Patrick, would it be at all possible

[JUAN]

For you to get the girl who's reputation has gotten raked through the coals in some threads below to come on this board to tell her side of the story?

Most of the posts below are made from one point of view and by guys playing amateur pshycologists.

I wonder if she's even aware this is going on.

It's an interesting read and I'd read the rest of the "story" on LWL but I don't have and can't get accesss to that board.

[buzzy]

... in response to Patrick, would it be at all possible, posted by JUAN on Jul 7, 2001

Rumor has it that she is aware, and is willing to post her side of the story for only $99.99 per gringo reader.  She did say that this is a special price so act quickly!  Hey......I just tell it as I see it!

[NW Jim]

... in response to Patrick, would it be at all possible, posted by JUAN on Jul 7, 2001

Juan,
No offense, but I'm tired of hearing about this story. It took too MANY entries before Tai would spit out the story. Playing amateur judge without any rules of evidence is no better than playing amateur psychologist.

Let's not follow the liberal line of trying to figure out why they're damaged goods. If you see red flags, if you see pink flags, if you have a funny queasy feeling, cut the line. As the old saying goes, there's lots of fish in the sea.

NW Jim

[KADAMS]

... in response to Let's not go there...................., posted by NW Jim on Jul 7, 2001

You are correct. You should always use caution. I purchased my novia a cell phone. I gave her the code to pull the messages out of answering service, then I locked the code so she could not change it. When I came home I monitored her messages from my telephone line with the code. To the surprise of my pals, but not me, she was gettin' calls from form three other horndogs on my cellphone. Many people say I was untrusting, but the $200 USD I spent for the phone and 90 day service was well worth it in my eyes. What do you think?

I have done this with all of my Novias, in America and abroad (no pun). All but one have failed the test. What does this say for me? What does this say for them? But I am not the one choking on lawyer fees or wondering "where is she"? Hey, if she passes I will apologize.

And what about the one who passed the test? Her pager(no cell service at the time)  was dropped accidentally 2 weeks after I purchased it, but for those 2 weeks she was true. But then she came up pregnant by some other Anglo.

[El Diablo]

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001


I like your cell phone test for couples who are planning on getting engaged in a very short period of time.  If a couple could spend a few months together day in and day out, then they would have a better oppurtunity to learn about each other's character or lack thereof.  However many guys have neither the time nor the inclination and so testing your potential spouse is this way may be a good idea.  

I am a bit uncomfortable with the idea of checking messages on HER phone.  What I would do instead is buy a phone for myself (and really use it) but let her borrow it when I was not there.  I would stress that this is my phone but when I'm gone it's of no use so you are free to use it.  I would give her the code and show her how to delete messages and then see what happens.  I would not feel guilty checking messages on my phone however I would on hers.

A test that I have done with my novia in Cali is to give her my 2nd ATM card.  I along with a couple of friends keep an apartment there and I have my novia pay the bills for us each month.  I watch to see if she withdraws money only when asked to do so.  If she ever took money out without permission that would be a giant red flag.

There are other tests a guy can do without being dishonest.  Testing is a good thing but remember it works both ways.  

El Diablo

[MikePastore]

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Trust, but Verify.

or

Trust Everyone, But Cut The Cards

Ronald Reagan

[bret]

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

hello,

thank you for the post, and i don't blame you one bit for doing whatever it takes to protect your interests! it's a cold, cruel world out there, and one has to look out for his own interests well. it's important to not just fall for someone in the first 5 minutes, without knowing anything about the lady. and if one has to be a little sneaky to protect his interests/emotions/finances, oh well, so be it.

i read your profile and saw that you travel quite a bit for your job. i to have spent some time in s.e. asia (not much though, compared to your experiences), and i know both vietnam and laos. have you been to louangphrabang? i don't know about looking for a lady there, but it sure is a beautiful town!

anyway, since you have made a search in both l.a and asia, would you post some of your opinions comparing latinas and asians and good points and bad points about both? it can be very brief if you like; just a few notes about your personal experiences in regards to the fact that you know some ladies on BOTH continents, and not just one or the other.

my experiences in vietnam were that the ladies were open to a.m. but for me, and at that time of my life, any type of long term relationship would have been impossible for the vast cultural differences.

i know that there is an asian board also, but i'm interested in opinions from someone with experiences in both l.a. AND asia!

thanks for your time,   bret

[KADAMS]

... in response to info request!, posted by bret on Jul 8, 2001

Well to get to Laos I had to stop in HCM city. VN ladies are the cream IMHO, but hard to understand and harder to get. I see the Chicas as the best body-style, and also the quickest temper, is this worth the cost? I seem to gravitate towards my favorites. But In Asia It is tough to make first base, Latinas seem more at ease with their sexuality, which is better? I see the country girls in Asia a more long-term, and there family may help keep an eye on them, I don't know.

I did take some photos with a Singapore penpal, then when I came home I sent her a letter under a different name, and used my Mom's address. I told my Mom that a co-worker may be receiving mail at her house for a few weeks. To my surprise a letter was sent from my penpal to the "new guy" My mome fowarded the letter and to my surprise the photo she sent to me was a scan, with image removed.

