crusty old guys

[jim c]

I recently read several posts on crusty old guys going down to Colombia. Visiting and dating numereous women, popping viagra and going to cat houses.
   As one of the "old guys" who keep going down there I find this line offensive. Did you ever think that some of us are intelligent enough to choose our dates carefully and have the sense to read the red flags. If the woman is trouble we stop dating her regardless of what she looks like. I myself choose women over thirty five, generally with a college education and they are usually employed. Maybe our experience has taught us not to be a bozo and marry a girl, who does't speak our language in two mmonths.  Others often marry because the woman is beautiful, they are afraid the some other bozo will marry her first and she will get away. My ex once said to me " these stupid Americans come here and think they are buying furniture" And a very literate driver asked "why do the Americans come here and marry our maids?" Gentlemen every time I go down, I see ten or more Americans planning to marry some one they have known for a week when their only communication has been through a translator. If she could really love you in such a short time without real communication wouldn't you suspect she has ulterior motives.
    Even Patrick continues to warn you learn spanish, take your time and don't go after the stars. Ethnocentric thinking leads you believe that people of other cultures are not as smart as we are, don't fall into that trap. I think the recent reports of divorces( which are expensive) should be enough warning. These are women not much different than the ones here. The agencies have crazies, sharks, little girls with Cinderalla complexes and gold diggers. Just like home. If she has chemistry with you she will wait for you and wait to learn who you are. I think crusty old guys are actually adult men who look before they leap.If you want to fall for this fantasy its cheaper to go hang in a trailer park and then get married in the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas. Maybe the reason I haven't found the right one is that I tell them I am not going to marry anyone until I have known them at least a year. Better safe than sorry. JIM C

[H2Oh]

... in response to crusty old guys, posted by jim c on Jul 20, 2002

Your points are right on. I know of 2 gringos that are going to marry chicas they have known for only a short time. The first guy is 55 or 56 years old and is going to marry a girl 16 years old!!! What's wrong with this picture? The second guy is involved witha chica that has told her friends ," I don't care if he's old, fat or smells bad I'm going to marry a gringo and get out of here".
 I guess there will always be guys that just don't care what happens to them in the future, live for today. Remember, the agencys for the most part are not going to tell you if the chica is sincere or not. It's your responsibility to take your time and and find out her real intentions.

H2-Oh

[AlexG32]

... in response to crusty old guys, posted by jim c on Jul 20, 2002

Very well said!!!!!!!!! I don't want to start a firestorm!!!
For those of you who have a "LATIN" wife.....install a software program where you can keep track of your wifes activities!!!!  Enough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[robbysanjuan]

... in response to crusty old guys, posted by jim c on Jul 20, 2002

Jim,
I am just talking about common sense. If what you say is true, why aren't guys looking for a woman in their age range? I meant no offense to you, but to some guys that post here, a 20 year age difference? Come on man, you can believe what you want, but there has to be (99% of the time) for a young hottie to marry a way older guy. Look at Anna Nicole Smith here and her ex-husband. She wanted the $$$ and got it. Those chickies in Colombia are not different? Like Patrick says "COMMON SENSE"!

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: crusty old guys, posted by robbysanjuan on Jul 21, 2002

Common sense in this pursuit is not encouraged by many agency operators.  Yes, marriages between young women and older men are more common in Latin America, but with few exceptions, the couple will not be living there, they'll be living here with all the social stigma that our society attaches to May/December marriages.  Throw in the fact that the lady comes from a less developed country and it's got "mail order" written all over it.  One of the marriages I saw fail was between a man in her mid-forties to a woman who was 25.  It didn't fail because she was using him for financial security and a green card as is the common belief when these marriages fail.  It was because he himself couldn't handle the effect it had on all the other relationships in his life.  His yuppie 40-something friends were no doubt talking behind his back and perhaps his family as well.  He ended up taking it out on her and belittled her in front of other people.  I think at one point he wanted to tell people she was his live in maid.

One thing I do believe is that most Latin women do not prefer much older men.  I think those that do may like the added financial security older men have and they believe older men are less likely to cheat.  Perhaps it's also because there's way more older men than young ones to even choose from in the agencies.  But I don't think the majority of the women prefer to marry someone much older.

I'm sure many of these marriages between very young women and older men work, but of those I've seen up close, I wouldn't even have wanted to be in one that did work.  I value being able to talk to my wife as an equal.  With someone so much younger there's just not enough life experience on her part to make it a relationship of equals.  Beautiful young women are great to look at and a tremendous boost to the ego, but I wonder how many men who find what they're looking for feel that the reality of a marriage to a woman like this is anywhere near as good as the fantasy.  There's been guys here who's marriages to young women are going great, but it seems to me that almost all the failure stories involve the young women. Maybe it's just because there's way more marriages to young women than there are to the over thirty ones and the shear numbers makes it far more likely that any failure story will involve a young one.  I'm not going to say my opinion is correct, but it sures does seem like common sense at this point.

