My American Dating Journal

[Jack]

... in response to Jack- And WHO is writing this book for y..., posted by Oscar on Aug 19, 2002

Why me, of course!

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: Jack- And WHO is writing this book f..., posted by Jack on Aug 19, 2002

.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to disagreement, posted by KenC on Aug 19, 2002


Words wound... written words kill...

Sometimes we "read" something into a post that wasn't there, nor intended.

However, as a sideline watcher, it's kinda fun sometimes to see a war of words...

It beats posting links of women with fat butts... IMHO...

[LP]

... in response to Re: disagreement, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 19, 2002

....the written word only hurts puzzies, real men simply shrug them off.

lol...hope ya had no trouble "reading" that.

[BrianN]

... in response to Sticks and stones...., posted by LP on Aug 19, 2002

You're a real man...

also...

Real lucky.

I'll keep it very civil for the board's sake.

lol...hope ya had no trouble "reading" that.

PS: hope you enjoyed my pics.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Nico- My take on age-, posted by Wayne1 on Aug 18, 2002

How does this differ from a marriage with an American woman?

I'm not challenging... I am asking? Child support is child support, right? It's not like they're going to charge you more for a russian child...?

When my ex and I divorced, I paid $1200 child support for a full year... for a three year old! And she basically lived with me (250 days the first year... 300 the second). I was also paying for her daycare, her clothes, her medical bills... everything. It wasn't until I was able to get full custody that this stopped.

How could it have been worse with an RW?

Length of marriage does not impact child support. At least that's not what my attorney said. The only thing in Texas that affects it is the Dad's salary (which is stupid! A teen-age boy costs more than a 3 year old girl to take care of, but the laws don't seem to take that into consideration...)

[Wayne1]

... in response to Child SUpport, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 18, 2002

Mark,

It differs in that if you marry an American women who is divorced and has another man's child, the ex-husband has to continue to support the child if you divorce or stay married.  If you adopt the child, then it is another story.

But when you sign that I130 you agree to support the immigrant for up to 10 years or X# of working quarters.  This document is really a reimbursement contract in benefit of the Govt. for "means tested" support (welfare, food stamps etc.. etc..) None of this support has ever actually been collected in the past to my knowledge due to the INS computer system not working together with the Welfare computer system.  But this is not important.

What is important is that if your foreign wife that you are divorcing knows her rights and takes this document into family divorce court, the court will in almost all cases use the document as a contract that you signed to support your new wife and child for 10 years with no consideration of duration of marriage.

If you are in love and sure, then maybe it is really worth the risk.  But I just couldn't see supporting some other man's child for 10 years after a 2 year marriage failed.  This system is simply not fair.

If I would have met the right women and the right child, I probably would have reconsidered.

Also, since the women has a child the court doesn't in most cases force her to go to work and you end up footing the whole bill.

So she could be living with her new boyfriend not working, and you are now paying for everything for years.

It's not a bad idea to consider all aspects of the reprocussions of one of these marriages, and how they may affect your future.

That saying that love is blind is very true in many cases.  Much of this information doesn't come out until it is a little late.

If the success rate of these marriages is say 50%, the same as US/US statistics, then there is no doubt that some of the guys on this board are going to be divorced from their Russian wives in the future.

It's good to have as much information as possible so there are fewer suprises.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Child SUpport, posted by Wayne1 on Aug 18, 2002


OK... you bring up an interesting point.

It is true that typically if you marry an AW who already has a child, and then get divorced, that you will not be required to pay child support (because, presumeably, she is already getting child support from their father...)

I have never divorced an RW, so you may be right that the court would make you pay child support, based on the affadavit you signed saying you would support her.

I don't know if that is a hard and fast rule, but it probably does bear keeping it in mind.

BTW, about Wayne, guys... he is pretty experienced in this. He married an RW, was married for several years, and she divorced him when his business hit hard times. He is now happily married to a Latina... So, although he doesn't post in this forum often, he is a reasonable guy who is just trying to offer advice from his own life experiences... He's not trying to pick a fight...

