When things go wrong

[stefang]

... in response to Re: When you know things will go wrong, posted by Ray on May 22, 2003

Ray someone ever tell you, when you give your opinion it is the same as finger nails across a chaulk board he he he. You really get to the point.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: When you know things will go wro..., posted by stefang on May 22, 2003

:-)

[Howard]

... in response to When things go wrong, posted by Peter Lee on May 22, 2003

I should have posted my reply to the topic, not as a reply to a reply.

Sowwie

[Jeff S]

... in response to When things go wrong, posted by Peter Lee on May 22, 2003

Pre-nups have been debated ad nauseum on these boards. In general, they're mostly not worth the paper they're printed on - especially of they deny rights to one of the parties normally offered to citizens of that state. In California, for instance, a community property state, you cannot deny your wife half of the marital assets acquired while you were married, as Bob explained below. The only time a pre-nup is advisable in Cal is when the husband wowns his own business, for instance, or when he wishes to leave an inheritance to his children after he dies - since the wife gets control of all assets if the husband dies in CA. If you're a working stiff, like most of us and not worried about inheritances, all you need to do is to document your assets carefully before marriage.

I'm not an attorney, though, and if you're concerned about these things, DO speak to a good family law attorney IN YOUR STATE! Laws vary greatly as do personal financial situations, assets, prior children etc etc etc. and you should seek competent advise beforehand. Just don't expect to be able to pre-arrange that should the situation go south, she gets her clothes and a one way ticket home only. She'll be protected by the laws of your state just as if she were a citizen and no amount of clever verbage on a piece of paper can (nor should) take away those rights.

- Jeff

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: When things go wrong, posted by Jeff S on May 22, 2003

Well so far I agree but I need to know more details and have an oppoinment with my attorney in June.  Thanks for the feed back.  But you know those bar room attorneys who tell horror stories about her living in your house with her new boyfriend LOL.  Knowledge is power thanks.

[Bob S]

... in response to When things go wrong, posted by Peter Lee on May 22, 2003

Definitely you need to think with the big head when planning for disaster.  Is your state a community property state?  That means whatever you bring to the marriage is what you walk away with, and any assests or value accrued during the marriage is then divided.  So, one thing I did to protect myself "just in case" was to pay off all outstanding loans on personal property.  If you have a car loan, any outstanding principal you are still paying off when you are married is value you accrue as you pay it off while married, and she would be entitled to half that value even if her name is not on the title.  If you pay it off before you are married, it no longer is community property in the event of divorce.  Do not buy any stocks or bonds during the first year or two of marriage.  Even though you previously separately earned the money to pay for it, the new purchase is accrued value that becomes community property to be jointly divided later on.  Do not put her name on the title deeds of any assets or real estate until you have reached a solid level of trust (like she has squeezed out a few kids for you that really do look like you).  Anything jointly owned becomes jointly divided in a divorce.

Remember that women coming from these 2nd and 3rd World countries have little or no concept (generally speaking) of real money and worth.  Money available for spending is to be spent ASAP.  So do not put her on your main bank account.  But you do need to show some legal connection for INS purposes.  So get a second joint account for her to use and manage.

Of course put her on your medical insurance, but do not put her down as the benficiary of any life insurance (again until she has reached that sizable level of trust).  The beneficiary should be a family member you trust to take care of her as long as your untimely death wasn't the result of accidentally cutting your own throat with a machete while shaving in your sleep (if you catch my drift).

None of this requires any pre-nup for anyone to sign.

Though I didn't have a lot of assets built up myself, this pre-disaster planning saved me a lot of grief when I finally told my deceitful little ex-RW to not let the door hit her in the butt on the way out.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Preparing for when things go wrong, posted by Bob S on May 22, 2003

Thanks for the come back, it seemed like good common scense and a game plan.  I didn't think about the INS either.

My mom wants to give me one of  her houses next year.  If i am already married will that gift go in as part of the marritial assets?

What is a better way for my mom to give me this property so it is not considered as marrial assets?

I know that you guys are not attorneys, and any advice would be used to ask questions about too my attorney in June

[Bob S]

... in response to Re: Preparing for when things go wrong, posted by Peter Lee on May 24, 2003

Well, every state is different.  In a community property state, it would probably be considered a joint asset.  Which means, even if your potential ex-wife's name wasn't on the title, she would at least be entitled to half the value.  You might want to talk to your lawyer and mother about putting the property into some sort of family trust.  So you would not be the actual owner of the property, just the administrator of the trust.  One possible drawback is, if your wife turns out to be a good and faithful woman, if you die the trust might go to some sibling or cousin who might not be so kind and caring to your widowed spouse.  I would suggest you also do a little web research at least on family trusts in your state so you will have good questions for your lawyer.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to ... for when things go wrong, posted by Bob S on May 25, 2003

Thanks will do.

