100th girl has no more value then the 1st

[greg2]

... in response to what a nice story, posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

Jack,

I think that it comes to the fact that some guys just want it to be easy (rightfully so as it can) - they wish that the first woman that they connect with is the one. They are lazy, or they are emotional or romantic, but ------ it can work if the guy is taped into the universe and can really, I mean really sense what is right. It can happen for anyone but there are so many that get this feeling when it really is themselves fooling themselves.

One can not go wrong by meeting other women in most cases but one can go wrong by not doing so. On the other hand, if the correct woman has presented herself to you, by continuing the search you can negatively impact your future with this woman (I say can) Some men go with emotions, some go with logics and both sets of men win and both sets lose.

What is the best road - logics gets the vote but the other path sometimes wins so go figure. For me, my vote goes with your thoughts Jack.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to what a nice story, posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

Great story, but I strongly doubt that would be my reality.

[greg2]

... in response to I wish I would have that kind of luck, posted by Bobby Orr on Aug 20, 2002

if that is what you feel --- You are most likely correct.

[KenC]

... in response to what a nice story, posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

Jack,
I went to Russia to meet a woman I was very attracted to.  Let's call her Lena.  When we met, she was everything and more than I expected.  I still met Tatiana, Helen, Victoria and Marina.  They were all very nice women, but not "Lena".  I didn't plan it that way, but it just happened to work out like that. That was four years ago, and I am forever thankful.
KenC
(I agree that a guy should meet more than one)

[Jack]

... in response to Re: what a nice story, posted by KenC on Aug 20, 2002

Ken, you are a perfect example of what can happen to a man if he goes about this pursuit in a smart way. Don't settle for anything less, look for, find the woman with whom you have perfect chemistry with. Be smart enough to COMPARE Russian women even if you think you have found your woman!  Like you, when I met Natalia I knew there was strong chemistry, but did I let that stop me from seeing my 5pm and 8pm dates later that day, the ladies I was to see the next day or continueing my trip to Kiev? No, I met the ladies who were expecting to see me and all it did was reinforce my feelings for Natalia, the same as your feelings were confirmed after meeting Tatiana, Helen, Victoria and Marina!

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Re: what a nice story, posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

I wish I could have been there to talk to Ken right before he met with the other women.

If I had asked him, right at that moment: "Ken, what do you think you're going to find?"

I think he would have said: "I'm killing time, Mark. I know Lena is the one for me."

I think (though I can't know) that his mind was made up before he had his other "dates." He was simply going through the motions on the other dates... he knew Lena was the one for him.

So... my question is: why go on the other dates?

You say to keep your promise to the women... OK.. sounds good.

What do you suppose the other women would have said though, if you had started your date with the truth?

"Tatiana...thanks for coming. Before we start dinner, though, I have to tell you... I already met this incredible woman, and I just know that she is the one for me... I am only meeting you for dinner to fullfill my obligation because I said I would..."

How long would that dinner have lasted?

What's my point?

My point is that if you knew that Natalia was the one, then you DIDN'T keep your promise to Tatiana, Helen, Victoria and Marina, anyway... because your (implied) promise was that you were a man in search of a bride.

After you met yoru wife to be... you were no longer that man, right?

So your final dates were basically a sham. Is that more honorable than cancelling bcause you fell in love with someone else?

What do you think the women would have preferred, if you had asked them?

My guess is that, even though having a date cancelled is painful... most people would rather have that than to have a date that is a guy simply going through the motions... don't you?

I'm not saying that what you did was dishonrable... Not at all... I'm simply saying that it isn't as black and white as you make it appear.

Either you knew that Natalia was the one... or you didn't.

If you knew... then you risked hurting her, and you wasted the other women's time by going on the other dates...

If you didn't know... then you should stop saying things like: "I knew the first time I looked into her eyes..." because thats' not true. What is true was that she was the best you found... you went on a few more last ditch attempts to try to find something better... and failing to do that, you went back to your Natalia.

It's one or the other, to my mind.. it can't be both.

(BTW, I'm guessing it was the former...)

[KenC]

... in response to I wish..., posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

Mark,
Your take on this has one major flaw.  Even though Lena and I were very attracted to each other over the phone and after our first dates, there still was no commitments made.  We did not rush into love.  We took our time and allowed ourselves to develope a relationship in as normal a pace as it is possible under the geographic circumstances.

