First let me address some issues that have come up on this board.
1. Yes I am formerly DavidSD on this board.
2. No I have never been DSD on this board.
3. No I have never sent Jack or anybody else hate email, never in my life have I or would I do such a thing.
4. As far as me having a personality disorder, well that is a matter of conjecture, not fact. I will admit that many people do in fact think I do have a disorder, mostly Bi-polar, however needless to say I don't agree with this, the fact of the matter is most of you if you met me in person would think I was a very nice person, very honest, very kind, and very respectful. Remember that Einstein was labeled a dunce in school, Galileo was a nutcase, and Socrates was a heretic, Jesus was crucified in place of a murderer, John the Baptist was beheaded, Peter was crucified upside down, and the list goes on and on. Whether I'm a nutcase or I truly do have special knowledge, that is a matter you will have to decide for yourselves, I'm not here to convince you either way.
As for my relationship with my wife, it has been pointed out that there are two sides to every story, and I cannot agree more with that statement, I never said I was blameless, I never said I was a Saint, I never said I was perfect.
I believe that if Natasha could speak her story here, it would go something like this: "he yells at me all the time, he thinks I'm his slave, he tries to run my life and tell me what to do all the time, I cannot take his yelling at me anymore, nobody in my life has ever yelled at me like that, I'm afraid of him, I don't trust him, and I believe he may try to hurt me physically"
Is all of that true? Good question, let me try to answer it the best I can. Do I yell at her? Yes and no, to Natasha's definition of yelling, yes I do, to my definition of yelling, for the most part, no I don't. Yelling is when you basically scream at another person, but yelling to her is when you raise your voice past the normal level of talking. Why would I raise my voice to her? Good question. How about because she is an absolute slob who will not clean anything ever? Spills cranberry juice on brand new carpet, not once, not twice, not three times, but over and over and over again. Spills food all over the carpet, spills drinks on the sofa, food on the sofa, leaves her clothes all over the floor to the point where I cannot walk without stepping on them.
I ask her over and over again, Natasha, will you just pick up your clothes and throw them over in the corner? She replies, "don't tell me what to do, you always try to tell me what to do, I'm not your slave".
I say to her, "Natasha, will you just rinse out your dishes, I will take care of them from there, throwing them into the dishwasher and putting them away into the cabinets, she replies, "I will take care of them, don't worry", as she then goes onto the computer to converse with other people on some Russian message boards. So I wait all day for her to rinse off her dishes, and as the end of the day comes and she still has not done it, I ask her again, "Natasha, will you please rinse off your dishes, I would like to run the dishwasher", she then gets extremely angry, storms into the kitchen, half hazardly rinsing off two forks, two bowls, two spoons, and two glasses, and puts them to the side so I can put them into the dishwasher.
We have been together for 1.5 years now, during that whole time she has never cleaned the bathrooms, never cleaned the floor, she vacuumed once or twice, did dishes a few times, did my laundry a couple of times until I couldn't take it anymore since she won't fold the clothes so they come out all wrinkled.
She went out and bought a few plants, but they almost died many times because she won't water them, so I had to water them, sounds silly right, but that is simply a microcosm to the entire problem. She won't do anything around the house, and if I suggest that she should, I'm a jerk who just wants to use her as a slave.
Can I say something good about Natasha? Yes I can, she is the best cook I have ever met in my life, a very messy cook, but the best I've ever known. She is smart in a certain way, she speaks four languages, and for awhile I enjoyed her personality, we played games together like I've never done before with a girl, and if she wants to she can be very nice and very sweet.
Maybe she is serious about being afraid of me, I cannot be certain of this, maybe she really does hate it when someone "yells" at her, I believe this to be likely. But what should I have done then? What is the answer?
I'll tell you what I finally ended up doing, call me a fool because you would be correct, but I just didn't know what else to do, for the last 6 months or so, I simply stopped asking her to do anything, I realized it was completely futile, so I did everything, I cleaned the bathrooms, I cleaned the kitchen, the microwave, the floors, the carpet, I did my laundry and her laundry, I paid all the bills and worked the budget, I did all the grocery shopping, I cleaned up after her messes, I folded her clothes and picked them off the floor, etc.
