100th girl has no more value then the 1st

[Wayne1]

I see guys putting too much value on taking many trips and meeting populations of girls....

There are many guys around that met one of the 1st girls on a trip, married her, and are happy.  Look at Stan B.  He is the poster child for disaster in my opinion.  1 trip K-1....  And he is happy. Great.. It's like winning the lottery.  It may be the 1st ticket you buy, or you may never win.  Of course not being a jerk puts the odds in a guys favor.

I believe that the 1st women you date in the FSU or anywhere else could just be the best women you are going to meet in a country.

Only God and fate knows when the timing will be right to find the perfect women.

Dating a whole slew of women in the FSU in my opinion does not raise their value on a sliding scale as you meet more and more.  Dating more women may or may not increase a guys chance of success.  The last one you meet and marry may turn into a total nightmare, or the 1st one that you passed up because you were just getting your feet wet could have turned into lifetime happiness.

Maybe guys should just come out and tell the first few girls they meet on their 1st trip abroad, "you know this will be a waste of time for you because I'm surely not going to marry one of the 1st girls I meet here."   I mean why not be honest with them, if that is a guy's strategy?

I did not marry the 1st Russian, or the 1st Latina I dated, but if I would have met the right one on the 1st date, I gladly would have, thanked God for not having to go through the trouble of multiple trips and many bad dates.

All things can be taken a couple of ways.  
A guy who dates 100 women and goes on many trips can be seen as very careful and discrimitive, or he can be seen as un popular with the girls, unsuccessful wasting money, and time.

A guy who marrys one of the girls he meets the very 1st day could be seen as impulsive and careless, or he could be seen as lucky to not have to date so many non compatibles to get to the right one.

There is no formula.  The 1st women you meet could be your life mate.  You could meet her in the airport, and never have to even get on the plane.  Dating multiple women and multiple trips does not give this whole experience any more value what so ever.

But then again, it's not a bad idea.

Wayne

[Pordzhik]

... in response to 100th girl has no more value then the 1s..., posted by Wayne1 on Aug 20, 2002

Before emailing my Ukrainian wife I had exchanged emails with a few women from other European countries (Western Europe and England) and continued to date women from my home town, all of this was short lived.....4 or 5 emails and I (or them) became bored, we just didn't connect, I saw no reason to travel hundreds of miles on the off chance of meeting someone I liked, when love could happen here on my doorstep.

Even with Ukraine being just 3.5 hours away from me and airfares of £180.00 I could of travelled every month for a weekend and met lots of beautiful women.

I considered it better to wait until I had made a connection with someone special.

My guess is that many of you American guys due to the high cost of travelling and the time factor, try to make too much of a science out of meeting these women, I refer to barrym's post about the 20 women in 42 days, but dosen't this approach take the sparkle out of romance?

[Oscar]

... in response to The sparkle out of romance?, posted by Pordzhik on Aug 21, 2002

There are certainly different catagories of guys in this respect-

Some guys just go to party and get laid because they can't get the young attractive girls at home anymore..
Some go because they have written to one girl and have fallen for her by email..
Some go with the idea of just casually dating around and if something romantic happens, it happens..
And some go with the express idea of finding a wife and approach it with great planning and they go about it very methodically.  Just because they meet many women and wish to compare/contrast etc.. Which I personally feel is pretty important especially when dealing with a completely different culture, doesn't mean they cannot be smitten by a certain woman and THEN begin the business of courting HER..

As I have said before, there are many cultures in the world that approach marriage more as a business proposition.  THe families pick spouses for their children and it is done very methodically, with the idea of finding the most compatible companion..  The passion and romance is left out of it.  I am certainly not advocating this approach but many of these cultures certainly have lower divorce rates, so maybe in the sense of trying to be wise before and romantic AFTER marriage, they have somewhat of a point! ;-)

It's just my opinion but romance at times can be somewhat over-rated.  Most marriages break up in the first 2 years because that is when the infatuation wears off.  If there is no real friendship as a safety net waiting for the eventual failure of the infatuation, it's not likely going to last.
I think there should be more romance AFTER the wedding and more clear headed thinking BEFORE.. Unfortunately for most, it is usually the other way around.

