Red Flag or paranoia?

[Thomas]

I made my first trip to Cali not to long ago and thanks to this forum I was able to avoid alot of the mistakes men make in this process and I met an incredible 23 yr old girl. She is beautiful but not the prettiest girl I met my attraction to her was much more than physical. I am 6 years older then her.
Anyway I looked for every red flag I could and found none. I had to beg her just to accept a couple dollars for the cab rides home and she was very uncomfortable when I took her to a nice restaraunt. During the last leg of my trip we became serious and I met her mother. Her mother said she is pretty ill. Anyway we decided that if we still feel the same way in 6 months I would come back then and we would possibly marry.
Heres the thing- she emailed me the other day (she does every day) and mentioned that her mother was in the hospital and it was very expensive. Now she did not ask me for any money, nor has she ever asked me for money, but still its just really strange. I dont want to be insensitive but Ive heard so many horror stories from guys getting scammed that it just seems like a big coincidence that her mother is hospitalized now right after we met.
I have to mention that i beleive I have very good instincts and I dont feel like she is getting ready to scam me but I mean I have to be careful considering what has happened to other guys. Like I said she has not asked me for anything and I do not feel comfortable giving her money so I will not do so but man its real rough. On one hand you feel like an insensitive jerk _her mothers sick and she is merely telling you her problems but on the other hand know matter how good you feel about her you think of all the stories you have heard about guys being scammed and Ive heard the "sick mother" one before. Anyway I plan to be supportive without offering money and see what happens. ANy opinions are appreciated. Thanks

[Raptor]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

big red flag!!

[denvermike]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

Hi Thomas,

The old "sick relative" (mother, sister, brother whoever) is a common scam with the ladies of Cali. Another one is that she has to pay off old medical expenses (I was hit with that one once). Considering the scams that have been played on the guys that read this forum, I highly recommend that you play it cool, give sympathy, but no money if she asks.  The smarter they are, the slicker their scam. She may be trying to get you to "volunteer" money. Or it may be the complete truth. You simply don't know at this point. But only a fool (like me) would give them money or buy them anything expensive, give them money for English lessons, or any other mistakes that I made.

If it is real relationship, time will prove it out.

But the request for cash is always a RED FLAG.

good luck
mike

[Patrick]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

She may just be expressing her feelings with someone she trusts and feels close to.  I wouldn't get too paranoid if I were you.  If she actually asks you for money, that's another matter.  At this point, there's been no request.  Don't make the mistake of volunteering to send money on your own.  Then you'll be even more distrustful and if things don't work out, you might assume that you were scammed (and you might, or might not be correct).  Wait and see what happens and assume that she's on the level.

Trust is a hard thing to come by in these relationships.  There's no much negativity about marrying foreign women that it's a natural reaction to be a little paranoid, but until there's a request for money, I would not be at all worried.

[FenixRises]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

Hi Thomas,
I had a very similar situation happen to me recently.
I made my first trip to Cali in early July. While there I met a great lady. We decided to continue our "getting to know each other" phase after my return. E-mails and weekly phone calls started. In one e-mail I got similar information. Maria told me her mother was sick and had to go the hospital. She didn't ask for money and I didn't send her any. As it turned out her mother did indeed go to the hospital for a day or two and is still under a doctor's supervision. I know this to be true because I have just returned from my second trip to Cali. I meet her mother briefly on my first trip. On the second trip I meet the immediate family twice. Her mother is still going to physical therapy. A few days before going to Cali, Maria asked me if I would bring some Vitamin A tablets for her mom, certainly a simple request. This kind of thing is always a tough call. It may be that your lady is just telling you about her life and the difficulties she is facing. I think for the most part the Colombian people are very proud and will not easily or willing ask a stranger for financial help. Thier families will pull together and help the mother if it is really needed. I do not think it would be a good idea to send her any money, especially if she asks. That would probably mean it's time to move on.  It is hard for us to make this kind of decision. Normally most of us would do anything we could to help our families. But this person isn't part of your family yet. A respectful inquiry about her mother's health should be made with a follow up at a later date and that's it at this stage of your relationship.
Fred

[NW Jim]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

Thomas,
I'm going to get flamed for this idea. If I were in your shoes I would consider having a PI check out this story. It's a fairly simple story, either the facts support it or not. One way would be for the investigator to deliver flowers from you to the hospital or home.

If she is on the level and you can help the family you'll strengthen your bonds; if she's scamming you--you'll save lots of future grief. Lying = one strike you're out.  

It seems as I recall several guys recommended a guy in Cali named Gonzalo? who could check things out. Maybe El Diablo or some of the other Cali guys have other contacts who could help.

As JunFan suggested, you could also offer to go to Colombia and deliver help, but you'd have to be prepared to go if your bluff got called.

Remember in love and war all things are fair; don't apologize for protecting your interests!  

[MikePastore]

... in response to Re: Red Flag or paranoia?  Need  a   goo..., posted by NW Jim on Oct 9, 2001

About six months ago or longer, the ol' Dog posted about a guy named Andy who he used as an interpreter/guide who was very helpful in weeding out some of the sharks.

Another story was from a gal named Claudia from Chile and , get this guys' HE SENT HER DOWN IN ADVANCE to the agencies, gave her his criteria and she did the "first interviews" Get the drift? I recently went through a very through background check which go my wheeels turning about this and I can tell you that if there were some way to get a trusted "advance man" to do some screening, I believe that he could make a pretty good living and save a bunch of guys a lot of heartache as well.

[JunFan]

... in response to Red Flag or paranoia?, posted by Thomas on Oct 9, 2001

I know it's hard, but I would advise you not to do it...I fell victom to this same sort of thing to a girl I had written and talked to for 9 mos (in Cali, no less).  Her story sounded so good and I felt it was the least I could do, but this gringo got ripped off!!  First it was a little, then it was some more...blah blah blah.

The more I have been around these women, I realize most of them won't ask for help. Especially the ones that are really interested in a relationship and don't know you that well.

I like the response one guy on here had awhile back to this...he said he would jump on the next plane down there and bring the $$ to her himself...shut that girl up quick.

Send the money to the Red Cross instead if you want to give money away.

Mike