Sex in St. Petersburg

[juio99]

I am not an expert on Russia.  I am not an expert on RW.  I do not have a
big instrument.  I am not handsome.  I am not filthy rich.  I am not the world’s
greatest lover.  I am very attentive to the sexual pleasure of women and
have been complimented on that at home and abroad, especially by RW.  I
am not bragging about anything.  One lady (and only one lady ever) did
state that I was not romantic because I did not furnish flowers and candles.

Although not claiming to be an expert, I have been to Russia three times,
have had initial e-mail contact with over 500 RW, have had extensive e-
mail and phone contact with over 70 RW, have spent one initial day with 25
RW, have spent two or more days with 9 RW (in Russia and Turkey), have
spent 8 or more days with 7 RW (of the 9 above), and have been into the
homes of several RW.  I still have occasional e-mail contact with 8 ladies
from my first two visits, even though I have told them that we definitely
have no future as man and wife.  This is just ‘good friend’ contact.  The
court is still out (regarding continued contact) on the 7 of 12 ladies from my
most recent visit whom I sent the ‘no go’ to.

I have gained much information on this board and other boards that have
helped me in my travels to Russia.  Here, I shall repay some of that help
and also provide help to newcomers to this endeavor.

Visa: I have always used www.gotorussia.net for my visa needs.  For
around $150 (price varies depending on how fast you want visa), they
provide: a) the forms you need to fill out, b) the invitation you need, c) hand
carry the documents to Russian Embassy, d) retrieve your visa from
Embassy and express mail to your home.

Getting there: I prefer to fly on Finnair.  My primary reasoning is that the
nonstop Finnair flight to Helsinki gets you closer to SPb than any other
option.  This allows a longer continuous sleep or rest than any other airline.
In addition, I have never found better service than exists on Finnair and
their prices have always been among the lowest.

Tickets: I have been very happy with the prices found by Jeffrey at AirK
Travel.  This is a ticket consolidator with several offices.  Jeffrey is at their
Chicago office: 1-800-865-5249.  Jeffrey has always beaten the prices
found on Expedia, Travelocity, etc.; sometimes by $50, sometimes by
$200.  In an earlier post several months ago, I posted the names and
numbers of dozens of consolidators.  Don’t ask me for it because my list is
on a crashed hard disk that I have been unable to resurrect.

Help in SPb: I have been assisted in SPb with apartments, airport pickup
and return, visa registration, etc., by three different individuals, and I highly
recommend all three.  (I would strongly advise against allowing any RW
you will be seeing to meet you at airport, arrange for your apartment, etc.
You will be at her mercy.)  All have good written and spoken English skills.
Despite being happy with each, I have used three because they each seem
to have only a limited number of contacts regarding apartments, and
sometimes those apartments are not available.

Gleb Fedorov: glebfed@comset.net
Irina Borosova: imb@rol.ru
Ludmila Lizbanova: Spring@mailbox.alkor.ru

Irina and Ludmila have their own matchmaking services, but I have never
gone that route.  Gleb does not have a matchmaking service, but he is
happy to help with placing ads in SPb newspapers, and will save your
arse when you find it difficult to get through to a lady on phone because of
phone problems, English skills on other end of phone (some ladies share
phone lines with neighbors), etc.  Irina and Ludmila will do the same for
you, even when you are not contacting ladies in their agencies.

Tell them in advance that you would like the following additional service
also.  Once you get to apartment, have them take you around to all the
nearby grocery stores, restaurants, ATMs, Internet Cafes, Metro and trolley
bus stops, help you buy a pass on metro, buy a phone card, etc.  In fact,
talk about those places and items when telling them about your apartment
needs.  It is ideal if a ‘western style’ supermarket is nearby.  This will allow
you to pick items off shelves (take a list with you so they [Gleb, Irina,
Ludmila] can identify for you the items you will frequently want), put in
shopping cart, and pay once at checkout.  These places are a little more
expensive (maybe like 10%) but they are well worth it for those with limited
time and Russian language skills.  The other Russian style markets require
that you ask for (try to point at) each item behind the counters, and make
multiple payments in bakery, produce, meat, and fruit sections, etc.,
individually.  This task is made even more difficult by the indifferent
attitudes of store clerks and by fact that Russians do not always stand in
nice lines and wait their turns.  Also, all three can help you out with finding
cell phones and music equipment for short term rental.  I always take some
of my own tapes and CDs.