[pastilla100]

... in response to Re: Re: crusty old guys, posted by Patrick on Jul 21, 2002

My Colombian girlfriend calls me baby (nene) all the time and I'm 46 and she is 27.  My view on this subject is that my relationship with a woman will be the primary part of my life where I spend most of my time and derive my happiness and I don't give a Dammm what anybody else thinks.  If friends or anybody else do not like it I will do some housecleaning and surround myself with more intelligent people.  Although, I don't think it will be necessary since I have made it a long time habit to only associate with intelligent people anyway.  What other people think is not the fundamentals, because what other people think is never going to make you happy.  Some of the fundamental questions I ask myself are as follows.  Does she have the physical looks that I want?  Is she a happy person with a sense of humor?  Does she have good character?  Is she responsible?  Is she intelligent?  Is she capable of loving another person?  Does she want me?  Do we enjoy spending time with each other? Do we have the same goals?  Do I want to be with her for the rest of my life?  If a man gets into this and he is weak or has some other character flaws its going to come back to haunt him.  

[Darkstar]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: crusty old guys, posted by pastilla100 on Jul 22, 2002

Excellent post. We should realize that it all starts with oneself.

Tim.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: crusty old guys, posted by robbysanjuan on Jul 21, 2002

A 20 year age difference is no big deal with many Colombianas,particularly if you still look good.I think it is a bigger deal if the girl is 18 or 20.There are lots of 40 year olds I'm sure that would love to have Jim.I think 35-40 would fit him perfectly.You don't go to Colombia to find a 60 year old.Those you can get here no problem.One of my friends doesn't have an age issue with women and he has had some nice ladies about his own age.For me attractiveness is too important,so fortunately we have a great alternative,Colombia.
I'm 59,my wife will be 36 tommorrow.Its not a problem.If I looked as old as some 50 year olds it might be.Her freind recently guessed me at 42 christmas.I said thank you very much,but I am 58.She didn't understand so I told my wife to translate.She said no,she doesn't need to know.I should post a picture.I do color my hair and I work out alot.Not your typical 59 year old,particularly in attitude I think.
Anna Nicole Smith was about 60 years younger than the guy she married,no comparison.But Clint Eastwood looks good at 70 +/-.He is married to a latina about 32.I know a Colombiana who's first husband,a Colombian,was 48 years older than her.
You will find,as you mature,that life does not end at 40,50 or 60.It can even get better.
And one of the beautifull things about Colombianas is they are not very age conscious.My wifes best friend is a 67 year old lady who is visiting Colombia with her right now.She is not your average 67 year old,very with it and fashion conscious.Her and my wife love to shop.
Actually young,as in under 30,can be a disadvantage,they think you might be immature and irresponsible like so many Colombians are.Unlike here they are looking for a man to be the husband,boss and take care of them,not a kid to play with.The ones we usually meet have been through that with unhappy results.

Pete

[Jebster]

... in response to 20 years no big deal, posted by Pete E on Jul 21, 2002

It is difficult to find women in the 33+ range in Colombia who are actively looking for relationships/marriage  through agencies, ads, etc. And most that do participate in this process, simply aren't attractive (note I said "most"). So, you go there and all you find are a mostly 19-25 year old "bunnies". In Cali, a lot of them have children and not much educaction or a job. But a fine 35 to 40 year old Colombiana, who is very attractive, is just difficult to find. I think part of it is that most of the mature women simply have given up. The men usually dump their 30 something ladies for much younger women who are in great supply and more than willing. So, the more mature ladies lose their confidence and quit.

Bogota offers by far the greatest opportunity to meet "older" women.

[Pete E]

... in response to I agree, but the problem is.., posted by Jebster on Jul 21, 2002

I agree.It kind of pushes you to the younger women even if thats not what you were thinking of.I think older women should be encouraged to apply.But most of the action is with the younger ones,the older ones will usually not get much attention.
When I went to Latin Love in 1999 I think Bud was emphasising women under 30.I was happy to find some over 30,but not many.For me it was difficult to find many women who were attractive to me but didn't want to have more babies.
I went down thinking 35 and I found 33.My wonderfull sweetie is celebrating her 36th birthday today. Actually most of the celebration was yesterday.She is in Cali now.Her family threw a big party for her with live music.She looks really good to me.Better than I  thought I would ever have again.And she is as good a person as I could ever hope to find.
When I went down I was thinking 40 something guys would be looking for 30 or so.They were all after early twenties it seemed.Your notions about age will change drastically your first day in Colombia.

Pete

[H2Oh]

... in response to I agree, but the problem is.., posted by Jebster on Jul 21, 2002

My wife has an Aunt that is 35 and VERY attractive. I would like to find a nice guy to introduce her to. She is a wonderful lady. The 30 somethings are around just not many in the agencys.

H2-Oh

[beattledog]

... in response to Re: I agree, but the problem is.., posted by H2Oh on Jul 22, 2002

email me. i may be very interested. she is about the age that i am looking for.   beattledog

[H2Oh]

... in response to may be intrested, posted by beattledog on Jul 23, 2002

I need your address???

[beattledog]

... in response to Re: may be intrested,send me your addres..., posted by H2Oh on Jul 23, 2002

my e-mail address is hagardavid@comcast.net
beattledog

[Jebster]

... in response to Re: I agree, but the problem is.., posted by H2Oh on Jul 22, 2002

tomjeb@msn.com