Formal request for "Patrick's" trip report!

[Hoda]

That's right Patrick,

I'm calling you out!!! After reading your post which you started off with " I was 34 when I began my search....". Enough is enough! These little pieces of your search that you tease us with, need to be put together in the form of a trip report. Yeah, yeah, I know your lady doesn't want her photo on the list & that's kool. Even without the photos your experiences & words will ring loud & true for others, who have & haven't started their search to find & be found by love.

Peace....Hoda

p.s. I know your plate is full, but I'll keep posting this request until you ban me or give us a reply...lol :-)

[Patrick]

... in response to Formal request for "Patrick's"..., posted by Hoda on Nov 8, 2001

And my memory's a bit fuzzy.  But here it is with as much detail as I can dredge up from my now 42 year-old brain-

I went the correspondance route and used TLC and Friends International, both of whom operated through paper catalogs rather than the net (shows how old my story is eh?).

A short preface:  I started my search after having had a relationship with a Mexican woman I met beside a pool here in San Diego (actually a little North of San Diego in Escondido).  She was up visiting some family at the time and I fell hard for her.  I met her family and many of her friends in Mexico and really liked what I saw of the culture.  Particularly the way men and women interacted.  Perhaps I'm a bit sexist and prefer women who act like their man is the boss.  I started studying Spanish after getting to know her, but our relationship ended eventually because she was not interested in leaving Mexico (she loved her country more than me).

A few weeks later while reading the classified section of the newspaper, I saw a short ad that said, "Meet Mexican women."  I sent away for information on a correspondance service and started writing to ladies.  

Unlike most do now, I narrowed the field to one before visiting each time and went with no backup plan other than to enjoy the trip and learn something.  I wrote to 30-40 women each time, and on my first round, I narrowed it down to a Mexican lady in Monterrey.  I went for a week's visit, and discovered that the lady was actually 10 years older than her personal ad claimed.  That put her at 39 and myself at 34.  Since I wanted the possibility of children and I wanted to wait to see how the marriage was going before starting to try, I told her I wouldn't consider her as wife material.  We still had fun as friends and went to see many of the sights around Monterrey.  I picked up some quartz crystal while out hiking with the lady one day and it was the start of my souvrnir collecting (one item per trip).  It was tough seeing the tears in the eyes of the lady when I left, but it was not to be.

The trip was definitely worth it even though I didn't meet "the one".  I had started out the process with probably more intent on improving my Spanish skills (I was taking classes at the time) and traveling to some Latin American countries to experience the culture than anything else.  I was also quite paranoid of the women wanting the "green card" more than anything else.  I was even sending out a stern warning in my second letters stating that I would not ever immigrate any relatives, etc, etc.  Needless to say, that wasn't endearing me to many of the ladies.

Second round-  I backed off the anti green card shark rhetoric this time and started trusting the ladies more (though I was asking for confirmation of age!). Once again narrowed it down to another Mexican lady, this time a 25 year-old from Vera Cruz.  When I went to visit her, I just didn't click with her, I believe mainly due to the age difference.  I prefer someone with a similar level of life experience.  This is when I decided to keep the age difference to within 5 years.  One thing about here though, she was WAY more attractive in person than in her photos, and even her photos were good!  My God, she was a knock out.  Don't believe anybody when they say the Mexican women can't be beautiful.  I also enjoyed the trip and once again, only as friends, but we had fun (note-  Be prepared to sweat if you ever visit Vera Cruz).  I bought a little ardvark with a bobbing head that became the souvenir for this trip.  I once again felt bad saying goodbye to the lady.  I think she was a little shocked that I wasn't totally in love with her as I'm sure most men she came into contact felt and I think she liked me even more because of that.  She was a good person and I'm sure she's made someone a very lucky man by now.

