Help with spouses adjustment!!!?????

[nrvana]

My Calena wife will be arriving in Houston on Saturday (1-12-02).  We are both very excited.  She recieved her visa last Friday.

Do any of you guys who  have Colombian spouses or fiances have anything you can share with me and the rest of the guys on this board that could help us out during our wives adjustment process.  I know she will get homesick.... what can I do to make the adjustment easier?  

Thanks to anyone who can help.

Nrvana

[Pete E]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

My wife went through a depression for 2 or 3 months when she came to the US.There was a discussion site for latinas,espouses and novias,or something like that.I don´t know if its still going.It helped her by giving her pèople to talk to.
She started meeting other latinas and colombianas.Now she has several friends nearby.She also has an extensive telephone network of friends she talks to every day.
You need a cheap source for calling Colombia.We use Colombianita cards,$1.00 connection then $.05 a miniute.My wife can talk an hour for $4.00.
Hopefully you will be able to plan a trip to Colombia within a year so she can see her family.
Of course she needs english classes and this can be a way to meet new friends.
Hopefully you have a good relationship.The first 3 months will test it.

Pete

[Edge]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

I agree with Georgina that you need alot of patience while she transitions.  I do not know how you are communicating with her now, but if it is good or bad, you will soon need to rely on the method you are using.  

Thank God for cheap phone cards nowadays because they help her not to be so homesick.

My wife seems to be transitioning pretty easy.  She is picking up English pretty good.  We have not gotten her in a class yet here..  She was studying it in Cali before she left.  She picks it up from me and studying on her own..  Sometimes though, the speaking English is too much for her.  When we are visiting people and everyone is speaking English, you can see that she is about to get a headache from trying to follow it.  There will be times where she says that she does not want to think or speak in English any longer, she has had enough.  So then we switch to speaking in Spanish or she can watch a program in Spanish.

The supermarket can be a challenge because we have things they do not have and there are items we do not have that they are used to cooking with.  Because I am not crazy about shopping all the time, I take her there and she can take her time while I go do something else for awhile.

I also bought her a cell phone so she can reach me at any time.  She has tons of Spanish programing through Dish network, which I know she enjoys.  We enjoy watching the local Cali news together during the week as well as the continuation of the telenovela Betty la fea under Eca Moda now on Sunday nights.

All in all, things are progressing.  

[Nico]

... in response to Re: Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by Edge on Jan 8, 2002

Hi Edge! Yes that it why I try to speak in spanish when I am in the company of you and your wife. I sense she needs a break from english sometimes.I{m looking forward to sein g you guys and showing you my Cali pics and stories.I want to have you over to go over everything.

[Edge]

... in response to Re: Re: Help with spouses adjustment!!!?..., posted by Nico on Jan 8, 2002

Nico - i know she appreciates talking in español with you.  You are a little better at it than our friend Hamlet, who called me this past weekend from Europe.  I was not home but the message he left with my wife in Spanish did not quite make sense.  Anyway, It will be good to see you and Hamlet when you both get back in town.  

Take care down in Mexcio and travel safely.

[Georgina]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

Patience and a good mood will help her a lot. Love her and be supportive. And when I say be supportive. I mean it not just for 2 months. Her adjustment process can take years.

How good is her English? Maybe she can get a job.

ESL classes didn't help too much with my English but she can make friends and speak her own language.

She should learn to drive as soon as possible.

We don't have a television, so no soap operas in Spanish for me and I don't miss them. Lots of time during the weekends to go out to dance or have a cup of coffee in from of the beach or visit friends.

Take her out to visit friends even if she doesn't speak English well. It's going to be hard for her but it will help her to start feeling she is part of something. Invite friends home to meet her.

Let her know she is going to be able to visit her family or they can visit her. She is not a prisoner in this country.

Good Luck!

[JunFanTX]

... in response to Paciencia y buen humor, posted by Georgina on Jan 8, 2002

Georgina,
I'm curious as to why ESL classes didn't seem to work for you?  What helped you the most with your English?

TIA,
Mike

[Georgina]

... in response to more on English, posted by JunFanTX on Jan 8, 2002

My English with all the mistakes I still making was far more advanced than the other people attending the same classes. At the same time, there were people whose levels of understanding, listening and writing were different. The teacher didn't have time to focuse in 20 students with different English levels. I didn't see any improvement but learning about American History.

I have a Colombian friend who dropped her ESL classes for the same reason. She was helping her peers to learn but she wasn't learning any English.

What has helped me the most is having a job. All my coworkers are Americans. None of them speak Spanish. I hear English all the day. Since I don't have a TV. I listen to the radio all the time. Just in English.

Other thing was that when I started working here two years ago. I was answering phones. I could hardly understand people and it was so hard for me. I struggled a lot and some of them weren't very nice to me. A few made me cry.

Also, it is interesting how much I learnt from every job interview I had. We think that because our English is not good employers are not going to be interested in hiring us, but we should try and if it doesn't work. Just learn from the experience. I was amazed to be offered two jobs after I got this one.

My English still far from good but I still learning a little more every day. Hopefully, some day it will get better.

This has been my experience. Other's people mileage can vary like you guys say.

[Landover]

... in response to answer, posted by Georgina on Jan 8, 2002

Georgiana: To help give others ideas of possible jobs for their spouses, what type of job do you have if one may ask? What were the other job offers if not similar. My novia asked me one day in Colombia what type of job she could get in the U.S. with her so-so English & other than waitress or working in a local latin shopping mall I was not much help.

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: answer, posted by Landover on Jan 8, 2002

I have a job as an Administrative Assistant or Secretary if you we want to call it that way for an Association advocating for young children and that have a contract with the State. The other two offers were both working as an assistant one with an accounting firm and the other with an insurance company.

I applied to work for a Mexican restaurant as a waitress but they didn't even call me :-)

My husband told me "Do not apply for the waitressing jobs. Apply for the office jobs. You are going to learn a lot if you get a job in an office" I was scare to death but he supported me a lot and taugh me a lot about interviews and how to elaborate my resume.

[Georgina]

... in response to You may..., posted by Georgina on Jan 8, 2002

That an assistant office job is not the top job but it helps a lot people like me who wants to get better ajusted to this country and learn and speak better English.

[Goliath]

... in response to You may..., posted by Georgina on Jan 8, 2002

Georgina,
You should start your own discussion forum! Latin women writing and discussing their experiences coming to the US. The men on this board would learn allot.
Thanks for you comments.

[JeffA]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

Keep the house WARM!  my wife is here, and is cold-- the fact that she got here during our 'two weeks of winter' didn't help...

Also, remeber that she will want to arrange the house HER way, and will change things to her likes. For me, that has been somewhat difficult, but far from impossible.

Also, since I teach, I bring my wife to work on occasion, she gets to meet my students, co-workers, etc., and she gets to practice english.
other than that, smile a lot, give her plenty of hugs, and plenty of love.

Luisa has been here 2 weeks, and seems to love it...

JEff

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by JeffA on Jan 8, 2002

Except for Bogota, my wife had never been anywhere where the temperature was below 60 degrees I don't think.  I actually prefer to sleep with the house at about 70, while she would like it to be 80...a big difference.

I think I will look into buying one of those dual controlled electric blankets, where she can crank that thing to her hearts content.

Mike

[Goliath]

... in response to about the cold, posted by JunFan on Jan 8, 2002

JeffA & Junfan,
I'm still a little nervous about considering bringing a "hot blooded" latin woman here. It was -14, last week.