... in response to A Week In Cali:Day Four, posted by Ken2 on May 2, 2002Ken,
I also got engaged quickly,5 days in my case,and married my wife on my return trip 2 months later.While most people,including myself will admit this is not wise I certainly understand why it is tempting and why it is difficult to put things on hold.
Not being a patient person I have a negative reaction to advice to wait.That was my mothers solution for everything,wait.Its can be like walking across the desert,getting to an oasis,and having someone tell you it would be a good idea if you wait to drink some water.Wait is never an answer I like to hear.
In my case I just went for it.I wanted this woman in my life sooner rather than later.Also the alternatives were not attractive to me.Phone conversations were tough because of language(much easier face to face).E-mail relationships do nothing for me,bores me to death.I guess I could have just kept traveling back to be with her,but it seemed easier to just get married.Because my wife had to quit a good job and also bring her son here a fiance visa was not really a fair thing to ask her to do.For others this can be a good way to get to know them better.
So how did it work out?It has not been easy but has improved over time.Its not everything I thought it would be but I love my wife very much and intend to stay with her.She is a very good person,which I knew right away.Her character has never been in question.Thats about all I will say on my marriage as I have agreed not to post details.My wife knows alot of people who read this list and gets very upset if I say too much.She is a very private person,I am not.
Just some things to consider:
1.How does she really feel about you?There can be a whirlwind sort of prince charming thing happen where the prince does not even need to be so charming.The situation can be charming.You are from America,you have money to do things and do alot of things with her she would not normally experience in such quantity.You are different and interesting.Her friends and family are interested in you.You seem like the key to a grand new life.In this envirement it can be difficult to hold on to reality.Be carefull that the circumstances are not more attractive to her than you are.
2.The adaptation to American life thing.My take on this is the closer she is to her family and friends now the more difficult this will be for her.Friends who's wifes come from not so great family situations actually seem to do better here,they are not giving up so much.Of course there is the issue of where you will live.What is the weather and are there other latins around for her to associate with?She will almost cetainly have a tough time with it.This plus getting to see the real you,warts and all,may make this a difficult time for her where she may emotionaly just want to leave.
3.What does she really expect here,and will it fit with reality?Does she want to work?It can take years for her to be very employable except for the most meanial jobs.That big salary of yours(in Colombian terms you are rich)may not buy as much as she thinks.
I will not tell you not to marry quickly.My only advice would be to try to get her away from the whirlwind experience and just spend some time with her one to one.Just talk.Talk about EVERYTHING IMPORTANT.Don't be shy,its important.
Then if it looks OK,go ahead and go for it.You never really know how it is going to turn out anyway.The first few months will be difficult,but if it looks like you made a big mistake don't be afraid to admit it and move on.If there is ant deceptiveness on her part its a major red flag this is not working.
My other comment when I did it was however it turned out it would be alot more interesting that what I was doing before.That has been true.Life is for living.If you are too afraid to make a mistake you will miss it.Reminds me of that saying"work like you don't need the money,love like you have never been hurt,dance like no one is watching."
My other comment was if it didn't work I would just go get another one,which I would do,its so much better than my other options.
Good luck Ken,and please post regardless of how it works out.Guys need real stories here to put things in perspective.I wish wasn't under a gag rule,I would post more detail of my experience.But I spilled my guts enough in the past that guys who have been around here awhile know alot of the story.
Pete