Third round-  This time I settled on a 34 year-old lady in a fairly unknown part of Colombia, in the state of Quindio.  I flew in and we hit it off pretty well.  Here's where the first interesting thing happened.  I've been an avid rock climber since I was a teenager and I looked at a map of Quindio and saw that there were some fairly high mountains in the area so I hired a taxi to take myself and my lady friend out for a day's excursion into a rural area.  The last 20 miles or so were extremely rural, nothing but dirt roads.  We found a few old buildings where they were apparently breeding trout in a mountain river and I left my lady friend with the taxi got out there to hike up a mountain.  Took me all day and it was cool to go from tropical environment into alpine territory when the trees below the tree line are palm varieties.  Wasn't much of a mountain but the really interesting part was on the hike down.  I passed several men, some of whom were wearing worn out camoflauge.  They had rifles (some looked like automatics) leaning against trees and were resting.  My first, and thankfully, only encounter with guerillas (do not travel out into rural areas like I did!).  I continued walking straight down the path I was following and was not molested in any way, but they sure were looking.   I found a really old horse shoe buried next to the trail soon after passing them (souvenir number three).  On my fight out on a twin turboprop, I heard some fast Spanish over intercom and understood only one word-  fuego.  All the passengers rushed towards the door.   Thick smoke was billowing out of one of the engines.  Some guys ran up with fire extinguishers and put the engine fire out.  We waited a couple of hours inside the terminal and they once again brought us back out onto the tarmack to board THE SAME PLANE.  The horse shoe is hanging over my front door for luck and is now my most prized souvenir of all.

I considered this lady a distinct possibility and we continued to keep in close touch, but I had second thoughts about the whole concept after returning back home and thinking a while.  I was still not over the "mail order bride" syndrome.  I cooled things off and we lost touch.  I later received an email from a guy who married her and felt sorry for her.  The guy was around 60 years old and from what I read, he seemed to think of her more as an object than a person.

After some time reflecting, I became firmly convinced that this really is a valid way of meeting good women and I was no longer afraid of marriage.  I started the process again (the Quindio woman was now involved with someone else).  By this time, I had sent letters to around 150 women and I finally found my first scammer.  She didn't have a telephone, so I couldn't call her.  She was pushing real hard for a fast commitment and coming on with the "I love you" stuff without ever even having talked to me.  I was suspicious of her intent and my suspicious were confirmed when she asked me to come visit her in Bogota.  She would arrange to reserve a hotel near her and wanted me to send $250 for it.  I quit writing to her and later saw a write up with a photo of her in a Friends International flyer (I had met her through TLC). Someone had sent the money and went for a visit and was met at the airport by a Colombian agency owner who spoke English.  Said the lady was unavailable but that he would fix him up with someone else, extracting more money from him along the way.

There was another interesting lady I was writing to from Cali.  She seemed perfect in every way.  34 years old, very athletic and adventurous, educated (a CPA).  We hit it off and I started calling her.  I went to visit her and we had the "spark".  We had a reat time together and one of the tings I liked about her was that she was just as reluctant to make any commitment as I was.  I went back home and couldn't get her out of my mind.  Returned again about three months later and we went to Cartegena together for a great week.  I would highly recommend Cartegena as a vacation spot since it's got lots to do including night life, island excursions, and fantastic history.  I popped the question in my typical unromantic fashion-  I said I was in love with her and wanted to spend a lot more time togeher before making a final decision on marriage.  She agreed and came up on a finacee visa about three months later.  We married near the end of the 90 day limit and are still very happy together after more than 4 years of marriage (with adjustment problems along the way including the seemingly inevitable car crash when she started driving).

I know the paranoia men can feel when they contemplate actually marrying someone this way.  I felt it myself and it took me two years not just to find the right lady, but to convince myself that I wasn't making a huge mistake as well in looking for a wife this way.  She's never asked me to send money to any relatives and I had to pry it out of her that they could use some when her father was terminally ill.  Her family is very proud and all educated despite coming from humble origins (her father was a surveyor who worked his ass off to put all his children through college).  Her oldest brother is a doctor working in Brazil, her two older sisters are university professors, and her younger brother is a chemical engineer.

