They cut my Novias phone for lack of payment

[elcolombiano]

They cut my fiancees home phone service in Cali for lack payement. She was behind several months payments. Now 6 people in her house are without a phone. She first lied and said the phones were out in the neighborhood. She then told me the truth three day latter. I bought her a computer and paid for 6 months unlimted internet service so we could communicate. She claims her sister thru her cell phone on the floor. At work her boss does not like her to take personal phone calls. Its not that she is trying to avoid me I spent an hour with her on her brothers cell phone last night and she would not let me get off the phone. She was upset I did not answer the phone when she called last Saturday (I don't know from what phone).

This sure is hard. I am getting burned out. Time to find another novia.

[zack]

... in response to They cut my Novias phone for lack of pay..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

Whenever someone tells me that he bought his novia a computer for easier communication, I always think about
the nightmare that a friend of mine went through after he honored his novia's wish for a computer.

After months of developing a relationship, planning a wedding, etc, she takes this computer he bought her and used it to search the world wide web to find another man. Within a month she found another man via the internet and left him. He was devistated.

I'm not saying that this applies to your situation, and maybe your novia would never do such a thing, but it is something to think about whenever a Colombian woman asks for a computer.

Zack

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: They cut my Novias phone for lack of..., posted by zack on Sep 2, 2003

... if she was using him to find another guy. If he hadn't have bought the computer, she might have waited until she was here on a K1 to go shopping for a bigger fish. He should consider himself lucky it only cost him a computer. Think of what it could have cost, both monetarily and emotionally, if he hadn't found out early.

- Jeff

[zack]

... in response to It wasn't the computer, then..., posted by Jeff S on Sep 3, 2003

yes, that saved him a lot of pain down the road, but I still would not buy my novia a computer unless A LOT of trust has been built. If she is insincere and has hidden agendas, she will show it in other ways. No need to buy a computer to reveal this.

Calivet's recommendation, the phone internet service, would probably be the best option.

Zack

[Cali vet]

... in response to It wasn't the computer, then..., posted by Jeff S on Sep 3, 2003

Better than a computer I'd provide her with a monthly stipend for bus fare to get to an internet cafe also the cafe charges. This should come to about $20 a month or less. And on that note there's no excuse for a calena not calling you since the cost to the US from the internet phones at all the internet cafes is next to nothing. I use them all the time instead of calling from my house.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to They cut my Novias phone for lack of pay..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

What I am most dissapointed is that it seems she has a problem managing money. Any one (or an entire family) who falls behnid several months paying the phone bill to the point that the phone is disconected is very irresponsible.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: They cut my Novias phone for lack of..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

.. Is that the kind of person you want as a life partner? Thogh it was probably luck looking back at it, my wife turned out to be more responsible with money than I. I've cleaned up my act considerably since marrying her, but now it's usually she who balks at spending money when we could get by without - she's a lt rather save it than spend it.

- Jeff

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Sooo, Alan..., posted by Jeff S on Sep 3, 2003

You raise a very good point Jeff.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Sooo, Alan..., posted by Jeff S on Sep 3, 2003

You raise a very good point Jeff.

[Cali James]

... in response to They cut my Novias phone for lack of pay..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

If you didn't pay your phone bill for several months in Cali, the local phone utility would do just that, they'd stop service until it was paid and then service would start up immediately.

As far as the lie, this is one case where I wouldn't make too much out of it.  She may have been embarressed by the situation so she made up a quick excuse hoping the bill would be paid in the meantime.  When it wasn't, she needed to tell the truth.

As far as buying novias computers, really bad idea in my mind.  You don't want to be dumping big gifts into your novia's lap when you are trying to decide if she is a match for you.  This creates an environment where the girl may like you more for what you give her than for what you are truly. Sure you want to be able to communicate with your novia but you want it to be in way that both people put something into it.  Don't create an active - passive relationship where you do all the work and she just sits back waiting for you to move things along.

If her phone goes out of service, I guarantee a women who is interested in you will find a phone for you to call at a time and a place,  (Remember that incoming calls are free, outgoing calls cost something.) it may be at grandma's, a best friend or even a neighbors.