You are right in assuming my heart was not into the other women, but I still am very glad I met them.  Meeting the others gave me a great perspective on Lena.  There was a point where I discontinued meeting with the other women.  I did get the uneasy feeling that I was misleading them into thinking that I was "available".
KenC

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: I wish..., posted by KenC on Aug 21, 2002


Seems to me that you basically agree... you felt you were misleading the other women... Your heart wasn't in it. That was, reallly, my point.

If your heart wasn't in it... why did you do it? So you could SAY that you met others? Why? You knew Lena was the one... why play around with maybe losing her?

Look... I'm NOT saying DON'T meet others... I'm simply saying that a man who does not is not neccessarily making a big mistake.

For the record, I didn't marry the first women I met, either. I met three in St. Petersburg the first time I went... and I met five in Brazil the week I was there.

However, if I had met Victoria first... I would have stopped the search right there and then.

I didn't pick her because she was the ninth person I met... to me that is as foolish as picking the first person.

I picked her because I felt she was the right person.

Whether I met her first, ninth, or after 135 changes nothing...

But... that's my personality. I'm not saying that everyone should do it my way...

[KenC]

... in response to I don't see the flaw..., posted by MarkInTx on Aug 21, 2002

Mark,
The suttle difference was that there was no commitment to marry Lena or even to be exclusive to her.  I think that meeting other Russian women was a very good idea.  Doing so forever removed the thought that I may have jumped the gun and had just been overwhelmed by the "Russian thang".  Where I stopped it was when the other women I met were getting too serious about me.  I didn't think that was fair to them.
KenC

[greg2]

... in response to I wish..., posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

This does not count, I tell you why, Lena is a ten if there ever was one and she is a smart lady to boot. I do not think that you could really find better. So, the story you gave is a match for Ken and Lena and he was as wise as the man in your story and Lena was the lady you described.

[greg2]

... in response to I wish..., posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

as

[BrianN]

... in response to I wish..., posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

There's no perfect way to do this.

But each guy has his own mechanisms for execution of a plan, and will have to hold himself accountable for the results.

Some people are just totally smitten with first contact, some are picky as hell, got all the emotional barriers up (by God I ain't gettin' burned again) and treat this venture with a very callous thought process.

Then... aha!  there's the world traveller newbie, ain't never left kansas before, dated every chick he ever knew and is now burned out.  Could be another Ken...  Finds the first one and his mind is set on her.  BUT, out of RESPECT, he continues in a gentlemanly fashion and does not stand up the others that wanted to meet him. (It IS a two way street after all these women are human too).

This, is being an honest gentleman.

If number one didn't like what he did, and rejects him for it, then maybe Ms number one wasn't for him in the first place. There's some good points to every course of action.  Even if they seem wrong.  Some people can live with it and some can't.  

My thoughts fwiw, if american men keep standing up perfectly good women over there in the fsu, then american men that follow will end up with the same reputation as the women that stand up people like nico here in the usa - if they haven't already.

oh well, enough for a night.

cheers.

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: I wish..., posted by BrianN on Aug 21, 2002

When I proposed to my wife there was another woman scheduled.  I called her, explained what had happened, expressed my sincere regrets for any inconvenience I may have caused her, and spent another blissful 7 days with my wife.

Should I have stuck with my schedule and kept my engagement secret?  Is that the "honest genleman" thing to do?  Or maybe I should have explained to her that as a man of integrity I was keeping to my schedule but that I no longer had any interest in her.  I can imagine the fun time that would have been for both of us.

It seems to me that an honest gentleman would do what I did, rather than waste her time.

[Jack]

... in response to Sounds like conflict avoidance to me., posted by Griffin on Aug 21, 2002

When a young lady is already on a train and you cannot reach her, and she is traveling two days to reach you, your just going to tell her "Sorry" when you see her at the train depot upon her arrival?  Not me buddy!  

When I told Natalia that I had to see this other lady she asked, "Why, I thought you like me?" to which I replied I had great interest in her but this other lady was traveling from a great distance, would be here tomorrow and I would not stand you up, I will not stand this other lady up. My Natalia was not so happy to hear this but she understood and appreciated my honesty with her and my respected my integrity regarding this other woman.

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: Sounds like conflict avoidance to me..., posted by Jack on Aug 21, 2002

The rule should be if she is on a train speeding toward you,
meet her at the station.

Otherwise phone her.