't knock me down twice."

[Stezo71]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004

Hi Ive been married for 2 1/2 years to a beautiful young woman from Cali. There are some success stories most of those people (including me) dont post often because we are busy enjoying our new life.
I had the same reservations you did which delayed my trip to Cali by 2 years. I ended up going at 29. Actually although Im happily married I do wish I had spent some more "single" time in Cali
You should go for it while your still young!

[Troy]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004

Okay, I'm 36, and I use to think on the same lines of you.  
Some points...

1)  Do you really want marriage in the near future?  If not, then be advised that many of these LA women are marriage minded (for better or worse), and will not tolerate non-committment for very long, unless you live in their country.  Also, the process of interacting with these women, including phone bills and travel, is VERY expensive.  So you don't want to invest if you're just interested in a fling here and there.

2) A way of not rushing into things and yet having someone to interact with is to join a service like Cherry Blossoms, where you can select penpals from LA and write emails, chat with webcams, and so forth.  I met my fiancee this way and I feel much more confident about marrying her because we've been interacting for almost a year.  And I've been able to be with her in person (about $800 per trip to Peru).

3) Why go to Columbia to have fun when you can do that in America?  I don't know the appearance of the posters on this board, but I am a reasonably attractive man (6ft 200 pounds, bald with goatee-- the tough-guy look) and I have enough game to where I could more or less 'get' fine women at will, including the latinas here in Los Angeles.  Problem for me was that I didn't trust any of them for marriage.  But, many of the girls I go after were not chuncky or overweight.  So, if you just want fun with fit latinas, you can save your money and stay in America.

4) As far as the horror stories here; I hope I don't offend anyone, but my take on this from reading these threads for some time is that many of the horror stories are from men who don't have the skills and confidence to handle women in America or any country for that matter/ or, they're older men trying to marry women much to young for them.  Weak men flock to LA because they strike out so much in America, but women eat weak men up no matter what country they're in.  Also, 50+ year old men trying to marry these 20 years olds, well, we know that's not going to last.  And then throw in the desperate men who go to these agencies and marry the first girl that gives them an erection, and you get the point about the horror stories.

hope that helps.

[Phoenix]

... in response to Re: Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by Troy on Apr 16, 2004

Troy, you are a 6-foot guy with a look that a lot of women want.

There are a lot of decent well-adjusted guys who don't have your advantages and who are completely dismissed by local women.  Frankly, I'm sick and tired of tall guys who have a wide selection of women lecturing others about how something must be wrong with them if they can't get women in the US.

Women are particularly height-sensitive, even short women, especially my "sisters" who are Black.

Some men are simply forced to look outside of the local market to find a reasonable pool of interested women.

So, if you believe in God, fall on your knees and thank him for your 6-foot frame and don't be so critical of men who are not quite the babe-magnet that you are.

[pablo]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004


Hi PBCO1,

Welcome to the board.  I smiled reading your first post.  I think all of us can admit going through doubts and hesitations contemplating going to Latin America in search of a foreign wife for the first time.  

I'm assuming you are not a member of LAI yet as you said that you just went to their web site. As a member though you would be able to see in a lady's profile her desired age range in a guy.  I doubt if any 20 year old would be looking for a guy pushing 60.  For example, the cute 28 year old named Luz on LAI's home page will consider a guy up to 50.  I wouldn't classify her as a green card shark simply because she is willing to accept a guy 20 years older.  Many LW, although not all, prefer a guy who is older.

Most guys your age are either married to an AW or have not found out about the alternatives that are available to them with a Latina. Kudos to you for thinking outside the box in looking for a foreign wife but DON'T let your reference point in dating AW be carried over to Latin Women.      

LAI is a good agency and if you haven't been to Latin America before I would highly recommend using their services.  Contact Nelson and ask him for some references of guys that are past or current members.  A good looking guy your age will have a blast meeting many attractive and sincere ladies.  Don't give up those summer plans.  Brush up on your Spanish, take a couple weeks off from work, head down south and I bet your life won't be the same.  Just do a trip report when you come back.

Pablo

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004

I'm 50, started a second life after a 23 year marriage and and I went for the first time to Bogota and Cartagena last summer.
I would offer you the following advice:
1. Develop a set of criteria for a potential wife, age range education. chuldren, work situation that you are willing to stick to. Do some hard thinking and go beyond the physical attributes. Once youa re there, the are many accessible women,of all types, characters and personalities, and you will feel like you are in a store, its helpful to know first what sort of woman you are trying to find.
2. If you don't speak Spanish, learn a smuch Spanish as you can. It can take you a long way, especially if you don;t want to use agencies.
3. Go for more reasons then trying to meet women. Learn aobut the culture, if you're an outdoor person, do some exploring, if you like photography, etc.
4. Do a lot fo reading about SA before you go. There are tons of travel guides and books at the library, bookstores, on-line, etc.
5 Choose a destination(s) that fits your needs. Bogota, Cali, Medellin, Cartagena, Lima, Nuenos Aires all have different characters.
6. Meeting someone and developing a relationship anyplace is about risk, if you are not willing to take any risks, then you will never know whay you have missed.
7. Be polite to everyone. You are a gringo, everyone wuill know that about you, be a polite, friendly gringo.

I am going to Bogota, (probably Medellin) and Asuncion, Paraguay for 34 days this summer, second summer for me.
I debated within myself a long time before I went last summer and incredibly happy that I went. Once you go and set reasonable expectations for yourselfl the climate, warmth of the people and beauty of the women will get under your skin.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by DOMINGUIN on Apr 16, 2004

That is EXCELLENT advice, Dom!  I encourage everyone to follow it.

I might add that you should also assess yourself.  Determine what you have and do not have to offer a woman.  That will help you tremendously in deciding whether or not a woman is serious about her attraction to you.

[zack]

... in response to Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by PBC01 on Apr 16, 2004

I started this search when I was 33 years old. Who cares if the other guys are older than you. It was actually an advantage for me because the ladies were more interested in a guy my age. If your description of yourself is accurate, you will have plenty of ladies interested in you. Just do us all a favor. If you go down there, don't  go just to have fun. Playboys give gringos a bad name. I hope you go there with a sincere desire to find a wife.

I can tell that you are very opinionated about this whole thing: "I'm embarrassed to say I'm even thinking of going this route...I've done my reading and see a lot more horror stories than happy endings...Maybe I'll meet someone not affiliated with an agency who will allow me to feel less like a pimp or a chump".

The only reason why you have heard more horror stories is because the success stories aren't posted as frequently as are the horror stories. I don't know what the divorce rate is for American-Colombian marriages, but I know it is A LOT lower than the 60% American rate. Your negative opinions are not only wrong but are one reason why this endeavor is the best kept secret in America. A lot of men are just "too embarrassed" to go and see what they are missing.

Zack

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by zack on Apr 16, 2004

"If you go down there, don't go just to have fun."

I kind of agree in that context, but generally, I would say "only go to have fun".  Make a good vacation priority number one.  Colombia has much to offer beyond great looking women.  A good looking 30'ish gringo with a head on his shoulders will have no problem meeting quality gals.  You just probably need some hand holding to show you the ropes - that's where a friend or agency comes in.  

If you make "vacation" priority good things will happen.

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Don't know I'm ready (long), posted by cancunhound on Apr 16, 2004

When a sentence is taken out of context, it does sound pretty dumb )

But your point is well taken. Having fun is the main objective.