I did not know what else to do, and given the same circumstances, I still don't know what else I could have done? How could I force her to go to work on time to keep from being fired at her job? I tried to wake her up, and she would just yell at me saying, "I know what I'm doing, leave me alone, you always try to tell me what to do, stop trying to run my life".
How do you talk to a person like that? How can you reason with a person like that? By what means do you work out a relationship with a person like that? What could I have done differently than what I did?
I am the kind of person who likes to talk about our problems, likes to compromise and work things out, likes to try to understand where the other person is coming from, but this was a waste of time with her, it was like talking to a mirror, all I was doing was talking and it was being thrown back at me in my face, she was the one who was never wrong, she was the one who was innocent, I was the bad guy, the jerk who always yelled, the jerk who treated her as a slave, etc.
I was never the guy who sent her 5,000 dollar via western union over an 8 month period, I was not the guy who worked 7 days a week to support us, I was not the guy who came home everyday tired as can be but took her places, taught her to drive over a 3 month period, bought her a brand new car, and then bought a second brand new car after she totaled the first one. I was not the guy who tried to get her some friends, I was not the guy who put her resume together, who took her around to apply for jobs, I was not the guy who took us to Las Vegas to get married, stayed in a 200 dollar a night room at the Venetian for a week, got married on a gondola ride, and spent a week having fun in Las Vegas. I was not the guy who taught her to swim in the pool at the Venetian, or taught her to play tennis, or taught her the countless thousands of things about this country, and the way things work here.
I was not the guy who paid 1000 dollars for her mom to come to San Diego to visit for two months; I was not the guy who she spent 4,000 dollars out of our checking account while her mother was here. And guess what, I confronted her mother about this, telling her that Natasha is spending too much money, and do you know what her mother said? "4000 dollars? That is normal for America"
Oh yeah, that is normal for America all right, for some rich guy, but I'm not a rich guy, I have to work 7 days a week in order to make a living. To her credit, her mother cooked everyday, cleaned the whole entire apartment everyday, not as clean as I would do it, but still she worked hard everyday at it, and I never asked her to do this, she just did it.
And therein lies the problem I think, her mother has spoiled Natasha, done everything for her her whole life, and Natasha knows no responsibility, she knows nothing of money, nothing of a budget, nothing of cleaning anything, and since her mother has always been single, nothing of what a relationship is all about.
If I ever did this all over again, this is what I would do this time.
1. Get to know the girls mother, what her mother is like may be what she is like also.
2. Look for a girl who has both a mother and father, not from a single mother household.
3. Make sure the girl has a job, and make sure that job is the kind of job that you would approve of, Natasha never had any job in Prague.
4. Make sure there are no gray areas that the girl is unwilling to talk about, if something sounds fishy, it probably is.
5. Make sure the girl acts realistic, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is, the chances of finding a true princess are pretty slim.
6. If you go all the way over there, and you get into a fight, walk away and don't look back, it’s a sign of things to come.
7. If she seems the slightest bit selfish, don't convince yourself that things will work out, they probably won't, nobody can change anybody.
8. Once the girl gets here, don't commit yourself 100%, use the entire 3 months before marrying her, be ready to bail from the relationship if she turns out to be more of a pain then its worth, just realize this may be very hard to do to be so cold as to make them go back home.
9. Realize that this is a big risk, yes it works for some, but to others this can end in a disaster, I may be no prince, and there may be millions of guys better than me, but still I'm a nice, compassionate, caring, responsible, understanding, helpful, and kind person who tried his very best to make things work between us, maybe its actually true that nice guys always finish last, because that is where I have always been.
10. Be realistic, its great to dream, but dreams can turn into nightmares if you set your sights too high, I hope I have learned my lesson.
I realize many of you hate me, but really I'm a nice guy, if you ever come to Vegas, let me know and we can meet with each other, perhaps then at least you can find out for yourself.
The best of luck to all of you, may you have better luck then I did.
David