If you want to communicate by email as I said earlier don't buy her a computer to use at home.  Not only is it a bad for the reason I stated earlier but connecting to the internet can be expensive. You will need to pay for an internet provider but you will additionally need to pay for the local toll charge which occurs for every outgoing call -- which a connection to the internet would be.  Anyway, the toll can quickly add up to more than a hundred thousand pesos when your connected to your provider a lot.

If you want to communicate by email have her go to an internet cafe near her house.  I haven't checked for quite a while but you used to be able to connect for about 4,000 pesos per hour and most places will allow you to break it up in half hour segments.  I wouldn't be opposed to a guy paying for his novia's internet cafe time but don't give her hundreds of dollars, I'm talking perhaps 30,000 pesos tops per month.

Anyway, the best bet of all IMO is to avoid strata 1, 2 and 3 gals alltogether unless you have the time, language skills and maturity to tell the good ones from the bad ones.  I'm not trying to sound elitist, there are good and honest people from every class.  However I think overall a guy is better off concentrating on women from middle class backgrounds where people don't expect you to be the big or only provider for the extended family back in Colombia.  A person can help out with some things when appropriate but be careful of Colombian families who expect you to pay for all the luxuries they didn't have before.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: They cut my Novias phone for lack of..., posted by Cali James on Sep 2, 2003

It is an active-pasive relationship. Since she has no money there is nothing she can do for me. I did call her at work and she did ask me to call her at her Grandmothers house this eveinging at 7 PM which I did. She also gave me her brothers cell phone number to reach her in the evenings.

You don't recomend relationships with strata 1,2,3 girls. I had a starta 6 girl and she wanted a maid, did not work and had no ambition to work.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: They cut my Novias phone for lac..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

I didn't define active/passive in terms of who has the money but in terms of each person putting something into the relationship to keep it going.  If a gal goes out of her way to communicate with you when the circumstances are a bit difficult, she's investing some time and effort into the relationship. When people invest something into something it's a sign that they're serious and interested. This doesn't really need to be a lot, an email to you to say hello at the local internet cafe would be a nice gesture to let you know she's really interested.

I think a common mistake that guys make when getting to know their novias is that they over due their half in the relationship.  They buy their novias computers, telephones, or give them money.  I'm sure the original intentions are good but I think the introduction of these things only confuses the relationship.

I'm sure there are middle to upper class women who are not good wife material.  I'm just saying I think it's better to start the process by meeting women from families who aren't going to be dependent upon you for their survival. This is just my opinion but I think the best gals in the agencies are from middle class backgrounds.

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: They cut my Novias phone for lack of..., posted by Cali James on Sep 2, 2003


My novia says that in Bogota she can get broadband Internet for about $30 a month on optical fiber.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: They cut my Novias phone for lac..., posted by valuedcustomer on Sep 2, 2003

I don't know much about Bogota to be honest.  In Cali you used to only be able to get ISDN which if I remember correctly has a technical limit of 128Kbps. One of my wife's amigas has an internet cafe and that's what they're hooked up to.  I thought it was pretty expensive at the time (can't really remember the price)but prices could change rapidly I suppose with some competition.

I think Emcali (Cali phone company) is now offering several ADSL packages but they top out at about 256Kbps.  I'm not sure of the prices but 30 bucks would be a bargain for sure.

[Pete E]

... in response to They cut my Novias phone for lack of pay..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 2, 2003

Sounds like you think she is trying to avoid you,in which case I would end it.But if its just a phone problem the best solution is the cell phone,once set up there is no charge for incoming calls so it would not be shut down for non service.You knew this I presume,the cell phne may need to be replced,IF you think she is being truthfull.
Local phone serrvice in Colombia is expensie.There are no free miniutes for local calls so computer time is billed as airtime.It can get expensive.I thought you only needed to be about 2 months behind before they shut you down.
It can get expensive.Whoops,just noticed you said you paid unlimited internet service,so why didn't she contact you that way?
Question,how much is the unlimited internet service?Might be cheaper for my in laws than using the phone line.

Pete