My Story! Part III

[SteveB]

I extended my stay in Cali to talk to a lawyer, and ask about what we could do to get divorce for Victoria.  Her husband had left her and her son 8 years past.  We talked to a lawyer and found out the cost, which I didn't have with me, so I decided to return home and send the cash to victoria.  I returned to the states and sent her the money the next week.  Big mistake!  2 weeks later she broke up with me!  I called a friend in cali, he advised me to forget her and move on.  So, after a month I planned to return to Cali during easter break!  My return trip included a short 5 day stay in Cali, to meet some girls my friend would arrange.  I met a few, and one seem to have  possibilities as a girlfriend.  I again went home and we talked on the phone everyday for a week.  But, this one lost interest also.  About the middle of may,,,out of the blue,,,,victoria calls back, she apoliged and we started our relationship again.  During summer break I planned to travel back to Cali and we even talked about marriage.  The summer of 99 trip was for 3 weeks.  I got there and she and family picked me up at the airport.  We hired an interpretor and made plans to spend a week of vacation in the mountain resort.  I forget the name of the place.  We were suppose to have this week for ourselves.  But, she sweet talked me into letting her son come along, and her sister would sort of baby sit him.  The trip started out well, we visited a small town during a party and had fun.  Soon though her son did everything he could to draw his mothers attention away from me and to him.  I couldn't believe how spoiled he was.  He was still eating most of his food with his hands and refused to eat with a fork,,a spoon acting like a shovel was the best he wanted to do.  But, i was under her spell, her latin beauty, had a hold of me and I chose not to pay attention to warning signs about her brat of a boy.  Part 4 and the marriage will follow..

Steveb

[Aaron]

... in response to My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 24, 2001

Steve,

I love you like a brother. Get out of the situation. Don't look back. From my analyses of what you have already wrote, most likely the girl, kid, and the other family members are trying to play you. Don't be a mule, and don't be a sucker.

If you met another girl, go slow. Have a sensible and fulfilling relationship. I know Latinas have allot of charm, but that's no excuse to act stupid.

Aaron

[Hoda]

... in response to My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 24, 2001

MORE LIKE BLAZING RED BOMBS!!!!!!

Let me get this right, you fall for her. Ok, I can understand that. She needs to get a divorce, which you pay for. She keeps the money, then kicks you to the curb. She returns, she gives you the boo-hoo story & mucho lo sientos. You take her back & her "Chucky" reincarnate brat? You're jerking our chains right? Now in your next post, you talk of marriage to this, this, this....I can't say here, but you know what I'm talking about. You speak of the spell she has you under. No my man, it's voodoo. Her bedside manner must be INCREDIBLE!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT STEVE!!!

Later

[SteveB]

... in response to No red flags here......, posted by Hoda on Oct 26, 2001

Hoda,  Hey read the dates, this started in 1998, part3 was from 1999, I have moved on, which you will find out when i post the rest of the story.  I kicked myself enough,,and don't need or did i ask for anyones advise....I am only posting this story to help others.

What is ydmf?  If thats what I think it is,,,

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: No red flags here......, posted by SteveB on Oct 26, 2001

"ydmf" is black ghetto talk.  He's giving you the best he can.  You can't expect any more.

Stephen

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: No red flags here......, posted by Stephen on Nov 1, 2001

I got it from your momma!

Figure out what S.O.S. means?

[Raptor]

... in response to Re: No red flags here......, posted by SteveB on Oct 26, 2001

I agree, thanks for sharing your story

[El Diablo]

... in response to My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 24, 2001

" But, i was under her spell, her latin beauty, had a hold of me and I chose not to pay attention to warning signs about her brat of a boy."

The warning sign isn't the child, it's the mother!!!!!!. This woman took your money for her divorce happily and after she got the money and didn't need you anymore she broke your relationship.  Later when her money ran out or she needed someone to use again, she called you and you took her back.  The child behaves as he does because this is the way his mother is raising him.

I don't want to sound like a jerk but the question I have is why would you take someone back who is so obviously bad marriage material.   I understand the spell but it's just an illusion and my guess is that your gut feeling knew that this was a very bad choice.

In my opinion, all the guys who marry a young hottie in a week or two are headed for trouble.  Maybe a couple of you will get lucky but everyone's playing Russian Roullette.  The guys who have been most successful IMO are the guys who have been more realistic.  They visited their gal more than once or twice, maybe they corresponded first, the didn't have some grandiose fantasy in their mind about marrying a woman from South America.

El Diablo

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: My Story! Part III, posted by El Diablo on Oct 25, 2001

I am not perfect.  So, I made a mistake!  I paid for it and learned from it.

Steveb

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 25, 2001

ydmf

[HappyIdiot]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 25, 2001

I'd like to hear the rest of the story, although I'm thinking that people's guesses are correct and you payed some expensive emotional and financial tuition for what you learned.  Sorry to hear that, and I hope someone will benefit from your experiences as much as you have.

[Throw]

... in response to Re: My Story! Part III, posted by El Diablo on Oct 25, 2001

That is excellent advise.  Spend as much time visiting her and talking and corresponding because with time the flaws will present themselves  When they do then will be the time to see if this person is for you or not.  Then you will know if you can handle her or if you and her are willing to make the changes necessary to make it work for the long run.  
In reference to hooking up with a young girl...If you find someone that is compatible with you then the age does not matter.  Often the young chicks like the party.  Not all the time but a few times a month.  I am talking primarily listiening to latin music and dancing in various clubs.  Us Americans going down to Colombia come out of an environment that is somewhat structured, we go to work, have our fun time in the evening and weekends and then start it up again come Monday.  Some of us like to party  on the weekends and some of us like a nice movie and watching TV.  When we hit a fun town like Cali we are somewhat out of our environment but we adapt because we are on vacation.  When we finally return with our lady to the states that environment is no longer there (depending on where you live).  This could cause problems.   This is where the problems arise.  This is where you see the true person.  If she really loves you she will adapt to your style of "partying" and you will find the type of partying she needs.  She is completely relying on you so it is up to you on making the transition an easy one.
That is why here on the board we urge Newbies to spend as much time in your girls city doing things with her that would be "normal" for you at home. Food your thought...

[Pete E]

... in response to My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 24, 2001

Steve,
Red flags flying big time.It really requires the ability to overlook them to create a real horror story.What seems really stupid in hindsight can happen when our desire for the outcome we would like overcomes all logic and judgement.Its been called thinking with the little head.
This looks as predictable as a B movie.
But hey,if its not fatal it can still be alot more fun than what you had going before.

Pete

[pack]

... in response to My Story! Part III, posted by SteveB on Oct 24, 2001

sounds like a disaster relationship. cant wait to hear how this ends .