fighting pop culture

[Colonialjd]

Ok, the merits of a Colombian Wife are many:  better looks, better values, better mother, better character, more family oriented, more feminine,... No argument from me.

Visiting Colombia -  No problem there.  The FARC, EZLN, Carlos Castano, Cali Kidnappers, nor Medellin Assasins do not scare me.
Physical fear of Colombia?  I have none, although I probably should.

What does terrify me is socal pressure from friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, on informing them that I am marrying a Mail Order Bride.  The comments.  The quizical looks that say: "Why did you do that??   "She is just using you to get a geen card."  "I guess he coudn't find an American Girl."  Although my male friends who experienced miserable marriages with Gringas will probably envy me.  

Many of you live life on your own terms and don't share my concern of what other people think of you.  Some of you make up a story like I met this young lady while vacationing in Cali, Colombia.  

Please advise me on how to get past this irrational fear of what others think of me.  This isn't high school any more.  I look forward to hearing from a few veterans that have acutal lives, jobs, friends, parents, brothers & sisters,...  In other words well balanced individuals who are plugged into the world.  

Kind Regards,

Stan

[Jeff S]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

As someone else below said - prove them wrong! At first you may get some funny looks or comments but after your marriage is a success, you'll end up getting more "gee, how exotic" comments or even "wow, that's really romantic" when you explain your long distance courtship. It the mean while, hold your head high and have confidence and a committment to success.
-- Jeff S.

[pack]

... in response to Re: fighting pop culture, posted by Jeff S on Sep 9, 2001

jeffs right, ever since i have been traveling to colombia people ,friends and familia have made all the usual comments and little insults. when i show the pitures of the country the cities the agencies and especially the women their attitudes start changing. some of the women are still making the comments but i think its out of jealousy of the beauty of the latinas. the men on the other hand are now asking me how they would go about traveling there. whats that saying.."a picture is worth a thousand words". just whip out the photos guys and you will shut many mouths!!

[Keith Smith]

... in response to Re: Re: fighting pop culture, posted by pack on Sep 9, 2001

TRUE INDEED! There is this supervisor (a married 32 year-old female) on my job who is very anxious to see my vacation pictures from Colombia. Why? So she could tell her "clique" (the same miserable females who she hangs with) that I hang with "a bunch of South American h#$%s." But when I show these photos to men, their reaction: "OH MY GOD!" What more can I say?

[Wayne]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

Colonial,

I was married to a Russian women, not a Colombian women but I have gone through all this.

1st. I think Americans have big mouths and feel they have to spout every personal detail about their personal lives.

When I fell in love with my wonderful Russian Women, I didn't even want the slightest chance that anybody would spoil my mood with an off handed insensitive comment.  Basically I didn't care what people thought, and I didn't feel compelled to talk with people about it.

It is going to be a very personal life you live with this women, so keep the details to yourself.  It really isn't anybody's business in my opinion.  If you don't want to have to deal with the plethora of opinions, just don't talk about it.

I have a small family and when I told them right before she came I just told them to trust me and they would soon find out why I chose this women after they met her.

For strangers, I just told them that I met her while I was traveling.  Which was the truth.

Now that I am divorced, I am a little sensitive about the "yea I knew that would happen"s  But... my marriage lasted 2 years after the green card, so that put an end to that speculation.

I think in this instance, it is just better to keep the info a little closer to your vest.  This allows you to enjoy the entire experience peacefully, without any negativity what so ever.

Happy trails,
Wayne

[FenixRises]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

This is what I did.
I told everyone I was going to Colombia but not why. Since I had a reputation for going off and doing adventurous things none of my friends or family though anything about my trip except to say "Why Colombia?". "I've never been to south America" was my response. I didn't say I was going wife hunting because I didn't know if I would find one worth hunting. I did. When I came back I told everyone, friends and family, about the entire trip. I told them I went to a B&B marriage agency, one that specializes in arranging meetings between Colombianas and American men. Perhaps this is a good way to test the people in your life. For me everyone's response was positive and supportive. My sister and mother immediately commited to going to Colombia for the wedding, if and when one occurs. All of my friends were very interested in the whole process and wanted to know all the details. Many asked the obvious question "Aren't those woman looking for AM for a reason, probably financial" or words to that effect. I said "por supuesto" of course, that is surely one reason. This forum exists to help we lookers learn about doing what it takes to avoid finding someone whose sole purpose is a "Green Card" or a trip to the US in order to gain citizenship.
I went two months ago. Today I went to a b/day party for one of my friends and of course many of my other friends were there. The response is still one of interest, they want to know what is happening with the relationship....."So when are you getting married?" is a frequent question, though it is asked with a light and joking tone. I trust my friends and my family. I know they are concerned about me and that they want good things for me. For me it is good to know that none of them would take a cheap shot about what I am doing, even one of my long time "Liberal-Femininist" friends didn't make one "barefoot and pregnant" comment. At some point, be open about what you are doing. It is very important for you to realize that your own attitude about what you are doing will be picked up by those around you. If you get cr@p from anyone, realize that they are the "chafe" in your life and let the wind blow them away. But also realize that you may have some cr@p in your own head about what you are doing and why.
Buena Suerte
Fred

