Something that doesn't often come up ...

[Howard]

... in response to Something that doesn't often come up ..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 14, 2003

Harold,

Just be yourself  The men are just as interested in asking you questions as the ladies are, but the elders-Tatay, Lolo and selected Uncles--will be a little more reserved.  In my experience, they are all about business  The business?  Making sure their daughter/grandaughter/niece is getting an honest, loyal, compassionate man for her fiancee/husband.

Gerlie's father is a very respectable guy and it is more than obvious that he loves his family very much.  We talked about everything.  He had concerns, which I must have addressed to his satisfaction because he gave us his blessing , but he also wanted to share things about Gerlie and her family history.  I really enjoyed talking to him.  Nice guy!  Lolo was a riot!  He is a very pleasent gentleman which everyone looks up to and respects.  The kids just LOVE him and he was wonderful with everyone.  It worked out well for me because Gerlie's family is not unlike my own in many respects.  Mostly because they are "buang"  LOL

I just carried myself in a polite, respectful manner--my mother would have been proud --and had the time of my life

You seem like an interesting guy, just be yourself

Keep the Faith!

H

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Something that doesn't often come up..., posted by Howard on Aug 14, 2003

I returned to P-L recently, remembering you and A. as a love story for the ages, and WHAM!

All I can say about that is platitude- Alls well that ends well, and whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I envy your indomitable spirit.

My honesty, loyalty and compassion might be difficult to PROVE in a couple of weeks- but here goes.

And my Quaker grandmother taught me polite and respectful manners second to none when I was knee-high. I am something of an anachronism in that regard- I still have to control the urge to stand when a lady enters the room!

All my best to you and Gerlie- she sounds like an angel- one of those no-nonsense Filipina ones like I'm gonna get.

[Bubba]

... in response to Re: Something that doesn't often come up..., posted by Howard on Aug 14, 2003

H, It's been a while since I saw anything from you, how about one of your famous stories?

[Carr]

... in response to Something that doesn't often come up ..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 14, 2003

...you would like to be treated by your daughter's suitors (if you have any but I'm sure you know what I mean).

AND, if the men are drinking outside a store and invited you to have a glass, obliged if you can.  If not, tell them the truth and let them know that you enjoy their company.

Go with your instinct and respect for others goes a long, long way.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Just treat them like....., posted by Carr on Aug 14, 2003

but, frankly, I think I would be going for the bolo at the very idea.

Social drinking I will need to discuss more with her- I have told her I do not drink, which is true, but not because of anyserious conviction. She knows my old man had a problem with it and seems to disapprove of her uncles for it- and it ties into her expressed concern about physical abuse. I think demonstrating that I can have a little and leave it alone might be useful.

[SteveG]

... in response to Hmmm. That's a perspective outside my ke..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 15, 2003

Harold,
I also don't drink at all and it took a while for people there in the Philippines to believe it. If drinking were a requirement to be accepted into a family, then they just might as well forget about me because I would be moving on to the next train coming down the track. I feel that strongly about it. That's just me and it is something I won't compromise on.
I think you are on the right track with just telling your girl friend about this up front so it doesn't come across as a personal rejection if a situation arises and you are expected to drink with the men of the family.  Respect is the way to win people of any culture.     As for my own experience with the men folk of the family.  Melly's father had passed on before we met and she herself was sort of the leader of the family, so there was no dominant male family member I had to win over. I was also engaged earlier to another Filipina whose father had also passed away when she was just an infant, so I have had no experience with fathers etc. personally. Anyway, the best advice I can offer is don't try too hard to impress - just be yourself.
Steve