[Stephen]

... in response to ... for when things go wrong, posted by Bob S on May 25, 2003

In California....a Com. Prop. State....even though you are married, a gift from parent to child is still separate property.  

But if the child title's it in joint name, the it's community property.

Stephen

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: ... for when things go wrong, posted by Stephen on May 25, 2003

ok

[Bob S]

... in response to Re: ... for when things go wrong, posted by Stephen on May 25, 2003

:-)

[Alvin1]

... in response to Preparing for when things go wrong, posted by Bob S on May 22, 2003

Dear Bob
I agree with your basic principles and you have given excellent advise.  I did not do any of this with my wife but I am actually lucky.  I know of two marriages where the husbands thought that they had the most wonderful wives in the world.  One wife is just waiting for the right moment to leave the husband and the other has already left an excellent husband. The other is a good friend with a an unfaithful wife whose family robs him each month and he has no clue as to what is happening.  He just built a $400,000 house for his wife who refused to have a child previously because the old house in a southern state which had no mortage was not "adequate" to raise a child in.  Immediately after they moved into the new house which had to be build in Texas rather than the previous southern state, she decided that she was not having a child because she has to make money to send her family in the RP because nobody in the house works and $700 a month is not adequate to take care of them in a small town in Mindanau where $150 a month is a princely sum.  He has told me that he has no doubt of his wife's love for him.  Any advice to him would only result in the loss of friendship.  His wife does not allow him to talk with me.  We still talk on the side but if she finds out she may not talk to him for weeks as punishment for associating with me.  If he mensions his wife I say nothing and change the subject.  The wife's favorite show is DIVORCE COURT.  She was the cause of initial problems in my marriage because of family relationship and it took my wife 14 months to realize what was happening and now she does not speak to her at all and our marriage improved 5000%.  I do not believe in non-sense relationships.

The other wife left her husband after 18 months of marriage because she told my wife she was being sexually abused.  She also thought that she had her permanent green card but she was wrong.  She had her husband to take her to Cebu for a vacation and sent her family air fare from her home town to Cebu to meet them.  She send her husband back to the US immediate because she wanted time to think about their marriage.  Well, she  stayed 9 months in Mindanau, partying at Dan Michaels every night they were open with many "tales" being told her about her activities.  At the last moment she moved back to the US to Kansas and asked for a divorce.  Her husband owns a series of restaurants and is quite wealthy but one the nicest people you would ever want to meet.  He is still broken hearted but those who have read some my past post know how I would advise him.  He works 7 days a week but she refused to get pregnant because she wanted to wait until they were "ready".

Well, this same young lady met a young man in Walmart, the made in America Store, shortly after she returned to the US to file for divorce.  She immediately started to live with him while she was still married.  Got alimony and a car in the divorce settlement.  Immediately became pregnant while she was living with him and still not married.  Well, she called my wife on many occasions to tell my wife what a wonderful lover she now has and what kinky things they were doing.  My wife asked her about the previous husband who she said was doing the same kinky things, well, she said  those were her fantasies and that she was not really sexually abused at all and she was just lying when she told my wife those terrible things her first husband was doing to her.  She has told my wife to trade "me" for a young model because old men were not good lovers.

The first husband is still stupidly sending the family money with the hope of winning back his "wife" and they are still soaking him.  The second husband does not work, has custody of two children from a previous marriage to a "drug addict" which the Filipina now  has to take care of.  While my wife was talking to her on the phone one night, he told her to get off the phone "now" and give the two girls a bath "immediately."  She humbly got the phone immediately without hesitation.  The second husband does not send her family any money becasue he does not have any but would not send them any if he had money.  It is amazing to me how she respects her "new husband" who is her "dream man."  

She still talks with her first husband on the side so that the money will still be sent to her family and he still sent graduation presents to her siblings.

The purpose of the post is to confirm that you can never be too certain of a relationship, even when you are certain.  Both of these two men are wonderful husbands who are or have been exploited by devious Filipinas that have or had their "man completely fooled".  Neither Filipina has a conscious about their treatment of these two wonderful people.

Cheers

Alvin                                                      

[outwest77]

... in response to I did not do any of this but I agree wit..., posted by Alvin1 on May 22, 2003

Sounds like the previous husband, although nice, was a doormat, wonder what the age difference was

[Alvin1]

... in response to Wow, posted by outwest77 on May 23, 2003

Age difference with first husband wife 21 husband 45 but looked younger.  2nd husband wife now 24 and husband 28 but has the belly of a 50 year old, does not work or take care of his kids so now he has a housekeeper and baby sitter.  2nd husband is an obvious loser and she has what she deserves.  She is not intelligent and has met her "waterloo".  She is not smart enough to make good decisions.  Her first husband is lucky he just does not realize it yet and may never realize his blessing with the loss of this Filipina.

It is not the age difference.  The Filipina had a rich American to pay for her college expenses and give the family money.  After she  graduated, she quit him immediately and married her first American husband.  

Cheers
Alvin