Help with spouses adjustment!!!?????

[JeffA]

... in response to Re: about the cold, posted by Goliath on Jan 8, 2002

I don't think I could take -14! You're a strong man, hombre!

Well, Luisa is from Manizales, which the costen~as and Calen~as call , so she's used to a little colder weather than most colombianas, but we've had very cold weather for Alabama lately, including snow.  Luisa's been game, though. She has found out that men's thermals do fit, even though she thought I was silly for buying them for her.  However, she only wears them to bed, and will not wear them even to the farm!

I had told her about how cold it can get here, but I think the first few days experiencing it were important even for her.  I live in a 100 year old house, so it's drafty with high ceilings, but she has adjusted quickly, although she does wear a ruana in the house.

I have to agree with mike, honesty about the climate is the best policy-- combined with gloves, hat, in your case probably boots, thermal underwear, etc--

as a note of interest, we keep the house at about 60-- more like bogota and manizales. Also, two or three blankets, flannel sheets, down comforter, etc...  

All in all, cold isn't an issue if her clothes look good to her, and she thinks she looks good in them. It's not vanity, according to Luisa, she keeps telling me she wants to look good for her husband (of course, at this point, she can't look 'bad' to me... we've been married almost 2 months :-)

Hope this helped,

Jeff

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: about the cold, posted by Goliath on Jan 8, 2002

"G"

Don't give up, but be very honest with the ladies you meet about the area you live in. I don't know your personal situation, but would you consider moving to a city, with a little milder climate? Of course, all this is based on you professional & personal requirements. I joked with my lady, who happens to be from Cali, about the snow that just slapped Buffalo silly. She heard about the weather in Buffalo. I re-assured her, that we would not be living in Buffalo! This is not to diss the people or the city of Buffalo. I'm just saying, that such severe winters, are not for me or my lady. We have a couple of guys from Canada (Clint being one of them) who were honest & smart enough to tell their ladies what was in store for them, regarding the weather. These ladies are still going to Canada....

You gotta be truthful about such things. No doubt about it.

Good luck...

[Terry]

... in response to -14?....D-D-D-D-D-D-DAYYUM!!!!! ACHOOOO!..., posted by Hoda on Jan 8, 2002

a scumbag like you know about honesty?

[Hoda]

... in response to What would, posted by Terry on Jan 9, 2002


It has been brought to my attention by a fellow poster, that the "Terry" who posted this insult, is not the "Terry" who posted previously. This is a good reason for people to register, so bogus morons can't abuse someone else's name. My apologies to the "Real Terry", who's IP addy is different from the knucklehead above...

Peace...

[Hoda]

... in response to What would, posted by Terry on Jan 9, 2002


You just couldn't stay extinct could you?

LMAO at you....

[yc]

... in response to Looks like, talks like....a Banned Rapto..., posted by Hoda on Jan 9, 2002

Hey Hoda,

I sent you an email.

Later dude . . .

[Hoda]

... in response to What would, posted by Terry on Jan 9, 2002


momma, since she works for me! She better have my money when I roll up on her...

GOT MILK PUNK?

[Kenfer8]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

Please, give us some background pertaining her education and every day lifestyle she used to have in Colombia.

If she's into studying, this country has fantastic educational opportunities (most of them unheard of in Colombia).

[Bob101]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

find a local driving school, or teach her to drive right away. That will help her with some independence. I ran an add for an English tutor, and was surprized at how many responses and how little it cost. Be careful to get the right person if you go that route...but she will learn faster, especially if in conjunction with an evening ESL class. Calling allot during the day if helps too, and if you can, go home for lunch several times a week...make it like a lunch date!! It worked great for me. Be sure to buy software ie., internet explorer etc., for the computer so she can go online...good luck!

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by Bob101 on Jan 7, 2002

Let SOMEONE ELSE teach them how to drive.  Seriously, it was beyond me.  I ended up paying Sear's Driving to come out and spend 6 hours with her total.  Best $$ I have spent since she has been here.  I have a garage & car repair bill to show you if...I digress.

