Request for Advice/Questions/Insults

[John O]

During my holiday trip to Bqlla, I started receiving Emails from a Peruvian penpal, Y. Y. is 22, univ. student/promotional worker from a upper-middle class family. Pretty photos. She & I had had some great conversations by phone, & she was far & away my #1 penpal. But she gradually faded away, wrote less, became impossible to reach by phone. So I continued to pursue others.

It turns out, Y. had been writing/talking with another gringo & accepted an invitation to visit him in the U.S. They'd never met, yet he mangaged to secure a fiancee visa for her. He was ready to marry; she was interested, & eager to meet him.

When she arrived in mid-Dec., she realized the man had pulled a bait-n-switch on her. The youngish, Spanish-speaking man she'd written & spoken to was a friend of the older (40something), fat, bald man who now wanted to marry her. We'll call him Norman Bates. She wrote me saying she was desperate, & asked for my help. She was convinced that the papers he'd had her sign in some office building meant that they were married. (Her English is so-so.)

When I returned home, I called Y. She was living with Norman's mother, and felt safe. I was skeptical of her story at 1st, & asked a lot of questions, but decided she may indeed have just been naive & defrauded. So I invited her to visit me in L.A., which she eagerly accepted. Y. appeared embarrassed & grateful, & we seem to have resumed our old chemistry. I agreed to help her reschedule her flight back to Peru, & to purchase her tickets to L.A. I like her a lot, but I'm still on my guard. For example, she didn't want to travel here for a couple of weeks due to female/health reasons. Sounded odd if not fishy, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Now she tells me that Norman Bates tried to rape her. She apparently fought him off, & is staying with a neighborhood pastor & his wife that she met recently. I've spoken with them, & they have confirmed this. Now I'm even more eager that she come sooner. Her visa expires in March; she's not sure how long she'd like to stay w/me. Nor will I be, until I spend some time with her.

I've been at this Latin Wife Search process for several years now, and have always been pretty cautious. This is a new situation for me. I suspect that Y. is more flaky than a fraud. But I do like her & I'm eager to spend some time (& money) with her to see if we have something. But it's a delicate situation, & potentially very complicated.

If you have advice, pointed questions or gratuitous insults, please fire away.

Thanks.

[John O]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

I've had several long phone conversations with Y. in the last 24 hours. She was rather traumatized by the attempted rape, which was more brutal than I had imagined. She called her family & decided to return to Peru ASAP. So she won't be coming to L.A. after all, at least not on this trip.

Given all her stress & fear (her assailant & would-be husband was calling & trying to get her to return to his house), I tried to be as supportive as I could. We kind of  bonded over the phone, & she expressed much appreciation of my friendship & support. Fortunately, the pastor's family is watching over her until she boards the plane home.

I continue to believe that Y. is naive & capricious rather than dishonest, although I'm still not sure how she got her visa w/o ever meeting the guy in person (she claims he visited Peru for 2 days, but she was too busy to meet him). Y. never took advantage of me, & she even returned her fiance's expensive engagement ring, despite the pastor's wife advice that she sell it. (Ah, gringas!)

Y. seems like a good person, & I like her, but I still have a lot of questions, about the events & about her character. It's just as well that she won't be coming to stay with me now. If I decide to pursue the relationship, I can visit her in Lima. For now, I'm keeping my options open.

Guys, I appreciate all your advice, which by the way, was overwhelmingly for dropping her. I'll keep you posted.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Update - Thanks for the Advice!, posted by John O on Jan 14, 2002


Hi John,

Thanks for the update.  I still am pretty skeptical to be honest.  For instance her future fiancee comes to Peru for two days, she's never met him and she can't find the time to see him!!  That strikes me as strange and a story that's hard to spin in a favorable light.  

I think it's admirable for you to try to help this lady get home if her problems are in fact true.  However on the other hand, you're not so much a friend but rather a romantic interest. I personally wouldn't involve myself too much in the affairs of another man's fiancee if she were a romantic interest of mine.  I think there is a time and place for pursuing a woman but this would not be one of them for me.