My 2 cents..

[Pordzhik]

... in response to Re: The sparkle out of romance?, posted by Oscar on Aug 21, 2002

Oscar wrote; "I think there should be more romance AFTER the wedding and more clear headed thinking BEFORE.. Unfortunately for most, it is usually the other way around."

Well of course! As most of us are 40+ divorced etc. been there done all that so to speak. I'm sure we all learnt that lesson in our youth. Or should've done.

It just seems really sad to me that a lot of the guys here have reduced romance and the search for a wife to the same level as choosing a car or a new job.

I just feel that this visit many women approach is getting too much hype by those who would profit by it.

Also; "Most marriages break up in the first 2 years"

Where does this come from?

From where I'm standing I see a lot of marriages falling apart but I see "most" ie. more than half lasting a lot longer than 2 years.

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: Re: The sparkle out of romance?, posted by Pordzhik on Aug 21, 2002

Pordzhic,

I am a therapist and that is what the stats in the USA show, that most (majority) marriages break up within the first 2 years.. Another large segment for divorce is after the last child leaves home.. Reason?  Because often, the husband has been pouring himself into his work and the wife has been pouring herself into the kids.  When the last kid leaves, and husband retires, they simply don't know each other anymore as they have often lived seperate lives..  This exact thing happened to my best friends parents.  6 kids, last one left, he retired, they went on a world tour together, came home and got divorced!

Regarding most guys reducing romance and finding a wife to the level of choosing a car.. I think it is good to have some criteria in looking for a life companion.  To just be swept away is for teenagers in my opinion.  I want some reasoning and some solid common ground as far as beliefs, values, ideas on marriage and children and money..  Sorry if it isn't romantic, but I would prefer to be very wise in finding that woman that can be a great partner and mother and THEN let the romance have free reign.  And the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.  It's nice to have a bit of both in my opinion..

And as far as the meeting many women idea getting hype from those who would profit from it, I guess it depends.. I met my fiance through a personal ad.  I met a lot of ladies through it..  The ad cost about $25 to place, so nobody profited off of my meeting those 20 women..

My 2 cents..    

[snowwego]

... in response to 100th girl has no more value then the 1s..., posted by Wayne1 on Aug 20, 2002

This post has created alot of opinions, the pursuit of happiness is the key here and everyone's key is different. Everybody has a key to open a door. Which door will it open we do not know. Hopefully, it will lead us to happiness an love.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to 100th girl has no more value then the 1s..., posted by Wayne1 on Aug 20, 2002

"The battle does not always go to the strong, nor the race to the swift... But that's the way to bet!"

I think you are right. To focus on numbers instead of the women you are meeting is making a big mistake.

However, odds and statistics do dictate that the more women you meet, the more likely that you will find someone who is your match... right?

You should wait until you are as sure as you can be. This will be different for everyone.

In the end (to close with yet another Damon Runyon quote:)

"I long ago came to the conclusion that all life is 6 to 5 against..."

Good luck to all!

[Jack]

... in response to 100th girl has no more value then the 1s..., posted by Wayne1 on Aug 20, 2002

I am so lucky that I had made plans to meet a second Russian woman on my very first trip to Russia Wayne. If I had not of met a second Russian woman, I would have also married the first and only Russian woman I ever met.

It is no problem for any man, not you, or Oscar, or Stan or anyone (except spyke) to marry a beautiful Russian woman. It's EASY to do. If a guy wants to marry a beautiful Russian woman he can do so on his first trip. The first Russian woman I ever met, my Svetlana, was beautiful, slim, sensual, spoke good English. My God I thought I had just won the lottery. As I left Moscow I knew I was going to marry Svetlana, and she was going to marry me, but first this little side trip to St. Petersburg to meet Veronica.

