Trip to Bogota

[Ken2]

Fellows~

I plan to visit Cali the last week of April to meet a lovely young lady that Ive been writing since Nov. 2001.  We have talked about the possiblity of being married in the future should we feel we are compatible for each other, etc, etc. My question is: How long does one need to plan on being in Colombia for a wedding and getting the VISA at the consulate (including say a honey at Santa Marta)?  Ive read a few posts, but is 2-3 weeks ample time or is there a possiblitty for glitches in this process (consulate) which might cause you to have to, A.  stay another week or two, or B. Have to return to the states and fly your spouse back alone?  Are their some common oversights people make which should/can be avoided?  

chow~

Ken

[Patrick]

... in response to Trip to Bogota, posted by Ken2 on Mar 1, 2002

I can't believe all the negativity being posted regarding your lady friend.  Maybe there's something you said about her that I didn't read?  From the tone of the responses, it looks like some guys are seeing red flags everywhere.  The "FedEx fraud" and even guys wanting you to confirm her story that she told her pastor about you seem a bit paranoid to me.  Unless she asked you to send money for the FedEx shipping, I don't see much of a red flag in it not arriving.  If you have some concerns, get a tracking number and check on it.  The verifying the brother and pastor thing seems a bit out there to me.  That sounds a bit paranoid and unwarranted to me unless there's other things making you suspect her intentions are different than what she's stating.

I used the "write first, visit later" method in my search, and out of about 150 women that I wrote to, I found one scammer.  She wanted me to send money to reserve a hotel near her for a visit and said she had no telephone, so I couldn't call.  Pretty obvious.  Basically, "if they ask for money, be very careful" is a good approach to weed out scammers.  Anyone too anxious to marry is probably also someone to avoid.  Not that they're necessarily after money.  They may just be one of the types who are looking for a gringo husband first, and love second (or just immature).

I think any reasonably intelligent man who's been around a bit can judge whether a woman's out to scam him in some way and it's not too difficult to do.  LIkewise for judging whether she's marrying for love or just for security.

I can verify what one guy said about not feeling the chemistry sometimes even with a beautiful woman.  I met one like that.  Stunning in person, and significantly more attractive than she appeared in her photos, but I just didn't feel a spark with her.  We had little to talk about and not much in common it seemed.  It wasn't until my fourth trip that I met my now wife.  The previous three trips resulted in the old "no chemistry" thing or I just felt the compatibility wasn't there.  I still enjoyed the trips though and didn't feel they were a waste.  They were all a learning experience for me.  To be honest, at the start it was self-doubt about marrying a "mail order bride" that inhibited me more than anything.

One thing I would agree with though is that you shouldn't be making any comittments prior to meeting.  You never know how it will go until you've actually spent time together and it's best to keep things fairly light until after you've met.  It sounds like you may have already gone beyond "light" though since you're asking about time lines for marrying.

[Ken2]

... in response to Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Patrick ~

Well, when I told her that I wold pay for her to send more fotos via Avianca she adamantly refused and said she would pay for it with her next paycheck (I felt terrible ~ sounds like funds are tight for her right now).  

As far as falling for her and vice versa, your probably right.  I guess we all want to find that special person, but one needs to be more careful.  I found very few biographies with girls claiming to be Christian so I pursued her immediately and failed to search any further.  

In addition, I have contacted Latin Best and Luz assures me that there are several gals that might fit what I'm looking for.  So, I'll probably drop by there when I arrive.  However, I won't be surprised if things do work for Claudia and myself.  

With all the reports of violence I wonder by the time Abril rolls around if things will be safe.  Claudia already says she and her family are praying for my "SAFE" arrival.  AHHH!

Take care & thank all of you for your insights.

Ken

[Ken2]

... in response to Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Greetings ~

well, She did email me the tracking number of the Package, but Fed Ex uses another company, Pensar Express so I'm not sure the number is traceable (boy is she good! just kidding).  She tells me that, they told her it would be a few weeks and when she called back they gave her another story.  And since I'm using Babel Fish as a translator, I may not be getting all the details.  I have her brothers cell phone number so Ill give Him a call tomorrow evening.    Asking several specefic questions is a good idea as someone suggested.  The pastoral issue can wait.  

I trust she is telling me the truth.  However, I think going on the first trip "no strings attached" is a better method.  Staying at a hotel is probably my best option.  I certainly do not want to be locked in to one girl if things don't work.  Plus, if she takes 9-10 days off of work, Id fell obligated to make it up to her financially.  Is that how it works?    

She's also wondering who been filling my heads with doubts.

Really though, although the Fed Ex/Pensar Ex thing is a little unclear, I think she has a heart of Gold and can be trusted.  

I guess the most important thing to do at this juncture, is to NOT stay at her place and even back off a little bit letting her know I dont want things to move too fast.  And maybe that I want to see other people when I visit?  

Has anyone ever meet a Calena who looked good in her foto, but not too hot in person?  

Cheers fellas,

Ken

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Wow, posted by Ken2 on Mar 5, 2002

If you want the relationship to move forward you shouldn't express "doubts", just show that you're alert to what's going on and one thing you absolutely shouldn't do at this juncture is tell her you'll be seeing other woman. That may be routine, even expected in the North American dating scene but it's a latina's worst nightmare. They are supremely jealous so clam up fast on that subject.

[Mikey]

... in response to Re: Re: Wow, posted by Cali vet on Mar 5, 2002

OK, so they're supremely jealous?
Ummm, I kind of like that, as long as it doesn't get too crazy. Does that mean they are also very loyal?