Apartment prices and location:   Decent apartments (mostly one bedroom)
can be had for $30 - $100 per night, and that price drops to $600 - $1,000
for a monthly rental.  I have stayed near Fontanka canal twice and near the
Nevsky Palace Hotel once.  I much prefer the latter.  My reasoning:
Depending on where you are located (north - south direction) the Fontanka
locations are a 15 - 20 minute hike from any Metro and from the central
center of SPb on Nevsky Avenue.  This may not sound like much, but that
time (twice a day) will be added to all of your meetings with ladies.  Also, it
will always be more windy and colder around the canal, which will increase
your chances of getting a head cold.  Locations near the Nevsky Palace
have the advantage of: ATMs at that hotel and at the nearby Radisson
hotel, very nice lobbies to meet the ladies in, the nearby Mayakovskaya
Metro station, numerous restaurants in all price ranges, 10 or more grocery
markets within 3 blocks and at least one western style.

Be aware that in Russia, they talk about rooms in apartments differently
than we do in USA.  Here, we say we have a 3BR, 2 Bath home (for
example).  It is understood that we have (at the very least) a kitchen and
living room.  In Russia they will say they have a 3 room apartment (for
example).  It is understood (but not counted) that they have a separate
bathroom, toilet room, and kitchen . . . . and these latter rooms may be
shared with other tenants.  Further, the 3 specified rooms (in the above
example) are not necessarily designated for any single purpose (such as
being a bedroom).  This difference from USA makes it very difficult in
determining just what you are getting, even when talking with Gleb, Irina,
and Ludmila; who are just as mystified at the USA system.  When they say
a one room apartment, it will not be a one bedroom apartment, it will be
what we call a studio or efficiency apt.  But don’t even dream that you are
going to get answers about the size (twin, standard, queen, king) of the
bed!!!  Also be aware that the fold out beds in the living room rarely are in
good working order, so make them prove that they work before you hand
over the money.  The same goes for the water heater, washing machine,
stove, refrigerator, iron, lights, etc.

Restaurants: Prices at restaurants on and around Nevsky Avenue will be
about the same as in USA.  In particular, think very carefully before taking
a lady to the restaurants in the Grand Europe, Astoria, Nevsky Palace, or
Radisson Hotels, particularly on a first date.  You can easily run up a bill of
$100 for two without even getting anything special and without liquor.  The
problem is that this will then set the standard for your future meals with this
lady.  And not only the dollars are to be considered.  The lady may think
you are a big fool, even while she continues to enjoy the meals.

A few blocks off of Nevsky in any direction, and the prices will drop
dramatically.  Even so, the ladies will be very happy with the restaurants
because they rarely can afford to go even to these restaurants.  The ladies
will have vastly different opinions about McDonalds and Kentucky Fried,
etc., so approach that carefully (just bring up the names in casual
conversation and watch for reactions).  But all seemed enthused when
Pizza Hut is mentioned.

My favorite restaurants on and around Nevsky were: Kat, Kammelot, and
Kalinka Malinka.  My most favorite restaurant (and all the ladies agreed)
was the Demidov which is on the north end of Fontanka (number 14) near
the Summer Gardens.  When you go there, request the very back room.
This room is very secluded, and has only one large oval table that seats 8.
But I have always gotten it by arriving between 2- 4 PM.  The furniture is
supposedly from some Czars Palace.  It is very elegant with candles on the
table [no need to have your own :-))] which you can ask to have lit.  The
ladies love this room and the place; and if you believe that foreplay starts
at dinner, this is a sure fire winner.  Food is old style Russian.

Out of time now.  Will post more about places to see later if time permits.

JR

[thesearch]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

sd

[BarryM]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

[This message has been edited by BarryM]

I'm so astonished with you folks on this board! I can't believe you haven't caught this yet!

This is soooooooooo funny! To quote Juio99: "I have a tiny dick and I'm ugly"

Perhaps, I should explain for those who are challenged in logic and language reasoning.

To quote JR aka Juio99 now to be known as "tiny":

"I do not have a big instrument."
The subject of his post is sex and from his previous references, the instrument he is in possession of refers to his penis.
For a brief moment, lets discuss another sentence in his post:
"I am not handsome."
Now, "not", by logical terms, is a negation. The antonym of "handsome" is ugly. Changing this sentence to a positive by simple logic, he stated "I am ugly."

The first sentence is a bit more complicated. The antonym of "big" is small or tiny. From his meaning, the negation is referring to his size, not his possession. I think it would be weirder to negate his possession. Changing the first sentence to a positive by simple logic and adding the correct meaning of his possession, he stated "I have a tiny penis."

ROFLMAO!

[snicker] To combine the two sentences for simplification, LOL, the statement now reads:

"I have a tiny dick and I'm ugly".

ROFLMAO!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I've been laughing at this all day, LOL. My eyes were watering because I was laughing so hard, LOL. I gave "tiny", LOL, the opportunity to edit his post and I even strongly hinted where the problem was, LOL. The funny thing is, no one got it, LOL. I can't believe it, LOL. I'm sorry, LOL, but if you post something as stupid as admitting you have a tiny dick, LOL, you deserve to be ridiculed. I can't help it, LOL. I tried to be nice to "tiny" and warned him not to post this kind of crap for over a week, LOL, but common sense in his case went flying away.