Wayne, how can any man meet the very first and only Russian woman and marry her and say, "She was the best Russian woman for me". How can any man say this if he is not able to compare his one and only Russian woman to a second Russian woman? Like many guys, I would have also married my first, one and only Russian woman if I had not of met a second Russian woman. One other thing I notice when this subject comes up. The guys who married the first and only Russian woman they ever met are the most vocal about not meeting many ladies, wonder why that is?

So Wayne it appears you are somewhat saying that maybe it is best to marry one of the women you see on your first trip. Meet three or four, if you like one of those marry her. I think if a man was to meet 3 or 4 ladies on a vsit he could probably marry two of them. So take your pick, right?

What's the problem with taking your time and meeting the one lady who you have pure, natural chemistry with?

Wayne here is the bottom line. Of the many men who marry the first and only Russian woman a percentage, I would guess, yes guess, only guess as I do not think there is any real eveidence to back this up and my guess is based on the many, many men and women I have talked to and known over the past 9 years, my guess is less than 20% of the men who marry the first, one and only Russian woman they ever met have a good, loving, lasting marriages. The percentage of guys who took there time, met several Russian ladies before they picked there dreambride, my guess is that over 60% (and under 70%) of those marriages turn out to be loving, lasting marriages. Let's see here, less than 20%, or over 60%, that's a big difference.

The number of guys who get scammed and have un-happy marriages after meeting and marrying the first and only Russian woman they ever met is a MUCH higher percentage than that of guys who met several ladies.

Some guys can marry one and only Russian woman they ever met and live a very happy life. I know of seven such couples myself, one of these couples have been married for 6 years, another for 5 years and yet another for 4 years. The others I know are less than three years. So it does and can it happen. Just as you stated, some people are lucky, some people will win the lottery, some people will meet the best Russian woman for them and she be the first and only Russian women they ever met. But those percentages are small.

As we are talking about long lasting, happy marriages, the smart money is on those guys who will be disciplined enough to take there time and really search for a Russian woman who he has good chemistry with. Most guys don't realize that they can marry many beautiful women and so when they see they can marry the first and only beautiful woman they met, that's enough for them, why chance it, maybe they will not find another such woman. If guys knew there were a LOT of beautiful women to choose from, maybe they would then seek a woman who was as beautful on the inside, as she was on the outside, and one whom there was REAL chemistry with.

[snowwego]

... in response to The 134th girl had a LOT more value than..., posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

I met my girl and she was number one. When I met her my eyes were locked to her and my heart felt complete. I had no need to look more. The old saying that the grass is greener on the other side is true when you look for fsu girl to an american. The only thing is the grass I found was the best for me. YOu could say she is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Why look for better I am content. So do what you think is right in your heart and be happy with your choice. IT is your life take the road straight and wide or take the road narrow and rough. Either way it is a journey of life. My .02$

[Jack]

... in response to Re: The 134th girl had a LOT more value ..., posted by snowwego on Aug 20, 2002

The same here Snowwego, when I looked into my Natalia's eye's, my heart told me I had to look no further. Since I was not looking for the greenest of grass, but for the pure, natural chemistry that came so easily between us, I knew my search was over. She was my pot at the end of the rainbow and when you find her, you will know it.

Unlike the guys who met, and married, the first and only Russian women they ever met, I will not have to go thru life always wondering what might have happened "IF" I had of met a second, or third Russian lady. I was able to compare the differnce in charm, personalty, culture, humour, class and grace between a few ladies.

I have had the pleasure of talking privately, one-on-one, man-to-man, to many men who met and married the first and only Russian woman they ever met and many of these men have told me privately if they could have done anything differently, they would have met a few other Russian ladies.

Some men, like you, know they made the right choice, but others who married the first and only Russian woman they ever met would have liked to have known what it felt like to have been able to make a true comparison between there Russian wife and at least one other Russian woman.