Good luck, El Diablo

[meisme]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

I've been to Peru twice and have had the bad luck of running into similar scenarios. I don't believe she is a flake, I believe it more likely she is a fraud. My advise?  Move on and forget about her.

[yc]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

I could be wrong, but this story just does not sound right.  There are
just to many inconsistances in it.  Granted you know the situation better
than anyone of us.  But given the circumstances in light of what has been
stated, I think you would be better off pressing on.

[Bueller]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

"I suspect that Y. is more flaky than a fraud," you say. Does it make any difference? I´d pass, because you don´t need a flakey wife, and for all the reasons below.

[JimSimon]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

John,

Based on what you've written, it would be impossible to tell if this is all, part or not at all true.  When she gets there and you spend time, you might get a better idea (or not).  The three monts allowed on a K1 visa to decide is not enough time (especially if you don't get all three months).

It does point out that there are lots of red flags for Latina ladies who get lied to by gringos.  It works both ways.

Jim

[john_paul32177]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

this sounds very similar to some of the horror stories we all had heard about. be cautious!!

[El Diablo]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002


Someone correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a fiancee Visa a one entry Visa, you enter once and you're not allowed back in again if you leave. In otherwords, if your Peruvian friend returns to Peru, she's not coming back to California on this other guy's fiancee Visa.  By the way, even if she could return on this other guy's Visa, he's responsible for her while she's in the United States and not you!!  Personally I think it is a bit sleazy to be hooking up with a gal who's here in the States on some other dudes (good guy or not) Visa. If you want her to come to the States you should use your own fiancee Visa not his.

Granted I don't know this girl but from afar this story sounds really convoluted and bizzare.  Number one, I don't believe her story.  The INS will not grant a fiancee Visa unless both parties have spent time together in person.  If he did not travel to Peru, she would have had to deliberately fabricate a story and provide some fake evidence to support it.  I don't believe any gringo with half a brain would even consider such stupidity as being caught would likely be considered Visa fraud.  

But for the sake of argument let's say her story is true, ask yourself what kind of women becomes engaged to a man she's never met and travels to a foreign country to meet him for the first time? What does this tell you about her judgement?  What does it say about her family to allow her to go?  What about lying to the INS, doesn't this suggest what she is capable of?  Some people seem to always be involved in soap operas.  They attract trouble like a magnet because of their lack of maturity and their poor choices.  Is she this type of person?

Even though you've been at this for a few years, that doesn't mean you have to settle for something your gut knows not to do. I suggest you listen to your gut and be more picky about the really important things like maturity and character for starters.  There's a good women in Latin America for every guy on this board, don't settle for anything less...

El Diablo

[Keith Smith]

... in response to Fiancee Visa is a one entry Visa, posted by El Diablo on Jan 13, 2002

El D, I dig EVERYTHING you said! Later.

[john_paul32177]

... in response to Fiancee Visa is a one entry Visa, posted by El Diablo on Jan 13, 2002

well said!!

[mudd]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

this will be short and sweet. out of the frying pan, into the fire. sounds like a big fish story to me and you are the next sucker on the line. run while you can.

[pack]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

be careful...doesnt sound on the up and up to me.

[Fuzzy]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

Well one thing I will tell you is that she had to go for a interview in Lima to get that visa. So she knew what she was getting herself into. There is one heck of alot of papers that needs to be filled out. Plus you have to be able to show that the man came down to visit that girl in Peru. If I was you I would run as fast as you could the other way she might be alittle naive but I bet you your pay check for ten years that she has not even came close to telling you the entire story!

[Patrick]

... in response to Request for Advice/Questions/Insults, posted by John O on Jan 12, 2002

The story sounds pretty out there.  Perhaps true, but it seems more like a Jerry Springer show than real life.

You're apparently her second choice and being used as a backup plan.  I don't know how you feel being the second choice, but I know for me it would not be a good basis for starting a relationship.

I guess a visit wouldn't hurt, unless she's trying to pull an "abuse" immigration act.  But you're the one who knows her (at least better than us) and you're the best judge of that.