FWIW.

[Wayne1]

... in response to OK, Now I understand, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 19, 2002

Mark wrote,

BTW, about Wayne, guys... he is pretty experienced in this. He married an RW, was married for several years, and she divorced him when his business hit hard times. He is now happily married to a Latina... So, although he doesn't post in this forum often, he is a reasonable guy who is just trying to offer advice from his own life experiences... He's not trying to pick a fight

Thank you Mark.

But I should add a little to this so the representation of my ex-Russian wife is a little more ballanced.

I  sustained a back injury in an accident that put me in bed and on pain meds for a year.  My disability and my irritibility that came from my chronic pain and inability to walk put much too much pressure on my marriage to a very sweet Moscow girl who was just a little too young to handle such serious times in a marriage.

We divorced after I recovered because of her not being able to forgive me for some of my nastiness while I was injured and taking too many pain medications.  She stayed angry, and I got really tired of living with someone who can't let old dissagreements go.

So it wasn't all her fault.  

So the moral of this story is maybe....try to marry someone who is a little older and stronger because she might handle things better if tough times fall on your marriage.

You never know how strong your marriage is until it is tested.  Never take her for granted, and NEVER be over confident about her loyalty to you.  You never know how a person is going to react under stress.

Wayne

[MarkInTx]

... in response to OK, Now I understand, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 19, 2002


(don't you love guys who respond to themselves...?)

I forgot to add...

Even with that as a consideration, I STILL am glad I found a woman with a child. You can marry with a "worse case scenario" attitude... or you can go "balls out" and make the decision that you WANT to make...

Life is all about risks...

In my case, I wanted a woman with a child because my daughter wanted a sibling.

I also feel, as Oscar stated, that a woman with a child is more likely to be mature and reasonable, and less likely to be a green card scammer. I don't know many mothers who would deliberately put their children through a messy divorce just to get a green card.

So, althoguh Wayne does bring up a good point, for me, I would have chosen the way I did anyway... because I am marrying for marriage, and not for divorce. (If that makes sense..)

I know the old axiom: "Plan for the worst and hope for the best" and I am not saying that guys shouldn't choose a mate by that... but for me, I wanted a woman with a child. And, I am very happy that I got one...

[Apk1]

... in response to Child SUpport, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 18, 2002

First of all, the financial support agreement only applies to those women that file for welfare...that is it!

[Wayne1]

... in response to Re: Child SUpport, posted by Apk1 on Aug 18, 2002

Apk,

Yes you are right as far as the Govt trying to collect back wellfare payments.  "Means tested support"

But what happens in many cases is that the immigrant uses this signed document  I130 in "FAMILY COURT" to get child support for the child and herself for up to 10 years or until the child is 18.

The document was not meant for this purpose but it is used against the man in another venue.

This is not my opinion, this happens.  I am just the messenger.

Listen carefully now.  I am not discouraging anybody from marrying a women with a child.  But I think its not a bad idea for guys to know exactly where they stand legally before they jump in with both feet.  It's just information.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Nico- My take on age-, posted by Oscar on Aug 17, 2002


You mention that you would "go younger" if the woman has a child...

I would tend to agree.

Nothing matures a person faster than having someone else to care for...

[Oscar]

... in response to One Interesting point, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 18, 2002

.

[Oatmeal]

... in response to Re: My Mistake, posted by Nico on Aug 16, 2002

As all those women are going to college etc... to seek a career and to booze it up and have multiple sex partners, just who do you think they are sleeping with (outside of other women perhaps)

That would be other young men.  As I see it, it is a crumbling moral issue in this time.  Too much crazyness and experimentation and not enough restraint and serious thought to the consequences of one's actions.

It is an epidemic that is worldwide as I see it.  Only that other parts of the world are developing this attitude more slowly than others.