[Keith Smith]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

Stan, I have been traveling to Colombia for some time (two and a half years). In spite of its bad international reputation, I enjoy the culture and its people. Most of the people I have met there are very friendly and intelligent. As for the ladies, they are some of the most beautiful, friendly, and educated women I have ever met. What man in his right mind WOULDN'T want a woman like that? Just like you, I have heard many negative comments from people on my job. NOTE: the people who criticize me the most are MARRIED WOMEN WITH CHILDREN-they have bad married lives: separated from their husbands, etc. Nevertheless, I enjoy what I do. I'm hoping that I will find that special woman soon. Stan, please pay attention to this: if they do not pay you, feed you, dating you, or giving you "you know what," then what they say shouldn't matter to YOU! You must do what YOU feel is right. Stan, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Take care. PEACE.

[NW Jim]

... in response to Re: fighting pop culture, posted by Keith Smith on Sep 8, 2001

Keith,
I think you hit the one caveat, handling the work situation. We had a gent marry a lady from Russia several years ago and the office still gossips about it. In office politics it doesn't take much to get the invisible asterisk next to your name, particularly if you have a feminist boss. Personally, I always separate my work and personal worlds--not just on this issue.

[Colonialjd]

... in response to Re: Re: fighting pop culture....if they'..., posted by NW Jim on Sep 9, 2001

I think you see where I am coming from.  It is not always possible to put a firewall around your personal life.  And the fact that you do will lead people to assume that you are a gay necrofiliac.

[NW Jim]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: fighting pop culture....if t..., posted by Colonialjd on Sep 9, 2001

n/t

[cdrab]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

Stan
 Your family is probably worried about you and everyone else is probably jeolous as hell. Understandably there is a certain amount of ignorance in most people.
I make no secret of the fact I go to Colombia and am planning to marry a girl from there. I usually don't say I go to an agency as it is nobodys business, instead I say I stay at a bed and breakfast and have met an incredible woman. Usually after I show the pictures of my sweetheart and say this is what I am planning on waking up beside for the rest of my life the normal response I get is holy sh!!. Especialy when they think about there fat bon bon eating wives. We are here for our own happiness and I am not about to let some ignorant person tell me I have a problem. I see many people everyday and you would be surprised at how many guys are very interested in what I am doing. Obviously the women don't share the same enthusiasm but overall I have received positive comments. but behind my bacK i am sure there is more said. When I get her here I am going to do everything I can to make it work with my wife and at the same time prove  to everyone who was negative that I have made a better choice in my life and not just settled for what was locally available.
Spend your time thinking about your future wife and  how to make her happy and don't worry about the little things

Clint

[Patrick]

... in response to fighting pop culture, posted by Colonialjd on Sep 8, 2001

I'm an engineering manager and I was open about how my wife and I met.  There was an initial reaction which pretty much met expectations, though nobody really questioned me (no doubt there were those commenting behind my back).  After you've been together a while and the stereotypical things everybody expects do not come to pass, everybody pretty much considers it just another marriage.

I think most people make up a story.  That's been my experience with several couples who met this way.  Whatever you're comfortable with.  I suspect men who marry women much younger than themselves would have much more said about them than was (probably said) about my wife and I, who are only 2 1/2 years apart.

One interesting thing that happened was that a friend's girlfriend wanted to take my wife out soon after she arrived to "rescue her".  She brought along a Mexican-American friend for language translation and was apparently expecting to meet an ignorant third-world woman who needed saving.  I think she was a little surprised when my wife spoke to her in English and made up an excuse not to go out with them.  The truth was that my wife was educated, semi-fluent in English and had lived in Spain for several years where she worked as accountant.  The "rescuer" had recently been "saved" herself from a trailor park by my friend and didn't even finish highschool.  In short, she's an ignorant (insert appropriate word that the software will not allow here) who thinks all immigrants are ignorant when, in fact, she's the ignorant one.

After more than fours years of marriage, friends are taking about how unfortunate my one friend who married the trailor park woman is and how lucky I am to be married to such a good woman.  My friend has "A Deal's a Deal" engraved on his wedding ring (by his now wife).  We all expect him to be paying alimony to her some time soon.  She complained about her first husband bitterly.  She "gave up her career" to marry him and have children.  Strangely enough, when she moved in with my friend and they got married, she quit her job at a day care center (baby sitter) and refused to go to school to better herself.  She prefers to sit home enjoying the life my friend provides her through his hard work and sacrifice.  She isn't taking care of kids either.  Her youngest daught is 14 and her son 19.  My friend provides for them as well since the alimony stopped flowing to her when she re-married.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: fighting pop culture, posted by Patrick on Sep 8, 2001

No no no your poor friend! That was the best illustration of why we're all doing this. Good story and good analysis.