ROFLMAO!

I still can't stop laughing at this!

-blm

[robobond]

... in response to Laughing hysterically! "tiny and ug..., posted by BarryM on Oct 22, 2002

BarryM,

Well, congrats, you got me laughing so hard I headed for the other room to get one of my nitro pills to quiet my BP down.  In the process I tripped over Elvis, my basset hound, and almost peed my pants trying to get up.  Now Elvis and I are BOTH ROFLMAO!  have you ever seen a basset hound laugh uncontrolably?  I'm in hysterics.  If I could ever get him to do this on cue I could make millions!  Time out while I hold my gut.

Whew -

I love your sense of humor and outrage re: JR but you gotta chill out a bit.  Me thinks JR is a sureal combo of Andy Kaufman and Bill Clinton.  He starts each episode with something simple but enticing like "the Queen's gray hair is unattractive."  Comments dribble in, comments dribble out.  Then he tweeks it a bit with a related follow up like "the King has bowed legs."  Again, comments dribble in, comments dribble out.  This goes on, etc. and he builds it up until he eventually let's rip with something like "The queen quickly responded to my touch and this did not surprise me as 7 of the 42 queens I've bedded down over a 17 week period, not counting the 4 who were actually nuns - I'm still seeing one of the nuns and although we are not sexually active she often talks about how unsatisfying the priests were compared to my unique ability to stimulate her golden cross.  I have always tried to do this and 42 of the other nuns I have slept with have also commented on my unique ability while 6 others others said nothing but "lower, JR, lower", BUT I AM NOT BRAGGING.

Go back and read his last 4 threads and you'll se the same MO.

You're getting played by a pro & you're just stupid enough (no offense) to go postal screaming about the pain while he rams it up your...

aw, forget it.

I'm ducking out to get some popcorn & coming back to catch the show.

shsss, isn't that jerry springer and his camera guy over there...

[BarryM]

... in response to Re: Laughing hysterically! "tiny an..., posted by robobond on Oct 22, 2002

but I gave him a long leash clean himself up. It's gone beyond that. The funny thing, everyone can call him "tiny" now. I don't think he's going to be here for long.

-blm

[Scaught]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

n/t

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

=:o

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Wait a minute, is this a rerun?, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 21, 2002

Really one of the best advice posts in a while.

[BarryM]

... in response to Good advice, I take it back, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 22, 2002

if you're praising his confession in the first paragraph. It's beyond me why anyone would start an advice post with: (paraphrase) "I have a tiny dick and I'm ugly".

Now if we start having a bunch of "tiny dick" confessions from various board members, I think the joke is going to be on us. The more I read this stuff from Juio99, the more funny I find it.

I'm sorry, but I can't take a post seriously when it starts with "I have a tiny dick and I'm ugly". I don't know whether to laugh hysterically, cry, or both, but I can't see straight to finish reading the rest of the post knowing that it started with "I have a tiny dick and I'm ugly". It's beyond me.

You must have strong willpower to take the post seriously and give an approval to it. I'm still laughing my ass off.

Still ROFLMAO

-blm

[BubbaGump]

... in response to I'm trying to figure out...., posted by BarryM on Oct 22, 2002

He did put some good advice in there but I'm tired of hearing about his little monkey.  We do need more posts with meat in them but not that kind of meat.

[thesearch]

... in response to I finally read past that stuff, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 22, 2002

I had to hand it to him on this one. He gets blasted for his post but returns without getting upset at those going after him but, takes the time to give a great post of informative nature.

[robobond]

... in response to Good advice, I take it back, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 22, 2002

Agreed, IF you take out:

"Although not claiming to be an expert, I have been to Russia three times,
have had initial e-mail contact with over 500 RW, have had extensive e-
mail and phone contact with over 70 RW, have spent one initial day with 25
RW, have spent two or more days with 9 RW (in Russia and Turkey), have
spent 8 or more days with 7 RW (of the 9 above), and have been into the
homes of several RW. I still have occasional e-mail contact with 8 ladies
from my first two visits, even though I have told them that we definitely
have no future as man and wife. This is just ‘good friend’ contact. The
court is still out (regarding continued contact) on the 7 of 12 ladies from my
most recent visit whom I sent the ‘no go’ to."

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

I appreciate this well thought out post.

[John F]

... in response to Sex in St. Petersburg, posted by juio99 on Oct 21, 2002

Just easy pickings ......

may I suggest browsing http://www.willyworries.com/ ?

[LP]

... in response to Not looking for marriage ...., posted by John F on Oct 21, 2002

....www.badrussiangirls.com

Ya never know who might turn up on there!