I confronted her, she is gone too. I just can't seem to trust. Should I feel bad?

[Hamlet]

... in response to So far, no good, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Thanks for your helpful insights.  I am currently torn between LA and Vietnam.  May I ask you some questions?

Why are Vietnamese the cream of the Asian crop?

What did you mean when you said they are hard to get?

You said that Latinas are more quick-tempered.  Have you experienced the Vietnamese silent treatment when they are angry?

[KADAMS]

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by Hamlet on Jul 8, 2001

I thik that the VN ladies are so darn strict, most I have met cling to tradition. Most they I have me will not date you unless two family members attend. Also they are Buddhist, and that says a lot for building a foundation. The Language is difficult to understand, the Pinays are another story.

If you wish to have a good time, relax at the beach/pool and not worry about your hair, Latina is a better way, but I have Zilcho luck with long term relationships with Latinas, but they are #1 pick for me. That is why I read the posts, perhaps I am doing something incomplete.

But it is good to see that not all of the stories are fairy tales like some wish you to believe, that helps in the process.

[Houndog]

... in response to Cream....., posted by KADAMS on Jul 9, 2001

You're just not ready...simple as that...when you are, you will set your mind to finding "ONE WOMAN" and you will...until then you're shoppin..and they can tell...

HD

[KADAMS]

... in response to Re: Cream....., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001

You could be right, they can tell. Most complain that I am never serious, that I laugh too much and get along with strangers, hey that's normal I thought. Is it not true that is tough to meet a really good girl, are the good ones more shy and careful? I have mothers throw thier daughters on me and I have watched these ladies cry and lie when I catch them "on the take".

I guess your right, I am not ready.......maybe never.

[yc]

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by Hamlet on Jul 8, 2001

Hi,

I don't know about you, but that silent treatment doesn't sound too bad if you ask me.  If you have ever experienced the madwoman's(not in reference to SA woman) disease then you would understand.  The symptom(s) are easy to spot.  Just look for a serious case of "diarrhea at the mouth" and personal belongings flying through the air.

Regards,

[rick13]

... in response to So far, no good, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Unfortunately, many foreign women think AM ARE very easy to manipulate. And AM prove it time and time again.Some AM are so desperate for love, they will ignore red flags and convince themselves the lady they choose is truly in love.Ignore the flirting with other men, the lies, the tendencies to be moody and run hot and cold, the greed. Excuses are made for all the bad traits the girl exhibits. There needs to be more caution in this field.

    Also, the men are mostly in search of the young ones who are trouble and try to convince themselves that these women are somehow more matue than AW. Why? Most foreign women have very bad experiences with their own men and cheating.  I would like to know how healthy their relationship patterns are. Are some bitter towards men? Do they really want a good guy forever? Or will they eventually get bored because they are used to chaos,highs and lows in relationships.It seems many claim to like older AM, but why is it they usually have a young boyfriend from their own country on the side(usually the latinas). treating him like gold but taking the gringo for a ride?Are they just looking to get out of their countries?  I am not talking about the older ladies, but the younger ones. Most really do seem to be trouble for a gringo.

 

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by rick13 on Jul 8, 2001

Hi Rick,

I tend to agree with your premise that people need to be more catious in this process.  As you suggest, to many of us guys are taken in by the very young and the very beautiful.    

I think we have bought into several ideas that I am not at all certain are true. But these ideas give us a foundation to then seek out what is really more of a hormonal response then one based on intellect or true love.  Some of the ideas I question are:

1. Latinas prefer older men.  Fifteen to twenty year age differences are common.

I know very few married couples in Cali who have more than a few years age difference.  The majority that I know are of the same age.  Sure there are exceptions but these are exceptions.  

However the young women I do see with older men are either  with rich mafia types, mistresses, or with gringos.  (We're are not in good company here.)

2. Latinas are more mature than AW at a young age.

This has not been my observation in Cali.  I don't see much difference.

3. The culture is more conservative.  Families are more intact. Marriage is respected as an institution.

This is a myth that doesn't exist in the Cali agency sub-culture IMO.  Many Cali women grow up in families where the father is cheating on the mother.  The families are perhaps together (although divorce is rampant) but they live together out of economic need not out of love.  In this environment, both men and women alike develop unhealthy relationship skills and ideas.  For example, distrust of men is very common among Calenas.

The ideas I've encountered in Cali among the young about marriage is really eye opening.  Many in the new generation do not believe in marriage.  The agencies are full of young women with children.  These are not necessarily women who were abandoned by men (although it happens) but women who prefered not to get married when they had a child.  I know three or four Colombian couples, who live together, have children but are in fact NOT married.  The sense of a lifetime commitment seems to be lost among the new generation.  

Anyway, I still believe LA is good hunting grounds.  But as most people agree it comes with some pretty heavy risks.  If I were starting over, I'd stay clear of Cali.  It's a fun city but in my opinion there are too many women of poor character in the agencies and they don't wear tags on their foreheads identifying thems as such.  I think the road less traveled may be a better approach especially for those who lack the time to frequently travel to LA.

El Diablo