One other thing for those who prefer a more mature woman they can talk to-  My wife's 39 years-old now, still working out at the gym, still very athletic and still straining men's necks when she walks past.  She still gets carded sometimes when we go out.  You can find some really beautiful women who aren't in their twenties!

Well, there it is.  A bit boring compared to most other trip reports, but maybe of some "historical" interest.

[Hoda]

... in response to Six years out of date, posted by Patrick on Nov 8, 2001

For busting your chops...lol

Now cut and paste or whatever you have to do, and place it in the trip reports section! Getting back on the same plane after it was just on fire? Brah, you got a set of minerals on you!!!!! Only in Colombia...lol Thanks much for sharing...

Peace....Hoda

[TexasRob]

... in response to Six years out of date, posted by Patrick on Nov 8, 2001

Very interesting.  While in hiking in Monterrey did you go to Cola del Caballo?  The waterfalls up there are beautiful and there are several great trails branching off on the way to the falls.  

The closest I have come to falling for a girl, since my divorce, was in Monterrey.  Monterrey is a beautiful city but the attitude there is different than the rest of Mexico in my opinion.  It is pretty much an American city sitting in Mexico.
 

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Six years out of date, posted by TexasRob on Nov 8, 2001

I do remember going to a waterfall one day, but don't remember the name of it.  I spent time out at the Huasteca (spelling?) as well and wanted to go back for the climbing.

I didn't really like Monterrey much myself.  Too big and too much air pollution for me, but I didn't really notice a difference in the people between there and some other places I've been in Mexico.  Maybe I was used to Tiajuana, which is basically another Americanized Mexican city.

[Raptor]

... in response to Re: Six years out of date, posted by TexasRob on Nov 8, 2001

It is pretty much an American city sitting in Mexico.

Can you give us the reason why you feel this way?
You seem to really know the area.  Please tell us more!

Thanks

[TexasRob]

... in response to Monterrey, tell us more please!, posted by Raptor on Nov 9, 2001

While flying to Mazatlan, Mexico I was seated beside a girl who lives in Monterrey.  I changed planes in Monterrey and continued on the Mazatlan, but first I got her phone number and e-mail.  I was going to Mazatlan to see a girl I had been seeing for a while.  I had orginally met her on a video chat program, ICUII. The girl in Mazatlan was beautiful and wonderful in every way except for her jealousy.  It was not just bad, but it was like a disease or something.  This trip I was embarrased for the last time by her so I flew home early and e-mailed the girl in Monterrey.  I made my first trip there soon after.  

The city is fun.  Lot's of little corner taquito stands that stay open till 2 or 3 in the morning.  Sitting at a table on the sidewalk and talking till early morning while eating taquitos was nice.  Monterrey has some great music also, but you about need a local to take you around.  Of course as with any big city there you will find the extremes.  You will find a BMW dealership on the corner of one street and then a few miles away there are people living on the side of a hill in what amounts to cardboard houses.  

There is a resturant that you do not want to miss.  In english it is "The King of Lamb".  It is across from a big river which I do not remember the name.  Also in the area known as Cola del Cabello you will find the street lined with craft shops that I found very interesting.  At the parking area to walk up to the falls you will find many indians selling various items.  Some of the leather goods I thought were well done.  Also at this same location you can have the thrill of your life.  I did a bungee jump there.  I had done a few small ones so I thought, no big deal.  Well I will never do that again.  I made my peace with God on the way down since I knew I would be meeting Him in a few seconds.  

It turns out that the girl in Mazatlan had created a profile on a chat program using my e-mail adress.  She used the name Mrs "TexasRob" and she placed some verbage about us being in love etc.  The girl in Monterrey did a search on my e-mail and found that.  I had not spoken to the girl in Mazatlan for almost a year.  Well I was honest with her but she chose not to believe me.  So that was that...

