I have this problem...

[burbuja2]

I was in Cali last weekend for one full day simply to drop off an airline ticket and bring back two paintings that my girlfriend painted for me (she paints as a hobby).  She mentioned that the paintings were for my dining room but when I got back to my house, it was clear that they would look better in other rooms.  The next day I told her that I was going to put the paintings elsewhere and she nearly went ballistic.  I am not engaged to this girl, although we have talked about it, and it is MY house.  I don't tell this girl how to decorate her condo, where the walls are the same color as the ceiling.  Is there some Colombian cultural norm that I'm not aware of where a female naturally assumes control of the casa?  Is this a clash of cultures or simply personalities?  The next day apologies were exchanged and everything is ok.  She explained that she spent a lot of time and effort on the paintings (which is true).  I explained to her that I also spent a lot of time and money on decorating my house.  I was just surpised that this girl would get so upset at something seemingly trivial.  Is this a possible red flag or just something I'm going to have to put up with?

[Michael B]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

I tell you, Niles, the woman's ceilings are the same color as her walls!.

Nooooo! My God, Fraizer, you can't let a woman like THAT into your home.
--------------------------------
I mean, you can't be serious? Are you? If you are, and you're both making an isuse of it, I'm just glad I don't have to live with either of you. This doesn't sound like a 'where to hang the painting' astetic question, it sound like a power strugle of "this is MINE, MINE, MINE! and you can't change it"...come to think of it, even you wrote "it is MY house".....hey, if you marry her, she has to live there too, you know (at least that's the custom in the United States)....doesn't she get any say in how to arrange the furniture? Perhaps you and this lady are both too 'strong willed' for each other? If it was something like she insists on having a pet you are alergic to or she refuses to bathe, or even one of you is a non-smoker and the other persists in smoking in the house, then you have a legitimite complaint, but where to hang a painting? Give me a break. And don't try to tell me it is to "not set a precident of giving in to her every whim"...from where I'm standing, it simply looks like it's because you never learned know how to share.

BTW, does your fiancee know that you're talking about marriage with another woman?

Quote from this message: "I am not engaged to this girl, although we have talked about it"

Quote from your profile: Engaged (Since October 2001)

[Bob101]

... in response to You meant this a a joke? (I hope), posted by Michael B on Jun 1, 2002

.

[Canadian]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

Sometimes I watch the TV here (Colombia)and while going through the channels, I see some of the soap operas. The women are always screaming at something or other. I am not sure what they are saying but it seems to be part of the culture. My advice is to put your foot down on some issue that you feel strongly about and do not back down. See how she reacts to that. I think that some of theser women are so used to being walked all over that they have a reflex action to blow up. Have to go now.....Later.....Canadian.

[denvermike]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

To some people, these situations may seem trival, but this situation can be a real "eye opener" into the true nature of your lady. Remember she is still a woman, so from our vantage point she will be a little irrational at times, latina or not. However, during the dating or courting phase most people are on their best behavior, so can you imagine what she would be like a couple years after marriage when you diagree with her, it won't be pretty.  But standing up to her now, sets the tone (or for a lack of a better phrase the balance of power) in the relationship.  If she figures out she can manipulate you with her anger, she can get anything she wants whenever she wants, simply because you prefer to not to fight. Most of us hate conflict, and we try and avoid it, so we give in.

I have had latinas go loco (from my point of view) over some trival statement (sometimes just because of my bad Spanish), but I never let anger or tears move me if the issue is truely important to me.  Stand your ground and say NO!, remember you are the man, so act like one (remember she is not an AW so being a man is still politically correct).  The latinas may not like it at times but they will respect it.  Babe, if they don't respect you, your toast!

Some Colombian women can be very tough and forceful, I suspect as a defense mechanism to the macho males down there.

A really good friend of mine is married to a lady from Cali, and he has lots of war stories from their first years of marriage.  My buddy is the most easy going guy in the world and his wife can strain their relationship to the breaking point over trival matters. He received advice early on from her own aunt of all people to never back down or you will suffer the rest of your life.  He was told that his wife comes from a family of tough, very vocal women who fight at the drop of a hat.

just my $0.02 worth
chao de Chile
mike

[mck]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

Can you imagine if she comes to live with you?, and doesn't have a drivers license or car for a few months and has to sit at home while you are at work all day. If a girl like that is that fussy over a painting, I cannot imagine how she would react in other situations. I would live with her at least 6 months before you get married lol.

[Bob101]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

if you need advice from men on this board about this problem, you need to spend your money on a good therapist in your area.

[tommi]

... in response to Re: I have this problem..., posted by Bob101 on May 31, 2002

What a lousy statement to make! "If you need  help from the guys on this board...blah blah blah.....

Now I think we're all becoming convinced that the reason you had such a poor time in Cali is your negative attitude.

Lighten up...

[Bob101]

... in response to Maybe Bob has the problem..., posted by tommi on May 31, 2002

If you can't see the red flags without the advice of other for what you mentioned here...your headed for trouble. I have ignored them before, and paid the price for it. You will either accept innapropriate behavior and set the stage for more, or look more deeply into her issues to see what other problmems are lurking below the surface. Ignore them now, pay later....been there....done that.

[tommi]

... in response to Re: Maybe Bob has the problem..., posted by Bob101 on May 31, 2002

"Check the sign post up ahead..." maybe you're in the twilight zone Bob... The only person missing red flags is the one passed out in the taxi wizzing through Cali...maybe it's you!!!

[Cali vet]

... in response to I have this problem..., posted by burbuja2 on May 30, 2002

The ceiling of her condo is the same color as the walls you say? Apalliing! How gaudy! Gauche to say the least even bordering on kitch. Well if chartreuse predominates in the forground you can legitimately demur but if it's puce you're a gonner. Insist on speaking to her dealer!

[Jim L]

... in response to Re: I have this problem..., posted by Cali vet on May 30, 2002


Don't think that your "off the wall" (sorry - dumbass pun ;-) humor is completely unappreciated here.

I know you didn't really mean to bust the guy's pelotas or anything, but man I am actually LOL!! :-)))

"...Well if chartreuse predominates in the forground you
can legitimately demur but if it's puce you're a gonner.."

Go'on ya nut! :-D

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Re: I have this problem... Calivet! ..., posted by Jim L on May 31, 2002

.

[burbuja2]

... in response to Re: I have this problem..., posted by Cali vet on May 30, 2002

I appreciate everyone's comments.  They pretty much reinforce what I was already thinking although its hard to be objective when you're so close to the situation.  She is coming to live here for the month of July so I'll have to watch her insistence on having her way on trivial matters.  With a shout out to MCK, please know that she has a driver's license as well as her own car, so I'm not as worried about the boredom issue with her.

[tommi]

... in response to Re: I have this problem..., posted by Cali vet on May 30, 2002

I can relate...somewhat; my situation is a little reversed however. I have beautiful original oil paintings of women in slightly provacative poses, on the walls of my bedroom, spare bedroom, and hallway. A few are ex=girlfreinds Being a bachelor it's no big deal to me and most Americanized women don't say much about them.

The latinas...that's another story. After a few dates they want control of everything. You have to remind them that IT IS YOUR HOME and until a further commitment to the relationship is made...everything stays where it is!

I have to smile when I think of your situation...it's funny for us guys looking in.

Good luck!