Emergency!!!!! I need advice now!!!!!!!!!!

[John LV]

Ok guys, this is the deal.

Natasha came home tonight, she brought all of her stuff to the apartment, suitcases, clothes, etc.

She then admitted to me that she is still seeing this guy Christopher, and he knows that she is married since I told him so over the phone.

She has the nerve to come bring her stuff over my apartment, which she so eloquently reminded me that she is on the lease too and can stay here if she wants too.

I have never in my friggin life ever met a girl like this, she is out of her friggin mind, she is insane, crazy, a lunatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my question, since we are married, her stuff is my stuff, and my stuff is her stuff right?

Why can't I take her stuff and do with it whatever I want??

Do I have the legal right to do that??

We are married, do I not have the legal right to take her stuff if I want to???

I don't care about the divorce, I just want to know that when she calls the police, can the police do anything to me when I take her clothes and suitcases from the apartment.

Please respond right away!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Throw her stuff outside, turn off the lights and pretend you're not home.

[thesearch]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

David,

Sounds like you have a real loose cannon on your hands in this lady. I have not had time to read any of the responses but will throw in my two cents worth. Most importantly is that you keep your cool right now. Do not raise your voice - be perfect.

From your side of the story, not having her comments --- As you have described events - you have been a victim of significant abuse. If this woman had married you for the right reasons, I would not think that you would be able to describe such behavior to us concerning her. Unless you have valid reason to think otherwise, you need to assume that you have been used for a green card.

You need to contact the police and get a restraining order on her based upon abuse. You need to contact the INS immediately and let them know that it is clear that she married you only for a green card. He/She who cries wolf first is in the driver's seat. You can not leave it up to her to make the first move.

Another option is for you to not tell her anything but plan ASAP a trip to the FSU for you and her. As soon as you get there, disappear and come back home and then report to the INS that she was not in love with you but only wanted a green card and that she has abandoned you. Get the marriage annulled based upon such.

Better yet, if you can pull it off, is to not go with her to the FSU and cancel the return trip even if you take a loss.

If what you tell is correct, this little lady really upsets me. I mean asking her to not live like a slob and all you get is her responding that she is not your slave when by god, she did the opposite and made you her slave. And, if you did not comply and verbally requested at least a 50/50 effort you are abusing her in so many words according to her. If all of this is correct, she very well might change those words into legal allegations.

IMHO, you must assume the worst and quietly and calmly severe yourself from her in a methodical way that puts the legal system in your court as best you can. If she is sleeping with another guy, get some way of proving it but do not get too hung up on that. Just find out who the guy is.

To everyone else, I am sorry if I sound cold, however in my divorce I saw how my X lied about many things and how she was rewarded for this behavior versus being penalized. I asked my attorney why we had to be honest when lies were being presented from her side of the court room. All he said was perhaps she was not being honest with her attorney.

The point is, you have to respect the medium that you might be placed in and plan as best you can to not be taken advantage of anymore. With you doing everything for her, she is probably not suspecting that you will do all this. I just do not get the feeling that she is really planning on paying for that car etc. She is biding time.

If you do not get her back to the FSU, you need to sell that car just before the restraining order and get her a cheap but very usable car for her. Reduce the line of credit on all credit cards to a very low limit that she has her name on versus cancelling them. You need to get an attorney and get a legal separation so that she can not rack up debts with you holding the bag.

[Robert D]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Call a divorce lawyer in your city right away for the best advice.   I am a lawyer and would not give you advice since I do not know the laws in what ever state you live in.

Robert D.

[wizard]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

The burden of proof is squarely on her shoulders to prove that you took her stuff... How can she prove that you took anything of her's??? Just remember, if you trash her stuff, at some point you are going to HAVE to make a statement under oath that you DID NOT take her stuff...

[robobond]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002


"manic-depressive illness  noun
Psychiatry.
An affective disorder marked by alternating episodes of mania and depression. Also called bipolar disorder, bipolar illness.
manic-depression or bipolar disorder, severe mental disorder involving manic episodes (characterized by an abnormally elevated or irritable mood, grandiosity, sleeplessness, extravagance, and a tendency toward irrational judgment) that are usually accompanied by episodes of DEPRESSION, (possibly including lethargy, a sense of worthlessness, lack of concentration, and guilt). It occurs in males and females equally and is found more frequently in close relatives of people with the disorder. Therapy includes LITHIUM (to control mania and stabilize mood swings) and ANTIDEPRESSANTS. Electroconvulsive therapy has been useful in cases where other treatments have had little success."

"depression, in PSYCHIATRY, a disproportionately intense reaction to difficult situations, characterized by strong feelings of loss, sadness, worthlessness, or rejection. It may involve such physiological symptoms as tense posture, persistent frowning, slowing of activity, fatigue, lack of appetite, and insomnia. The depressed individual's tendency toward self-recrimination, self-punishment, and guilt may ultimately lead to SUICIDE. See also MANIC-DEPRESSIVE PSYCHOSIS."

The Concise Columbia Encyclopedia is licensed from Columbia University Press. Copyright © 1991 by Columbia University Press. All rights reserved.
_________________________________

"manic-depressive illness, noun
Psychiatry.
An affective disorder marked by alternating episodes of mania and depression. Also called bipolar disorder, bipolar illness."

"ma·ni·a, noun
1.   An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze: a mania for neatness.
2.   Psychiatry. A manifestation of manic-depressive illness, characterized by profuse and rapidly changing ideas, exaggerated gaiety, and excessive physical activity.
3.   Violent abnormal behavior. See Synonyms at insanity."

"de·pres·sion, noun
Psychology. A psychotic or neurotic condition characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, and feelings of extreme sadness, dejection, and hopelessness."

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition is licensed from Houghton Mifflin Company. Copyright © 1992 by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
_________________________________

[Rags]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Unplug your computer and GO AWAY.

[Travis]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Collect your things and leave. Do not touch anything of hers. What good would that do anyway? Believe me, I am currently going through almost exactly what you are. Keep your cool. I fully understand what you are thinking. Leave it for another day. In court! Get your @ss out of there, and hire an attorney!!! I cannot stress that enough! As I stated in my previous reply to you, she will play the domestic abuse trump card. Get an attorney and let him/her have a field day with her. You will not win if you are emotional, which you are. Leave!!! By the way, keeping a tape recorder on your person when you are with her isn't such a bad idea. I know it sounds stupid, but all she has to do is say you hit her...your word against hers. Guess what, you lose! Again, been there, done that....or rather doing that.

[Robert D]

... in response to Re: Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!..., posted by Travis on Dec 2, 2002

carefull, I would call the attorney before I moved or did anything at all.  In some states if you leave without cause, and that can be difficult to define, you are the one who abandoned the marriage and can expose you to alimony etc.  So retain a lawyer NOW before you move or do anything at all.

Robert d.

[bryan]

... in response to Re: Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!..., posted by Travis on Dec 2, 2002

sweet talk her into a blow job first.

[Pordzhik]

... in response to Re: Re: Emergency!!!!!  I need advice no..., posted by bryan on Dec 2, 2002

Would you trust her not to bite?

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: Re: Emergency!!!!!  I need advice no..., posted by bryan on Dec 2, 2002

[Oscar]

... in response to Emergency!!!!!  I need advice now!!!!!!!..., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

This is completely ridiculous...

[Dan]

... in response to Anyone responding to Davids post is bein..., posted by Oscar on Dec 2, 2002

Shut Up - stop responding. Simple.

- Dan

[Oscar]

... in response to So Show The Courage of Your Conviction, ..., posted by Dan on Dec 2, 2002

6 of one, half a dozen of the other..