The reference I made to the feel of an American City is partly due to the culture inside the city.  When you leave the border towns and get down in Mexico it is the most relaxing and warm experience one can have.  I go often and I always go alone.  I have made some great friends there.  It is very rare for the discussion to come to your career or income.  People there seem to take people more at face value.  My experiences with Monterrey were not quite that way.  I felt how much money you made and what you drove was a little more important than who you are.  This is just my feeling and of course based on a few people I got to know.
I will add this though... Go there and see if you can find a single female that does not smoke.  That would take a long while.

If you want to have a great time.  Go to Mazatlan and do not stay in the tourist area.  Get a hotel in town facing the ocean.  It does not have Cancun's beaches or tourists but it does have a great atmosphere.  Some great night clubs too.  Go to the aquarium and go alone.  Go for a walk in the evening on the ocean walkway... and again go alone.

[Raptor]

... in response to Re: Monterrey, tell us more please!, posted by TexasRob on Nov 9, 2001

great report, thanks

[Aaron]

... in response to Six years out of date, posted by Patrick on Nov 8, 2001

Patrick,

Excellent story!!!!! I like how you went through things calmly with a level head, and not trying to rush anything.

And you found the lady that you were looking for, and fell in love with that lady.

I'm sure she's a great woman.

Patrick, I have a question for you, and I'm sure that you can help me with all of your experience annd wisdom with this process.

Well, when I went to Cali for the first time in May 2000, I met a girl that absolutely took my breath away.

I'm being for real. What happened was, we were both thinking of different people. I was starting something with another girl in a different city, and she said that she was in a rocky relationship with a guy in the states.

We talked about our experiences and lives casually. I wasn't trying to start anything with this girl, and I told her that I can't be certain what will happen in the future with other people. I told her that the most important thing was for me to finish school, get a job, start working, and then settle down for marriage. I told her that I was still getting prepared for marriage. She agreed with my outlook.

She told me that she was kind of in a relationship with a guy. She said she still liked him. She said that he brought her to the states twice, but did not marry her. She said that she didn't want to go to the states anymore with him unless he was serious about marrying her.

She said that he wanted to LIVE with her in the states instead of marrying her right away. She told me that she asked him if he was going to make a commitment, but he gave her the excuse THAT HIS MOTHER DID NOT WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED. HE EVEN HAD ENOUGH NERVE TO ASK THE GIRL IF SHE WANTED TO TALK TO HIS MOTHER ABOUT WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT HER SON MARRYING THE GIRL. The girl told me that she was angry, and that she told him that deciding to get married should be a decision between them, not the mother.

She said that they stopped communicating. She said that she still liked him, and would consider marrying him, but she wasn't going to push him. Mind you that this girl was 21 at the time, and her boyfriend was 30.

She asked me for advice. Basically, I told her that it was her decision to do what she wanted to do. I told her that it is not wise for a couple to live together before marriage. And I told her that he should be mature, and be able to decide about whether or not he wanted to marry her without his mother's influence. And I told her that maybe she should look to meet a guy closer to her in age. She considered my advice, and that's it. She said thanks.

Well, basically we talked for a long time, for about half a day. The more time I spent around her, the more I liked her, but I was a little intimidated by her beauty.

Also, I didn't want to try to start anything with her out of respect for her "relationship" and my newly budding relationship with another girl.

As the day went on, and as it was time for us to go our seperate ways, this girl looked at me and I looked at her. She looked at me as if wondering whether or not I was going to ask her for her contact information. But, I didn't. I felt it wasn't the right thing to do. Plus, I didn't want to be in correspondence with a girl that had her heart on another guy. I've been through that time and time before.