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: Re: The 134th girl had a LOT more va..., posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Re: The 134th girl had a LOT more va..., posted by Jack on Aug 20, 2002

Some guys are just haunted by what If.

Some aren't.

I think it has more to do with personality type than anything else.

Years ago, I took the Myers-Brigg personality test in a group. I won't bother going into all of the test, but one of the traits was you were either a "P" (you liked things open-ended) or you were a "J" you were "judgmental i.e. you liked things finalized.

I was a strong J.

About half of the room were.

You could easily spot the Js... we were the ones who finished the test and were looking around at the room trying to figure out what was taking the other people so long.

Ps agonized over every answer (this wasn't a "right or wrong" test. It simply asked you situational questions.) Js would answer and then move on.

Js love having a decision made.

Ps prefer to think about the decision longer.

My younger brother is a "P". When he buys a car, he spends the next months checking the paper to makes sure he got a good deal. Every time he has bought anything over $50, he has buyers remorse -- even though he gets the best deals of anyone I've ever met.

It's just his personality.

It is certainly not mine. I bought my last car without test driving it. I knew I wanted it.

It sounds to me like you may be a "P" personality type. You went through 135 women before you were sure? Yuo went off to spend a weekend with another girl even after you met the woman you thought was "the one?"

It's not wrong... it's just your personality.

Statistically, I think your advice is good for 50% of the men on this board.

But the other 50% probably think your advice is screwy.

I think it has more to do with the man than the woman...

IMHO

[Jack]

... in response to What IF, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

Mark, I didn't say I met 134 ladies (I would have spent a lot less money if I had!), it is just a number I grabbed out of thin air.

And I did not spend another weekend with another girl after meeting my Natalia. I visited another four ladies in Odessa and 6 in Kiev over the next 12 days. Why? Because I had committed to seing them! One of the four other ladies from Odessa came by train from Chernvosty. One of the six ladies in Kiev the next week came in from Kazakhstan. How did I not know that one of those ladies could capture my heart as Natalia did? I didn't!  See this is one of those areas that is not a gray area to me as it is to some guys, should I see these other ladies or not, there was NO doubt as to what I should do. These ladies would have thought a lot less of me, and maybe future American men, if I did not see them. I could not stand them up and as I said, by seeing these other ladies only reinforced my feelings towards my Natalia.

You know Mark there is only two things for certain in this whole wonderful pursuit, (1) all men are different and (2) all women are different.

As we see, some men can meet only one woman and be totally happy with meeting that one woman and marrying her and never think twice the rest of there life about what would have happened if they might have met a few other Russian women. I for one would have married the first and only Russian woman I ever met if I had not of met a second Russian woman.

Then we have many men who met and married the first and only Russian woman they ever met who have told me privately they they think often about what would have happened if they had of met a few other Russian women, and they don't say this in front of there Russian wife! Some men will have to go through the rest of there life always wondering, "what if".

Some men will meet four different ladies and take his choice of the best of the four. Some guys will only meet two ladies and pick the best of the two. At least this guy was able to compare his wife to one other!

So you have all types of guys here and the ONE best way to go about this process is the way that is best for that guy. The guys who met and married the first and only Russian woman they ever met say this is the best way, because it was there way. Some guys will meet a few, some guys will meet several and some guys will meet a lot of ladies.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: What IF, posted by Jack on Aug 21, 2002


You are right...

All types of men and all types of women make for infinite possibilities...

It's fun to discuss... but in the end, everyone must do what they feel comfortable with...

[Oscar]

... in response to What IF, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 20, 2002

Some men need to date many women there and compare, contrast etc..  Some need only meet one, or commit (as you did with your car) never having even met in person.. (more the rarity, but it certainly happens).    
We are all different in this regard and it's a good thing we are, otherwise we would all trying to date the same one woman in the FSU! Wouldn't that be fun?? NOT! LOL!