But seriously, driving around town is very important so they can get a sense of independence from you.  It made a big difference with my wife.  I pray every day that she doesn't get hurt in an accident though.  But, she is real scared of big traffic situations and avoids them, as well as the freeways.

Good Luck,
Mike

[Bob101]

... in response to I second that, but...., posted by JunFan on Jan 7, 2002

I did the same...you don't need to "coodle" them, they are adults...just love them!!

[H2-Oh]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

Congrads!!! Now the hard part begins. I will give you advice based on the things that worked for my wife and me. First I spent as much time as I could with her everyday. I tried to do something new and different everyday. Kept life interesting. I didn't push her into anything. When she was ready she would ask me if she could........whatever.
I think most important for me was for her to learn to drive a car. This way she could drive herself to the store, school and other places. I would also get her in contact with other Colombian wives that are having successful marriages. Avoid the women that are not happy. Be very patient, loving and realize that she is in a very strange new world. She will probably go through some depression, let her know this is normal. The rest you will figure out together. Good luck.

H2-Oh

[Landover]

... in response to Re: Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by H2-Oh on Jan 7, 2002

Speaking of other Colombian wives, is Sylvia's list(listing of Colombian wives in the U.S.) still on line & if so what's the site address?

[JunFan]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

Nrvana,
Hmmmmmm, what a question.  When you figure it out let us know...LOL.  The real deal here is not to try to make her life comfortable, as in making it as Spanish-speaker friendly as possible.  That is only a short term help.  The real key is to get her acclimated to American culture.  There is so much that comes to mind, but I'll just focus on the English part, since that is the most important.

There are books written about this (there are, seriously!), so I won't even try to list everything.  The biggest thing with these women is learning English.  I admit, my wife has not made the kinda progress in this area that I had hoped.  Much of the fault is mine, as I am guilty of being a crutch for her in this way.  While knowing Spanish will help you in your search for a latina bride, it can work against you once she gets here. It's tough, but you gotta be real firm on this matter.  I now wish we didn't have Spanish TV here.
The best thing for her has been the ESL classes at the community college.  There, she has made some good friends with other South Americans.  I struggle with this subject every day.

Of course, the phone bills/cards can eat you up if you let them.  She was buying some cards from a local convenience store, but they have big connection fees and avg around 17 cents per (without factoring in the connection fees).  I have since been buying $10 cards off the net, I think the one we have used is called South American Excellence we get off of www.phonecards-prepaid.com.  I think this is the best deal I have found, she can talk for 3 hours with one $10 card.  But the phone thing is something I am trying to get her to ween herself off of also.  

The Spanish grocery stores are overrated for them. Sure they like them because everyone speaks spanish, and there are some things that you can only buy there, but she prefers to go to the American one right around the corner.

There are soooo many other things I can talk about but it would fill volumes.  Send me an email if you want and I would be glad to talk with you sometime about it.

Good Luck,
Mike

[Red Clay]

... in response to Help with spouses adjustment!!!??, posted by nrvana on Jan 7, 2002

My wife didn't suffer much homesickness for some reason, maybe because she had visited the US before we met and knew more about what to expect. However, here are a few things that she seemed to like.

  We have several TV stations in Spanish, if you don't already have some, it might be worth looking into. Will help her from being too bored if you are away from home, even if it's just novelas, at least she can understand it. Also have a way to for her to call home frequently, phone cards or something that you can afford and allow her to call often. Be sure and get out often and let her see your city, area, etc. Don't have her cooped up in the house too much, although most Latinas seem to like being home alot. By all means, if she likes to dance, take her dancing. Doesn't matter if you dance well or not, she will like comparing "our" dancing to theirs. Also be sure and take her around to meet your friends and family ASAP, to make her feel like she is one of the gang, which of course, now she is. Even if she doesn't speak English yet, she will be able to tell that they are welcoming her into the family.