So as I left, I looked at the girl, walked over to her, and kissed her on the cheek, and I told her good luck and said goodbye.  (For all those reading, kissing a woman's cheek in Latin America is a customary greeting, and gesture for saying goodbye. Try it. The women like it).

Then, I just walked out the door. When I returned home back to the states. I had this girl in my mind. I would wonder what happened to her. I also began to feel stupid for not asking for her contact information. Also, the relationship that I was starting with the other girl in a different city wasn't working because of the long distance. Plus, I couldn't return as often as she wanted me to return. So she and I just decided to be friends.  

Well, now I still wonder about the girl I had met and said goodbye to. I still think about her. Do I sound like a fool? Did I do the right thing?

I have some idea of how to find the girl, but I'm going to let things go for now. I think I did the right thing because I was being a gentleman, and I wasn't ready for a serious relationship at that time. Maybe when I return, I'll see her again. But if not, then there are plenty of other women to meet.

I would appreciate any and all helpful comments from anyone.

Aaron

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Six years out of date, posted by Aaron on Nov 8, 2001

Maybe you'll see that lady again, who knows?  I wouldn't let the fact that she was seeing someone else stop you.  You know, there was another guy interested in my wife who stopped communicating with her when she told him she was in contact with some other guys.  TLC was (and still may be) the biggest selling service and the attractive women published in their catalogs get lots of letters.  My wife got letters from around 300 men, and probably wrote back to around 20 in all.  I can only imagine what the really sexy 22 year-olds were getting.

Men need to contact many women and the women need to get to know many men to find the right match.  In my service, only around 5% of the ladies end up getting married during the approximate two year run of their personal ad.  Guys who think a lady is taken because she's met someone else or received letters from 20 guys are making a mistake when they give up on them.

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Six years out of date, posted by Patrick on Nov 9, 2001

Patrick,

Good points. I appreciate it.

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: Six years out of date, posted by Aaron on Nov 8, 2001

May be if you find yourself thinking to much about her. You should try to contact her just as a friend and ask her how is it going? If she still liking the other man. I wouldn't recommend pursuing a relationship with her. There has been other stories of men marrying a woman who was in love with other guy in the States. Some of the women just used the men to find a way to be close to the guy they really love.

There are so many wonderful women in Latinamerica to choose from.

[Aaron]

... in response to I think..., posted by Georgina on Nov 9, 2001

Georgina,

Thanks allot. I appreciate it.

[Tai]

... in response to Re: Six years out of date, posted by Aaron on Nov 8, 2001

Aaron,

Si ya estabas tratando de conocer a una mujer de otra ciudad, por qué fuiste a Cali?

De todas maneras, tuviste razón por lo que hiciste. Siempre es mejor buscar una mujer sin compromisos.

Estas relaciónes ya tienen dificultades por la distancia y las diferencias de cultura. No necesitamos crear más.

dos centavos

Tai

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Casi no entiendo???, posted by Tai on Nov 9, 2001

Tai,

Good question? The reason why I went to Cali was due to logistical purposes rather than hunting for women.

Basically, I had purchased a round trip ticket from the US to Cali at the time. I had never been to Cali before, and my friends all said I should go there to see the city and see the pretty girls of the city. However, Cali wasn't my destination. I was vacationing in Colombia for 20 days, and I was intending to travel to B/manga primarily to visit a friend and her family (This is an older lady, she's married). So, I had to sleep over night in Cali, then fly to B/manga the next morning. I was planning only to stay 10 days in B/manga, but I was there for 17 days. I met a nice mamacita. Very pretty, very sweet.

After the stay in B/manga I had to return back to Cali to catch my plane to return back to the US. So, I had the opportunity to stay in Cali for one more night. I will tell you one thing though. I had a budget of a couple K for the entire trip. If I would have stayed in Cali for the entire 20 days, with all those mamacitas, I WOULD HAVE NEEDED ABOUT 10K.

This was the last time I was in Colombia. I had the time of my life during that vacation.  

Aaron