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Wow, posted by Ken2 on Mar 5, 2002

Ken,

In your first message, you said-

"I plan to visit Cali the last week of April to meet a lovely young lady that Ive been writing since Nov. 2001. We have talked about the possiblity of being married in the future should we feel we are compatible for each other, etc, etc."

If you now casually inform her that, "by the way, I'll be seeing other women also when I come down." I'd say you're going to be in trouble with this lady.  You might as well consider this one a learning experience and get ready to continue your search.  It's possible she might react okay to your news, but I suspect otherwise.  I think you took the wrong approach and went too far in your relationship with her before meeting and I think she may have some expectations that aren't going to be met.

[Ken2]

... in response to Re: Re: Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 5, 2002

Patrick ~

Marriage was not the sole topic of our conversations, but the issue did arise.  I guess the only thing I can do is meet her when I get there and take it from there. Not sure if I can rectify my mistake.

Ken

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Wow, posted by Ken2 on Mar 5, 2002

that it isn't like she's going to sit by, and just watch you meet other girls, and hope that you'll realize that you should be with her in the end.

If you begin to want to see other girls while you're there, and she will be able to sense that, she's going to realize that she's free to meet other guys.

If I were you:

1.)I would make up my mind, and go for this woman based on what you know now. But, really that is a little premature based on my experiences.

2.)OR, begin making things light with her so that she, as well as yourself, have clear expectations of how to proceed. If things work out, GREAT !!!! If things don't work, and you aren't interested in her or she isn't interested in you, you saved both of yourself embarrasement and hurt.

Think of it like this, if you would keep talking about marriage and other serious things too early, and then staying at her house for the visit, meeting the family and even the pastor; then in the end you decide that she isn't the one......Where do you think that puts her How do you think that will make her feel, and how embarrased her and her family will be ?? AND, wouldn't you feel the same way if she decided after the fourth day of the visit that you weren't the one for her.

Think about it. I'll be in Cali from May 1st to May 14th.
There is a girl named Claudia I wrote to, but it may not be the same person. It could be, who knows ? However, I wrote this woman in January, and I sent a little package with a gift and photos. She wasn't in Cali at the time, and someone in her family received the package. She later wrote me a message to thank me. I wrote her back. I told her that I wanted to go slow, and that I thought writing a few weeks before calling eachother would be best. This was back in late January. I haven't received another message from her. But, I'm not worried because I know where she lives and I know which agency she visits, and I can schedule an introduction when I get there, if she's still single. If she's not single, then there will be plenty of other beautiful and nice girls to meet. No sweat off my back, nor off her's. And in terms of money, I spent about $58.00 sending the first package FedEx. After that, I refused to invest much more money unless the young lady showed consistent interest in me by writing letters, which isn't hard to do. But, I'm not going to dismiss her just yet.  

Good Luck,
Aaron

Aaron

[Aaron]

... in response to Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Patrick,

In my messages, I never said that the woman was a scammer. Infact, I told Ken that I didn't see anything wrong with the way things are going.

However, I did suggest ways he could take to double check on what his new friend has told him. He asked for advice, and that's all I gave.

And, I don't think I was being paranoid because there are gals and guys that pull tricks like the ones I made reference to.

There is nothing wrong with taking precautions, especially with meeting people this way.

What do you think?
Aaron

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Wow, posted by Aaron on Mar 4, 2002

I just think that if you give a good lady the third degree you're going to end up shooting yourself in the foot and if there's no compelling reason to suspect anything, you should assume she's telling the truth.  People don't take kindly to others expressing doubts about their honesty and intentions.

I actually started out that way.  I would send a second letter basically telling the lady that I had no intentions of immigrating any of her family members, etc. etc.  Covering my bases since I suspected a large percentage were only after a green card.  I lost contact with those ladies pretty quickly.  If wasn't until I finally felt comfortable enough with the process after meeting some ladies that I settled down and thought of the whole thing as basically answering personal ads, which is what it really is.

I think there's more danger in men picking the wrong lady for the wrong reasons than there is of being scammed.  I also think that some of the men who went too far out of their league and pursued the arm candy variety of woman ended up believing they were scammed when in fact it was their thinking with the wrong head and a desire for a trophy wife that got them into trouble.  Not all beautiful women are high maintainace princesses, but enough are that IMHO men should seek inner beauty with as much priority as they place on outer beauty.  Especially if they're not physically "guapo" themselves.

No, there's nothing wrong in taking precautions, but you've got to have some basic trust if you want any relationship to work.  Starting with the assumption that the lady's the potential enemy is not good.  If they ask for money, then it's time for the suspicions.  That and too much desire to move too quickly.

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Patrick,

I totally agree with everything you've said so far, and the trust in the beginning is very important. AND people don't need the third degree treatment.

Maybe my first post was a little strong, but I wanted to be direct in communication.

I'll just state in a few words what I intended to say in the beginning: "Take precautions and double check and investigate."

I think this is acceptable as long as it doesn't get out of hand and become offensive to ther other person.

Aaron

[Cali vet]

... in response to Wow, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Hmmm...Patrick I wonder if your scammer was named Mary and if she wanted you to stay at an aparta-hotel owned by Hal Wenz in Bogota.

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Wow, posted by Cali vet on Mar 4, 2002

Is she still around?

[Cali vet]

... in response to My God, posted by Patrick on Mar 4, 2002

Let's hope not! But I bet she's got a cel phone now wherever she is.